Fred Willard – Chairman's Blog

January 10, 2012January 8, 2013

CES After Dark

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob's Big Boy Burbank, Electus, Fred Willard, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, kara swisher, Khan Manka, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Melinda the first lady of magic, nikki finke, Nokia Theater, OnMedea, Philippe Dauman, Rupert Murdoch, sharon waxman, Sherry Lansing, Sumner Redstone, Taylor Swift, Terry Semel, The black Eyed Peas, thewrap.com, Viacom's Holiday party, Accel Partners, Alan Eustace, Allen Blue, Ann Mather, Arvind Rajan, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bret Taylor, Chamath Palihapitiya, Chris Hughes, Christopher Cox, Dan Rose, David Drummond, David Ebersman, David Fischer, David Henke, David Kirkpatrick, David Sze, Deep Nishar, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Ellen Levy, Elliot Schrage, Emilie Choi, Eric Schmidt, Erika Rottenberg, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jean-Luc Vaillant, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Jim Breyer, Joanna Shields, John Doerr, John Hennessy, Jon Miller, Jonathan Heiliger, Jonathan Rosenberg, Justin Aselage, Katrina Hau, Kevin Eyres, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Lori Goler, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, Mike Gamson, Mike Murphy, Mike Schroepfer, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, Nikesh Arora, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Patrick Crane, Patrick Pichette, Paul Buchheit, Paul Madera, Paul Otellini, Peter Thiel, Ram Shriram, Reid Hoffman, Robby Kwok, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Shirley Tilghman, Shona Brown, Steve Cadigan, Steve Patrizi, Steve Sordello, Sumner Redstone, Ted Ullyot, Tony DiSanto, Toy Story 3

So last night I got really drunk.

I’m not exactly sure how I wound up in one of Caesars’ vomitoriums face down – and I’m not sure why I wasn’t wearing pants.

Lying in the stall next to me was Harvey Weinstein – out cold. I was not going to investigate his pants situation.

I left Harvey, got a pack of gum from the guy standing at the sink and went to find some pants. I would like to publicly thank the Hugo Boss store in the Caesars’ Forum Shops for being open so early.

I was not the only one there needing to buy pants. Inside were various computer geeks, Silicon Valley dorks and movie executives all scouring the rack for anything that would fit. “Happens all the time, especially during CES,” – said Ky – our store helper.

What a night! I’m not sure what kind of drugs they were putting in the drinks at the Microsoft event – but whatever they were, they were potent. God, Ballmer sucked, didn’t he? Fuck that Tweet choir! SELL SELL SELL! [MANKA BROS. LEGAL DISCLAIMER: It can’t be proved that Microsoft or anyone else put drugs in the drinks.]

I only remember flashes from last night.

Really fucked up flashes…

Warren Lieberfarb still trying to sell me on his ridiculous Lieberscanner3000.

Bob Iger freaking me out with his sleight of hand magic tricks.

Discussing Schopenhauer with Ryan Seacrest. I will never forget him stumbling over and screaming in my face: “After your death you will be what you were before your birth… bitch!”

Ben Silverman trying to convince me he is a visionary (epic fail).

Barry Diller calling me over to the nickel slots so that he could tell me how much he loves the Oakland Raiders.

Rupert Murdoch teaching me to blow smoke out of my eyes.

Sumner Redstone dancing on Cleopatra’s Barge… with Cleopatra!

It goes on and on. A never ending parade of drunken moguls and fucked up geeks.

Thank God I am back in my regular suite and have eaten a great deal of bacon. Tonight, I fear, will be another drunken night.

I wasn’t planning on coming to Vegas. I hate CES. Especially CES After Dark. But Sumner wanted to party – so I took pity on the old man and agreed.

I gave a keynote speech here last year telling everyone how much I hated CES.

This year my only goal is to drink until I throw up and then pass out. Night #1: Mission accomplished.

Now I have to go sit on a stupid panel for a idiotic Facebook game my company is producing. A bullshit thing based on our high-profile summer blockbuster flop “Rampage Of The Stegosaur.” You get points by clicking on the dinosaurs until they become extinct.

God what a horrible place Hollywood has become.

Fuck new media.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

December 19, 2011December 19, 2011

Sumner Redstone’s Holiday Party

Over the weekend, I went to Sumner Redstone’s Holiday Party at Bob’s Big Boy in Burbank. It was a pretty sad event with only a few of the invited guests bothering to show up.

Sumner kept staring at the front door and mumbled over and over: “Well, it IS raining…” and “After the rain stops, I’m sure more will show up”, etc.

The few of us that did venture out on that cold, rainy Saturday really wish we didn’t.

It was me, Phillipe Dauman, Ben Silverman (with some girl who talked non-stop about how she slept with Tiger Woods and Kobe Bryant), Melinda (the first lady of magic) and Fred Willard.

We had a table in the center of the restaurant. There were no booths available.

This was a new low for Sumner (and, frankly, a new low for me for daring to be seen there).

As many of you know, Sumner has been living on-and-off at my house ever since announcing his divorce last year and I felt bad for the old guy.

