The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Bill Condon, Stephenie Meyer, Melissa Rosenberg, Taylor Lautner, Gil Birmingham, Billy Burke, Sarah Clarke, Ty Olsson, Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Robert Pattinson, Christian Sloan, James Pizzinato, Ian Harmon, Gabriel Carter, Anna Kendrick, Christian Serratos, Justin Chron, Michael Welch, Michael Sheen, Christopher Heyerdahl, Jamie Campbell Bower, Christian Camargo, Mia Maestro, Maggie Grace, MyAnna Buring, Casey LaBow, Angelo Renai, Booboo Stewart, Alex Rice, Paul Becker, Stephanie Moseley, Kiowa Gordon, Tyson Houseman, Chaske Spencer, Bronson Pelletier, Alex Meraz, Julia Jones, Tinsel Korey, Tanaya Beatty, Sienna Joseph, Carolina Virguez, Sebastiao Lemos, Kimani Ray Smith, Tora Hylands, Mackenzie Foy, Ali Faulkner, Charlie Bewley, Daniel Cudmore, Bill Bannerman, Wyck Godfrey, Mark Morgan, Irina Neyes, Karen Rosenfelt, Isabelle Tanugi, Carter Burwell, Guillermo Navarro, Virginia Katz, Debra Zane, Richard Sherman, Michael Wilkinson, Patricia McAlhany Glasser, Valeria Costa Amorim, Shawn Boyachek, Mary Guilfoyle, Barbara Kelly, Andrew G. La Marca, Colleen Mitchell, David Price, Angela Quiles, Andrea Wertheim, Bryan Yaconelli, Karin Behrenz, Josy Capkun, E.J. Foerster, Dylan Hopkins, Justin Muller, Jay Amor, Stanton Barrett, Krista Bell, Brett Chan, Paul Darnell, Holland Diaz, Christopher Gordon, Adam Hart, Kiralee Hayashi, Atlin Mitchell, Matthew Rugetti, Karin Silvestri, Patty Majorczak-Connolly, Mark Sussman, Joey Amron, Jason Dale, Shae Salmon, Diana Ascher, Paul Becker, Mauro Blanco, Daniel Booko, Barbara Branch, Erik Feig, Lea Enslin, Laura Fuller, Danielle Halagarda, Joe M. Hagg, Louise Hradsky, Anne Jacobsen, Katia Kieling, Brynn Kinnee, Julie Lopinto, Caroline MacVicar, Jill McQueen, Benjamin Jeran McGinn, Emily Morrow, Danielle Poret, Ashlynn Ross, Davida Smith, A. J. Timmcke, Chanda Venable, Alex John Wiseman

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Bill Condon, Stephenie Meyer, Melissa Rosenberg, Taylor Lautner, Gil Birmingham, Billy Burke, Sarah Clarke, Ty Olsson, Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Robert Pattinson, Christian Sloan, James Pizzinato, Ian Harmon, Gabriel Carter, Anna Kendrick, Christian Serratos, Justin Chron, Michael Welch, Michael Sheen, Christopher Heyerdahl, Jamie Campbell Bower, Christian Camargo, Mia Maestro, Maggie Grace, MyAnna Buring, Casey LaBow, Angelo Renai, Booboo Stewart, Alex Rice, Paul Becker, Stephanie Moseley, Kiowa Gordon, Tyson Houseman, Chaske Spencer, Bronson Pelletier, Alex Meraz, Julia Jones, Tinsel Korey, Tanaya Beatty, Sienna Joseph, Carolina Virguez, Sebastiao Lemos, Kimani Ray Smith, Tora Hylands, Mackenzie Foy, Ali Faulkner, Charlie Bewley, Daniel Cudmore, Bill Bannerman, Wyck Godfrey, Mark Morgan, Irina Neyes, Karen Rosenfelt, Isabelle Tanugi, Carter Burwell, Guillermo Navarro, Virginia Katz, Debra Zane, Richard Sherman, Michael Wilkinson, Patricia McAlhany Glasser, Valeria Costa Amorim, Shawn Boyachek, Mary Guilfoyle, Barbara Kelly, Andrew G. La Marca, Colleen Mitchell, David Price, Angela Quiles, Andrea Wertheim, Bryan Yaconelli, Karin Behrenz, Josy Capkun, E.J. Foerster, Dylan Hopkins, Justin Muller, Jay Amor, Stanton Barrett, Krista Bell, Brett Chan, Paul Darnell, Holland Diaz, Christopher Gordon, Adam Hart, Kiralee Hayashi, Atlin Mitchell, Matthew Rugetti, Karin Silvestri, Patty Majorczak-Connolly, Mark Sussman, Joey Amron, Jason Dale, Shae Salmon, Diana Ascher, Paul Becker, Mauro Blanco, Daniel Booko, Barbara Branch, Erik Feig, Lea Enslin, Laura Fuller, Danielle Halagarda, Joe M. Hagg, Louise Hradsky, Anne Jacobsen, Katia Kieling, Brynn Kinnee, Julie Lopinto, Caroline MacVicar, Jill McQueen, Benjamin Jeran McGinn, Emily Morrow, Danielle Poret, Ashlynn Ross, Davida Smith, A. J. Timmcke, Chanda Venable, Alex John WisemanThe Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Son of a bitch.

