Josh McLaglen – Behind the Proscenium

May 23, 2014June 6, 2014

X-Men: Days of Future Past [REVIEW]

X-Men: Days of Future Past

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Damn.

Sometimes, a guy, with a drunk mind wants to see a movie.

This is all right.

Why not?

Then comes a movie with before a course in the college of your choice you must have been all night using Adderall because this movie is the final of the second semester.

Damn.

Here we go.

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Did you see X-Men (2000)?

Magneto (Ian McKellen) was boss. His strong was not so strong. He messed up Mrs. Liberty, but with effort that makes one short.

There is no worrying, because Jean Grey (Famke Janssen) is hot.

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X2: X-Men United (2003). Now Magneto can lift tons of shit, with mind thoughts.

He must be having brain push-ups, for his brain moving can now win in the MMA.

This is okey dokey, because of Jean Grey.

She is hot.

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X-Men: The Last Stand (2006). Magneto lifts really big stuff, from far, far away (bridges, submarines).

He is somehow badder, bigger, yet with mad wrinkle-age.

I’m all “eh”, because Phoenix (Famke Janssen) is still for hot.

Except for the dying.

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X-Men Origins: Wolverine (2009).

Really?

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X-Men: First Class (2011). Back in time, Magneto (Michael Fassbender – not naked) has more powers than old-time Magneto in the future.

There is no sense in this to be made. Mystique (Rebecca Romijn) is now Raven (Jennifer Lawrence).

This a trade up.

My man parts approve. Boing!!!

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The Wolverine (2013).

Stinky poop, with everything Japanese except no Godzilla.

Avoid, unless you cannot.

Then see it while retching.

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X-Men: Days of Future Past (2014).

Finally!

We are at the time of the movie for me and the reviewing!

But, sadness, I am almost out of words.

Plot? Shit-tons of plot.

I will sum up in as less words than I can hope to type.

First is the future.

Asshole robots are killing all for just breathing air.

So bad is it all that mutants go to China for figuring out of the crap.

Here, the writers are all “Hey, Kitty Pryde (Ellen Page), we have no original ideas, so, in bad science fiction writer fashion, back in time you send Wolverine’s (Hugh Jackman) thought-essence to.”

It is like J.J. Abrams took a squat on this film from his butt.

The past has wide collars and wider pants legs. It is disturbing.

Mystique turns in to Foxy Brown – this makes my eyes wide, and brings the bottle to my mouth hole.

There is Vietnam, and Magneto (Fassbender again, and still no dangling parts dangling). He killed Kennedy and is now under the Pentagon being punished, very sad.

Now, things are more crazier.

Many things happen.

My brain goes, “slow down X-Men movie, for I have no clues as to what the hell!”

Then there is a Nixon.

Past Magneto can lift an entire stadium! In 1973 – yet in 2000 he cannot. So more brain “what the hell.”

Then I remember!

Ah, there is no sense in comic book movies.

This is not science fiction.

Comic books!

I now forgive.

If infant Magneto can lift planet Earth, do it son! Nothing must be of sense making.

Whew!

No more pressure to care who is who, and who is doing what with super powers.

So I do not harsh my high and enjoy all that is.

What is the meaning, to you, the viewing person, from me, of the writing?

This – two thumbs up.

A lot happens.

If you did not get an A in X-Men 206 (sophomore level, “who the hell are these characters” course) all is OK.

Drink your drink.

Smoke your smoke.

Stare at Jennifer Lawrence.

Then stare at her some more (I did).

It is worth the $12 ($47 if in 3D).

Take it to the bank.

In the past!

I say this in the present.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. I realize that a Transformer turd movie is sitting on the horizon, looking at my soul. Odin, kill me with fire before I have to look on it to write on it. Please.

Summer is coming…

HEAR/SEE KIMMO’S REVIEW RIGHT HERE!

