Eddie Marsan – Behind the Proscenium

August 23, 2013

The World’s End [REVIEW]

The World’s End

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

There are times in which life is art.

And then the art is also life, in reality.

The brain sees, with his eyeball friends, things that are not real reality – but film reality which is sometimes MORE real, although not at all.

This is that time, or was.

When I was in “The World’s End.”

Or so I had the thought that it was true.

I’ll explain.

“The World’s End” is my life story without me and my life.

“How am this be possible, Kimmo?” shouts your thoughts.

So did my own thinking thoughts, with the shouting. I was confusion.

See if this helps:

Plot? Hell right!

In the distant past, before internet porn, Gary (Simon Pegg) was too cool for most school. He had too cool friends – Peter (Eddie Marsan), Oliver (Martin Freeman), Steven (Paddy Considine) and funny fat guy Andrew (Nick Frost).

They are different actors when younger. Even with the sweet, sweet smoke there was no brain confusion from this.

They went on the most ever of all epic pub crawls (in Finland we call this “pretty much every day of the week”) – “The Golden Mile” only to become whimpy nerds after six.

This failing causes them all to be boring older persons, except for Gary, who is still good at drinking.

In the today times, Gary wants to recreate the moment and defeat “The Golden Mile” and make it to the last pub (The World’s End) where there will be much vomiting if done correctly.

He gathers his older, more hairless gang, and head to town.

Then weird shit hits the fan.

I will give no spoiling, only to say that the trailer had robots and the movie has robots. On a pub crawl.

This is where it is my life.

In Finland, there are many crawling to pubs AND there are robots. Son of a bitch.

Why is my living life on the movie screen? I am in freak out mode.

Simon Pegg is playing me. WTF?

When I had a calmer time, I began to see the genius of it all. Make a movie about Kimmo, without Kimmo, and Kimmo will love the damn thing!

So, what have my feelings on this to say?

First, great, great movie!

Friends, beer, hot chicks, beer, shots, beer, robots, beer, and then more beer.

Acting – great! Andy drinks water and Gary is all “you are for the drinking of rain!”. So, writing is good, too.

If you are of the drinking person type, you will drool into your popcorn.

I did.

The beer is luxuriously photo’d. Damn, the beer was pretty.

Then there are three girls known in the past as “The Marmalade Sandwich.”

They deserve it, and prove it in the best sequence that had no nudity but was still “ooo la la” to my nether regions. My loins quivered.

My only fault finding with this film was that the three were not butt naked. The movie would have then been an instant classical movie.

So, two thumbs straining to the sky! I am all happiness, for now I know that Hollywood (English Hollywood – they talk more better and party hearty!) knows how my mind thinks and that makes me happy.

For I miss Finland.

I miss crawling to pubs.

And I miss crawling to pubs with robots.

Go to Finland and one day you will miss these things, too.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. American football is almost here. I have now eaten a hot wing, a nacho, and those quesadilla things. American football will make me a fatty fatterson! And I am in love with it!

March 1, 2013

Jack the Giant Slayer [REVIEW]

Jack the Giant Slayer

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Times have hard.

We know this.

Hollywood then shows us.

We watch The Mr. Oscar Show and strange face “Look At Me, I Am Also Smug Guy Who Wants To Sing In Your Face” person is on hourly, for what is to me, also forever.

Pretty people also are staging to the T.V., some with awards, more with sadness in their brain thoughts.

On the carpet, all women admit to wearing the clothes of someone else – yet none of the carpet questioning people feel the creeps.

This is Hollywood.

This is the Academy Awards.

This review is “Jack The Giant Slayer.”

It needs not to worry about the Academy Awards.

Ever.

But, even though winning is not to be foreseen – this is good for the film worker people. If for to win, they would have to talk to “Smug Guy Who Was Upstaged By Captain Kirk” which would be the suck.

But all is not bad. Really.

First, I, Kimmo, will not use Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum in the film review.

All critics who do – or use any variable of the 4-F’s – is of the review school hack class.

No Fee, Fi, Fo, Fun for good review.

No Fe, Fi, Fo, Dumb for bad review.

No Fee, Fi, Foo, Meh for a review tweener.

This reviewer (though many times with drunks and stoned) is not of laziness.

So review I must.

Plot? Fe, Fi, Fo, YES! Damn, it was too much to not do.

Plot – Jack is a kid with stories talked to his ear hole by Dad (look out Dad! Here comes the plague!).

Isabella is a kid who has the same stories (look out Mom! Etc). and grows up to be hot.

In real life, Jack (Nicholas Hoult) got to diddle Jennifer Lawrence and motor-boat her rack (for this, Hoult deserves Lifetime Achievement Award). Then, she, Jennifer, was too good for a bean kid.