Damn you, Mayans.

I, and the Earth, have lived to see what we wish the seeing of would not have happened.

Why not the end?

Sometimes the end is better than the being. But no.

My eyeballs have made my brain see “The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2“. Electric Boogaloo.

That would have been the cool.

Odin. I have always been in service.

Oh, God of Cargo, I follow.

Since you were on the tree Yggdrasil attached to find the truth, to now.

But the pain.

Oh, Odin, the pain.

My eyes have been rubbed in shit. And that shit is “ The Twilight Saga: Breaking blah blah blah blah blah blah“.

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If this is for your interest for the reading there are many things:

1) I love this shit. Like the film Kimmo, like me, or you will the for the stalking like my 75 cats do to the poor back yard birds (this is for middle-age Twi-Fraus).

2) I love this shit. Like the film Kimmo, like me, because this was the first time that my parts that make of me a girl gave me a squirm – whatever team. Best movie since “Citizen Kane” or “The Notebook” (teenage Twi-tards – sorry for making the Citizen Kane reference – your tiny brains explode like insignificant lady fingers).

3) I love this shit. Like the film Kimmo. If I disagree my girlfriend handjobs may cease immediately (the horror – poor boyfriends of crazy chicks liking this thing movie crap).

4) This is stupid. Damn bad CGI movie mess that makes the smart dumb, and the rest shake the head and reach for the Kossu (normal people).

Here is some plot.

After the birth of her daughter, Renesmee, Bella slowly adapts to his new life with the help of vampire Edward.

Feeling threatened by the birth of a new genre, the Volturi declare war on the family Cullen.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Bill Condon, Stephenie Meyer, Melissa Rosenberg, Taylor Lautner, Gil Birmingham, Billy Burke, Sarah Clarke, Ty Olsson, Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Robert Pattinson, Christian Sloan, James Pizzinato, Ian Harmon, Gabriel Carter, Anna Kendrick, Christian Serratos, Justin Chron, Michael Welch, Michael Sheen, Christopher Heyerdahl, Jamie Campbell Bower, Christian Camargo, Mia Maestro, Maggie Grace, MyAnna Buring, Casey LaBow, Angelo Renai, Booboo Stewart, Alex Rice, Paul Becker, Stephanie Moseley, Kiowa Gordon, Tyson Houseman, Chaske Spencer, Bronson Pelletier, Alex Meraz, Julia Jones, Tinsel Korey, Tanaya Beatty, Sienna Joseph, Carolina Virguez, Sebastiao Lemos, Kimani Ray Smith, Tora Hylands, Mackenzie Foy, Ali Faulkner, Charlie Bewley, Daniel Cudmore, Bill Bannerman, Wyck Godfrey, Mark Morgan, Irina Neyes, Karen Rosenfelt, Isabelle Tanugi, Carter Burwell, Guillermo Navarro, Virginia Katz, Debra Zane, Richard Sherman, Michael Wilkinson, Patricia McAlhany Glasser, Valeria Costa Amorim, Shawn Boyachek, Mary Guilfoyle, Barbara Kelly, Andrew G. La Marca, Colleen Mitchell, David Price, Angela Quiles, Andrea Wertheim, Bryan Yaconelli, Karin Behrenz, Josy Capkun, E.J. Foerster, Dylan Hopkins, Justin Muller, Jay Amor, Stanton Barrett, Krista Bell, Brett Chan, Paul Darnell, Holland Diaz, Christopher Gordon, Adam Hart, Kiralee Hayashi, Atlin Mitchell, Matthew Rugetti, Karin Silvestri, Patty Majorczak-Connolly, Mark Sussman, Joey Amron, Jason Dale, Shae Salmon, Diana Ascher, Paul Becker, Mauro Blanco, Daniel Booko, Barbara Branch, Erik Feig, Lea Enslin, Laura Fuller, Danielle Halagarda, Joe M. Hagg, Louise Hradsky, Anne Jacobsen, Katia Kieling, Brynn Kinnee, Julie Lopinto, Caroline MacVicar, Jill McQueen, Benjamin Jeran McGinn, Emily Morrow, Danielle Poret, Ashlynn Ross, Davida Smith, A. J. Timmcke, Chanda Venable, Alex John WisemanTo prepare their defense, Cullen will travel the world to bring together families and allied vampires try to push the Volturi in a final confrontation.

