Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
With wit, reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen
In his latest adventure, goes fourth from Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) on the search for the fabled fountain of youth. But not only he, the Spaniards have learned of the promising young well and has sent three ships.
The English crown is again the idea of an immortal Catholic monarchs not enthusiastic and asked why Jack’s eternal rival Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) with the search.
Officially, he is now sailing as a privateer flying the flag of the British Royal Navy. And then there is an impostor, who claims to be Jack Sparrow, and also hiring a team in London for an expedition
The race to eternal life, the counterparties to exotic locations and great in the middle into an adventure. Mermaids (!), which prove to be far more dangerous than one would expect generally, voodoo, zombie sailors and the legendary pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane) meet Jack on his way.
Is the most dangerous to him but once a woman, Angelica (Penelope Cruz) he shares a common past – what plans the master of fraud and conspiracy has for the future, Jack is initially remains a mystery.
Bruckheimer, Depp, the Fourth: The producer and his favorite actors put in the new Pirates of the Caribbean back to the wheel and spin the finest yarns.
Like the first three parts, which together have recorded over 2.7 billion U.S. dollars, has Strange Tides beautiful to look, exciting entertainment for a mass audience, and still is Johnny Depp, the role of Jack Sparrow as the Body written.
Pirate Captain includes this time the best moments of the film – it is again a pleasure to see how the actor and his dreadlock mane and felt rum flag staggering and mumbling from one adventure to the next stumble, even the most absurd situations Stoic masters, always charming, always bold and always attentive to his own advantage. Oh, Johnny!
Even at first glance offers Alien Tide with its opulent furnishings. The move by Penny Rose-designed costumes and sets of the Oscar-winning production designer John Myhre viewers immediately back to the 18th Century but no further. The latter has surpassed him in the first quarter of the film itself, because it plays in London.
Place on a remote Caribbean island or in a dilapidated pirate Jack Sparrow may now say in the metropolis at the heart of the British Empire mean mayhem – of which he makes frequent use.
What?
Before that is not even an involuntary audience with His Majesty King George immune. This was before by stutter stricken he was.
Also on Myhre’s account go to extraordinary pirate ships, which of course in the new Pirates of the Caribbean may not be missing. The “Black Pearl” this time puts although a pause, but as Jack’s one true love or the submersible “Flying Dutchman” from Pirates of the Caribbean 2, the filmmakers leave in “Strange Tides” another ship from the deck that has no equal looking for: Blackbeard’s “Queen Anne’s Revenge”.
Macabre decorated with the bones of his victims, the bow is a creepy figurehead, the character played by Ian McShane, dark pirate control them with a wave of his sword.
Also directed by Rob Marshall, who has replaced three parts Gore Verbinski, it remains a hallmark of the Pirates of the Caribbean series that they spiced the classic genre of the pirate movie with all sorts of fantasy elements.
Fantastic is the journey that the excellent ensemble of actors is taking to Johnny Depp, Ian McShane, Penelope Cruz and Geoffrey Rush to rousing music by Hans Zimmer, to the end.
It is developing an exciting, but also little surprising story – perhaps the only criticism which one can make the film. Remained to be hoped that the creators go out in the next few parts will never come out of ideas.
Better than the first part was not a Pirates of the Caribbean everything – even Alien Tide is “only” a very good pirate movie with Johnny Depp again superb in the lead role.
Hollywood News! Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss in The Games of Hunger? No way Hozay! You know who I rather… and her initials G. Goodwin! Make it so, Nikki Finke!!!
Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium
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Melancholia [REVIEW]
Is Nazi lover Lars now feeling “Melancholia” (ha!)?
With wit, reviewed by guest critic Kimmo Mustonenen
Impacts Cannes: The apocalyptic drama “Melancholia” are pushed into the background – of a provocateur Lars von Trier and his statement that he was a Nazi.
The man is 55, but his reputation as the eternal enfant terrible of cinema, he apparently wants to do justice to all eternity. Not only in his radical films for which he is loved all over the world and feared, but also outside in a lot more confusing life (is his).
At the press conference in Cannes on Wednesday afternoon to his apocalyptic drama “Melancholia”, he was – unfortunately – in this respect too great shape.
He said not only to gentle horror of his leading lady Kirsten Dunst, she was suffering from depression, but claimed this week to shoot on the request of his actors a porno. Yes!
What?
And when this was not enough, he outed himself as a Nazi even – after his family had German roots. Hitler was indeed made “a few bad things”, but “I can imagine him in his bunker, in the end, sad.” Lordy.
The manager of the Film Festival will take place this kind sardonic submissions not funny. In the early evening, they said in such a short communiqué as sharp, they would never allow such submissions become the stage of Cannes.
Lars von Trier had to ask an explanation for his behavior, now apologized, saying he had “carried away by a provocation” to.
The most peculiar tendency to self-promotion was already in the press release for “Melancholia” are visible. There, Lars von Trier makes ado self insult to the principle.
“Cream of the Cream,” his film has become, and only the poster, the film stills, the trailer: The see everything “sort of shit” from. Likely to say the enfant terrible with the fact that his new film is a great place. In any case, somehow.
See? I am not afraid to say it.
At least it is pleasing – or so it seemed up to the press conference – that Lars von Trier has made a deep depression, he set two years ago with “Antichrist” is a frightening monument, found apparently.
“Melancholia” but told by an identically-giant planet speed towards the earth and swallows them, of nothing less than the end of the world – by swallowing (what?).