He was babbling about rumors out there (from years ago) that News Corp. and his old media enemy Rupert Mudoch want to buy Viacom for the cable channels. While I don’t really think that’s a possibility, Sumner believes everything he reads on the Internet and reacts accordingly.

He told me if Rupert tries to buy him out, he will kill everyone involved and book the first Virgin Galactic flight into outer space where he will live out his days in peace.

The Bob’s Big Boy waitress assigned to our table was getting angry that Sumner wanted to wait for more people to arrive before ordering. She finally said there would be no more free ice tea until food was ordered. “There are people waiting for this table,” she said.

With that, we ordered.

I got the Super Big Boy with onion rings and a strawberry shake. Phillipe Dauman was going to get the lemon cod but changed his mind once he heard what I was getting. He decided on the Super Big Boy with onion rings and a chocolate shake.

Everyone else got a variation on the same theme.

The rest of the evening was too pathetic to mention in much detail:

Melinda (the first lady of magic) balanced a spoon on her nose about twenty times;
Fred Willard went on and on about a sewer problem he was having at his house;
Ben Silverman talked about how he was going to Les Moonves‘ CBS party (which was being held later that night at the Nokia Theater with special musical performances by Common and Taylor Swift);
I was also headed to the CBS party. (Sumner was not invited.)

Our food arrived quickly and the burgers were undercooked. None of us really cared because we wanted to get out of there as fast as possible.

When the checked arrived, Sumner patted his pockets as though he forgot his wallet. Melinda (the first lady of magic) picked up the check for the table. The party was over by 7:30.

Worst Holiday party ever – though the strawberry shake was excellent.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – I’ll write about the unbelievable time I had at the CBS party at a later date.

February 26, 2010May 6, 2011

Lunch With Sumner Redstone and David Geffen

American Abstract Artists, Ari Emanuel, Art Collector, Art Historian, Ben Silverman, Bob's Big Boy Burbank, Bonzai trees, Buying Art, Carly Simon, CBS, Chairman's Blog, Damien Hirst, David Geffen, DreamWorks, Electus, Fred Willard, Hamburger Hamlet, He's Not Comin' Home, Jackson Pollock, Japanese trees, Jeff Koons, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, kara swisher, Khan Manka, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Manka Bros. Records, massive layoffs, Melinda the first lady of magic, nikki finke, Nokia Theater, OnMedea, Paramount, Philippe Dauman, Picasso, Robert Altman, Rupert Murdoch, Seamus, sharon waxman, Sherry Lansing, Starry Night, Sumner Redstone, Taylor Swift, Terry Semel, The black Eyed Peas, thewrap.com, Titanic, Van Gogh, Viacom, Viacom's Holiday party, Vincent & Theo, Yellow Balloon Dog, You're So Vain

Good morning. Yesterday, as I was having my monthly lunch with Sumner Redstone at the Hamburger Hamlet in Hollywood, David Geffen stopped by to say hello and asked if he could join us. We’ve all known each other for years but it was the first time the three of us ever sat down to a meal. Geffen ordered another Turning Leaf Chardonnay and a shot of Gordon’s vodka and had a seat.

We exchanged a few words about the news that he was Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” inspiration. He said he thought that song was about him. I asked him if he wanted to get back into the music business and, if so, would he be interested in taking over Manka Bros. Records – which really needs a shot in the ass (Seamus is coming in far below expectations).

He declined and said the only thing that interests him now are those little Japanese trees.

Sumner asked Geffen about his art collection and if he’d be willing to sell a few of his more valuable pieces (in reality, Sumner couldn’t afford a wall covering from Pier 1 right now).

As they kept talking, a light bulb went off in my head. I would like to buy some art. I’m sitting on an enormous pile of cash and need to do something with it. Banks and stocks are certainly no place to put money these days. And after the massive layoffs and cutbacks at Manka Bros. last year, it might just be the thing that would cheer me up. I’m sure the remaining employees at the studio would really get a kick out of knowing their boss has just bought some really great art for his house and office. And, from what I understand, there are some real bargains out there because of the recession.

So I started to pick David Geffen’s brain. He said his main focus is post-World War 2 Abstract American Art. Well, that’s the most boring fucking thing I could ever imagine. What I want are Picassos and Van Goghs – art that people have heard of.

He said he had a few original Picasso sketchbooks that he may be willing to part with… for the right price. And he had some personal items of Van Gogh – a couple of shoes and an unused toothbrush.

That kind of shit doesn’t interest me at all. I want that Starry Night painting or the Chick Playing the Lute. He said he didn’t own those.

He mentioned Jackson Pollock and I reminded him of the horrible box office grosses of the movie Pollock. He reminded me of the horrible box office grosses of Vincent & Theo (which I blame more on Robert Altman than anything else).

I could go on about our insane conversation, but I won’t (Geffen went on and on about the brilliance of Damien Hirst and Jeff Koons – I looked them up and they are freaks).

Here’s the deal – I want to buy some art.

Anyone at the studio who knows something about it – let me know. There must be a couple of Art History majors floating around the Script Development Department (God knows we have enough Folklore Mythology majors).

Perhaps I’ll even invite you to lunch in my executive dining room.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company