James Newton Howard – Behind the Proscenium

November 22, 2013December 16, 2013

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire [REVIEW]

The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I was gone.

You have missed me as much as I missed me.

Yes, you have.

Admit it. Now.

I am back. In the rearview mirror of my brain is a place that forever will make me spit out spit – rehab.

Someday, I will use my hands as my mouth and type you the story.

No Kossu. No sweet, sweet smoke.

“Friends” all up in my “intervention.”

To have such friends is to need a good poop and only fart. Yes… disappointment.

Now for movie things that have been not done so long in the not doing.

“The Hunger Games: Catching Fire” – hells yes!!!

No longer in rehab prison I smoked the sweet smoke, made full my flask, bought Crunch flavored Nibs and to the Cinema I skipped – happily, with a smile face.

Why?

Jennifer Lawrence.

Katniss is back, and her clothes are tightening. So are now my pants.

My love is a throbber.

A throbber right in the muscles of my heart machine.

I am consumed.

My groin is “Catching Fire.”

This seems much like a lot. And it is.

My love for Jennifer Lawrence is bigger than it can now be, or ever will.

Plot? Okay.

Katniss (J-Law, or Mrs. Mustonenen, please Odin!!!) is back in Finland. She has the shell shocks.

Gale (Thor’s brother) wants to mount her. So does Peeta (Josh “The Lost Munchkin” Hutcherson).

With a Hunger Games win in the pocket, they must go on tour, and like Metallica they (my woman and the dwarf) must fake their love.

Haymitch (Woody Harrelson) is still my drinking pal. Effie (Elizabeth Banks) still needs a face punch. Evil President Snow (Donald Sutherland) still smells of the kidney medication.

The people gather in giant crowds of close to 35 people to see Katniss in tight clothes. And to start being revolutionary against all who have meds for their kidneys.

Snow is so mad his face is all smile-like and is so old he wants Katniss made dead. She does nothing for his groin.

A human weasel (Philip Seymour Hoffman) has a plan. Hunger Games 75 – All-star Edition! Poor Katniss and Peeta again must fight.

SPOILER ALERT!

Just kidding. No spoiling. When high, I am funny to myself.

Oh, one thing for spoil – Crunch Nibs are to my mouth what J-Law is to my area.

Boing!!! Damn.

NO MORE SPOILERS!

There is much happening.

Katniss has just enough tight clothes, not enough of the nudes.

Johanna (Jena Malone) gives us some side boob – I dribbled Kossu down my chin but was disappoint in the finality.

Damn PG-13.

So – much sadness, cool trains, storm troopers, oppression, cool fights, side boob, costume-o-rama, rebellion, and, of course, the awesome most woman of all the worlds that are to be:

Jennifer Lawrence.

Jennifer – don’t make me crawl to “American Hustle” to see more of cleavage heaven. Come visit me in L.A. We will smoke and drink.

I will post to Facebook that we mounted (even if you wish to remain mount-free – I would happily build a house in your friend-zone… really).

I have two thumbs straight up in the air. And more – but PG-13 movie makes for PG-13 review. You must, in your imagination place, see what else shoots skyward.

See this movie twice. Make my future wife rich.

Thank you.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “American Horror Story: Coven.” WTF? Better than that shit-stink “Asylum,” but still… WTF?

March 23, 2012March 23, 2012

The Hunger Games [REVIEW]

The Hunger Games

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I have waited for this longer than time may seem to you.

Or even longer.

So when the cinema doors opened I was fully ready for an eyeball party!

Yes, “The Hunger Games” is finally open.

Smoke was smoked.

Popcorn was popped.

Kossu was in the fun pocket for in the theater for drinking.

Yes!

Then my confusion – is this about Finland? Dirt. Trees. Poor people. District 12 is Finland!

Then my panic pulls out (too much weed) and I realize that I’m in the right film theater.

First things right now: Jennifer Lawrence is hot. So hot that I have a Winter’s Bone in the springtime.

Movie critic humor (for the win)!

So, what did we see? Plot is now!

The story of “The Hunger Games” is set in an indeterminate future. North America is destroyed. From the ashes rose the country Panem, which consisted of the Capital and original 13 districts.

