Emma Siegel – Behind the Proscenium

The LEGO Movie

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

This is the time of my exploding brain lobes.

How many times, in the living life, do we see our childhood dancing on the screen?

I want to believe that life is better than life is, but often it is not.

Then I go to the cinema.

Crap shoots in to my eye holes.

Not this time.

The movie light rushed over my body like a warm Kossu flowing from the mouth of Freyja (her chariot is pulled by two cats! Yowza!).

As I sucked the life out of many bon-bons while theater sitting, I was certain of one fact:

The LEGO Movie is the greatest story ever told.

And I wasn’t even high.

Can I begin? I will try.

First, the plot.

Emmit (Chis Pratt) follows the rules better than any LEGO person or people person has ever followed. His favorite song (“Everything Is Awesome”) rocks just enough so that it may not rock.

That’s O.K.

He works. Watches a show about lost pants (better than anything J.J. Abrams has pooped out – I’m look at you, “Lost”).

Then comes the “Piece of Resistance” followed by Wyldstyle (Elizabeth Banks – hottest LEGO ever!) and war with Lord Business (Will Ferrell).

The animation is better than my sleep brain movies after having eaten my medicinal brownie!

Colorful and alive.

Then even more colorful.

Then come the almost hallucination cool-ness of almost everything to come.

My eyeballs actually said “what the hell?” I couldn’t answer them.

Everything was too awesome.

Then I thought that “whoa, this movie is saying “hey, 99 percent, wake up and take back the world” and also ‘be yourself and screw the powerful'”.

These things I, Kimmo, would do – but I’m a pussy.

LEGOS are not pussies.

This is how LEGOS are not pussies.

Suck it, Peyton Manning. http://ftw.usatoday.com/2014/02/super-bowl-lego/

Oh, and the movie has Batman (Will Arnett) and a white Morgan Freeman (Morgan Freeman).

Damn! What more is there to ask for?

Except for maybe a naked Jennifer Lawrence (not made of LEGOS, but in human flesh form).

That would have made a happy place in my pants.

So, two thumbs aching to the highest atmosphere.

I will even say, with full truth, that The LEGO Movie will be good to you EVEN IF YOU AREN’T DRUNK OR HIGH!

Just like Shark Night 3D!

See this movie many, many times.

Then again.

You will say “Kimmo, you are awesome for making me see The LEGO Movie many, many times, and then again.”

I will say “You are welcome, dude man!!!”

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. The Olympics are here! Please, Finland, destroy the hated butt-faced Swedes.That is the only game that I worry for with hardness.

But not my brother Olli.

Olli wants Finland to win every Olympic game of hockey by 7 goals. He isn’t wanting for another heart attack-ack-ack-ack-ack-ack (he oughta know by now). HA! Near death can be funny, too!

HEAR/SEE KIMMO’S REVIEWS RIGHT HERE:

Project X

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Thanks to Odin. Much thanks.

Why?

Tuesday, with the fact that Tuesday must happen, happens.

Tuesday?

Reviewing assignments for Friday.

My mind is sweating mind thoughts: “Please Odin, if I am to review that damn “Lorax” movie, drop me first with a face stretching stroke. Explode my eyeballs. Make me never to see the whoring out of a great man by his money grubbing widow (because I already am still in the stink of “Cat In The Hat”. Mike Meyers, you make Canada sad with this.).

Then the God of Cargo came through – assignment “Project X.”

The “YES” I screamed was like that of Ron Jeremy in the day of hay.

“Project X.”

Teenagers in heat.

Crazy crap of the happening.

The party is bigger than big – or than the big it should have been (“Risky Business”, but funny).

First, I, Kimmo place a major hit in the bong. I say you, the viewer, must do the same.

Then another.

Then one more.

“Project X” is now the adolescent party gone out of bounds “Citizen Kane.” Without stupid sleds. Or story.

Movies with plot are over the rated. Serious.

Plot? Really?

You are to the reading of a critic think write of “Project X” and you are really thinking the plot is a thing of mattering? Plot is replaced by:

1) Boobs

2) Butt

3) Tight female bellies (which must be under the age – High School, right? HOT!!!)

4) Booze

5) Midgets

6) Boobs

7) Drugs (not just me)

8) Car in pool

9) Fat kids to fun out on

10) Boobs

11) Hand held camera!

Is this “Cloverfield”? Better.

“The Blair Witch Project” (more boobs than the witch here)? Better.

“Paranormal Activity 1-15”? Better.

The “why” is answered by boobs. And crazy teen hi-jinks. Virgins deflowered. Window broken. Then another broken. And hymens (see the deflowering before, but also with the broken part. YES!).

Do you feel that I am in love with this film? I am.

It pretends to be nothing more than it is. Party out of bounds (thanks, B-52’s). I laughed. I coughed (after another pull on the dugout I recently purchased off of internet sales).

Conclusion: If when the seeing of the trailer for this film makes you say “Hells yeah, if I miss this, my life is lesser than that it was” you will love it.

If when you see the trailer you feel the stick crawl up your butt telling you that “fun is only for the young?” Stay home and watch “Matlock.”

This is no “Shark Night 3-D.”

And, thanks to Odin, this isn’t the crap licking “Lorax.” I can thank more than one God for that.

So, one thumb asleep. The other thumb erect, because that thumb likes on the boobs. Who doesn’t?

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “Glee?” WTF?!? Ryan Murphy, although before I never let the suspect for my boner on Dianna Agron, you have gone too much far. Our feud is to for the public. I call you out. Why is my mind your mess? There will be blood.

Tag: Emma Siegel

The LEGO Movie [REVIEW]

Project X [REVIEW]