Mike Mitchell – Behind the Proscenium

Elysium

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

The days of a dog summer are arrived.

The testicle kick torture that is summer movie season nears its end.

How much more can my two amigos take?

“The Great Gatsby” – pow, right in the pills.

“Fast and the Furious 6” – a hard punch to the giggleberries.

“White House Downer” – bitch slap to my plucked turkeys.

My junk can take no more. My area is a mess.

There is hope… It is called “Elysium.”

Neill Blomkamp made my head kaboom with “District 9.” The story of giant shrimp oppressed and the man (Sharlto Copley) who through a shrimp STD becomes another shrimp. He has their pain. He isn’t a shrimp Nelson Mandela – but that may never be, sadly. “District 9” had effects, good. Plot, surprise! Acting, cool.

What did my brain want with “Elysium”?

Good effects, surprise plot, cool acting. One out of three ain’t good (sorry Meatloaf).

Plot? Yes.

Used many times in the past times – used again.

In the further future, after “Blade Runner,” the rain has stopped in Los Angeles. The Japanese people have gone back to their homes and the Hispanics have returned from Japan.

It is daylight. Neon is not longer in fashion. Robots look like robots, not “I wanna make a little replicant with you” replicants like Sean Young (in the last century, she had for the hot – no shit).

Max (Matt Damon) was a child with Frey (Alice Braga). They are cute orphans. We cannot smell their orphan smell, so we still like them.

When older, Max having starred in “Fast and The Furious 73,” now just wants to build robots and be harassed by cop robots who are really cops from today in robot suits.

All are dusty and tattooed. All want to go up to Elysium.

Especially when Max gets a case of special die in exactly five days radiation.

Why Elysium?

Elysium is Las Vegas, but with healing, without cigarette smoke.

Delacourt (Jodie Foster) wants to keep it Las Vegas and is a bitch.

She hates Hispanics, giant shrimp, possibly the Japanese, and Max.

They are not allowed the Las Vegas.

Not even State Line.

There are mind thought transfers. Max becomes low-budget Transformer. Frey is pretty. Charles Manson Kruger (Sharlto Copley again –please speak English when speaking English – I will never know how you said what you said until I get the Blu-ray and use the CC) will soon attend Overactor’s Anonymous.

This night was a Kossu only for Kimmo night.

Big mistake.

I could see the future of the film before that future was the now.

Poor people, sad.

Rich people, mean.

Movie goer, still waiting for giant shrimp.

Would a better place be film “Elysium” with the sweet, sweet smoke? This can never be known.

So, two thumbs needing exo-skeleton to stand tall – waiting for five day radiation death, but only having to survive the hour and forty-nine minute movie film which seemed like five day radiation death.

But no 3D! Praise Odin!!!

Bad? No.

Good? No.

Matt Damon? He did many sit-ups and push-ups for preparing to act. I now feel fat.

So… see “Elysium” and feel fat. High praise!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Fall is coming. Which says Winter is coming. Which says “Game of Thrones” will return. Soon Westeros will be Finland, with more nudity (and dragons – no dragons in Finland). Who is point with thumbs at his face like a spastic and grinning and saying “who cannot wait for nude Finn Westeros Game of Thrones? This guy!”

Boom!

Puss In Boots

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

So “Shrek” is released on us, at one time.

Then more and more “Shreks” for the counting.

I was sickened… until the “Shrek” comes along and I became gay for a cat.

This cat I love so much?

Puss (which I just found out means “cat,” I was previously confused) in Boots!

Rico Suavẽ!

There was technology.

And technology is cool (except for my new iPhone – it weeps over Steve).

I digress.

This is called a new revolution in film. Oscar-winning technology Fluid Animation System (FLU) has allowed the subtleties of facial expressions to convey the magic characters. The motion of each hair molecule at the talking donkey obeyed the laws of high art and gravity.

The so-called “facial animation system” acted individually – in the computer were driven and character, and how this character is reflected in the muscles and skin – as if the entire face were playing for the same team.

Team Face.

“Smile!” each time gave new results. The result was so absolute and real that the animators decided to take a little back – to keep the feeling of a fairy tale and not so real.

Nothing worse than toddlers screaming “Crap! Real talking cat! Real talking donkey! Real ogre! I have shat myself!” And then they run screaming outside to the lobby and are abducted.

That is too real. Really.

Ten years passed, and now an army of actors, festooned with electronic sensors, depicts a different animation of animals, computer animation is among the leaders in the global box office.

That and those goddamn sparkly vampires (when will the Twi-tards sickness pass over and leave us alone?).

It is now so great that it threatens to blow up the film from the inside and wholly divert his children to make a video game and the main specialties of multiplexes. Which is cool – but not as cool like “Shark Night – 3D“ (I was wasted that day, yeehaw!).

Puss in Boots appeared in the second “Shrek” as an episodic character and two or three scenes pushed into the background and even a donkey and Shrek.

Antonio Banderas gave him his facial expressions and voice, cat dashing Spanish accent, and artists have come up with a brilliant cat.

There we see pleaded rounding the eye (swoon), they become bottomless (swooner), they reproached all our unjust world is so compelling that the frame broke on the world (swoonest), took place on the desks of the secretaries of the world, became the computer screen savers and symbol of the New Cinema.

I told you I was gay for a non-existing cat.

And it became clear that with this film about Puss, Shrek unexpectedly unearthed a gold mine.

The story? Who gives a paska? It is Puss in mother-effin’ Boots!!!

A quibble: While a truly witty film could be obtained if the authors had relied on the mysterious world of cats, and then combined it with a jaded world of a human tales – would open up the abyss of the paradoxes (did I blow your mind? I blew mine.). But it only once managed to touch the mystery cat – this is when the cat begged for mercy, that in a moment to make us their slaves (did I say already that I was gay for this cat?). They understand the price of his discovery, and now replicate the frame again and again. His wait, they admire, but neither higher nor deeper jump is no longer possible.

And that is that… cat!

So, two thumbs straight in to the air – like the butt end of a cat when the scratching happens near the tail.

Just don’t look at the brown-eye.

Cute effect is ruined.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “Fringe”, wtf?!? Come on, J.J. Abrams! You already showed me your hate with the last season of “Lost” (yes, you hired showrunners with that eat paste) and now you do the same already again with the last season of “Fringe”?!? I hate you more than Ryan Murphy!

P.S.S. “Once Upon A Time”… thank you Father in Heaven! I can think more dirty Ginnifer Goodwin thoughts! I owe you, God.

Tag: Mike Mitchell

Elysium [REVIEW]

Puss In Boots [REVIEW]