After an uprising a district was destroyed. In order to remember the debt of the districts, Capitol held once a year the so-called Hunger Games, in which 24 young people compete in a battle to the death against each other – in each district a girl and a boy.

In the 74^th Hunger Games something unexpected happens: This part is that her younger sister Prim (Willow Shields) to the Hunger Games must be reported, the 16-year-old Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence) volunteers as a tribute.

This is the greatest movie that has ever been told.

The cool, cool book was cool – but the cinema book is even more cooler. Because it is not read, but seen with my (your) own eyes!

Reading is the suck. Except for my reviews.

First (since she is the lead and smoking hot) Jennifer Lawrence is to win every award of acting. Only her “overly large for a starving girl” boobs were a distraction.

Sometimes it is good to be distracted.

Woody Harrelson as the drunken Haymitch reminds me of me when the Kossu flows and I become the state of drunk.

As the badass leader, Donald Sutherland is old and must like mothballs and kidney medication smell – because he is old. The boys gave me jealousy for their nearness to Katniss.

Gale (Liam Hemsworth – why is a 30 year old up for the 12-18 year old Reaping? He is older than Haymitch. Weird.) and Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) both have inner stiffies for Katniss, but only Peeta gets too close for my comfort. And yours. She is mine.

Other actors were also good to acting: Elizabeth Banks, Lenny Kravitz, Stanley Tucci, Wes Bentley (excellent face beard!), all greatness.

The directing Director – Gary Ross – was also the shit.

Battle scenes were with less blood flowing than the book, but more real blood than that “Twilight” crap that was smeared on my brain last year.

Hoping for the R rated directors cut on Blu-ray with many limbs cut to pieces.

Now, just wait on Hollywood with no originality or even an idea. Remake of “The Hunger.” Another movie of “Aqua Teen Hunger Force.” Movie from board game “Hungry Hungry Hippos.”

For now, just go see “The Hunger Games.”

Have I mentioned that Jennifer Lawrence is hot? She is fully formed (and not 16 – at least in this world)!

Any bad?

Only if you are so stuck up that reading is cool and you remember the book. SPOILERS! Mutations looked like “Twilight” wolves for retards (redundant). Where were the tongue-less freak Avox people (movie foul!)? Foxface needed lines (hot for fox (redundant), yet not Jennifer).

That’s it. Not bad.

Verdict?

Two thumbs up… no joke here. Although District 12 brings Finland into my head, I still have the love on.

May the odds be ever in your favor – except for “Twilight”… that shit can die in a fire.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “The Voice” may be the thing for T.V. to watch. Erin Martin? Advancing in singing competition with looks? I loveAmerica!!!

June 28, 2011

Larry Crowne [REVIEW]

Larry Crowne

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Larry Crowne (everyman’s everyman Tom Hanks) is an extremely diligent and good employee in a supermarket. He also completes the unpleasant tasks with full dedication and spread good mood around.

When he is ordered by his superiors in the break room, he thinks, therefore, that he’s already determined ninth award as “Employee of the Month” (not like the one that had Dane Cook or Jessica Simpson thank God) will receive.

Instead, he gets the notice. THAT notice.

The absurd reason: Larry has no college education and can not therefore be promoted.

Only in America, what?

The search for a new job quickly proves to be hopeless. It also looks at certain areas that show extremely naive Larry can be.

So he follows the advice of his neighbor Lamar (Cedric the Entertainer) and enrolled at East Valley Community College to a class in rhetoric and to demonstrate in economic science (sweet!).

The first lesson in financial matters Larry receives before the first day of school at a gas station: while his huge vehicle thirsty swallows the expensive gasoline, next door is a gaggle of scooters with a few gallons only to drink. So now goes Larry around on a two-wheeled vehicle.

Instruction, concerning his manner of speaking, he then receives from professor teacher Mercedes Tainot (Julia Roberts). The lecturer is not particularly motivated, because their students give her as little attention as her husband Dean (Bryan Cranston), who proves to be lazy lecher – and a lazy lecher is no lecher at all.

Right?

The issue of unemployment? “Larry Crowne”, after a while, only mentioned in passing. Such as when Larry (played as Hank’s wife at the bank employee Rita Wilson) deposited the termination of his mortgage, which will lead to eviction.