Wow! Wait, what?

Have there been worse films to let in my mind?

Of course, the first 500 movies of this franchise of suck.

Freddie Got Fingered.”

Maybe that is the total. My brain reels. I wish for the end.

Odin, I hate for the being of the negative. But I knew.

The sweet smoke didn’t make things better.

The Kossu only brought sadness.

So, now, here we are. What more to say?

Two thumbs waiting for the end. For Ragnarok, if the Mayans cannot get their poop in order. Drooping down, waiting for the end.

At least this stream of shit is at an end (thoughts after visiting Acapulco – four days of hell – though Twilight was longer and hurt more).

You will see it if you want. If not, then not to see. Your minds are already in place for a decision. I cannot change that.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  “Fringe” makes no sense. Yet I do not care in my mind. The Observers are well dressed. The future should be so cool.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 [REVIEW]

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1 [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Bill Condon, Stephenie Meyer, Melissa Rosenberg, Taylor Lautner, Gil Birmingham, Billy Burke, Sarah Clarke, Ty Olsson, Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Robert Pattinson, Christian Sloan, James Pizzinato, Ian Harmon, Gabriel Carter, Anna Kendrick, Christian Serratos, Justin Chron, Michael Welch, Michael Sheen, Christopher Heyerdahl, Jamie Campbell Bower, Christian Camargo, Mia Maestro, Maggie Grace, MyAnna Buring, Casey LaBow, Angelo Renai, Booboo Stewart, Alex Rice, Paul Becker, Stephanie Moseley, Kiowa Gordon, Tyson Houseman, Chaske Spencer, Bronson Pelletier, Alex Meraz, Julia Jones, Tinsel Korey, Tanaya Beatty, Sienna Joseph, Carolina Virguez, Sebastiao Lemos, Kimani Ray Smith, Tora Hylands, Mackenzie Foy, Ali Faulkner, Charlie Bewley, Daniel Cudmore, Bill Bannerman, Wyck Godfrey, Mark Morgan, Irina Neyes, Karen Rosenfelt, Isabelle Tanugi, Carter Burwell, Guillermo Navarro, Virginia Katz, Debra Zane, Richard Sherman, Michael Wilkinson, Patricia McAlhany Glasser, Valeria Costa Amorim, Shawn Boyachek, Mary Guilfoyle, Barbara Kelly, Andrew G. La Marca, Colleen Mitchell, David Price, Angela Quiles, Andrea Wertheim, Bryan Yaconelli, Karin Behrenz, Josy Capkun, E.J. Foerster, Dylan Hopkins, Justin Muller, Jay Amor, Stanton Barrett, Krista Bell, Brett Chan, Paul Darnell, Holland Diaz, Christopher Gordon, Adam Hart, Kiralee Hayashi, Atlin Mitchell, Matthew Rugetti, Karin Silvestri, Patty Majorczak-Connolly, Mark Sussman, Joey Amron, Jason Dale, Shae Salmon, Diana Ascher, Paul Becker, Mauro Blanco, Daniel Booko, Barbara Branch, Erik Feig, Lea Enslin, Laura Fuller, Danielle Halagarda, Joe M. Hagg, Louise Hradsky, Anne Jacobsen, Katia Kieling, Brynn Kinnee, Julie Lopinto, Caroline MacVicar, Jill McQueen, Benjamin Jeran McGinn, Emily Morrow, Danielle Poret, Ashlynn Ross, Davida Smith, A. J. Timmcke, Chanda Venable, Alex John Wiseman