But instead of torturing his film characters, as then, his audience physically and mentally, Lars von Trier celebrates its fatalism and nihilism in a disaster film, as we have seen him in such peace before. And for his concise history, he needs only one scene with highly transparent personnel.
What?
Justine (Kirsten Dunst in fine forming, but no Ginnifer Goodwin) and Michael (Alexander Skarsgard) celebrate their wedding in a castle, one with an adjacent golf course on the lake, Justine’s sister, Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) and her husband John (Kiefer Sutherland).
With the hand-held camera filmed nervously close to the people (like “Cloverfield” – awesome!), the party, not least through active support of the embodied by Charlotte Rampling bride’s mother, similarly gruesome next, as was the family party in Thomas Vinterberg’s Dogma classic “Festen” (1998).
The couple separated on the wedding night, and the mentally unstable Justine remains with Claire’s family on the property alone. Meanwhile, the planet is approaching inexorably Melancholia: In five days he should, say the optimists among scientists, just pass by the earth.
Only Justine (turning whiter)- or rather, feel – better. And she suspects the reason the reverse story of creation. The earth is as evil as the earthlings, and a life out in space after the big bang, there is not anyway. But this is too much.
If I say again, why see it, no?
A new masterpiece by Lars von Trier? In “Dancer in the Dark”, which he won the Golden Palm in 2000, reaches “Melancholia” not approach (“Melancholia” to “Dancer in the Dark” – I’m not clear). But even if the movie almost seems to shrink in proportion as the light blue shimmering star grows into full-length canvas size, it remains a suggestive impressive experience.
Just like the astronomers, because if the human race should flourish once a similar fate, please call the killer planet differently. Like Conan. Or Jack Bauer.
“Melancholy” does not kill, but is a worthy temperament that helps understand life.
Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium
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P.S. Ginnifer Goodwin to make fun in new television serial this fall on television! More news when known!
The Beaver [REVIEW]
With wit, reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen
“The Beaver” is nearly successful, despite the condition of his film script, which was capable I simply do not (cannot) to assume. I confess it is possible, too, that a man could be in the lowest point in the situation, to be healed, by project engineering his psyche into a hand puppet.
I am not it am possible safe, or even advisable to form a serious film over. What? We go through the film with Mel Gibson, which he carries one toothy beaver on its left hand, and which an entire lot of dis-believingness causes, so that we shift. Over.
Nevertheless is here different of Mel Gibson’s-fine achievements, an announcement that he is finally a great actor.
His personal life is in the ruins because of the illness of dipsomania (and Russians), which fights it still with (and with the Russian). He I thinks, which is responsible for his impudent acts and statements, that this is not the good man, who I saw many movies in.
Of, which I know over alcoholism, I believe that he goes through personality conflict that it is content on some days and by rage and crazy head on others used up, and that such changes are symptoms of the illness. Form your own diagnosis. I did.
It took something courage of master Jodie Foster to refer this film in Gibson. I believe that her Gibson knows, his good side and respect its talent. It was certainly the right choice for this material.
Everything, his troubles, summed by looking by her opening shot, an exhausted man, who swims on a raft in a swimming pool, his arms broad like crucified the Christian.
A voice (later uncovered, around the Beaver to be had, what?) informs us that this dark Walter is a man, thus deeply in the lowest point, it his family alienated and nearly his business destroyed. Bummer.
We meet his much-suffering Mrs. Meredith (Jodie Foster), its applied son carrier (Anton Yelchin) and its doubting colleagues. Meredith throws him finally out, not without love, but love with.
He buys a bottle, bangs into a motel, tried to kill himself and by the hand puppet (Beaver) is interrupted. It finds that the puppet has a voice, he lets it speak for him and begins to again enter his life of the previous past.
Brillianter even still, Gibson and author Kyle Killen do not form you the slightest attempt to use the illusion of ventriloquism; Gibson manipulates the puppet and speaks of its own mouth, in an admirable if unexplainable Cockney accent.
His life improves in kinds, which I leave, so that you discover, yourself. I leave you also to surprise around me if Matt Lauer in wait on a material “Today” program quite became with a hand puppet interview, as it does here. What?
A parallel plan refers carriers, which son also, whose gift, papers for schoolmates is to be written, who read, as if they were written by those class participants themselves. What?
The category Valedictorian asks it to write you a speech. If she’s (she’s a she, if that is unclear) that intelligently, why can’t write it? She’s however, that interesting to go through problems, the carriers in one discovers lateral history, bending those, to lead us away from the film’s through-line.
Which kind of the film with the same letters however “The Beaver” does not result to be? We never know.
But without “The Beaver” we would have never witnessed a sexual threesome, a hand puppet with including. Juicy.
Maintaining Gibson must be serious several times, with the production of this film, but don’t you think when filming this sex scene, the urge to suppress laugheter had too much pain? That is the deadly error in this sincere effort.
So well, as Gibson is, his character is gotten caught still between the tragedy of the man and the absurdity of “The Beaver”.
One thumb waiving high. Two, but for the missing of Ginnifer Goodwin. She should be in every film.
Even Fast and the Furious Five, which I will be reviewing soon.
Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium
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Priest [REVIEW]
Priest
With wit, reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen
Another comic, another fairy tale, everything is so commonplace that one can only sit back and anticipate the events of the film.
Even the trump card – an explanation of all that is happening on the screen, issued at the beginning of the tape.
What?