Otherwise, the story focuses mainly on the transformation of the main character of a staid boring schmuck into an attractive educated manly one.

It is pretty much the complete opposite of the exciting lecturers from “Dead Poets Society”. Instead, we recognize a lively classmate (Gugu Mbatha-Raw) who finds in Larry the dormant potential and asks him to put his polo shirt into his pants no longer.

The formation of Larry Crowne is also apparently quite superficial.

While Larry discovers a new life, of course, the professor reawakens gradually on her strengths. Predictable ripples so the action from one scene to the next and most amazed by the innocence of the story (I really was).

But this weakness is somehow also a strength of the film.

It’s almost refreshing, as Hanks and co-writer Nia Vardalos almost completely abandon innuendo and profanity.

As a result, the humor is moving at a level worthy of a sitcom, but carefree conversation ranges from them, too, even if the message of the film ultimately turns out to be as honest as the main character.

Larry is at the end that is visible in a lecture – that life is the best school. But not high school. That sucked.

One and a half thumbs wagging in the air. See it, but not twice.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Have you watched The Voice? Christina Aguilera has giant boobs! With this information before – I would have sooner than later watched. Tune in!

June 17, 2011June 17, 2011

Green Lantern [REVIEW]

The Green Lantern

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Ryan Reynolds is the man. But no longer today.

This Northman famous film star – once with Scarlett Johansson (followed drunkenly by leathery Sean Penn, yowza!) – is now expected to hold a straight face above with propping a spirit-sucking expensive superhero film.

The great collapse of Green Lantern will cause most to jump on Reynolds to be blamed… but the wrong-headed doing has its origin in a lamest of the television set-trained scriptwriters and mega stone cold producer honchos.

Yes, that is what I said.

A consequence is that the new Warner Brothers flick with the load of explaining (who the Green Lantern is, for instance) is out there for all to see at megaplexes until the next super hero comes to call and kicks Green Lantern to piracy bin.

What?

In one overcalculated effort to cover all surfaces into a whole film tonally – which doesn’t work and is all over the place. Confusion is not for summer cinema!

Greatly and with greatly bombast, he seizes points of Star Wars, Top Gun and from the Superman, in a kind of superhero stew (only less meat – we need meat!).

Four authors convert the film script (each working from separate story) which spreads nerd-speak like written for baby, followed from the cosmic heavenly drilling carriage credited (you know, not understandable).

Hal Jordan (Ryan Reynolds) is a ass-kicker pilot, who sets egos over brothers.

One day, after an expensive combat aircraft during a war game is inadvertently destroyed, this creates an improbable discovery for Hal: a dying magenta-red foreigner (Temeura Morrison) gives Hal a green lantern fulfilled with cosmic energies and his connected ring.

He puts on the ring and promising allegiance to the lantern, Hal transports to another world (not ours!), in which he experiences stuff that makes him now a member of the Green Lantern Corps: a volume of green intergalactic warriors, who use the energy of the power to fight against the forces of the evil and of fear.

Additionally, to receiving a fast course up to learning, and dress down receiving from Sinestro (Mark Strong), experiences the leader of the Green Lanterns, Hal is educated that an old enemy was freed – the Parallax – from his prison and by the galaxy and goes wild (naturally) to earth with all get out.

Carrying a unruffled new costume, Hal drives back to his main planet, around the Parallax’s minion to confront Dr. Hector Hammond (Peter Sarsgaard).

He must also examine his own worth to ex-girlfriend, Carol Ferris (Blake Lively – who isn’t Ginnifer Goodwin – summer movies are suckage) and defeat that ne’er-do-well.

Warner Brothers would like that we enjoy all the big tent pole things with our wallets – Green Lantern for sure.

Sadly, but this is more like which one expects from a independent superhero film (of which is nothing, right?). Non-geeks will not enjoy the production because of non-exciting production. It’s passable, but not much more than an two-hour digression.

Green Lantern is generic – it has an imitative approach that arranges this motion picture film to fall into whichever hell circle Dante envisioned for.

No fear to say it here!

As a man, I only can dream the upcoming Captain Stoppo movie from MC Comics is less a waste of my and yours time.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium