Hugo Weaving – Behind the Proscenium

December 13, 2013December 9, 2014

The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

The Hobbit – The Desolation of Smaug

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

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Here are the facts:

The Fellowship of the Ring – Book pages 432 – Film minutes 2:58

The Two Towers- Book pages 352 – Film minutes 2:59

Return of the King- Book pages 512 – Film minutes 3:21

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The Hobbit – Book pages 300

Now for the movies.

The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey – 2:49

The Hobbit – Desolation of Smaug – 2:41

The Hobbit – Ka-ching!!! – Who the hell knows?

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So, The Lord of the Rings – Book pages 1296, Total Time 9:18

The Hobbit – Book pages 300, Total Time (so far) 5:30

‘Nuff said.

Are we still there for the caring?

I am done.

How long can this go on?

The Hobbit (Kim Kardashian) continues on its quest.

Things go on forever. BUT, 3-D IMAX made my pants a place for the peeing.

Awesome!!

Go see it.

You will if I do or if I do not say the right things.

As much as thinking Peter Jackson drools over money, the film still makes the mind flop on itself.

Good work, moneygrubber!!!

In other ways, go see “Afternoon Delight.” Independent films make on feel the smarter.

This is the time of year when Hollywood makes the liking of Hollywood seem like the boning of one’s sister.

Kind of hot. Totally sleazy.

If Hollywood was a man, “The Hobbit” would have been 10 movies.

Hollywood – you are a pussy.

So…Two thumbs up.

Made up story is still good story. IMAX 3-D is still IMAX 3-D.

Hey, Hollywood whoredom works. I must deal with this.

See this three times.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Now for brain expanding Vonnegut (Dead Eye Dick – 1982 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadeye_Dick) – “We all see our lives as stories, it seems to me, and I am convinced that psychologists and sociologists and historians and so on would find it useful to acknowledge that. If a person survives an ordinary span of sixty years or more, there is every chance that his or her life as a shapely story has ended, and that all the remains to be experienced is the epilogue. Life is not over, but the story is.

Some people, of course, find inhabiting an epilogue so uncongenial that they commit suicide.

P.P.S. “Survivor” finale on Sunday! Whoop dee whoop!!

October 26, 2012

Cloud Atlas [REVIEW]

Cloud Atlas

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

There are times when the sweet, sweet smoke must be smoked before the mind can accept strange.

You think “I understand anything and have the munchies.”

Other times Kossu is demanded for drink – sense must be made but you are more “I pretend to get it” and then “more Kossu, please” until the drunkening is achieved.

Now there is the “Cloud Atlas.”

Crazy novel.

Crazier film.

I must be for the admitting that my brain was blown.

Not by gunshot (not yet, thank Odin).

Not by crack whore (thanks again).

But by cinema.

Not since “Zardoz” has there been so much “huh?” in my thinking parts.

Let me explanation for you.

Tom Hanks plays many character people, some with latex (on his face, perverts!).

Halle Barry has also the many latex people to be – but not like Tom, she has bigger boobs.

Tom IS getting moobs, however, because he is getting the olds.

It is all of mankind’s future. Moobs. For men.

That is not discussed in the film.

Plot? You let me in the know – I was idea-less. I’ll try.

There are many stories, in many orders, none for the explaining (my mind is whacked).

First, the way back in the South Pacific and Hanks is a sailor man.

Then forward to the near past – we’re in England and guys argue about PBS music.

Then the really near past in San Francisco with Berry and her love puppies bouncing and in the investigation mode.

Then today with an old drooler stuck in the pre-morgue unhappily (stay off his lawn!).

Then the way future where ‘droids are less cool than “Star Wars” and are Korean-ese but played by white people (I think – CGI would make it possible).

Then, the way way future, where Hanks and Berry are post-apocalyptic – yet her headlamps still are ample.

Which is good.

Then back and forth and back and forth in time and space and then I doubt my own brain thoughts.

This is directed by Tom Tykwer (“You Better Run, Lola”) and the Brothers Wachowski (“Matrix” cool – other stuff is the suck) and one brother is a girl.

No wonder my thoughts cannot hug what my eyeballs tell them is real. For it is unreal.

So, plot? So you tell me.

But great? Pretty damn so.

My mind flies like a 9 year old boy seeing his first of the female nakedness – I am not understanding yet am standing in awe (but without the pants bone).

Both are terrific and at the time of seeing not understandable.

Yet again I must see. And again. Until I am busted (embarrassing when father finds your Playboy stash – but this film makes you cool, not shamed).

Two thumbs are in the air! What the hell did they see? A “wow, cool, what?” movie that is cool.

Hells yeah. I will see this many times, with the Cheetos and weed to make the understanding believable. It is the only way.

Go to your dispensary. Grab your pipe. Go see “Cloud Atlas.”

Really.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “American Horror Story – Asylum” is coooool. Adam Levine gets what he (for his Marooning 5 crimes) deserves. I smiled big!

July 22, 2011July 22, 2011

Captain America: The First Avenger [REVIEW]

Captain America: The First Avenger

With With, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Back on the good old days as a new superhero epic didn’t look on film screens apparently every other week, film producers used to satisfy we, us, the public with nothing more than bare exhibitionism.

Now they are just a bore.

Or am I exhausted (thanks for the tired, Transformers)?

Captain America: The First Avenger has strong opening times, a noble execution for sure.

Unfortunately they cannot this standard of the quality support and into crappy melodrama in the last hour ignore (if you can stay awake – yet so loud, how can you sleep?).

