Rosemary Howard – Behind the Proscenium

July 19, 2013

R.I.P.D. [REVIEW]

R.I.P.D.

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Our brains can be crap.

Yes, this happens.

We think the excited, only for the suck to rise.

Why can this be for the happening?

We crave good.

I will give anything more than ever the chances it (“good movie, please Odin” speaks my brain) deserves.

I am for wanting every movie that is watched to be the greatness that was “Shark Night 3D”.

The universe thinks I deserve a worsening. So the universe makes me be with “R.I.P.D.”

Lord.

A mess this is in my mind place. My brain crap is now confusion.

I have seen this movie!

Three times.

“Men Are Black,” “Men Are Black II,” and “Men Are Black III (in 3D!).”

Tommy Lee Jones (“Abraham Lincoln Laywer”) and Will Smith (“Legend I Am”) put their good foot right in the ass while kicking. New thoughts and stories made my face a happy smile place.

Now this crap. Ugh.

Plot? You know it. I mean, you really know it. I go on anyway.

Nick the Cop (Ryan Reynolds) is killed by Hayes (Kevin Bacon – here, one degree from toilet water). Nick goes to Dilbert Heaven – corporate Heaven would really be Hell, although having the hot, hot, hot Mary-Louise Parker (is she really almost 49? – her soul must have been rented to the devil) there gives it some hope – and he (Nick) gets to become “Death Cop – Deado Killer.”

Really.

He is paired with Tommy Lee Jo- No.

Shit! He is paired with Roy (Jeff Bridges) who talks with his mouth like he has had a stroke.

Or two.

They are disguised to be a Chinese and Hot Boob-ula Chick (Marisa Miller – so hot when on the page and not moving, not so hot when talking). We must never know they are just actors, acting badly.

They are after “Deados” – dead people who are escaping the movie to get to a real life. Like T.V.’s “Reaper”, only less good stuff.

Nick wants to be with his not dead wife again.

Did it happen? Did I care?

Did I drink so much Kossu that the last 25 minutes where placed in a brain blender to be remembered as “whoooosh”?

I don’t know. No. And yes.

This hot mess did not direct itself. No. First, the story board was published in 2001 (now are you nerds happy?). Then Robert Schwentke needed money and said “sure! I’ll poop one out for ya!”

Voila! “R.I.P.D.”

Why, Hollywood, why?

Must all summer flicks be regurgitated Franken-films that am made from the body parts of other movies. Or be a clone of previous clone movies?

As long as the dollars flow to box offices like Kossu flows to my liver nightly we will be seeing the Franken-films forever. Damn…

My thumbs are weird and confusing. They twitched when things went boom. They twitched when the Hot Boob-ula Chick would walk in the slo-mo.

They twitched when I ran out of the most delicious ice cream Bon Bons even chewed by a man (me).

So, for this “R.I.P.D.” I had epileptic thumbs. Pointing every direction but up.

Tell your eyes to wait for “The Conjuring” or “The Smurfs 2.” I kid about the Smurfs. I would rather be shot in the face and eaten by weasels.

I speak the truth.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “Breaking Bad” is about to come to an ending. My sadness is bulging for there will be no more shows to see to. My love for this T.V. showing is so great that I will name my fantasy hockey club “Team Heisenberg” this year. If this is beyond your understanding sign up with Netflix and watch the damn show. Yesterday.

You’re welcome.

HEY – NOW “LIKE” ME ON FACEBOOK PLEASE!

