The Wolverine [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael Horvath

The Wolverine

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

There is much to fall out of my brain and skipping my mouth through straight to typing.

First, “The Wolverine.” I will review it. I promise this right into your face.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael HorvathSeconded, the goddamn Royalty child.

Is he to be Luke Skywalker?

Is he to be Jonas Salk?

Will he be able to stuff delicious sausage in his kitchen someday, like cousin Raimo or family friend Petteri?

Maybe all.

Most likely none.

It is a little human squirm worm in the now – all poopy and drooly.

CNN, let the tiny King clone grow into something before filling my 50 inch plasma with nothing.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael HorvathThank you.

But the Royal sister in law. Pippen.

I would see her naked and stuff her with my own delicious sausage.

I believe such an action is the way to her heart.

Her royal butt is a national treasure and must be preserved in the Tower or wherever they place the royal butts for public viewing.

Third, why at Comic-Con are there very few for comics to see?

Not crappy “I am standing in front of a mike opening and boy are my arms tired for flapping comic”

No.

Comic BOOK.

Comic-Con needs to have the name “Movies That Nerds Will Squirt On-Com” in the now time. Because the comic book part slides away into the place where A-Ha lives.

Like Purgatory.

Or Chatsworth (L.A. humor FTW!!!).

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael HorvathThe Jack Kirby panel was awesome, I must say once or twice. Not Justice League Movie blah, blah, blah.

So suck it, nerds.

Oh, and Batman vs. Superman? You mean the movie Tim Burton should have made slightly after the Big Bang event of too big movies in my childhood?

“The Dark Night Returns” is still waiting for the filming to be in its now (graphic novel – 1986 – “I’ve got the home stretch all to myself…”).

Where have you gone, Frank Miller? Make it happen!

Damn! That was a good feeling for me!

With words my mind can lance the icky boil of its own making. The mind cluster thoughts that make me yell at my cat.

Yet, she never listens or makes mad.

Good kitty.

Ooze, mind boil. Ooze. My cat needs no more loud words.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael Horvath“The Wolverine.”

I almost had to forget why we are here.

I saw “X-Men Origins – Wolverine.” I thought the same was to be, but no. There is now Japan, and when there is not Anime.

Boy howdy, without Anime Japan can be cool.

This is good.

The Kossu and sweet, sweet smoke had me to believe that the before times were the now times (at the same time!  Mind blown.)

No. The more things are the same the more they may change.

Plot? Is anybody there? Does anybody care? Does anybody see what I review?

Encountering each other once they were in Nagasaki during the atomic bomb (in the past) are Logan/Wolverine (Hugh Jackman – veiny muscles!!!) with important Japanese guy (Important Japanese Actor – I was not racist, just higher than Asgard – still am), is in the apocalyptic destruction of violence for a fleeting moment, an impression of the curse and blessing of Wolverine’s superhuman self-healing forces.

Atom bomb?

Yo, I’m Wolverine, bitch (thank you Jesse Pinkman!)!!!

This capability provides Yashida (Important Actor is Haruhiko Yamanouchi, HA, apologize to Kimmo now!) to take on himself, so that his old friend can have a normal life with “an ordinary death” – and he himself immortality.

Son of a bitch.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael HorvathWolverine hesitates long enough to burial Yashida whose granddaughter and sole heiress Mariko (Tao Okamoto) has desperately needed a seemingly invulnerable watch dog.

That’s it. Dammit.

The Kossu says “no more GD plot – it brings back the flashbacks.”

I’m done.

My brain cells are back at Comic-Con, hearing nerds argue over which Princess Leia was more for boner eruption.

Obviously, the one in glasses. But only those that had a prescription. Fake glasses are the suck and make a loser.

Like a fake wheelchair. Not cool.

Except, I guess, for line cutting at the land of Disney. I am ashamed for doing it…

So, two thumbs… UP! Like my bone.

Crazy.

Famke Janssen alone is my magnificent queen! Two hot old chicks with their asses making to kick in a row (see “R.I.P.D.” review from last week, I will not stop you – Mary-Louise Parker is waiting for your eyes for her to see her) is summer movie greatness.

Finally, and no CGI needed. I’m ready for my “Pacific Rim” job.  Heh, heh, heh.

You go, girls.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  “Under The Dome” from great to “dog butt scoot carpet stain” in four weeks. It took “Lost” six seasons to ruin the rug that was my senses. Congrats, Under the Dumb. You are the Oreck Vacuum of suck.