And, apparently, the authors rely on the most stupid – you are no parables, all shows pictures, against which the voice of simple monosyllabic sentences, explains:
“There have always been people, and have always been vampires.”
Thanks Voice!
In the distant future, the remnants of civilization are concentrated in cities surrounded by wasteland. In the desert, scattered small settlements and numerous colony-reservation containing vampires.
About how the U.S. turned into a desert, why in the towns, settlements, all seem to the Wild West, and big cities are more like dungeons that hold the power of the totalitarian-minded priests – come on now! Not reported!
In the comic, the previous film, showing only the Middle Ages and the recent past, but says nothing about what needed nuclear carpet bombing.
However, one detail still unknown – the vampires have helped overcome the guys from the church SWAT called “pastors.” These brisk as worms, priests, nearly all suppressed the rebellion of vampires, but after all that they needed neither the church and were dismissed.
Everything changes after one town attacked the vampires and kidnapped relative of one of the pastors. That, of course, goes against the decision of the church council and sent to rescue a girl who suddenly (!) turns out to be his daughter. Well, the church council also not be a fool after sending him to the other shepherds with orders to return to the apostate dead or alive.
I always want to look into the eyes of filmmakers, who took off one of squalor, not complacent, and immediately, the very next day after failing to hire them to be taken to create a new epic movie.
What?
I must admit that Scott Charles Stewart learned a lot since his debut – sadly, nauseating film “Legion“, the most interesting aspect of which was an advertising trailer.
In the “Shepherd” Scott realized that, firstly, the religious themes are already not too terrified minds, especially those viewers that they believe in the Buddha and other Bhagavad-Gita, and secondly, two billion potential viewers on Christian motives for and large, do not care.
Therefore, hastily changing the archangels with the priests uncertain religion, only the cross (and even then – not canonical) reminiscent of Christianity, and all sorts of adversity Doomsday – and also vampires.
Still, the film is ready. Especially handy is the sidekick Paul Bethany, has played in a masterpiece of “Legion” of the main good-natured person that went against God’s will.
“What’s next?” – thought Scott Charles Stewart. Indeed, one priest, struggling with the vampires, does not go far, and in general – “Blade” is still fresh in memory (tax evasion). Means it is necessary to add something, right?
The main villain invented obviously under the influence of the film “John Hex“- yet another monstrously miserable comics masterpiece, as a vampire in a cowboy outfit (with a dog, and a fox… Megan Fox that is. What?) – it’s sort of cool, not un-sucky. It turned out funny film – it is not clear to whom it is intended.
Fans of horror and vampire fighters will spit on the pathetic dialogue, causing a gagging impulse, whereas these impulses should call the cruelty of prohibitive. Kids watch this film – though there’s no nudity and vulgarity, to sleep after such horror, kids will, quite frankly, bad. BAD!
Mass audience? It is unlikely that someone decides to go on a date for this movie here. There are only fans of the “Legion “, but judging by the collections, such – not enough to swear by.
And then there was unbearably serious Paul Bethany. In his companions gave Maggie Q playing the protagonist in love with a colleague on a religious commandos, and Cam Gigandet in the role of the local sheriff who helps the protagonist. All of this trio looks absurd – well, they did not seem like to a team, no chance to meet people of liking.
Somewhere that does not sink or float.
Or swim, by floating.
What?
And when they start talking … well, about the conversations I have already mentioned.
The only thing I can not praise this film – the visual design. Locations quite a lot you see, they are interesting and varied. Plus a few scenes where the pastor and his comrades destroy the vampires and their minions are well supplied. With regard to 3D – a help for him very little, and watch in 3D there are not at that and no one else.
Verdict : Compared with the “Legion” – this film is a real breakthrough. No “Fast and the Furious Five“, but yes. But Bethany is still dull, and Scott Charles Stewart, whatever.
Just add Ginnifer Goodwin, and at hand is a classic.
Ginnifer Goodwin. What?
Something Borrowed [REVIEW]
Ladies and gentlemen, dear loving readers. As I, Kyrle Lendhoffer, put finger to keyboard today I am thankful that I have a wonderful friend like Kimmo Mustonenen. While I work (and play!) to accommodate myself to my new Los Angeles lifestyle, I can fill my column with the witty stylings of that Fabulous Finn Fan-tard – Kimmo. He’s been using my press credentials to good effect. And with that – BEHOLD! Something Borrowed. Go, Kimmo… GO!
Something Borrowed
With wit, reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen.
Rachel and Darcy have her whole life long best friends. The two could not be different.
While Rachel has, in recent years, studied law and taught like to make their life into something decent, to Darcy has hung around at parties, looking for Mr. Right.
This blonde has found the ultimate in Party Queen Rachel’s fellow students Dex.
Rachel actually had his eye on the budding lawyer, has left her best friend, but then the field and accepted the freshly baked love happiness in the years to come without comment.
At Rachel’s 30th birthday and only weeks before the wedding of Darcy and Dex admits she Dex in a moment of weakness, however, that she was in love, as a student up to his ears in it.
Dex must have had similar feelings for Rachel, as it comes, as it had to: the two end up in bed.
How could this happen? Fishing in foreign waters – and then another in which her best friend? What?
It fits not at all to the faithful and generous Rachel, or does it?
With Something Borrowed the screen is once again haunted by a romantic comedy.
No other genre is to satisfy the female audience easier and faster than this one.
Nice must it be romantic, a bit humorous, though sometimes exciting, a little tragic, or a touch kitschy. In short, a romantic comedy, with the right ingredients, baked quickly.
