With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
Sometimes, a guy, with a drunk mind wants to see a movie.
This is all right.
Then comes a movie with before a course in the college of your choice you must have been all night using Adderall because this movie is the final of the second semester.
Here we go.
Magneto (Ian McKellen) was boss. His strong was not so strong. He messed up Mrs. Liberty, but with effort that makes one short.
There is no worrying, because Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) is hot.
He must be having brain push-ups, for his brain moving can now win in the MMA.
This is okey dokey, because of Jean Grey.
She is hot.
He is somehow badder, bigger, yet with mad wrinkle-age.
I’m all “eh”, because Phoenix (Famke Janssen) is still for hot.
Except for the dying.
There is no sense in this to be made. Mystique (Rebecca Romijn) is now Raven (Jennifer Lawrence).
This a trade up.
My man parts approve. Boing!!!
Stinky poop, with everything Japanese except no Godzilla.
Avoid, unless you cannot.
Then see it while retching.
We are at the time of the movie for me and the reviewing!
But, sadness, I am almost out of words.
Plot? Shit-tons of plot.
I will sum up in as less words than I can hope to type.
First is the future.
Asshole robots are killing all for just breathing air.
So bad is it all that mutants go to China for figuring out of the crap.
Here, the writers are all “Hey, Kitty Pryde (Ellen Page), we have no original ideas, so, in bad science fiction writer fashion, back in time you send Wolverine’s (Hugh Jackman) thought-essence to.”
It is like J.J. Abrams took a squat on this film from his butt.
The past has wide collars and wider pants legs. It is disturbing.
Mystique turns in to Foxy Brown – this makes my eyes wide, and brings the bottle to my mouth hole.
Now, things are more crazier.
Many things happen.
My brain goes, “slow down X-Men movie, for I have no clues as to what the hell!”
Then there is a Nixon.
Past Magneto can lift an entire stadium! In 1973 – yet in 2000 he cannot. So more brain “what the hell.”
Then I remember!
Ah, there is no sense in comic book movies.
This is not science fiction.
I now forgive.
If infant Magneto can lift planet Earth, do it son! Nothing must be of sense making.
No more pressure to care who is who, and who is doing what with super powers.
What is the meaning, to you, the viewing person, from me, of the writing?
This – two thumbs up.
A lot happens.
If you did not get an A in X-Men 206 (sophomore level, “who the hell are these characters” course) all is OK.
Drink your drink.
Smoke your smoke.
Stare at Jennifer Lawrence.
Then stare at her some more (I did).
It is worth the $12 ($47 if in 3D).
Take it to the bank.
In the past!
I say this in the present.
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. I realize that a Transformer turd movie is sitting on the horizon, looking at my soul. Odin, kill me with fire before I have to look on it to write on it. Please.
Summer is coming…
HEAR/SEE KIMMO’S REVIEW RIGHT HERE!