October 7, 2011October 7, 2011

Real Steel [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Real Steel, Shawn Levy, John Gatins, Dan Gilroy, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, Jeremy Leven, Hugh Jackman, Dakota Goyo, Evangeline Lilly, Anthony Mackie, Kevin Durand, Hope Davis, james Rebhorn, Marco Ruggeri, Karl Yune, Olga Fonda, John Gatins, Sophie Levy, Tess Levy, Charlie Levy, Gregory Sims, Torey Adkins, Tom Carlson, John Hawkinson, David Alan Basche, Phil LaMarr, David Herbst, Julian Gant, Ken Alter, Leilani Barrett, Eric Gutman, Nicholas Yu, D.B. Dickerson, Peter Carey, Dan Lemieux, Richard Goteri, Tim Holmes, Ricky Wayne, Taris Tyler, Kevin Dorman, John Manfredi, Rachael Adams, Mike Ancrile, Jamie Berk, Jeff Caponigro, Michael Patrick Carmody, Ron Causey, Jahnel Curfman, Larry C. Fenn, Joey Ghinelli, Shane Hagedorn, Robert Herrick, Jason Hughley, Kimberly Koltyk, Andrew Kruczynski, Chris Mannix, Jordan Kenneth Messing, Gary L. Minix, Steven Hugh Nelson, Chris Newman, Alan D. Purwin, Steven Scott, Daniel Everett Watson, Wendy Aaron, Apollo Bacala, Leah Barkoff, Joshua Ray Bell, Clark Birchmeier, Don Boerst, Wayne E. Brown, Geneva Brunetti, Kathleen Brzuszek, Justin P. Calkins, Steven Campbell, Michael B. Clark, Will Clarke, Jeremy Cook, Sandy Coonan, Eddie Davenport, John Dezsi, P.J. Edwards, Shannon Edwards, Raffi Elias, Rima Fakih, Tom Feldpausch, Johnny Flynn, Sarah Forton, Logan Fry, Ryan Genther, Jake Godzak, Ashley Goulson, Megan Grant, J.J. Green, Kevin Hall, Joey Harlow, Ron Heisler, Suzy Hunt, Pauline Ann Johnson, Josh Jones, Douglas King II, Nathan Kranzo, Joe Kras, Amy LaPlante, Kef Lee, Dervis Lici, Linda Linsley, Nathaniel Loveland, Rich Lozano, Bill Lumbert, Brad Leo Lyon, Mary Magyari, Jon Manthei, Melissa Marra, Rance Martin, Bryan Matti, Samuel Meadows, Antonio Miller, Wendel Millstead, Kirstie Munoz, Anton Narinskiy, Antoinette Nikprelai, Chris O'Brien, Clarence Olinger, Wendy Paquette, Matt Philliben, Ralph A. Recchia, Kara Joy Reed, Jay Reid, DaJuan Rippy, Nicolas Ritz, Jeff Rosenfeld, Maria Lucia Safi, Sebastian Sarkissian, Robert Sayers, Shana Schultz, Daryl M. Simpson, Gary Lee Simpson, Brian Anderson Smith, Joseph Smith, Nikki Smith, Dwight Sora, Paul J. Spear, Alan Stefan, Tiffany Stone, Morris Lee Sullivan, Regina Taufen, John E.L. Tenney, Johnny Truong, Eric Tuchelske, Laurie Valko, Brett VanDunk, Johnathon VanDusen, Kaitlan Welton, Jojuan Westmoreland, Paul W. Wilson, Amanda Wright, Ron Ames, Rick Benattar, Eric Hedayat, Shawn Levy, Josh McLaglen, Mary McLaglen, Susan Montford, Don Murphy, Jack Rapke, Steven Spielberg, Steve Starkey, Robert Zemeckis, Danny Elfman, Mauro Fiore, Dean Zimmerman, Richard Hicks, David Rubin, Tom Meyer, Seth Reed, Jason Baldwin Stewart, Jeff Wisniewski, Lauren Kress, Tina Anderson, Mark Graziano, Jennifer Bash, Jamie Bishop, Miles Teves, James Ashwill, Neal Garon, John Cucci, Helen Luttress, Greg Zimmerman, Alan Scott, Dan Akers, Ben Bray, Marie Fink, Ryan Nelson, Jonah Austin, Roy Sato, Marisa Clayton, Nicolas Hasson, Matthew Carson, Bill Abbott, Tony Amadi, Justin Calkins, Alexandra Ducocq, Alex Fields, Pam Ellington, John Hanlin, Kelly Helstrom, Tiffany Lanier, Gary Martyn, Michael Mili, Steven Molen, Demetrios Skodras, Lindsey Spaulding, Shelly Strong, Regina Taufen, Michalla Petersen, Irving Milgrom