Unfortunately, one can, however, Something Borrowed not rush into the category of film, cinema halls and untroubled win hearts in no time for themselves.
Luke Greenfield’s adaptation of the novel by Emily Giffin relies on familiar genre patterns, adds the elements together, however, failed particularly to a film.
The well-known game to conquer the heart boys is “foreign fishing” by playing far too long. 110 minutes of film wind whipped the two opposite players, disguised in the best of friends costume, a constructed story corner after another.
The whole structure looses more credibility and calls for an ever longer a breath from the audience. “She gets it, they do not get it …” The flower is plucked from the earth, has more petals than it can bear on its delicate stem.
Even the most interesting, though not necessarily a new idea, to have two best friends who secretly mutate to rival inside the race for the dream man, saves the romantic comedy is not over its verbosity and lack of wit.
Something Borrowed must ultimately be satisfied to be a film that has a nice feature that in the highly competitive genre can not compete, however.
Too bad, because with Kate Hudson and Ginnifer Goodwin is Something Borrowed not only on two well-known, but also look at two talented leading ladies. While Kate Hudson, for her role as bitchy Liv from Bride Wars, expands further, there Ginnifer Goodwin, the chubby girl who longs for nothing more than to love and affection skillfully, lovingly, please.
Unfortunately, the monotonous script does not provide a good platform for the interaction of the two. While one would have liked to see from Hudson also got another aspect, one can permanently dreamy/sad quickly to a Goodwin only partly borne.
While everything is threatening to Borrowed a lengthy and unimaginative uniformity to blur, Ethan (John Krasinski) appears in the only bright spot imaginative character structure.
The few funny scenes to his credit – that is, given the short screen time that has Krasinski, but ultimately filled only half as good as it could have been. A bit more “Ethan” if Something Borrowed certainly been good, and for more variety in the otherwise rather dull, if in between time and again, provided nice entertaining narrative flow.
If only.
But Goodwin is real cute.
Kimmo Mustonenen
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Rio [REVIEW]
Rio by Kimmo Mustonenen
The title is the River of Rio de Janeiro, the “Marvelous City” which returns a macaw to mate with the last female of her species.
The problem is that the parrot said, Blu her name, was kidnapped in a child’s jungle home, ended up in cold Minnesota, does not fly and got used to a comfort level that Brazil can not give, not to mention the having to do with a future girlfriend dust cleaned, a tribe of monkeys with kleptomania and a psychotic cockatoo.
Blu is the star of the new long animated Blue Sky Studios, author of Ice Age which confirms the extreme solidity and consistency of style “house” is the construction of dialogues and intelligent characters that makes the difference and raises the story of four “fish out of water” (or, rather, “parrot out of the jungle”) above the banality derivative.
The rest is the high quality animation, here overseen by Carlos Saldanha, a veteran of the studio, capable of introducing an ecological agenda and refresh the clichés of Corcovado tour, carnival, samba and football without that thing in the tombe postcard.
Above all, there is a lush use of color and texture that explodes in the extraordinary musical numbers written by Carlinhos Brown and choreographed as if Busby Berkeley had risen to draw geometries possible with exotic birds.
Rio is a delight that, without reaching the heights of Pixar confirms that Blue Sky is earning points to the competitor Dreamworks.
Children will not have mind confusion – whole family fun will make family fun, fun again. This is Rio!
Kimmo Mustonenen
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Water For Elephants
Greetings, faithful readers. There is much news (and much change!) at Behind the Proscenium. We have moved – emotionally and physically. Physically, from New York (the Big Apple – I love Appletinis) to Los Angeles (The Big ? – but I’ll take the margaritas). Emotionally, from despair, to hope, to triumph. More on that later.
Since I have been so busy, I have chosen a guest reviewer (to review our first motion picture!) – a delicious man from Finland. Kimmo Mustonenen is very well known in the critical community as a critic’s critic. So today, as we emerge from Behind The Proscenium, I present to you Kimmo Mustonenen’s brilliant review of “Water For Elephants”.
Take it away, Kimmo!
——————————————————————————
“Water For Elephants” Review – by Kimmo Mustonenen
It all started when I saw the Twilight Saga, familiar to Robert Pattinson a magazine for young women pages.
No, I do not usually read those magazines – it just happened to come accept a job in the coffee room. Really.
Pages of a magazine was waiting for a surprise, which caused almost obsessive interest in young Mr. Pattinson’s new “Elephant Water” films.
Robert Pattinson – hysteria & circuses, cried the magazine title and the star of the picture proudly displayed a big smile while both hands onto a giant elephant intrusive nasal.
Article caused great wonderment in my mind and raised questions. Is it that today’s teenage girls no longer enough just beautiful boy charming smile? If further adolescent really so blatant metaphors? Questions puzzled my mind, rather than later published in the trailer gives no answers. I got my hands on the Artichoke Film catalog and introductory text encapsulates the film hooks maximal manner:
“Together with Jacob and Marlena are trying to find common ground on a new entrant to the circus, Rosie, an elephant – and with each other.”
In the three pieces of our time immoral triangle, unless I have not understood the whole movie’s point completely wrong.
Now the long wait will be rewarded when the “Water Elephants” will be premiered. “Constantine” director Francis Lawrence to combine “Twilight” star Pattinson, “Walk the Line” decorative Reese Witherspoon, Oscar-winning actor Christoph Waltz, and an elephant named Rosie horse shit stink, but his film. Rumors say that in real life Pattinson took the role against the 42-year-old, more than 4000 kg elephant due.