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Bill Condon, Stephenie Meyer, Melissa Rosenberg, Taylor Lautner, Gil Birmingham, Billy Burke, Sarah Clarke, Ty Olsson, Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Robert Pattinson, Christian Sloan, James Pizzinato, Ian Harmon, Gabriel Carter, Anna Kendrick, Christian Serratos, Justin Chron, Michael Welch, Michael Sheen, Christopher Heyerdahl, Jamie Campbell Bower, Christian Camargo, Mia Maestro, Maggie Grace, MyAnna Buring, Casey LaBow, Angelo Renai, Booboo Stewart, Alex Rice, Paul Becker, Stephanie Moseley, Kiowa Gordon, Tyson Houseman, Chaske Spencer, Bronson Pelletier, Alex Meraz, Julia Jones, Tinsel Korey, Tanaya Beatty, Sienna Joseph, Carolina Virguez, Sebastiao Lemos, Kimani Ray Smith, Tora Hylands, Mackenzie Foy, Ali Faulkner, Charlie Bewley, Daniel Cudmore, Bill Bannerman, Wyck Godfrey, Mark Morgan, Irina Neyes, Karen Rosenfelt, Isabelle Tanugi, Carter Burwell, Guillermo Navarro, Virginia Katz, Debra Zane, Richard Sherman, Michael Wilkinson, Patricia McAlhany Glasser, Valeria Costa Amorim, Shawn Boyachek, Mary Guilfoyle, Barbara Kelly, Andrew G. La Marca, Colleen Mitchell, David Price, Angela Quiles, Andrea Wertheim, Bryan Yaconelli, Karin Behrenz, Josy Capkun, E.J. Foerster, Dylan Hopkins, Justin Muller, Jay Amor, Stanton Barrett, Krista Bell, Brett Chan, Paul Darnell, Holland Diaz, Christopher Gordon, Adam Hart, Kiralee Hayashi, Atlin Mitchell, Matthew Rugetti, Karin Silvestri, Patty Majorczak-Connolly, Mark Sussman, Joey Amron, Jason Dale, Shae Salmon, Diana Ascher, Paul Becker, Mauro Blanco, Daniel Booko, Barbara Branch, Erik Feig, Lea Enslin, Laura Fuller, Danielle Halagarda, Joe M. Hagg, Louise Hradsky, Anne Jacobsen, Katia Kieling, Brynn Kinnee, Julie Lopinto, Caroline MacVicar, Jill McQueen, Benjamin Jeran McGinn, Emily Morrow, Danielle Poret, Ashlynn Ross, Davida Smith, A. J. Timmcke, Chanda Venable, Alex John WisemanThe Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 1

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

First – the coming of the clean.

Yes. I’m jealous.

Robert Pattinson has the hair of a god.

A messy hipster god, but god hair is god hair.

I want some.

Now for the real meat – once again, a crap-fest!

The film reviewer life can make one wish (and hope) the Mayans are right, the world ends in 2012, and thus my sitting through another Twilight is decreased to zero.

I pray for this to be so.

Review time.

Bella (Kristen Stewart) has made her choice: She is about to marry Edward (see “hair god” above).  But the young man, he will honor his market share?  He will accept to transform into a vampire, and see to give up his life?

None of this makes sense.

Like the last novel of the franchise of Harry Potter”, this is halved for film.  Twilight, the final episode, will split into two films. A necessity or a narrative stunt to garner twice the receipts?