An Apology: I was away in Finland for a tragic family. My own. To say, without too much, a cousin lost a fight with a cod boat. He was torn. But unlike The Humpty Egg, there was no putting him back from pieces.

Plus, there was college football and “Glee” (Ryan Murphy – Lindsay in only one episode so far? Are we now enemies? I could do worse on you than a cod boat – these are words!).

Now, A Review:

Real Steel

With Wit, Reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen

There was a time when the children all wanted to replace their little robot with a teddy bear to cuddle.

Or My Little Pony.

Or Dancing Torval, the Helsinki Wonder Elf (I miss you, Torval).

Today, society is violent, it offers young people an alternative rather disturbing.

The 11 year old wants his robot, but he be at war with other machines on boxing rings, the risk of losing its bolts and pay a lot of oil (out of his machine hole – nasty!).

Times change and Hollywood follows the trend increases or whatever.

In any case, the script “Real Steel” is confusing in this regard, the robot found in one case, which saves the life of the child is not receiving the emotional one, but no longer represents that an object dedicated to letting off steam in future games where at least the man has been replaced by powerful machines, he leads with voice or video game controllers (this is my newest entry in “The World’s Longest Sentence Competition.” Be sure to vote!).

You can not stop progress.

You can’t even stop Michael Bay, although for this he is not to blame.

At this level, these robots mark such progress that one wonders how the company proposed in futuristic “Real Steel” look like much of our time.

Apart from mobile phones and computers that are with transparency, the proposed future on the screen looks suspiciously like our present, or at least that of some American redneck present (“The Help” had no robots, but many rednecks), that of the hinterland that allows director Shawn Levy, director accustomed to pure comedy, giving us some very nice shots of landscapes.

His staging is really neat and keen, away from its usual entertainment achievements of great magnitude (“Liar, Liar”, “The Pink Panther”, “Night at the Museum”).

Magnitude!

Show very light for adults who will see an appropriate starting point for a racy tale of anticipation and visceral gutiness (maybe sex? Even more disappointing than “Glee”), “Real Steel” is exclusively for young people, especially during the film fun to patch up a crappy, unworthy father, obsessed with combat (he is himself a former boxer), and the son he never knew, since he abandoned at birth, the son.

Again, the figure of Hugh Jackman – an actor very concerned about his appearance throughout the film – has little flavor.

He is close to his son through the shared passion for real life Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots.

What would he have been so indifferent to fighting had the kid?

Faced with this single-minded and immature father, completely loser, the child finds the right horse (well the good robot) to win fights, takes the control during competition and after a few opponents, already finds himself facing the champion of the world, the invincible Zeus (so fake! Zeus was a god, not a robot… Duh.)

Major madness for me – why in the name of hell was Evangeline Lilly wasted so?

And why am I still so mad at the “Lost” ending that left my life sucked like Twinkie filling? I tend for forgetting my viewing of the film – “Lost” really pissed me off.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, “Real Steel” – one thumb thinking “Hugh, be Wolverine already”, the other thumb thinking “Why did the Dharma Initiative exist – where did Ben Linus get all the money – and… an exploding submarine?!?

I mean, COME ON!!!!!” Damn you, “Lost”.

Go see it. Or don’t. Whatever.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Ryan Murphy – I am not kidding. Lindsay Pearce major storyline on “Glee” or I get liquored up and say mean things. At your face!

June 2, 2011June 4, 2011

X-Men: First Class [REVIEW]

X-Men: First Class

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I can declare X-Men: First Class the best since the mutant melee X2! Is this saying much? What?

As direct by Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake and The Stepping Donkey – as well as the stupid Kick Ass), this prequel is chaotic and baggy and too long, but watchable often funny strange, and occasionally a flash of cold steel.

It’s the Swinging 60s’ and telepathic brainbox Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and his shape-shifting pal Raven (a blue colored sexpot Jennifer Lawrence – seen recently but much less hot in “Winter’s Bone”) are coming to terms with their mutant powers.

Contacted by CIA operatives Moira MacTaggert (Rose Byrne), who is tracking maleable mutant mastermind Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon from “Footloose”), Xavier agrees to share his expertise on Mutation.

Meanwhile, Holocaust survivor Erik Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender) is using his mutant powers to cut bloody swathes through Europe and South America in the search for Shaw, who transjected him to unspeakable Horrors in a Nazi concentration camp.

As Lehnsherr’s activities put him on Xavier’s radar, the boffin manages to convince the magnetic avenger to join the team of mutants he’s assembling to take Shaw down.

Yes!

Using technology devised by the genius mutant Hank McCoy (Nicolas Hoult), the duo begin to recruit and train a gifted crop of youngsters and as Shaw unleashes a devilish scheme to wipe out mankind, it’s up to these ‘X-Men’ to save the day.

What?

There’s much about First Class that’s X-ceptional (ha ha, I did it!) not least of all the casting of the equally admirable McAvoy and Fassbender as the two men whose warring ideologies give X-Men stories so much more abyss than the average comic book yarn.

As X-Men creator Stan Lee has always maintained, Xavier and Lehnsherr are based on Martin Luther King and Malcolm X, setting the tale at the height of the American civil rights movement is something of a master-stroke.

It also allow the director Vaughn to indulge in some far out 60s’ referencing, from depicting Lehnsherr as a smooth 007-style assassin to setting the action-packed finish against the backdrop of the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Scripted on high by Vaughn’s Kick-Ass collaborator Jane Goldman, it’s ironic that’s the most youth-orientated X-Men adventure is as well the most adult. What?

Along with startlingly effective moments of violence and a slinky sexiness that’s likely to leave comic book nerds needing a lie down, there’s even the dropping of a well-timed F-bomb in a priceless cameo.

X-Men films have always been about the strength of the ensemble cast, and Vaughn has put together a fine group of young actors who work together with an easy charm and restless unease; Hoult and Lawrence’s (wow, that girl!) tentative romance being particularly effective.

Bacon is also in fantastic acting shape as the sneering villain. January Jones, regardless of various scenes with bra and panties pushed up, is fairly forgettable as his sidekick Emma Frost – even with her bustiness on display.

Jason Flemyng’s teleporting terror Azazel is scary enough to ensure the bad guys are satisfyingly formidable.

Capturing the spirit of the previous films without desperately struggling to achieve continuity with the theme, Vaughn portrays these familiar characters with honesty and gives them a strong origin story.

That rings true, nodding to past installments, without being overly reverent.

Unfortunately, it’s some wobbly CGI reminiscent of the disappointing X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and a rushed speed that prevents First Class from being the superhero equivalent of JJ Abrams’s Star Trek reboot fantastic.

With an extra six months in post-production and a less ramshackle edit, this easily must have been the best X-Men movie ever.

It is very close regardless, and its forms of Professor X downing a yard of ale for chatting up the girls down the pub has classic scene for the ages written all over it.

Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium (Kimmo On Kino)