“When Robert saw the elephant, he loved it so much, that definitely wanted to play the role of Jacob“, one of the R-Pattz actress friend says.
We are living in the 1930s Depression-ravaged America. Jacob will be orphaned of his parents died in a car accident. Veterinarian Studies of disruption and the bank seized the home because of debts. Jacob ends up accidentally falling within the party of the circus train and befriends a circus with the people dear to quickly support a number of star brightness, Marlena (Witherspoon).
Circus manager is Marlena’s quick temper and a violent husband, August (Waltz), which takes Jacob wings Rosie-trained elephants, the latest entrant to the circus. Jacob and Marlena’s secret relationship came to light the following problems.
“Water For Elephants” is not just a dirty metaphors studded ultimaaattinen karsanhyvailyelokuva or even Pattinson naamavarkilla equestrian circus camp.
Sara Gruen of the same name based on the novel worked screenplay manages to cover almost completely beneath the smoldering invisible ink written kaksimielisyydet that subtitles do things, if it is to take a closer look.
Movie barking is unnecessary, so focus on the good aspects.
Story told in flashback and frame the story in retirement Jacob (Hal Holbrook), accounting for a young history ringmaster. The best part of the scene where Jacob says the young man’s ear and is beautiful.
Soon the “Water Elephant” really gets started and we hear tell Pattinson veterinarian studies, and how he has been too many times to push his hand cow ass. Jacob end of year later, the circus comes to him under more specific use. Man adapts very well in all kinds of wild animals and sirkusfriikkien population, although the typical characters – such as the bearded woman – not the movie nahdakaan. As a counterweight to the state of residence divided Jacob, Kinko called dwarf (Mark Povinelli), whose raksyttava Jack Russell terrier is aptly named Queenie.
Soon Jacob is seen lapioimassa sweaty circus tent in front of the manure. Photo by Rodrigo Prieto, the camera moves to the same sample during a natural picture of a little aside and attached Marlena and her white horses. A few scenes later, Marlena singing children’s songs, while Jacob bang the horse to death with a pistol.
Prieto and director Lawrence keep good care of the fact that often the pictures are carefully portraits. Teen out of the theater audience is familiar with the brainwashing and cult Pattinson already in full swing.
Pattinson and Witherspoon are movie stars, but in smaller roles are Waltz, and Rosie, the elephant, play a much more convincing. Waltz, August-likeness is the same as the oppressive cold Hans Land Below “Inglourious Basterds”. Rosie charms every scene is no wonder that he went to Pattinson’s messed up. The permit is warm and dirty karsaromantiikkaa attention when James is released to manage elephants. Rosie is thrilled once even a bit of splashing face hanging elimellaan.
“Water for Elephants” contains something for everyone. Pattinson having comfortably beaten by a couple of times, but something even better happens. Movie is the best section Jacob gets prank victim and wake up wet after a night out from the barrel pelleksi masked yesterday without remembering anything. A bit later, he discovers something even more shocking, but I am leaving it a secret in this context.
“Water for Elephants”, this time, may be graded at four stars out of five. However, it is good to note that the score is given, at least potentially Pattinson fans the human or other creature’s point of view. Under normal circumstances, like a nihilist could approach it in a slightly different way, and bend up to hold it in a bad movie, but for me, the brainwashing has already occurred.
If the score does not feel right or you are otherwise hurt just reading your text, so can not do anything. Bad luck.
Kimmo Mustonenen
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The Mahabharata – A Discussion With Gustaff Hinter and Jackson Nitrate
There are times when one is a witness to history.
This week was such a time for me. I sat in on an early rehearsal of what is bound to become the most talked about, most loved theater experience in the history of man. Hyperbole? I think not.
Mankind will see what I caught a mere glimpse of… and mankind will be IN AWE.
Yes, finally, a production of THE MAHABHARATA that will make Peter Brook cry like a little girl… again.
I sat down with the man who adapted this great piece of Vedic literature, GUSTAFF HINTER. As we talked the genius director JACKSON NITRATE joined us.
Kyrle Lendhoffer: Gustaff, how are you today?
Robert Blanton’s Straight Male Theater Group
I must admit that I was appalled. Appalled, and then fascinated. I was thumbing through Backstage West while sipping a Green Tea Frappuccino at Starbucks (oh, this is a horrid vice, but the Green Tea is so good – except I find that I’m getting a little belly, cute on the young and hairless but not so much on the middle aged) and in the back I saw an ad.
It was an ad for the “Straight Male Theater Group”. “Oh my God!” I thought, “the most entitled group in the history of theater needs a group?” I couldn’t believe my eyes.
Then I thought it must be a comedy group. Then I thought I should just call their number and arrange an interview with their “leader.” I called, and two days later had set up an interview with Robert Blanton.
We met at a local coffee shop (not Starbucks – no Green Tea Frappuccino, sob) and we discussed Mr. Blanton’s little group.
Kyrle Lendhoffer: Mr. Blanton, why a “Straight Male Theater Group”?
Robert Blanton: Well, Mr. Lendhoffer, like any other minority group we felt that we needed a support group. A place we could go to and share our feelings of isolation.
KL: You’ve got to be kidding me.
RB: It’s exactly that kind of attitude that makes the SMTG necessary.
KL: SMTG?
RB: The “Straight Male-
KL: Yes, of course, I’ve got it.
