Griff Furst – Behind the Proscenium

Battleship

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Once again, the youth is easy picking for the child predators.

Our youth be the memories.

The predator?

Hollywood.

Again.

B4 – Hit! But in an inappropriate way on my child thoughts.

J1 – Miss! But not for your lacking at the trying.

J10 – Oh, you sunk my Battleship memories of fun and now is just CGI shit-fest! (I slap my forehead and into the lake backwards off the dock I reel, “You sunk my childhood!”).

My excitement rises like a boil in my armpit.

What’s next? “Bingo – The Movie?”

So, it seems that sailors are the cool.

So cool that they must fight a Transformer-like army from a wet dream on the Michael Bay sheets.

Mom, his sheets need changing.

His camera moves even in the night. It never stops.

Would that he would go blind. Michael Bay.

And he had nothing to do with this – except inspire it – with his camera frantic wet penis dreams.

I hate him.

HATE HIM.

So, like a turd in a punchbowl, “Battleship” floats.

Like the turd, we wish for its existence to end.

Like the turd, its existence is demanded.

It’s in our damn punchbowl.

Fuck.

Plot? Really?

Are you kidding my brain?

Battleships. Other ships. Crazy alien shit.

Kaboom!!!!

Destroyers. Cruise missiles. Actors.

Kablooie!!!. Waves. More actors.

Fizzle.

I need a drink.

Burp.

Good things, though? Hells yeah!.

Rhianna (character irrelevant) in shrink-to-fit with a blow-dryer body suit carrying a gun as big as a redneck making up for his short penis… Hells yeah!

She is #1 in my Masturbation Memory Bank – with a bullet (take a seat Christina Aguilera).

Brooklyn Decker’s cleavage?

If heaven was of boobs, I’m in heaven.

Liam Neeson (character irrelevant, but higher rank – not in my MMB, but in Navy) growls like a bear.

Poor Liam. Wife dead from ski head rock, but will take any movie like a new generation Michael Caine.

I understand. Take the money.

But, son of a bitch buddy, not this!

You sunk my “give a shit!”

Could I write more? If, by the word paid, then yes.

But this is the summer movie shit-storm beginning. I will see the same thing. I will write the same thing. Greed will overtake my mind more than the Rhianna-lust.

Shit movie is shit movie.

This reviewer is drooling on the coming of “Prometheus.”

Wrong? I could be.

But the belief that summer BANG movies can be smarter than me? I hope. I believe.

As for “Battleship?” I am sad with the thought that for some retards, this turd will float.

No. Please.

And “no” again.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “American Idol.” Make me proud. White Guy With Guitar #5 FTW!!!!!! And then disappear quickly. That is the pattern.

The Green Lantern

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Ryan Reynolds is the man. But no longer today.

This Northman famous film star – once with Scarlett Johansson (followed drunkenly by leathery Sean Penn, yowza!) – is now expected to hold a straight face above with propping a spirit-sucking expensive superhero film.

The great collapse of Green Lantern will cause most to jump on Reynolds to be blamed… but the wrong-headed doing has its origin in a lamest of the television set-trained scriptwriters and mega stone cold producer honchos.

Yes, that is what I said.

A consequence is that the new Warner Brothers flick with the load of explaining (who the Green Lantern is, for instance) is out there for all to see at megaplexes until the next super hero comes to call and kicks Green Lantern to piracy bin.

What?

In one overcalculated effort to cover all surfaces into a whole film tonally – which doesn’t work and is all over the place. Confusion is not for summer cinema!

Greatly and with greatly bombast, he seizes points of Star Wars, Top Gun and from the Superman, in a kind of superhero stew (only less meat – we need meat!).

Four authors convert the film script (each working from separate story) which spreads nerd-speak like written for baby, followed from the cosmic heavenly drilling carriage credited (you know, not understandable).

Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds) is a ass-kicker pilot, who sets egos over brothers.

One day, after an expensive combat aircraft during a war game is inadvertently destroyed, this creates an improbable discovery for Hal: a dying magenta-red foreigner (Temeura Morrison) gives Hal a green lantern fulfilled with cosmic energies and his connected ring.

He puts on the ring and promising allegiance to the lantern, Hal transports to another world (not ours!), in which he experiences stuff that makes him now a member of the Green Lantern Corps: a volume of green intergalactic warriors, who use the energy of the power to fight against the forces of the evil and of fear.

Additionally, to receiving a fast course up to learning, and dress down receiving from Sinestro (Mark Strong), experiences the leader of the Green Lanterns, Hal is educated that an old enemy was freed – the Parallax – from his prison and by the galaxy and goes wild (naturally) to earth with all get out.

Carrying a unruffled new costume, Hal drives back to his main planet, around the Parallax’s minion to confront Dr. Hector Hammond (Peter Sarsgaard).

He must also examine his own worth to ex-girlfriend, Carol Ferris (Blake Lively – who isn’t Ginnifer Goodwin – summer movies are suckage) and defeat that ne’er-do-well.

Warner Brothers would like that we enjoy all the big tent pole things with our wallets – Green Lantern for sure.

Sadly, but this is more like which one expects from a independent superhero film (of which is nothing, right?). Non-geeks will not enjoy the production because of non-exciting production. It’s passable, but not much more than an two-hour digression.

Green Lantern is generic – it has an imitative approach that arranges this motion picture film to fall into whichever hell circle Dante envisioned for.

No fear to say it here!

As a man, I only can dream the upcoming Captain Stoppo movie from MC Comics is less a waste of my and yours time.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

Tag: Griff Furst

Battleship [REVIEW]

Green Lantern [REVIEW]