This is a dishonor, because a world-striking film of the Captain America could have caused indisputable momentum (my new superhero name!) for The Avengers.

Unfortunately, it is to be not.

Which we have here something I condemn to be underneath the average film, by choppy drawing up and the characters of one dimension (more on this later).

Thus it goes.

As Thor early in the season, Captain America: The First Avenger is requested, in order to do a terrible lot. And that is to explain to us the origin of a Marvel Comics guy, who we don’t know – also to his friends, the family and the sidekicks, then place it in world saving an adventure to the exhibition.

And more!

Suggest a point of romance and prepare for its inevitable sequels as part of the next years studio profits generator, known as The Avengers. Ka-ching!

Chris Evans plays as Steve Rogers – a child of Brooklyn, would like so much his country to serve, and would like the leading role to beat the Nazis in the Second World War (and in the face).

Unfortunately he’s a small guy – with many physical problems, thus Rogers is deemed unsuitable – he even tries to register several times under different names and with different physicians completely around New York.

This has gotten the attention of Dr. Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci) – a mysterious scientist working with defense contractor Howard Stark (Domenic Cooper), American Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) and British agent Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) to develop a medical procedure to turn everyday soldiers into super soldiers.

In Finland, we call these push-ups.

When the procedure works, how can Steve Rogers best serve his country?

He best serves it by not being in a movie as lousy as The Green Hornet but that is not too hard.

Well, he becomes Captain America.

Who wouldn’t?

Most badly of all, Captain America: The First Avenger we get like two films, which are in one smashed.

We could have been with the first part of the film contently, with the Rogers and his abilities discovered and prove ourselves, a hero to be, but director Joe Johnston and the writing team believed to the necessity to go back and start a whole again other plotline over Nazi badasses, which tries to stand for one even still more bad leader than Hitler (what?!?) bent on world domination, Johann Schmidt (Hugo Weaving).

Is this Captain America nemesis number one? Better to save him for the upcoming sequel movie. This one is too long.

So, I give one drooping thumb.

Movie is in 3D, too bad script arrived in 2D – which is still 1D better than the acting!

Sad face for me.

Sad face for Captain America: The First Avenger.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

June 28, 2011

Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

First, a discredit: I love Megan Fox (Jennifer’s Body – yowza! I was almost made to forgot Ginnifer Goodwin!).

And Shia LeBoeuf now credit can be given for the giving of the meat(!) while she was with her 90210 husband?

Not cool, Shia… not cool.

Now to the reviewing.

Michael Bay has been a director always who has the lowest standard given free rein in his films.

Feminine curves (these are good), the delight in the perfectly shaped poses from the most daring of view (that’s right), the male senses, polished stainless bodies that cast a sea of lens flare into the cameras (look out JJ Abrams!) and real heroes in uniform who carry the backlight in distinctive silhouettes.

The real guy who sleeps in each one of us suggests that it displays them on the hairy chest and shouts out a fervent Tarzan screaming in the world (much like me).

But while the introverted and sensitive wearer scrapes with his pencil on his forehead and dismisses a disillusioned sigh (my brother, Jarri, he is a real forehead pencil scraper).

Here is Michael Bay talking: “A real guy needs a movie with testosterone in the bloodstream, and an eye for the essentials: cars, butts, aliens (not in that order)!”

Transformers the 3rd: Dark of the Moon (Lazer Floyd!) is the film revelation and epileptic overkill, which the audience and the cinema owners were hoping for so long. The stylized action vindicated the over-priced 3D effect, and vice versa. The humor may now again be laughed heartily without interfering on the borderline banality of the second part.

Transformers the 3rd takes a whopping 157 minutes and operates on a broad level. Megan Fox’s ass and marble belly while leaving a gaping hole (don’t even think it, Shia), but Rosie Huntington-Whiteley gazelle legs and an absence of self-esteem affects what sexy outfits, makes the loss more than up for it (almost, but I admit that she is lengthy!)

Michael Bay will never grow up and his camera never not move and that’s why we love him?

What?

Since it not hurt that the series itself basically just over and over and fail to real surprises. The sensitive and thoughtful boy agrees, in some respects (to be sure, I’ll ask brother Jarri later).

The 3D effect is due to the native style handsomely turned out – but just as volatile as the paint on the Autobots. Also, the content of amateurism from Transformers 2 will be largely spared.

If you still remember the slogan from the second film recalls says that “Only a Prime can kill a Prime” – which is to capture the action of the third part in full: “Only a Prime can resurrect a Prime.”

Knowing about these facts once swallowed, the rest of the film stripped of leaves before the mind’s eye and the viewer is unaffected from surprises. But the Transformers movies were anyway never looked for their offense, at least, is an old saying – so old as to be not understandable.

Nevertheless, a fairly logical and understandable sequence of actions will be gratefully accepted. The more effortless a film executes its structural plot points, the more positive the effect on the film – what Bay’s third try masters solid.

But the fact remains that the film series has reached a dead end. The same hero stereotype, the same car brands, the same threats, same jokes.

With the new Shia LaBeouf (asshole!) again on the site itself needs love are back at 0. It was a physical impossibility, that could turn Transformers the 3rd worse than its immediate predecessor – and this is proven correct.

But as B.B. King sang, “the thrill is gone”, Michael Bay‘s robot toys have lost their appeal, what remains is a pile of crap metal that sparkles in sunlight and impressed by its size – but no more.

Size doesn’t matter. Which is what Megan probably said to the Shia meat (Carey Mulligan, too). We can dream.

Kimmo Mustonene (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Once again, The Glee Project! I’m rooting for the munchkin and the bitch! You?