June 29, 2012

Ted [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Behind the Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Ted, Seth MacFarlane, Alec Sulkin, Wellesley Wild, Mark Wahlberg, Mila Kunis, Joel McHale, Giovanni Ribisi, Patrick Warburton, Matt Walsh, Jessica Barth, Aedin Mincks, Bill Smitrovich, Patrick Stewart, Norah Jones, Sam J. Jones, Tom Skerritt, Bretton Manley, Ralph Garman, Alex Borstein, John Viener, Laura Vandervport, Robert Wu, Ginger Gonzaga, Jessica Stroup, Melissa Ordway, Max Harris, Zane Cowans, T.J. Hourigan, Owen Clarke, Kristina Ellery, Katelyn Lorren, Chanty Sok, Sarah Fischer, Cassie Dierf, Joe Sirani, Pat Shea, Paul Campbell, Josh Duvendeck, Chris Cox, Henry Penzi, Talia Cabrera, Colton Shires, Viera Andrea Moya, Haejee Kim, Lydia Hannibal, Shawn Thornton, Eric Weinstein, Danny Smith, Mike Nikitas, Robin Hamilton, Mike Henry, Johnny Lee Davenport, Christina Everett, Kilo Alexander, Emmalyn Anderson, Alecia Batson, Ellen Becker-Gray, Marshall Berenson, Ronald Boone, Paul Bronk, Jeff T. Buco, Ryan Butcher, Jeffrey Corazzini, Richard DeAgazio, Aaron Dorsey, Alexandra East, Jquelyn Fabian, Shawn Fogarty, Evan Fonseca, John Franchi, Sophia Gilberto, Enku Gubaie, Rosemary Howard, Frankie Imbergamo, Mike Jablon, Olivia Jordan, Kahdiak, J. Parker Kent, Seamus Knight, Ren Knopf, Mark Kubr, Kathy Lashay Berenson, James L. Leite, Daniel Lowney, Phyllis Lynn, Tom Mariano, Rob Marin, Jeff Martineau, Sara Murphy, Ken Murray, Allan Oliveira, Ted Oyama, Richard Pacheco, Chris Palermo, Joseph Paolo, Laura Pizzuti, David Pulson, Stacey Queripel, Donna Glee Reim, Kayla Ruhl, Megan Sacco, Nicole Signore, Matthew Spinale, Sean Daniel Stentiford, Stream, Shannon Elaine Sweeney, John Talalas, Ally Tully, Jamie Christopher White, Luke Young, Jason Clark, John Jacobs, Mark Kamine, Joseph J. Micucci, Scott Stuber, Wellesley Wild, Walter Murphy, Michael Barrett, Jeff Freeman, Sheila Jaffe, Stephen J. Lineweaver, Kyra Friedman, Carla Antonino, Liz Berstrom, Carol Dantuono, Mark Kamine, Holly Rymon, Eric Heffron, Dylan Hopkins, Elizabeth MacSwan, Mike McGuirk, Richard Oswald, Brad Robinson, Scott Rogers, Christopher Sadler, Alison Troy, Jason Allard, Beth Anderson, Bobby Anderson, Shadya H. Balluq, Alix Belleville, Justin Bliss, Doug Cluff, Bryan Felty, Tom Williams, Mark Norby, Dana Reed, Kirk Bloom, Mark Vargo, David Adkins, Alyssa Barnes, John Burke, Amiee Clark, Ryan Cook, Jeff Crandell, Kelly Cronin, Sean Patrick Doherty, Kathryn Farino, Ethan Fox, Donna Glasser-Hancock, Timothy J. Gorman, Anna Gossman, Tim Haber, Chase Hall, Michael Harker, Jacob Head, Matthew Herman, Henry Humphreys, Elliot Kahan, Shea Kammer, Kate Kelly, Brady Kephart, Katie Kramer, Ashley Kravitz, Tim LaDue, Scott Levine, Jeff Maclean, Ruben Malaret, Jeffery Mannarini, Matthew Mayer, Joseph J. Micucci, Bryson Mooso, Cameron Morton, Julia Nemerow, Nick Noyes, Michael Oxton, Maria Palazon, Kevin Pasdon, Michael Peavey, Sean Perry, Michelle Poole, Brendan Potter, Jaydi Samuels, Cory Scott, Claire Severance, Shannon Shea, Missy Simms, James Slater, Cyndal Todd, Neil Tuli, Stephen Turro, Michael Twombly, Lorenzo Vigil, Alex Wayne, Peter Wentzel, Kit Wiltanen, Steve York, Dawn Bardan, Ryan Spenser

Ted

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

This week is a suck week.

There is the movie that I wanted to write all over, and the other I see in my smoke heightened brain daily.

Why should I see something that I all the time see?

Things make talking on me all the time.

That is life.

I wanted the writing for “Magic Mike.”

Stripper movie!

Maybe a “Showgirls 2” thing. Hot, slutty, and dumb chicks – the best.

With boobs. Better.

But no. There are no tears cried, just the disappointment lump in my stomach place.

So.

“Ted.”

Talking bears are all the time in Finland.

For two days, after a rage week of drinking, everything talks, talks too much.