To continue, hot Isabella (Eleanor Tomlinson) is now fap fantasy for Roderick (Stanley Tucci – with creepy sameness inside from “The Lovely Boner”) who is shopping for the Magic Crown that lets the owner control Giants – people who are taller than Abraham Lincoln (see review).

Jack does stuff, like slaying Giants, but damn spoiler title told you that already.

The move is in the land of Not Bad.

CGI Giants are CGI from the days of Tecmo Bowl Nintendo. Fun after bong sucking, fun after the beer chug, cheesy in my real reality.

The 3D was realistic as to make me barf. Yes, the 3D, not the too much overdrunk beer and stale Raisonettes.

I stand by this statement.

For you readers with bigger brains, see the ripped off for this movie – “Trollhunter.” This move is more better than “Jack blah blah blah” in the way that all of Scandinavia (minus Sweden) is superior to Los Angeles (except for the weather – so I really hate Scandinavia, I guess – my mind is confusion).

The Trolls are better computer beasts than the Giants – although the Giants have more lines.

So one and a half thumbs in the atmosphere. There is enjoyment.

I expected a major suck (like that damn Twilight turd-fest) and the suck did not appear.

The secret to liking a film (I’m now thinking) is to expect it to be full of the horrible.

This did not work for the Twilight films, but seem to work for all else.

I will continue this film experiment – since summer is coming, with its crap-storm of film stink. Here is hoping my expecting is not my reality.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. It is almost again the time for baseballs! I don’t have understanding for the game so much, but love Dodger Dogs – and cold beer that is more money worth than gold in its cost. This game is not hockey (the greatest of all since it was played by God Himself), but not bad for steroid boys with bats. Not to mention hot baseball groupies. Play balls!

December 16, 2011December 16, 2011

Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows [REVIEW]

Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Okay, Hollywood, I give.

It is FUN to see great literary figure turned into 19^th century James Bond.

There must always be explosions.

CGI must be in every movie ever made.

See, Hollywood?

You win.

For the rest of the film career of reviewing I shall just suck on my bong and sit through whatever I’m being paid to sit through.

And LIKE it.

No… LOVE it.

So, for the second time staged a witty director Guy Ritchie crime adventure with invented by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle’s master detective Sherlock Holmes, a classic figure of English literature (that is not in this movie. Same name. Definitely not same guy.).

As in the first film from the year 2009 the script the action transferred to the Victorian era, which also comes from Doyle’s character. The men of the friendship of Robert Downey, Jr. played Holmes and his assistants presented by Dr. John Watson Jude Law delighted with lively war of words.

This time, the detective met his equal intellectually nemesis, Professor James Moriarty (also a name that appears in the Doyle stories, not so much the character), who is about to incite a world war and to seize the most important industries of Europeunder the nail.

The freaking nail!!!

To put the criminal played by Jared Harris, in the shaft, Holmes and Watson travel to Paris, Germany and Switzerland, as if they were secret agents of later generations of film (Bond, Bourne, whoever the closeted Cruise plays in MI: Whatever).

They fight often in the literal sense before picturesque scenery, in a gentleman’s club, a train, in the Paris Opera House, a posh hotel and a Swiss mountain chateau, a munitions factory and on the backs of horses.

Son of a bitch!

Doyle’s master detective was originally in the struggle with Moriarty in Switzerland – fall down the Reichenbach Falls, in death, before he then reanimated again for more adventures.

It takes the action back here and puts on an impressive waterfall, a CGI castle in ludicrous steep hillside (maybe the same town as “Immortals” 2,000 years later). There sits a peace conference, which Moriarty wants to make the starting point of World War II.

Or I – I was pretty high.

While Watson and the belligerent gypsy Sim, played by Naomi Rapace (Dragon Tattoo chick – For The Win!), inside Europe are trying to save to provide themselves Holmes and Moriarty at the balcony of a game of chess on the board and as spirited debate about the case.

Damn straight.

Enough already.

There was a plot, but that is unimportant.

Robert Downey, Jr. has mister fun good times.

The women were hot.

You saw SH#1 and liked it? This is also for your liking.

I suggest using a bong – with and Indica blend because that will make you like an idiot drool.

And being an idiot with drool is the only way to see this.

“Sherlock Holmes: A Game Of Shadows” has made me see the light. The light of my lighter as I take another major hit.

Hollywood is awesome.

Light up and pass the cheetos.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Ryan Murphy, thank you for a taste of Lindsay Pearce in “Glee.” I know now that you are listening! Two more Lindsay episodes – then we can be friends!