RB: You have no idea what it’s like. Say you’re doing summer stock. You show up for the first read-through of Annie Get Your Gun and your gay-dar is screaming like a fire alarm. You realize that out of twenty-five men in the company that only five of you are straight.
KL: But Mr. Blanton, that sounds like heaven.
RB: How is that?
KL: Five straight men and at least twenty straight chorus girls, not including the leads. I would think that you would be happy as a little clam.
RB: Oh, yeah, that part is fantastic. Not at first… the women always think they can straighten out the gay ones. Then after a week or so they realize that they’re banging their heads against a pink wall. That’s when things get awesome.
KL: I still don’t get it. What is there for you to complain about?
RB: Well, there is the social aspect. Yes, we’re part of the company, but no one ever asks us what we think about their clothes or where there’s a great place to dance or if we’re having a good day.
KL: Maybe they could ask you about NASCAR.
RB: There you go again. Just because I’m straight doesn’t mean I like NASCAR.
KL: Yes, it does.
RB: No, it doesn’t.
KL: But you like football.
RB: Well, yes, I do. But I know lots of gay men who like football.
KL: But for different reasons.
RB: What?
KL: I digress. So you think you’re being discriminated against?
RB: Absolutely. But it’s very subtle. Let me give you an example. Just last year I was in a production of Urinetown. One night I overhear a conversation and my fellow cast members are talking about an American Idol viewing party that they’re all going to. Have I heard about this viewing party? No. Were any of the straight guys invited to the viewing party? No.
KL: It’s common knowledge that straight men only mock American Idol. You wouldn’t have been any fun at a party.
RB: That’s exactly what I’m talking about! That’s bullsh!t! I love American Idol! I just happen to like sex with women! What’s wrong with that?
KL: Some people find that icky. And I don’t believe you.
RB: Oh yeah? Season one winner, Kelly Clarkson. Season two, Rueben Studdard. Season three, Fantasia…
KL: Wow, you memorized a list.
RB: Season four, Carrie Underwood… What?
KL: You memorized a list. Nothing more, nothing less.
RB: You’re an asshole, Mr. Lendhoffer.
KL: And you’re a whiney little suck-tit, Mr. Blanton.
The interview devolved from there. I couldn’t possibly feel sorry for Mr. Blanton and felt nothing but contempt for the “Straight Male Theater Group”. Oh, please.
All I can say to Mr. Blanton is you have no place in MY theater. The theater that I love. Go watch your NASCAR “buddies” drive around in circles and then beat their wives. Take that, sir!
I will now retire to Starbucks for a well deserved Green Tea Frappuccino.
Kyrle Lendhoffer – Behind The Proscenium
Chekhov’s Platonov
This week I had the pleasure to sit down with Heinrich Mantle, the director of the upcoming Manka Black Box theatrical treat Platonov by Anton Chekhov. Mantle has challenged audiences for three decades with his deconstruction and recomposition of many of our most beloved classics. He has repeatedly shown that he has no fear, artistically.
Kyrle Lendhoffer: Heinrich, welcome to Behind The Proscenium.
Heinrich Mantle: My pleasure.
KL: Let me cut to the chase. Why Platonov? Why now?
HM: As for Platonov, why not? It’s never performed. It had an original running time of six hours. Chekhov didn’t even like it compared to his other work. As for why now? Broadway needs Chekhov. But Broadway needs the Chekhov that Chekhov didn’t appreciate. Because even though Broadway needs Chekhov, it doesn’t need regurgitated Chekhov. And speaking of that, if I see Uncle Vanya or The Cherry Orchard one more time with period costumes in a pretty little country villa, I will be physically sick.
KL: But isn’t that what Chekhov intended?
HM: How do we know what Chekhov intended? He is dead! Maybe he would have preferred The Cherry Orchard on the moon. We’ll never know for sure – but we can try!
KL: Tell me about your ideas of conceptual theater.
HM: I believe in bringing fresh, new perspectives to shows that have been – shall we say – heavily produced in the past. And these concepts bring modern audiences directly into the viewing experience, where they’re forced to confront their previously conceived notions, prejudice and feelings of the piece and, most importantly, their own lives.
KL: Like your production of Strange Interlude. It caused quite a controversy.
HM: Strange Interlude was a strange duck indeed! I kept everything in line with Eugene O’Neill’s vision – with one very major change. Instead of the characters turning to the audience to say their internal monologues, another actor – representing a player from the Miami Dolphins 1972 NFL Championship team – would come out say the lines.
KL: Why the 1972 Miami Dolphins?
HM: Who wouldn’t want their deepest thoughts expressed by the only undefeated team in modern NFL history? And, yes, I am including last year’s Super Bowl choking New England Patriots.
KL: I would prefer the 1927 Yankees—
HM: Base-baller!
(Laughter)
KL: So, the character of Marsden was represented by Bob Griese…
HM: And Evans, Larry Csonka. Nina’s inner self was represented by Garo Yepremian.
KL: Nina… by Garo Yepremian?
HM: Who better to represent a woman than a place-kicker?
KL: Wicked!
HM: Indeed…
KL: And then you placed Shakespeare’s The Comedy Of Errors in a Gothic mausoleum. Very bold!
HM: I don’t think audiences were quite ready for that one.
KL: Why a mausoleum?
HM: Think of it like this… you have two sets of twins running around Ephesus, there is confusion, laughter. How do you remind the audience of their own mortality? You surround the play with death!
KL: Doesn’t that damage the comedy?
HM: Exactly! And in the confusion, the audience can then see nothing but the truth!