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Bill Condon, Stephenie Meyer, Melissa Rosenberg, Taylor Lautner, Gil Birmingham, Billy Burke, Sarah Clarke, Ty Olsson, Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Robert Pattinson, Christian Sloan, James Pizzinato, Ian Harmon, Gabriel Carter, Anna Kendrick, Christian Serratos, Justin Chron, Michael Welch, Michael Sheen, Christopher Heyerdahl, Jamie Campbell Bower, Christian Camargo, Mia Maestro, Maggie Grace, MyAnna Buring, Casey LaBow, Angelo Renai, Booboo Stewart, Alex Rice, Paul Becker, Stephanie Moseley, Kiowa Gordon, Tyson Houseman, Chaske Spencer, Bronson Pelletier, Alex Meraz, Julia Jones, Tinsel Korey, Tanaya Beatty, Sienna Joseph, Carolina Virguez, Sebastiao Lemos, Kimani Ray Smith, Tora Hylands, Mackenzie Foy, Ali Faulkner, Charlie Bewley, Daniel Cudmore, Bill Bannerman, Wyck Godfrey, Mark Morgan, Irina Neyes, Karen Rosenfelt, Isabelle Tanugi, Carter Burwell, Guillermo Navarro, Virginia Katz, Debra Zane, Richard Sherman, Michael Wilkinson, Patricia McAlhany Glasser, Valeria Costa Amorim, Shawn Boyachek, Mary Guilfoyle, Barbara Kelly, Andrew G. La Marca, Colleen Mitchell, David Price, Angela Quiles, Andrea Wertheim, Bryan Yaconelli, Karin Behrenz, Josy Capkun, E.J. Foerster, Dylan Hopkins, Justin Muller, Jay Amor, Stanton Barrett, Krista Bell, Brett Chan, Paul Darnell, Holland Diaz, Christopher Gordon, Adam Hart, Kiralee Hayashi, Atlin Mitchell, Matthew Rugetti, Karin Silvestri, Patty Majorczak-Connolly, Mark Sussman, Joey Amron, Jason Dale, Shae Salmon, Diana Ascher, Paul Becker, Mauro Blanco, Daniel Booko, Barbara Branch, Erik Feig, Lea Enslin, Laura Fuller, Danielle Halagarda, Joe M. Hagg, Louise Hradsky, Anne Jacobsen, Katia Kieling, Brynn Kinnee, Julie Lopinto, Caroline MacVicar, Jill McQueen, Benjamin Jeran McGinn, Emily Morrow, Danielle Poret, Ashlynn Ross, Davida Smith, A. J. Timmcke, Chanda Venable, Alex John WisemanUnfortunately, this second option is to be considered opportunistic.

Bad studio, ripping off the Twi-tards.

The conclusion is given the languid pace of the film.

If, initially, it is hasty (precipitated the wedding of Bella and Edward, and their honeymoon), the action then is dangerously fallen to the level zero.  After blackness and dark twists the previous section, by far the best of the saga (“wow, that turd looks better than the other turd!”), now is the dominant impression of disappointment from the very beginning.

The narrative seems ever more stretched, not to tell again.

Early in the film, the “hesitation” Bella, already in the middle of the last film, persist.

Again and again.

And again.

Then, one more time.

The character played by Kristen Stewart wonders if she should marry, and then come some discussions with her suitor that I’m sure I heard in another episode.  Then, once on the island of temptation, where the lovebirds spend their honeymoon (off of Rio, but there are no 3D animated toucans – bummer!), it was now the turn of Edward the vampire of be in dilemma.

Should he or not sleep with his wife at the risk of turning her into a monstrosity of nature bloodthirsty or kill on contact with his neck, his body, all members of a young fresh woman?

And the guy is still more than 100 years, so freshness level, there have been better!

In this chapter of inaction which is meant to be that of excitement, suspense is emerging little by little to explode in the second half of the film (finally, after one suck-tastic hour).