John Carter [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, John Carter, Disney, Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West, James Purefoy, Bryan Cranston, Polly Walker, Daryl Sabara, Arkie Reece, Davood Ghadami, Pippa Nixon, James Embree, Phillip Philmar, Figs Jackman, Emily Tierney, Edmund Kente, Rupert Frazer, Nicholas Woodeson, Kyle Agnew, Don Stark, Josh Daugherty, Jared Cyr, Sean Carrigan, Dusty Sorg, Christopher Goodman, Amanda Clayton, Akima, Joseph Billingiere, Aldred Montoya, Phil Cheadle, David Schwimmer, Arnie Alpert, Ian Ray, Peggy Clements, Evelyn Dubuc, Jhil McEntyre, Daniel O'Meara, Emma Clifford, Oliver Boot, Rebecca Sarker, Philip Arditti, Jon Favreau, Art Malik, Holly Weston, Gary Milner, Cate Fowler, Darwin Shaw, Eileen Page, Simon Page, Simon Evans, Myriam Acharki, Steven Cree, Garry Tubbs, Jeremy Booth, Jill Baker, Lindsey Collins, Jim Morris, Bob Roath, Colin Wilson, Michael Giacchino, Daniel Mindel, Eric Zumbrunnen, Marcia Ross, Nathan Crowley, David Allday, Ryan Church, Paki Smith, Mayes C. Rubeo, Kevin Alexander, Kim Ayers, Sarah Hamilton, Lora Laing, Katie Lee, Gemma Richards, Linda A. Borgeson, Duncan Broadfoot, Jan Foster, Steve Harding, Lori Komgiebel, Ellen H. Schwartz, Sharyn Shimada-Huggins, Adam Teeuw, Jennifer Teves, Mark Andrews, Chloe Chesterton, Joey Coughlin, Bac DeLorme, Ben Dixon, Fraser Fennell-Ball, Lily Garcia, Tommy Gormley, Toby Hefferman, Toby Hosking, James McGrady, David Pearson, Samar Pollitt, Ellen Rosentreter, Mollie Stallman, Jeff Taylor, Andrew Ward, Laine Abramson, Wayne Barlowe, Tim Browning, Jim Buchan, Jenne Lee, David Krentz, Michael King, Doug Cram, Paul Daiko, Russell Darling, Lee Dexter, Amber Wilkins, Nina Armstrong, Bruce Cain, Sy Hollands, Aaron Lee Lopez, Maxine Whittaker, Rene Adefarasin, Eric Amundsen, Colin Anderson, Rocky Babcock, Kurtis Burr, Kristen Correll, Holly Dorff, Katy Jensen, Colin Jones, Toby Spigel, Gail Stevens, Perry Goyen, Milton Adamou, Alex Anstey, Ralph Foster, Toby Looyd, Ben McCambridge, Lindsey Morrow, Will Snow, Peter Boyer, Andrea Datzman, Stephen Davis, Ira Hearshen, Julie Minasian, Bobbi Page, Stephen Lawrence, Gerry Turner, Josh Allan, Will Barker, Dallin Bassett, Danielle Bennett, Ashley Berlanga, Valentina Borfecchia, Lucie Bourgeau, Evan Brainard, Krystal Call, Stephanie Cannon, Erika Carlson, Shoky Carter, Cindy Ceglarek, Karolina Cerna, Claire Chandou, Paige Chaytor, Felix Chen, Kit Conners, Natania Cook, Lucy Cover, Richard Daldry, Kelsey Daniels, Alicia Davies, Holly Dorff, Ellie Downham, Rachelle Duncan, Angus Ellis, Joy Ellison, Richard Enriquez, Neale Fishback, Jeffrey Fox, Jenny Fumarolo, Carla Gale, Paul Gibbs, STeve Goldstein, Sarah Goller, Tiffany Gomes, Daniel Gonzalez, Nicky Gregory, Anna Halberg, Brandon Hamilton, Lucy Howell, Meredith Humbracht, Michael Johnson, Matthew Lawson, Katherine McCormack, Ryan McDowell, Alastair McNeil, Jennifer Milliman, Todd Minobe, Rachel Moceri, John David Moffat, Alex Molden, Ciaran Moran, Michael Mungroo, Chris Norman, Russell Nunley, Ann Ormesher, Dilip Patel, Kyle Paul, Brigitte Pauli, Ryan Pederson, Annie Penn, Jason Potter, Leslie Quan, Jason Ragosta, Bobby Ravanshenas, Brooke Redmon, Bob Roath, Nanw Rowlands, Matthew Sampson, Brooke Schaertl, Shane Schoeppner, Andy Scoty, Jason Seaton, Gianna Simone, Kelly Taylor-Dias

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, John Carter, Disney, Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West, James Purefoy, Bryan Cranston, Polly Walker, Daryl Sabara, Arkie Reece, Davood Ghadami, Pippa Nixon, James Embree, Phillip Philmar, Figs Jackman, Emily Tierney, Edmund Kente, Rupert Frazer, Nicholas Woodeson, Kyle Agnew, Don Stark, Josh Daugherty, Jared Cyr, Sean Carrigan, Dusty Sorg, Christopher Goodman, Amanda Clayton, Akima, Joseph Billingiere, Aldred Montoya, Phil Cheadle, David Schwimmer, Arnie Alpert, Ian Ray, Peggy Clements, Evelyn Dubuc, Jhil McEntyre, Daniel O'Meara, Emma Clifford, Oliver Boot, Rebecca Sarker, Philip Arditti, Jon Favreau, Art Malik, Holly Weston, Gary Milner, Cate Fowler, Darwin Shaw, Eileen Page, Simon Page, Simon Evans, Myriam Acharki, Steven Cree, Garry Tubbs, Jeremy Booth, Jill Baker, Lindsey Collins, Jim Morris, Bob Roath, Colin Wilson, Michael Giacchino, Daniel Mindel, Eric Zumbrunnen, Marcia Ross, Nathan Crowley, David Allday, Ryan Church, Paki Smith, Mayes C. Rubeo, Kevin Alexander, Kim Ayers, Sarah Hamilton, Lora Laing, Katie Lee, Gemma Richards, Linda A. Borgeson, Duncan Broadfoot, Jan Foster, Steve Harding, Lori Komgiebel, Ellen H. Schwartz, Sharyn Shimada-Huggins, Adam Teeuw, Jennifer Teves, Mark Andrews, Chloe Chesterton, Joey Coughlin, Bac DeLorme, Ben Dixon, Fraser Fennell-Ball, Lily Garcia, Tommy Gormley, Toby Hefferman, Toby Hosking, James McGrady, David Pearson, Samar Pollitt, Ellen Rosentreter, Mollie Stallman, Jeff Taylor, Andrew Ward, Laine Abramson, Wayne Barlowe, Tim Browning, Jim Buchan, Jenne Lee, David Krentz, Michael King, Doug Cram, Paul Daiko, Russell Darling, Lee Dexter, Amber Wilkins, Nina Armstrong, Bruce Cain, Sy Hollands, Aaron Lee Lopez, Maxine Whittaker, Rene Adefarasin, Eric Amundsen, Colin Anderson, Rocky Babcock, Kurtis Burr, Kristen Correll, Holly Dorff, Katy Jensen, Colin Jones, Toby Spigel, Gail Stevens, Perry Goyen, Milton Adamou, Alex Anstey, Ralph Foster, Toby Looyd, Ben McCambridge, Lindsey Morrow, Will Snow, Peter Boyer, Andrea Datzman, Stephen Davis, Ira Hearshen, Julie Minasian, Bobbi Page, Stephen Lawrence, Gerry Turner, Josh Allan, Will Barker, Dallin Bassett, Danielle Bennett, Ashley Berlanga, Valentina Borfecchia, Lucie Bourgeau, Evan Brainard, Krystal Call, Stephanie Cannon, Erika Carlson, Shoky Carter, Cindy Ceglarek, Karolina Cerna, Claire Chandou, Paige Chaytor, Felix Chen, Kit Conners, Natania Cook, Lucy Cover, Richard Daldry, Kelsey Daniels, Alicia Davies, Holly Dorff, Ellie Downham, Rachelle Duncan, Angus Ellis, Joy Ellison, Richard Enriquez, Neale Fishback, Jeffrey Fox, Jenny Fumarolo, Carla Gale, Paul Gibbs, STeve Goldstein, Sarah Goller, Tiffany Gomes, Daniel Gonzalez, Nicky Gregory, Anna Halberg, Brandon Hamilton, Lucy Howell, Meredith Humbracht, Michael Johnson, Matthew Lawson, Katherine McCormack, Ryan McDowell, Alastair McNeil, Jennifer Milliman, Todd Minobe, Rachel Moceri, John David Moffat, Alex Molden, Ciaran Moran, Michael Mungroo, Chris Norman, Russell Nunley, Ann Ormesher, Dilip Patel, Kyle Paul, Brigitte Pauli, Ryan Pederson, Annie Penn, Jason Potter, Leslie Quan, Jason Ragosta, Bobby Ravanshenas, Brooke Redmon, Bob Roath, Nanw Rowlands, Matthew Sampson, Brooke Schaertl, Shane Schoeppner, Andy Scoty, Jason Seaton, Gianna Simone, Kelly Taylor-DiasJohn Carter

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

This week starts with a happiness explosion from my head mind (but not in the pants, dirty people).

“Kimmo, you are the man with a bag of lucky!” say I, Kimmo, to the self inside.

You see, I am to review my first love.

Not a human person.  But a reading experience of youth.

Yes, the books series that made many endless Finnish nights come to an end.

An end that of happiness.  That in Finland we call “morning.”

From “A Princess of Mars” through the crappy yet wonderful “John Carter of Mars: Skeleton Men of Jupiter” all asses were kicked.

Green and caucasian. Those from Helium to far off Ptarth

Then my first meat whacking to thoughts of Dejah Thoris (so hot in my mind!  Best whack ever!).

How could Mr. Hollywood put the screw in the butt of “John Carter?”

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, John Carter, Disney, Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West, James Purefoy, Bryan Cranston, Polly Walker, Daryl Sabara, Arkie Reece, Davood Ghadami, Pippa Nixon, James Embree, Phillip Philmar, Figs Jackman, Emily Tierney, Edmund Kente, Rupert Frazer, Nicholas Woodeson, Kyle Agnew, Don Stark, Josh Daugherty, Jared Cyr, Sean Carrigan, Dusty Sorg, Christopher Goodman, Amanda Clayton, Akima, Joseph Billingiere, Aldred Montoya, Phil Cheadle, David Schwimmer, Arnie Alpert, Ian Ray, Peggy Clements, Evelyn Dubuc, Jhil McEntyre, Daniel O'Meara, Emma Clifford, Oliver Boot, Rebecca Sarker, Philip Arditti, Jon Favreau, Art Malik, Holly Weston, Gary Milner, Cate Fowler, Darwin Shaw, Eileen Page, Simon Page, Simon Evans, Myriam Acharki, Steven Cree, Garry Tubbs, Jeremy Booth, Jill Baker, Lindsey Collins, Jim Morris, Bob Roath, Colin Wilson, Michael Giacchino, Daniel Mindel, Eric Zumbrunnen, Marcia Ross, Nathan Crowley, David Allday, Ryan Church, Paki Smith, Mayes C. Rubeo, Kevin Alexander, Kim Ayers, Sarah Hamilton, Lora Laing, Katie Lee, Gemma Richards, Linda A. Borgeson, Duncan Broadfoot, Jan Foster, Steve Harding, Lori Komgiebel, Ellen H. Schwartz, Sharyn Shimada-Huggins, Adam Teeuw, Jennifer Teves, Mark Andrews, Chloe Chesterton, Joey Coughlin, Bac DeLorme, Ben Dixon, Fraser Fennell-Ball, Lily Garcia, Tommy Gormley, Toby Hefferman, Toby Hosking, James McGrady, David Pearson, Samar Pollitt, Ellen Rosentreter, Mollie Stallman, Jeff Taylor, Andrew Ward, Laine Abramson, Wayne Barlowe, Tim Browning, Jim Buchan, Jenne Lee, David Krentz, Michael King, Doug Cram, Paul Daiko, Russell Darling, Lee Dexter, Amber Wilkins, Nina Armstrong, Bruce Cain, Sy Hollands, Aaron Lee Lopez, Maxine Whittaker, Rene Adefarasin, Eric Amundsen, Colin Anderson, Rocky Babcock, Kurtis Burr, Kristen Correll, Holly Dorff, Katy Jensen, Colin Jones, Toby Spigel, Gail Stevens, Perry Goyen, Milton Adamou, Alex Anstey, Ralph Foster, Toby Looyd, Ben McCambridge, Lindsey Morrow, Will Snow, Peter Boyer, Andrea Datzman, Stephen Davis, Ira Hearshen, Julie Minasian, Bobbi Page, Stephen Lawrence, Gerry Turner, Josh Allan, Will Barker, Dallin Bassett, Danielle Bennett, Ashley Berlanga, Valentina Borfecchia, Lucie Bourgeau, Evan Brainard, Krystal Call, Stephanie Cannon, Erika Carlson, Shoky Carter, Cindy Ceglarek, Karolina Cerna, Claire Chandou, Paige Chaytor, Felix Chen, Kit Conners, Natania Cook, Lucy Cover, Richard Daldry, Kelsey Daniels, Alicia Davies, Holly Dorff, Ellie Downham, Rachelle Duncan, Angus Ellis, Joy Ellison, Richard Enriquez, Neale Fishback, Jeffrey Fox, Jenny Fumarolo, Carla Gale, Paul Gibbs, STeve Goldstein, Sarah Goller, Tiffany Gomes, Daniel Gonzalez, Nicky Gregory, Anna Halberg, Brandon Hamilton, Lucy Howell, Meredith Humbracht, Michael Johnson, Matthew Lawson, Katherine McCormack, Ryan McDowell, Alastair McNeil, Jennifer Milliman, Todd Minobe, Rachel Moceri, John David Moffat, Alex Molden, Ciaran Moran, Michael Mungroo, Chris Norman, Russell Nunley, Ann Ormesher, Dilip Patel, Kyle Paul, Brigitte Pauli, Ryan Pederson, Annie Penn, Jason Potter, Leslie Quan, Jason Ragosta, Bobby Ravanshenas, Brooke Redmon, Bob Roath, Nanw Rowlands, Matthew Sampson, Brooke Schaertl, Shane Schoeppner, Andy Scoty, Jason Seaton, Gianna Simone, Kelly Taylor-DiasApparently with the ease of an experienced person who screws the butt of most great books for reading.

Disappointment is a pain that crawls in my stomach like a worm.

Or, here, like green four-armed Tars Tarkas (read the damn books!).

Crappy 3-D?  Check!

CGI that is less than real than fake!  Check!

$250 million spent on the crapping?  Check!

Plot?  Too much.

John Carter to Barsoom is somehow to there from here (Barsoom is Mars to Martians and others that have been to visit… Mars).

John falls in with Tharns who are green, four-armed, and totally whack.

I didn’t know that the William Dafoe had four arms – he is a good actor.

Carter (the hero) is played as a piece of white bread (Taylor Kitsch) with muscles.

And the whack queen of my first teens, Dejah Thoris, is the un-whack worth Lynn Collins.

Hollywood, you had almost 100 years to make a piece that is of a master and this is the warm pile that comes out?

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, John Carter, Disney, Andrew Stanton, Mark Andrews, Michael Chabon, Edgar Rice Burroughs, Taylor Kitsch, Lynn Collins, Samantha Morton, Willem Dafoe, Thomas Haden Church, Mark Strong, Ciaran Hinds, Dominic West, James Purefoy, Bryan Cranston, Polly Walker, Daryl Sabara, Arkie Reece, Davood Ghadami, Pippa Nixon, James Embree, Phillip Philmar, Figs Jackman, Emily Tierney, Edmund Kente, Rupert Frazer, Nicholas Woodeson, Kyle Agnew, Don Stark, Josh Daugherty, Jared Cyr, Sean Carrigan, Dusty Sorg, Christopher Goodman, Amanda Clayton, Akima, Joseph Billingiere, Aldred Montoya, Phil Cheadle, David Schwimmer, Arnie Alpert, Ian Ray, Peggy Clements, Evelyn Dubuc, Jhil McEntyre, Daniel O'Meara, Emma Clifford, Oliver Boot, Rebecca Sarker, Philip Arditti, Jon Favreau, Art Malik, Holly Weston, Gary Milner, Cate Fowler, Darwin Shaw, Eileen Page, Simon Page, Simon Evans, Myriam Acharki, Steven Cree, Garry Tubbs, Jeremy Booth, Jill Baker, Lindsey Collins, Jim Morris, Bob Roath, Colin Wilson, Michael Giacchino, Daniel Mindel, Eric Zumbrunnen, Marcia Ross, Nathan Crowley, David Allday, Ryan Church, Paki Smith, Mayes C. Rubeo, Kevin Alexander, Kim Ayers, Sarah Hamilton, Lora Laing, Katie Lee, Gemma Richards, Linda A. Borgeson, Duncan Broadfoot, Jan Foster, Steve Harding, Lori Komgiebel, Ellen H. Schwartz, Sharyn Shimada-Huggins, Adam Teeuw, Jennifer Teves, Mark Andrews, Chloe Chesterton, Joey Coughlin, Bac DeLorme, Ben Dixon, Fraser Fennell-Ball, Lily Garcia, Tommy Gormley, Toby Hefferman, Toby Hosking, James McGrady, David Pearson, Samar Pollitt, Ellen Rosentreter, Mollie Stallman, Jeff Taylor, Andrew Ward, Laine Abramson, Wayne Barlowe, Tim Browning, Jim Buchan, Jenne Lee, David Krentz, Michael King, Doug Cram, Paul Daiko, Russell Darling, Lee Dexter, Amber Wilkins, Nina Armstrong, Bruce Cain, Sy Hollands, Aaron Lee Lopez, Maxine Whittaker, Rene Adefarasin, Eric