KL: Amazing.
HM: Thank you.
KL: Back to Platonov. How have you approached this one?
HM: It was difficult. I was tearing apart my brain. You see, normally I find a concept. I work on that concept until it is perfect. Then I find a play that I can force that concept on. In this case, I worked in reverse. I found Platonov, and then I worked on the concept.
KL: And that concept was…?
HM: Thinking about it. Platonov’s life is hanging by a thread. But aren’t all of our lives hanging by threads?!? Then it hit me. The actors would hang from the ceiling with wires – or by a thread! And then as the actor’s relationships changed, they would rise above or below each other as their class status increased or decreased.
KL: Amazing again.
HM: Yes. For example, in a key scene between Platonov and Anna Petrovna, each character moves past each other spatially, or up and down to the layman, seven times. You can actually see where they stand.
KL: Or hang…
HM: Or hang, yes.
KL: Wow. One question – you said the play originally ran six hours. How long are you running now?
HM: After fierce cuts, the show now runs three hours – without an intermission.
KL: And the actors are hanging from wires the entire time?
HM: Yes, they are very dedicated.
KL: How do they use the bathroom?
HM: We’re working on that.
As you can see, Heinrich Mantle isn’t afraid to attack our comfortable views of what theater is. And even more important, what theater SHOULD be. It was a pleasure to interview him (again) for Behind The Proscenium.
Kyrle Lendhoffer – Behind The Proscenium
Simon Ambrose – Graveyards vs. Mars
This week I had the pleasure of talking to Simon Ambrose. Intense. Forceful. Unique. Not just words, but an apt description of someone who is bound to become a theatre great.
His most recent work, Monkey Spanking Time won several national awards. His newest work, Graveyards vs. Mars, opens in two weeks at the Manka Bros. Drama Garage.
Mr. Ambrose talked to me for over two hours, but was in such a state of creativity that only portions of the interview were intelligible. And here they are. Let’s go… BEHIND THE PROSCENIUM.
Kyrle Lendhoffer: Simon, it’s good to see you.
Simon Ambrose: (giggling) I see you, too!
KL: Yes, you do. Congratulations on Monkey Spanking Time. An amazing show, yet very controversial.
SA: Yeah…
KL: It must have taken a lot of courage to write an entire show about the pleasures and variations of masturbating. Why masturbating?
SA: (giggling) Whack!
KL: Whack? What do you mean by “whack”?
SA: Dude, I love it.
KL: What do you love?
SA: To whack.
KL: Oh, my. I see.
Simon giggled for a minute or so. When he calmed down, the interview proceeded.
KL: So tell me about Graveyards vs. Mars. What is it about?
SA: Dude, Earth is invaded by Mars. And the Martians enslave us Earthlings. And they’re tall and green!
KL: The Martians?
SA: Huh?
KL: The Martians. They’re tall and green?
SA: Oh, the Martians…
KL: Are tall and green…
SA: Totally!
KL: And?
SA: Huh?
KL: And then what?
SA: Oh yeah… Then the earth people wrack their brains for a way to get rid of the Martians. Dude, nothing works. Then this guy figures out that bringing back the dead in the form of brain eating zombies would be cool.
KL: Really?
SA: Huh?
KL: So that’s what the Graveyard part of the title refers to?
SA: Yeah. Graveyards vs. Mars. How cool is that?
KL: Cool, indeed.
SA: Yeah…
KL: The brain eating zombies… How do they know to only eat the brains of the Martians?
SA: Dude! They don’t! It gets totally intense!
KL: Well, we wouldn’t want to give away any more of the plot. Let’s talk about your process. How did you come up with such an original and fascinating idea?
SA: I worked on it a lot around 4:20 in the afternoon.
KL: Intriguing. So this time has some significance to you…
SA: Well, yeah. 4:20. Time to enter an altered state. You know?
KL: I love that movie.
SA: Huh?
KL: Altered States with William Hurt. Powerful actor. So, you mean you were getting in touch with your primal side?
SA: Sure, that’s it.
A giggling fit started here that lasted several minutes. I have been told that many theatrical genius’ get ideas while in a giggling fit. I cannot image what was going through Simon’s mind.
KL: Are you all right?
SA: Whoo! Yeah… What were we talking about?
KL: Altered States.
Simon had another giggling fit that lasted for approximately two minutes. I was overwhelmed to be in his presence.
KL: Tell me what you’re thinking about right now.
SA: Dude, I could go for a cheeseburger.
KL: A cheeseburger?
SA: Right on! Feed the head – feed the face!
Such gems would continue to drip from the mouth of Simon Ambrose. He was in such a creative frenzy that he laughed non-stop until we got him to White Castle where he ate several cheeseburgers. “Fuel for the muse” I like to call it. And what a muse does Ambrose have.
Graveyards vs. Mars opens very soon at the Manka Bros. Drama Garage. Be there and sense the greatness. I know I will.
Kyrle Lendhoffer – Behind The Proscenium
An Apology From Behind The Proscenium
This is an apology. An online mea culpa. I take the proverbial cat o’nine tails and self flagellate. This is an open apology to the great Zenobia Lassiter.
Last week, I posted an interview and diatribe against her brilliant new work, Pussy. Yes, I said brilliant. I’ve not had time to process what I saw on stage.
I saw her put a fish in her “V” word and felt its power.
I saw her put on a Hitler mustache and read excerpts from Mao’s Little Red Book and now understand what it is to be forced to work retail in a strip mall.
