John Myhre – Behind the Proscenium

X-Men: Days of Future Past

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Damn.

Sometimes, a guy, with a drunk mind wants to see a movie.

This is all right.

Why not?

Then comes a movie with before a course in the college of your choice you must have been all night using Adderall because this movie is the final of the second semester.

Damn.

Here we go.

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Did you see X-Men (2000)?

Magneto (Ian McKellen) was boss. His strong was not so strong. He messed up Mrs. Liberty, but with effort that makes one short.

There is no worrying, because Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) is hot.

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X2: X-Men United (2003). Now Magneto can lift tons of shit, with mind thoughts.

He must be having brain push-ups, for his brain moving can now win in the MMA.

This is okey dokey, because of Jean Grey.

She is hot.

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X-Men: The Last Stand (2006). Magneto lifts really big stuff, from far, far away (bridges, submarines).

He is somehow badder, bigger, yet with mad wrinkle-age.

I’m all “eh”, because Phoenix (Famke Janssen) is still for hot.

Except for the dying.

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X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009).

Really?

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X-Men: First Class (2011). Back in time, Magneto (Michael Fassbender – not naked) has more powers than old-time Magneto in the future.

There is no sense in this to be made. Mystique (Rebecca Romijn) is now Raven (Jennifer Lawrence).

This a trade up.

My man parts approve. Boing!!!

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The Wolverine (2013).

Stinky poop, with everything Japanese except no Godzilla.

Avoid, unless you cannot.

Then see it while retching.

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X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014).

Finally!

We are at the time of the movie for me and the reviewing!

But, sadness, I am almost out of words.

Plot? Shit-tons of plot.

I will sum up in as less words than I can hope to type.

First is the future.

Asshole robots are killing all for just breathing air.

So bad is it all that mutants go to China for figuring out of the crap.

Here, the writers are all “Hey, Kitty Pryde (Ellen Page), we have no original ideas, so, in bad science fiction writer fashion, back in time you send Wolverine’s (Hugh Jackman) thought-essence to.”

It is like J.J. Abrams took a squat on this film from his butt.

The past has wide collars and wider pants legs. It is disturbing.

Mystique turns in to Foxy Brown – this makes my eyes wide, and brings the bottle to my mouth hole.

There is Vietnam, and Magneto (Fassbender again, and still no dangling parts dangling). He killed Kennedy and is now under the Pentagon being punished, very sad.

Now, things are more crazier.

Many things happen.

My brain goes, “slow down X-Men movie, for I have no clues as to what the hell!”

Then there is a Nixon.

Past Magneto can lift an entire stadium! In 1973 – yet in 2000 he cannot. So more brain “what the hell.”

Then I remember!

Ah, there is no sense in comic book movies.

This is not science fiction.

Comic books!

I now forgive.

If infant Magneto can lift planet Earth, do it son! Nothing must be of sense making.

Whew!

No more pressure to care who is who, and who is doing what with super powers.

So I do not harsh my high and enjoy all that is.

What is the meaning, to you, the viewing person, from me, of the writing?

This – two thumbs up.

A lot happens.

If you did not get an A in X-Men 206 (sophomore level, “who the hell are these characters” course) all is OK.

Drink your drink.

Smoke your smoke.

Stare at Jennifer Lawrence.

Then stare at her some more (I did).

It is worth the $12 ($47 if in 3D).

Take it to the bank.

In the past!

I say this in the present.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. I realize that a Transformer turd movie is sitting on the horizon, looking at my soul. Odin, kill me with fire before I have to look on it to write on it. Please.

Summer is coming…

HEAR/SEE KIMMO’S REVIEW RIGHT HERE!

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides

With wit, reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen

In his latest adventure, goes fourth from Captain Jack Sparrow (Johnny Depp) on the search for the fabled fountain of youth. But not only he, the Spaniards have learned of the promising young well and has sent three ships.

The English crown is again the idea of an immortal Catholic monarchs not enthusiastic and asked why Jack’s eternal rival Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush) with the search.

Officially, he is now sailing as a privateer flying the flag of the British Royal Navy. And then there is an impostor, who claims to be Jack Sparrow, and also hiring a team in London for an expedition

The race to eternal life, the counterparties to exotic locations and great in the middle into an adventure. Mermaids (!), which prove to be far more dangerous than one would expect generally, voodoo, zombie sailors and the legendary pirate Blackbeard (Ian McShane) meet Jack on his way.

Is the most dangerous to him but once a woman, Angelica (Penelope Cruz) he shares a common past – what plans the master of fraud and conspiracy has for the future, Jack is initially remains a mystery.

Bruckheimer, Depp, the Fourth: The producer and his favorite actors put in the new Pirates of the Caribbean back to the wheel and spin the finest yarns.

Like the first three parts, which together have recorded over 2.7 billion U.S. dollars, has Strange Tides beautiful to look, exciting entertainment for a mass audience, and still is Johnny Depp, the role of Jack Sparrow as the Body written.

Pirate Captain includes this time the best moments of the film – it is again a pleasure to see how the actor and his dreadlock mane and felt rum flag staggering and mumbling from one adventure to the next stumble, even the most absurd situations Stoic masters, always charming, always bold and always attentive to his own advantage. Oh, Johnny!

Even at first glance offers Alien Tide with its opulent furnishings. The move by Penny Rose-designed costumes and sets of the Oscar-winning production designer John Myhre viewers immediately back to the 18th Century but no further. The latter has surpassed him in the first quarter of the film itself, because it plays in London.

Place on a remote Caribbean island or in a dilapidated pirate Jack Sparrow may now say in the metropolis at the heart of the British Empire mean mayhem – of which he makes frequent use.

What?

Before that is not even an involuntary audience with His Majesty King George immune. This was before by stutter stricken he was.

Also on Myhre’s account go to extraordinary pirate ships, which of course in the new Pirates of the Caribbean may not be missing. The “Black Pearl” this time puts although a pause, but as Jack’s one true love or the submersible “Flying Dutchman” from Pirates of the Caribbean 2, the filmmakers leave in “Strange Tides” another ship from the deck that has no equal looking for: Blackbeard’s “Queen Anne’s Revenge”.

Macabre decorated with the bones of his victims, the bow is a creepy figurehead, the character played by Ian McShane, dark pirate control them with a wave of his sword.

Also directed by Rob Marshall, who has replaced three parts Gore Verbinski, it remains a hallmark of the Pirates of the Caribbean series that they spiced the classic genre of the pirate movie with all sorts of fantasy elements.

Fantastic is the journey that the excellent ensemble of actors is taking to Johnny Depp, Ian McShane, Penelope Cruz and Geoffrey Rush to rousing music by Hans Zimmer, to the end.

It is developing an exciting, but also little surprising story – perhaps the only criticism which one can make the film. Remained to be hoped that the creators go out in the next few parts will never come out of ideas.

Better than the first part was not a Pirates of the Caribbean everything – even Alien Tide is “only” a very good pirate movie with Johnny Depp again superb in the lead role.

Hollywood News! Jennifer Lawrence as Katniss in The Games of Hunger? No way Hozay! You know who I rather… and her initials G. Goodwin! Make it so, Nikki Finke!!!

Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium
Follow @KimmoMustonenen

Tag: John Myhre

X-Men: Days of Future Past [REVIEW]

Pirates Of The Caribbean: On Stranger Tides [REVIEW]