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 2, Twilight: Breaking Dawn, Bill Condon, Stephenie Meyer, Melissa Rosenberg, Taylor Lautner, Gil Birmingham, Billy Burke, Sarah Clarke, Ty Olsson, Kristen Stewart, Ashley Greene, Jackson Rathbone, Peter Facinelli, Elizabeth Reaser, Kellan Lutz, Nikki Reed, Robert Pattinson, Christian Sloan, James Pizzinato, Ian Harmon, Gabriel Carter, Anna Kendrick, Christian Serratos, Justin Chron, Michael Welch, Michael Sheen, Christopher Heyerdahl, Jamie Campbell Bower, Christian Camargo, Mia Maestro, Maggie Grace, MyAnna Buring, Casey LaBow, Angelo Renai, Booboo Stewart, Alex Rice, Paul Becker, Stephanie Moseley, Kiowa Gordon, Tyson Houseman, Chaske Spencer, Bronson Pelletier, Alex Meraz, Julia Jones, Tinsel Korey, Tanaya Beatty, Sienna Joseph, Carolina Virguez, Sebastiao Lemos, Kimani Ray Smith, Tora Hylands, Mackenzie Foy, Ali Faulkner, Charlie Bewley, Daniel Cudmore, Bill Bannerman, Wyck Godfrey, Mark Morgan, Irina Neyes, Karen Rosenfelt, Isabelle Tanugi, Carter Burwell, Guillermo Navarro, Virginia Katz, Debra Zane, Richard Sherman, Michael Wilkinson, Patricia McAlhany Glasser, Valeria Costa Amorim, Shawn Boyachek, Mary Guilfoyle, Barbara Kelly, Andrew G. La Marca, Colleen Mitchell, David Price, Angela Quiles, Andrea Wertheim, Bryan Yaconelli, Karin Behrenz, Josy Capkun, E.J. Foerster, Dylan Hopkins, Justin Muller, Jay Amor, Stanton Barrett, Krista Bell, Brett Chan, Paul Darnell, Holland Diaz, Christopher Gordon, Adam Hart, Kiralee Hayashi, Atlin Mitchell, Matthew Rugetti, Karin Silvestri, Patty Majorczak-Connolly, Mark Sussman, Joey Amron, Jason Dale, Shae Salmon, Diana Ascher, Paul Becker, Mauro Blanco, Daniel Booko, Barbara Branch, Erik Feig, Lea Enslin, Laura Fuller, Danielle Halagarda, Joe M. Hagg, Louise Hradsky, Anne Jacobsen, Katia Kieling, Brynn Kinnee, Julie Lopinto, Caroline MacVicar, Jill McQueen, Benjamin Jeran McGinn, Emily Morrow, Danielle Poret, Ashlynn Ross, Davida Smith, A. J. Timmcke, Chanda Venable, Alex John WisemanBella was nubile and fertile, and therefore, following the single exchange of body fluids in the film (the temptation was right to Edward – he totally slammed Bella – awesome!), here it is a big creature unusual offspring of unprecedented , half-human, half vampire.

What to do?

Would it be first ever abortion where vampire baby instead eats the doctor’s face?

That would be cool.

We do not reveal the outcome of this confrontation with the unknown that will lead the “beautiful” Jacob (Taylor Lautner – trade some of that work-out time to get acting lessons, please) to big arms muscled man to betray his wolf pack to help his beloved, the one that has yet to abandon the damn cold meat of Edward Cullen.

No, I will tell you nothing, because if you are still reading this (at least this far), you will see this pile of shit anyway.

To conclude: 

The Twi-tards will fork their money to Summit Entertainment and moisten and stick to the theater seats when Edward sparkles.

The world will continue to turn.

Some idiot will comment that Pattinson is a good actor.

Babies will die.

And later I’ll have to review a hunk of shit called “The Twilight Saga – Breaking Dawn, Part 2”.

The suck of all sucks.

Unless the Mayans are right.  My fingers are crossed.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  Ginner Goodwin – I am sorry.  “Once Upon A Time” is no longer in my life.  Please find a project that is less annoying so that I may lust to you properly.

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn – Part 2 [REVIEW]

Water For Elephants

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Sara Gruen

Greetings, faithful readers.  There is much news (and much change!) at Behind the Proscenium.  We have moved – emotionally and physically.  Physically, from New York (the Big Apple – I love Appletinis) to Los Angeles (The Big ? – but I’ll take the margaritas).  Emotionally, from despair, to hope, to triumph.  More on that later.

Since I have been so busy, I have chosen a guest reviewer (to review our first motion picture!) – a delicious man from Finland.  Kimmo Mustonenen is very well known in the critical community as a critic’s critic.  So today, as we emerge from Behind The Proscenium, I present to you Kimmo Mustonenen’s brilliant review of “Water For Elephants”.

Take it away, Kimmo!

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“Water For Elephants” Review – by Kimmo Mustonenen

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Sara GruenIt all started when I saw the Twilight Saga, familiar to Robert Pattinson a magazine for young women pages.

No, I do not usually read those magazines – it just happened to come accept a job in the coffee room.  Really.

Pages of a magazine was waiting for a surprise, which caused almost obsessive interest in young Mr. Pattinson’s new “Elephant Water” films. 

Robert Pattinson – hysteria & circuses, cried the magazine title and the star of the picture proudly displayed a big smile while both hands onto a giant elephant intrusive nasal.

