I’m not exactly sure how I wound up in one of Caesars’ vomitoriums face down – and I’m not sure why I wasn’t wearing pants.
Lying in the stall next to me was Harvey Weinstein – out cold. I was not going to investigate his pants situation.
I left Harvey, got a pack of gum from the guy standing at the sink and went to find some pants. I would like to publicly thank the Hugo Boss store in the Caesars’ Forum Shops for being open so early.
I was not the only one there needing to buy pants. Inside were various computer geeks, Silicon Valley dorks and movie executives all scouring the rack for anything that would fit. “Happens all the time, especially during CES,” – said Ky – our store helper.
What a night! I’m not sure what kind of drugs they were putting in the drinks at the Microsoft event – but whatever they were, they were potent. God, Ballmer sucked, didn’t he? Fuck that Tweet choir! SELL SELL SELL! [MANKA BROS. LEGAL DISCLAIMER: It can’t be proved that Microsoft or anyone else put drugs in the drinks.]
Really fucked up flashes…
- Bob Iger freaking me out with his sleight of hand magic tricks.
- Discussing Schopenhauer with Ryan Seacrest. I will never forget him stumbling over and screaming in my face: “After your death you will be what you were before your birth… bitch!”
- Ben Silverman trying to convince me he is a visionary (epic fail).
- Barry Diller calling me over to the nickel slots so that he could tell me how much he loves the Oakland Raiders.
- Rupert Murdoch teaching me to blow smoke out of my eyes.
- Sumner Redstone dancing on Cleopatra’s Barge… with Cleopatra!
It goes on and on. A never ending parade of drunken moguls and fucked up geeks.
Thank God I am back in my regular suite and have eaten a great deal of bacon. Tonight, I fear, will be another drunken night.
I wasn’t planning on coming to Vegas. I hate CES. Especially CES After Dark. But Sumner wanted to party – so I took pity on the old man and agreed.
I gave a keynote speech here last year telling everyone how much I hated CES.
This year my only goal is to drink until I throw up and then pass out. Night #1: Mission accomplished.
Now I have to go sit on a stupid panel for a idiotic Facebook game my company is producing. A bullshit thing based on our high-profile summer blockbuster flop “Rampage Of The Stegosaur.” You get points by clicking on the dinosaurs until they become extinct.
God what a horrible place Hollywood has become.
Fuck new media.