Trees.

Fish.

Bears.

In America, they are called hallucinations.

In Finland, a hangover.

“Ted” is about a kid who am had a 35-year hangover?

O.K.,Hollywood – I’m ready.

Plot? Crazy, crazy plot!

Young John has and only friend – a cuddly teddy bear, a Christmas present – through an accidental magic, the bear arises to life, talk, and have feelings such as its new owner.

Since he’s a kid and not on the sweet, sweet smoke, shock happens – then goes away.

Ted of a media sensation will appear even with Johnny Carson as guest on the Tonight Show – Ed McMahon (probably drunk on the whiskey) thought Ted was ALF.

Funny! 80’s joke, for the win!

As the years go on, John (Mark Wahlberg, almost as funny as in “The Happening”) and Ted (Seth MacFarlane – as Peter Griffin as a Teddy Bear, with better taste in the woman-whores) to remain roommates, that’s it.

However, the troubles arise when Ted is in the way of the present, with John of the romance with his girlfriend Lori (Mila Kunis – she made a stiffening in my area) interfere on the search for something more serious and bear-free.

As for Ted, he writes letters to the Hasbro over his tiny little pecker thingy.

I have just accepted mine.

Although Extenze may be in the future used. Kimmo’s women must be happy! They are always happy.

Really.

Much man on bear comedy follows.

Funny.

Vulgar.

Funny again.

More of the vulgar.

The just the damn funny.

So, two thumbs as straight in the air as my man-ness when Mila Kunis appears on the film.

That’s pretty damn straight!

See this movie.

Although my “Magic Mike” disappointment still leaves a discomfort, I am happy.

Now for kossu shots and weed. “Ted” was a success!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. I have just learned that “Magic Mike” was about the man strippers. Avoided! WTF!?! Maybe the lucky Kimmo is returning…

P.P.S. “The Glee Project.” Charlie kid is defining assholishness. First, he blabs about himself like he is another of him (Editors note: We believe he means Charlie was talking about himself in the third person). Only one word for Charlie, in any language blabbed: douche-bag. Nina was cute. Blind guy and fat chick were not so much for irritation. But Charlie must be slapped. In the face. Hard.

May 25, 2012

Men In Black 3 [REVIEW]

Men In Black 3

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Men In Black.

They took my great-grandparents’ out to a field.

Then in the head brain shot.

Dead.

Not funny.

Fucking Nazis.

Then movie times.

“Men In Black” sprays on Finland.

Funny?

Hells to the yeah!

Aliens!

Crashes!

Fresh Prince!

“Men In Black 2”? Nice. Not necessary.

Saw it three times while feeling up the boob of Anita Krakhousenen (her boobs were for to make the manhood mine – and then some! Until this day I will remember… more than a handful).

To say that “Men in Black 3″ is the best installment in the trilogy, there is only that we are moving briskly.

Plot? Maybe.

It all starts in a maximum security prison located on the Moon.

Boris Boglodite, fearsome creature played by Jermaine Clement, managed to escape and return to Earth with the goal of death of Constable K (Tommy Lee Jones), which put him in the nuts (THE NUTS!) in the late 60s, and the enslavement of our planet.

To achieve his goals, he uses a machine to explore time and changes the course of history.

Faced with the catastrophic consequences of acts of Boris, Agent J (Will Smith) has only one solution – to turn the plunge and find themselves pushed in 1969 to try to put things in order.

If Will Smith and Tommy Lee Jones have with an infection joy their respective archetypes (the cool talkative and taciturn cranky), a third actor they blithely steals the show through an irresistible performance.

This is Josh Brolin, who was the George Bush and Oliver Stone plays here an Agent K the younger. Via a hilarious imitation of Tommy Lee Jones, a game of mimicry and an amazing little help cosmetic, the illusion is perfect.

So, in your face!

Now my stoner brain is in crisis.

Josh Brolin in this movie? Or greatest actor Tommy Lee Jones making me think that Josh Brolin is the Tommy Lee Jones?

Son of a bitch.

This movie is hard.

Who is who?

What the hell?

The good rises so high that right here there is only a high five given. To myself.

You are left to hang.

Favorite for me is the alien freak show. From their time of the 60s (and some 70s) we find a passion for laughing at the past.

Now is so cool. The past is for crap.

We have neck beards now and are the hip!

Everything before 2005 is a joke for on the farting!

I’m so fucking cool. I’m wearing a fedora!

Sorry. The Lemon Stank Weed throws me on a tangent.

“Men In Black 3” was cool.

Why do I let Hollywood rile me so?

I still wait for “Prometheus.”

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. HAAAAA!!!! American Idol!!!! I called it 10 weeks ago!!!!! WGWG#5!!!!!! Vidar, you can suck it!!!!! Phillip Phillips is the motherfucking man!!! If Dave Mathews dies…

December 9, 2011December 9, 2011

New Year’s Eve [REVIEW]

New Year’s Eve

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

New Year’s Eve.

Really?

A painless romantic comedy with 20 big stars about 10 different stories twisted together with a background in New York (New York).

Beyond the site (New York, dumb ass), time is the most important parameter which moves the narrative academic standards (I’m so high), and we are in the New Year’s Eve and all shows on first sight cheerful and festive.

Bullshit.

So, is it better than “The Human Centipede 2 (Full Sequence)”?

No. Hell no.

The characters through many emotional and less comical situations are easily predictable in a pleasant but dull (like an AM/PM hamburger, yummy, and yet gross) in the whole movie follows the same recipe last year’s “Valentine’s Day” by the same director (Garry Marshall – who has giant big teeth… creepy).

That “little bit of everything” – loves all types and ages.

Here of course the nature of the celebration that unites or reunites families (as opposed to“Valentine’s Day” where we saw first young love, but without guilt and boners) seeing traumatic relationships and people in crisis who are required to overcome the wounds of the past or to retrieve media a second chance (like you, Kyrle – your obsession with pecs was your undoing – I said it!).

Usually the New Year people make “self” for their mistakes and set goals for the new (or drunk, and then the regret, and then the pregnancy).

Experiential endoscopy – I think – makes the standing on the story of New YORK’S Eve – sorry, New YEAR’S Eve.

The story of an estranged, and severe ill father (Robert De Niro – he must pay the bills, poor bastard) of Hillary Swank (no character name that I remember but major boobs), responsible for the celebration in Times Square (she fails) is typical of the dramatic tone that introduces us to the plot of Big Tooth Man Director and the character of Michelle Pfeiffer (yes!) who give up everything for to live within a few hours, as did a whole life, shows that things do not always go as we dream, chasing unrealistic time.

(This is an homage to The Talking Heads, from me, Kimmo Mustonenen I’m pretty high.)

The melancholy touches, however, is temporary and as time is pressing everyone to catch up to complete the remaining issues created some grotesque comic situations such as the birth of babies(!) by Jessica Biel. I guess Timberlake finally got busy. Tap it, Justin!

It is gratifying to planning something carefully and setting goals which will then happen by hard effort, but some things make nature itself …as twins.

WTF?!?

Can arrange a time for a natural phenomenon? With the help of technology, perhaps!

(This is an homage to DEVO. Holy crap, I may never come down!)

This is not, damage to the “countdown to the ball” in the Times Square of New York causes a confusion in the already fragile nature of the Swankster (she said I could call her that), but the right decision to put the right person for the repair of the short time until midnight (an electrician who had been dismissed in the past) shows that, in some relationships inevitably “make cycle”.

(This is an homage to my bong. Son of a bitch. I’m wasted.)

Then there is the shit-ton avalanche of other stars: Ashton Kutcher (The Cougar Tamer), Lea Michelle (Playskool’s “My First Streisand”), Sarah Jessica Parker (My Little Pony), Abigail Breslin (Why Are You In This Shit?), Halle Barry (Another Razzie?) and Zac Efron (“It’s a trap!”).

This is a soup lesson.

How?

You want a soup to make. You have ingredients for the soup in the millions. You know in reality the best soup? Maybe five ingredients. Maybe ten.

Instead, all ingredients go into the soup.

All millions.

And the soup? Shit.

You have now spent time and treasure to create shit soup.

And the name of your shit soup?

New Year’s Eve.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Soon I will see Charlize Theron in “Young Adult”. Ginnifer Goodwin, you are so out of my mind (in the not good way).

P.P.S. I’m so fried. I have a total hard-on for the Flame Flavored Cheeto. Tell me the favorite of your high Cheeto in the comments! Damn, I’m hungry.

What?