Amundsen, Colin Anderson, Rocky Babcock, Kurtis Burr, Kristen Correll, Holly Dorff, Katy Jensen, Colin Jones, Toby Spigel, Gail Stevens, Perry Goyen, Milton Adamou, Alex Anstey, Ralph Foster, Toby Looyd, Ben McCambridge, Lindsey Morrow, Will Snow, Peter Boyer, Andrea Datzman, Stephen Davis, Ira Hearshen, Julie Minasian, Bobbi Page, Stephen Lawrence, Gerry Turner, Josh Allan, Will Barker, Dallin Bassett, Danielle Bennett, Ashley Berlanga, Valentina Borfecchia, Lucie Bourgeau, Evan Brainard, Krystal Call, Stephanie Cannon, Erika Carlson, Shoky Carter, Cindy Ceglarek, Karolina Cerna, Claire Chandou, Paige Chaytor, Felix Chen, Kit Conners, Natania Cook, Lucy Cover, Richard Daldry, Kelsey Daniels, Alicia Davies, Holly Dorff, Ellie Downham, Rachelle Duncan, Angus Ellis, Joy Ellison, Richard Enriquez, Neale Fishback, Jeffrey Fox, Jenny Fumarolo, Carla Gale, Paul Gibbs, STeve Goldstein, Sarah Goller, Tiffany Gomes, Daniel Gonzalez, Nicky Gregory, Anna Halberg, Brandon Hamilton, Lucy Howell, Meredith Humbracht, Michael Johnson, Matthew Lawson, Katherine McCormack, Ryan McDowell, Alastair McNeil, Jennifer Milliman, Todd Minobe, Rachel Moceri, John David Moffat, Alex Molden, Ciaran Moran, Michael Mungroo, Chris Norman, Russell Nunley, Ann Ormesher, Dilip Patel, Kyle Paul, Brigitte Pauli, Ryan Pederson, Annie Penn, Jason Potter, Leslie Quan, Jason Ragosta, Bobby Ravanshenas, Brooke Redmon, Bob Roath, Nanw Rowlands, Matthew Sampson, Brooke Schaertl, Shane Schoeppner, Andy Scoty, Jason Seaton, Gianna Simone, Kelly Taylor-DiasWhat happened Mr. Director (Andrew Stanton)?  With “Wall-E” I cried at mechanical homeless person who was lost among obese Americans lost in space.

Now even green, multi-limbed, bad-ass Tharns are like mouth pudding flavor free.

The loss of the hours wasn’t so much a hurt – watching my childhood friends of imagining being ass-raped (see “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo”) was a pain that I will remember as long as I can – you see, even with the smoking of many loads of the wonderful Super O.G. Kush I could not find the liking… only the hating.

And the stomach-crawling disappoint.

So I have no more to say.

One thumb droops in mourning – the death of my childhood fantasies and hopes are now the truth of the screen.

The other thumb is to be right in the Mr. Disney butt – so now Mr. Disney, you know how “John Carter” feels.

I am sad.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  “American Idol” – cannot next year (if there is one to be) have just one woman (who doesn’t make the eyes pain) over the age of 18?  The “Season of Fugly” will no longer be watched.  I watch “The Voice” now, waiting for Christina Aguilara’s imminent boob explosion.  I quiver with the waiting.