I now know that as I listened to her describe her last colonoscopy that she was in fact talking about our need to vote on a regular basis if we ever hope to sustain democracy.
I had to nerve to say that performance art is neither! I was a Philistine. An ignorant man, who although he lives in a metropolis, has the mind of a plastic suburbanite. If I could find a way to spit on myself, I would.
So, dear Zenobia, here is what I have to say: I couldn’t possibly be more sorry. You are a genius. You are a colossus, and we peep about your feet like insects (I paraphrase my Shakespeare, but you know what I mean).
Zenobia, can you ever forgive me? Will you ever allow me to speak to you again, to sit in your angelic presence and absorb your unabashed brilliance? To be a mortal in the aura of a goddess? Please? Pretty please?
Ha!
The day that I apologize to the likes of you is the day that I buy season tickets to the barbaric New Jersey Devils and their hyper-man-beast NHL. YOU MAKE ME SICK!
Faithful readers, I hope you had a little chortle at my innocent prank.
In a week or so, I will be interviewing some of the artistic minds involved with the Manka Center Stage World Premiere of Tennessee Williams’ lost classic Haunted Alligators. You can see the 1960 film version all this month on Manka Classic Movies.
Yours In Art,
Kyrle Lendhoffer – Behind The Proscenium
Performance Art
I remember living in the “80s”.
It was the time of Wham! and Careless Whisper.
It was the time of Broadway’s Les Miserables and Big River.
Sadly, it was also the time of Ronald Reagan and Jerry Fallwell and his “Moral Majority”. The reason I bring any of this up is the reminder of the ghastly “Moral Majority”. Why? Because in my circle of theater aficionados we had a saying – “The Moral Majority is neither”. Neither “moral” nor “majority.” What is the relevance? It is this; today I’m going to talk to a performance artist.
I must admit that I have no idea what performance art is supposed to be. But I do know this; performance art is neither. Neither “performance” nor “art.”
Earlier in the week I had the misfortune to be invited by a (no longer) friend to a “show” by noted “artist” Zenobia Lassiter. The “show” was called Pussy. I thought it might be about cats (I love my kitties, they are adorable), but I was horribly wrong. I talked to Lassiter after the “show.”
Kyrle Lendhoffer: I don’t know what to say…
Zenobia Lassiter: There is no correct response. When everything is deconstructed to its most base level, there is really nothing left to say.
KL: No, that’s not it. At times I thought I was going to be sick. You call that “theater”?
ZL: Of course I do. It’s the only kind of theater that matters. Think about what made you sick.
KL: All right, I’m thinking about it. Oh, god…
ZL: And it makes you sick again! My work has power! You will remember this forever! You can’t say the same about Rent.
KL: I thought Rent was very powerful. And I’ll remember it forever because it was INCREDIBLE. Because it had artistic integrity. Because it had a beginning, middle and end.
ZL: Those things are over rated. You long for the theater of your grandfather. I’m giving you the theater of your unborn great grandson.
We bickered for a moment about whether or not I’d have a great grandson and how that really mattered in the grand scheme of things.
KL: Zenobia, what the hell was your piece about?
ZL: You tell me, Mr. Lendhoffer. What did you think it was about?
KL: (thinking for a few moments) I think you were trying to explore your own sexuality and the tenuous relationship between man and woman. I think.
ZL: Wrong! Try again.
KL: Really? I mean, it must have had something to do with your sexuality in some way. There is no way that it wasn’t.
ZL: You’re not setting your mind free. Why would you say something like that?
KL: Well, that thing with the fish.
ZL: What about the fish?
KL: Madam, you put a fish into your vagina. How the hell does that not relate to your sexuality in some way?
ZL: Your mind is trapped. Ossified by the world. Let me help you out.
KL: Oh, please do.
ZL: My piece was a scathing indictment of our consumer culture. It’s about everything that is wrong with the media turning us into “sheeple”, making us follow every fad, making us buy every product, making us into automatons that will buy everything – from Coke Zero to the war in Iraq.
KL: Putting a fish in your vagina is an indictment of the war in Iraq? You have got to be kidding me!
ZL: Fool! The fish represented Big Media’s message! We were my vagina. You, me, everyone! The message was being crammed down our throat. Our collective throat was my vagina! It’s so obvious!
KL: Ms. Lassiter, I am NOT your vagina! I will never BE your vagina!
ZL: It’s too late, Mr. Lendhoffer. You are already my vagina.
KL: Can we stop using the “V” word? I’m getting sick again.
ZL: Your sickness is your subconscious mind actually getting my show. Deep down inside you know what I’m saying and you agree with it. Admit it.
KL: I will admit nothing of the sort. You have problems.
ZL: Oh, really…
KL: Yes! And I find it insulting that I had to watch you go through your own psychotherapy on stage. See a psychiatrist! Get some help! But in private! Theater goers do not want to see you solve your psychosis – especially when they have to pay for it!
ZL: Let’s hear you say that when I win another “Obie.”
KL: Good God…
With that I got up and ran from the room.
What is theater becoming? It’s bad enough when I have to sit through “monologists” like Spalding Gray (may he rest in peace) and Eric Bogosian. But now I have to watch a woman put a fish into her “V” and be impressed? It’s only impressive when it’s part of a show for sailors in Tijuana. Someday – someday in a more beautiful future I’ll be able to put this “show” out of my mind.
Performance art? Get real! Performance art is neither.
Kyrle Lendhoffer – Behind The Proscenium