Article caused great wonderment in my mind and raised questions.  Is it that today’s teenage girls no longer enough just beautiful boy charming smile?  If further adolescent really so blatant metaphors?  Questions puzzled my mind, rather than later published in the trailer gives no answers.  I got my hands on the Artichoke Film catalog and introductory text encapsulates the film hooks maximal manner:

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano“Together with Jacob and Marlena are trying to find common ground on a new entrant to the circus, Rosie, an elephant – and with each other.”

In the three pieces of our time immoral triangle, unless I have not understood the whole movie’s point completely wrong.

Now the long wait will be rewarded when the “Water Elephants” will be premiered.  “Constantine” director Francis Lawrence to combine “Twilight” star Pattinson, “Walk the Line” decorative Reese Witherspoon, Oscar-winning actor Christoph Waltz, and an elephant named Rosie horse shit stink, but his film.  Rumors say that in real life Pattinson took the role against the 42-year-old, more than 4000 kg elephant due.

“When Robert saw the elephant, he loved it so much, that definitely wanted to play the role of Jacob“, one of the R-Pattz actress friend says.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha VenezianoWe are living in the 1930s Depression-ravaged America.  Jacob will be orphaned of his parents died in a car accident.  Veterinarian Studies of disruption and the bank seized the home because of debts.  Jacob ends up accidentally falling within the party of the circus train and befriends a circus with the people dear to quickly support a number of star brightness, Marlena (Witherspoon).

Circus manager is Marlena’s quick temper and a violent husband, August (Waltz), which takes Jacob wings Rosie-trained elephants, the latest entrant to the circus.  Jacob and Marlena’s secret relationship came to light the following problems.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano“Water For Elephants” is not just a dirty metaphors studded ultimaaattinen karsanhyvailyelokuva or even Pattinson naamavarkilla equestrian circus camp. 

Sara Gruen of the same name based on the novel worked screenplay manages to cover almost completely beneath the smoldering invisible ink written kaksimielisyydet that subtitles do things, if it is to take a closer look.

Movie barking is unnecessary, so focus on the good aspects.

Story told in flashback and frame the story in retirement Jacob (Hal Holbrook), accounting for a young history ringmaster.  The best part of the scene where Jacob says the young man’s ear and is beautiful.

Soon the “Water Elephant” really gets started and we hear tell Pattinson veterinarian studies, and how he has been too many times to push his hand cow ass.  Jacob end of year later, the circus comes to him under more specific use.  Man adapts very well in all kinds of wild animals and sirkusfriikkien population, although the typical characters – such as the bearded woman – not the movie nahdakaan.  As a counterweight to the state of residence divided Jacob, Kinko called dwarf (Mark Povinelli), whose raksyttava Jack Russell terrier is aptly named Queenie.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Sara GruenSoon Jacob is seen lapioimassa sweaty circus tent in front of the manure.  Photo by Rodrigo Prieto, the camera moves to the same sample during a natural picture of a little aside and attached Marlena and her white horses.  A few scenes later, Marlena singing children’s songs, while Jacob bang the horse to death with a pistol.

Prieto and director Lawrence keep good care of the fact that often the pictures are carefully portraits.  Teen out of the theater audience is familiar with the brainwashing and cult Pattinson already in full swing.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha VenezianoPattinson and Witherspoon are movie stars, but in smaller roles are Waltz, and Rosie, the elephant, play a much more convincing.  Waltz, August-likeness is the same as the oppressive cold Hans Land Below “Inglourious Basterds”Rosie charms every scene is no wonder that he went to Pattinson’s messed up.  The permit is warm and dirty karsaromantiikkaa attention when James is released to manage elephants.  Rosie is thrilled once even a bit of splashing face hanging elimellaan.

“Water for Elephants” contains something for everyone.  Pattinson having comfortably beaten by a couple of times, but something even better happens.  Movie is the best section Jacob gets prank victim and wake up wet after a night out from the barrel pelleksi masked yesterday without remembering anything.  A bit later, he discovers something even more shocking, but I am leaving it a secret in this context.

“Water for Elephants”, this time, may be graded at four stars out of five.  However, it is good to note that the score is given, at least potentially Pattinson fans the human or other creature’s point of view.  Under normal circumstances, like a nihilist could approach it in a slightly different way, and bend up to hold it in a bad movie, but for me, the brainwashing has already occurred.

If the score does not feel right or you are otherwise hurt just reading your text, so can not do anything.  Bad luck.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen