Terry Semel – Page 7 – Chairman's Blog

October 7, 2010May 3, 2011

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Mary Parent A Job

Good afternoon. Moments ago, I was made aware that Gary Barber and Roger Birnbaum have become the heads of MGM. Gary, Roger and I go way back and I wish them nothing but the best (word of advice – just produce The Hobbit and James Bond movies and everything will be okay. Let the other studios produce the crap movies that don’t make money).

As a casualty of this announcement, I would imagine Mary Parent will no longer be handling the production duties at the studio.

Because of this, Mary, I would like to offer you a job at Manka Bros. Much like my offer to Jeff Zucker last week and mostly because of Manka Bros.’ recent horrible run at the box office and on television, you can pick whatever job at the studio you would like (with the exception of Lloyd Grohl’s – which is not to be touched).

I would gladly fire Robin Rafe (head of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group) or Jay McBee (head of the Manka Bros. Television Group) immediately if you showed the slightest interest.

Just let me know. We may not be able to offer you “The Hobbit” but we are producing the 13th century Icelandic sagas The Prose Edda and The Poetic Edda by Snorri Sturluson. These epics are so much cooler than “The Hobbit” it’s not even funny.

We’re also doing a $300 million adaptation of The Book of Habakkuk (for my money, the BEST book of the Bible – Old or New Testament).

So, as you can see, there are some big things on our plate… we just someone that’s competent to shepherd these projects home.

Come home to Manka Bros. We’ve got all-you-can-eat yogurt every Friday!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

September 24, 2010May 2, 2011

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Jeff Zucker A Job

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bill Bradley, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Brian Grazer, Brian Roberts, Candice Bergen, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Chase Carey, Chris Silbermann, Cory Booker, Diane Von Furstenberg, Don Graham, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Eisner, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, George Bodenheimer, Gina Bianchini, Gordon Crawford, Haim Saban, Hank Vigil, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Berg, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Bezos, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Jim Berkus, Jim Gianopulos, Jim Robinson, John Donahue, Jon Miller, Jonathan Dolgen, Ken Auletta, Ken Chenault, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Larry Page, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Michael Ovitz, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Owen Van Natta, Patt Morrison, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Rachael Ray, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robbie Bach, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tim Armstrong, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Tom Glocer, Tom Rothman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company

I have sold my Comcast stock.

Frankly, I am stunned at today’s announcement that Jeff Zucker has been fired by Steve Burke at Comcast. Little Stevie Burke (who was a Manka Bros. intern years ago in our Publishing Group) has some balls on him. He’s not even Jeff Zucker’s boss yet and he pulled the trigger on the firing.

My great old friend Brian Roberts doesn’t know what a treasure he has lost today. It’s a crazy world when someone like Jeff Zucker doesn’t have a media empire to run. I would call Brian on Jeff’s behalf to urge him to overrule Steve Burke, but I’m just too busy.

Well, JZ, even though Comcast Universal (which will still be smaller than Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company) doesn’t have a place for you after the merger, Manka Bros. DOES have a place for you. I would like to offer you a job anywhere you want in the organization. Check our Senior Management roster and pick the job you would like.

Manka Bros. has so underperformed this year, nearly every job is up for grabs (with the exception of Lloyd Grohl). Just give me a 24 hour heads up and I’ll fire whomever you wish to replace.

Though based on your track record, personally, I would prefer you stayed away from our television group – but, really, beggars can’t be choosers, right?

I know you’re hurting right now and probably inconsolable and crying but just remember all the good times we’ve had from Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Retreat, to the lobster boil with Peter Chernin – lots of great times.

The party would continue and never stop if you joined our organization. The whole thing just breaks my heart and I only wish to God Manka Bros. would have acquired NBC Universal when we had the chance just so that you would still have a job.

I know everyone thinks you’re an asshole (welcome to the club!) but your accomplishments at NBC cannot be ignored – from the hiring of Ben Silverman to the way you handled the Jay Leno/Conan situation – NBC is in great shape and will only get stronger after you leave. You can hold your head up!

So, think about it. Take a couple of years, climb a mountain, backpack around Europe. Hopefully, at least, GE will cash out your vacation time. If not, and you need a low interest loan until you get back on your feet, just let me know.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

August 20, 2010May 3, 2011

Leaving For My House In The Seychelles

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Anne Sweeney, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, MIchelle Caruso-Cabrera, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Comic-Con, Leann Womack, Captain Stoppo, Lloyd Grohl

As I said last year (and every year), this town is dead until after Labor Day and it’s pointless for someone like me to still be here working.

So… I’m leaving this afternoon for my house in the Seychelles and will return on September 7th.

Please don’t contact me unless there is some type of explosion or fire at the studio… or if something crazier happens – like one of our movies DOESN’T fail!

My plane will be making a short stop at Teterboro in New Jersey to pick up Michelle Caruso-Cabrera. After that, my various cellphones and gadgets will be turned off until I return to Burbank.

Anyone who tries to reach me will be fired. Anyone who does (somehow) reach me will be killed.

Keep working. We’ve had another terrible year and everyone is to blame!

See you in September!

[REMEMBER: Labor Day is NOT holiday at Manka Bros. Just because I’m off doesn’t mean everyone is!]

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

August 10, 2010June 11, 2015

Book Club Meeting On Rupert Murdoch’s Boat

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning from the Canary Islands!

I’m on the Manka Bros. Employee Yacht (The King Khan) which was paid for by all your hard work!

As a reminder, because it is the “Employee Yacht” (paid for by a slight deduction from your weekly paychecks), one of you will be eligible to host your very own party for your friends or colleagues on this very yacht. The date set for this party is, I believe, a Tuesday in February – so be sure and sign up for the drawing.

Because we’re deep in the dog days of August, I am out of Hollywood and off the coast of Africa.

I was finally able to arrange for my Monthly Mogul Book Club Meeting which took place yesterday. Unfortunately, it was Rupert Murdoch’s time to host the meeting which meant it was either going to be in Rupert’s crappy North Hollywood apartment or his ridiculous excuse for a yacht.

Since we’re all out of town, we decided to meet on his “yacht” – actually a shitty old rickety sea trawler in desperate need of a paint job. He has named it “The Chase Carey.” It was once called “The Peter Chernin” but those letters appear to have been violently scratched out.

But Rupert didn’t get to be Rupert by buying fancy mansions and yachts. He got where he is today by eating mac & cheese and drinking water from the tap in his $750 / month North Hollywood apartment.

Rupert’s boat was anchored near the run-down port city of Naples, Italy. Since he didn’t have a helipad on his boat, we all had to deal with the inconvenience of getting there by either jetski or motorboat.

In attendance was Rupert Murdoch, Barry Diller, Jeff Zucker, Ben Silverman (replacing Harvey Weinstein – who officially lost his mogul status), Bob Iger, Sumner Redstone (by phone), Les Moonves and myself. (We really wanted to try and get some female moguls involved in the group but those are really hard to come by these days. The only person close to mogul status is what’s her name from Facebook – that chick from the Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference.)

Anyway, because I had such a hard time remembering what happened at the last book club meeting once we started doing Slivovitz shots, this time I brought a little recorder to document the event. My assistant, Vicky, was kind enough to transcribe it and post it here:

———————–

Mogul Book Club Meeting – August 9, 2010 – Rupert Murdoch’s Boat “The Chase Carey”

Rupert: Murdoch: Thanks for coming. Thanks Khan for pulling this all together. I don’t have anything other than Keystone Beer on the boat, so hopefully you all got my note about bringing your own drinks. I do have a cheese plate and few leftover crackers from our TV Upfront Presentation in May.

Our book this month is “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo.” I would like to thank Sumner Redstone for providing us all with a new iPad with the book preloaded onto it.

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): I didn’t provide any such thing! What the fuck? Who sent you all iPads? I’m not in the iPad giving business! Who sent it? I’m not gonna kill that person – I just want to talk to him.

Bob Iger: I got it from Philippe Dauman. He signed both your names and said “Sorry he couldn’t make it.”

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): Dauman? I’ll kill him.

Jeff Zucker: Can we fucking talk about the stupid book? I’ve got a meeting on Brian Roberts’ yacht off Capri in two hours.

Les Moonves: Do you still work for him or has he fired you? Nikki Finke hasn’t been clear about this.

Jeff Zucker: Look, Leslie… I fire – I don’t get fired. Capisce?

Barry Diller: I thought you said you had a cheese plate?

Rupert Murdoch: Maybe Lachlan didn’t set it out. There’s a cooler there on floor with ice in it. It may be there.

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): Are we going to talk about the book? This “Girl with the Dragon Tattoo” is a fiery bitch. I think I could do a show with her of some kind.

Bob Iger: Stop trying to make me throw up, Sumner.

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): I’ll ‘throw up’ you – right up your ass.

Barry Diller: There’s no cheese in this cooler, Rupert. The ice is all frosted together. Did you have fish in here?

Khan Manka, Jr.: The guy who wrote the book is from Finland or something, I think. He’s pretty hot right now. We may go after his next book.

Jeff Zucker: He’s dead, you moron.

Khan Manka, Jr.: Weren’t you fired yet, Fucker?

[Lots of laughs in the room.]

Barry Diller: Rupert! Did you have fish in this cooler? Fuck it. Ben go back to Naples and pick up some cheese. This is bullshit.

Jeff Zucker: This IS bullshit. I have to go.

Bob Iger: So we’re not talking about the book?

Les Moonves: Fine with me. I didn’t read it.

Ben Silverman: I had the coverage faxed to Diddy’s yacht last night but I haven’t perused it.

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): I’ll ‘peruse’ you – right up your ass!

Rupert Murdoch: There’s a movie coming out. I’ll just watch that. What studio’s got that?

Les Moonves: Sony.

Rupert Murdoch: Fuckers ain’t got “Avatar” though, do they? Maybe we should invite Michael Lynton to the next meeting.

Jeff Zucker: Is he really a mogul? You never hear about him in the press.

Rupert Murdoch: Still not fired yet, huh? I give it another five minutes. Gentlemen, please leave your booze behind, I’m having people over tonight.

[Everyone leaves the boat.]

Sumner Redstone (over speaker phone): Hello? Are we talking about the book? Hello? What the fuck is this? I can wait longer than you. I’m gonna live forever…

———————————

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

August 4, 2010May 3, 2011

Manka Bros.’ Gay Marriage Policy

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Schwarzeneggar, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bill Clinton, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Chelsea Clinton, Cory Booker, Danny kaye, DumbDumb, Electus, Ellen Degeneres, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harry Manka, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jay McBee, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Lance Bass, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Mort Zuckerman, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Portia De rossi, Proposition 8, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Ted Danson, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vaughn Walker, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company

Yes, even though I am still at my Montauk house on vacation (recovering from Chelsea Clinton’s wedding) people still think it’s okay to bother me.

So last night, I received an urgent call from Natalie Kim – the head of Manka Bros. Human Resources. She says she has received hundreds of emails from employees who wanted a clarification of Manka Bros.’ Gay Marriage Policy.

Even though I am heading out the door to play squash with Mort Zuckerman, I will take a couple of moments to address this issue.

Yes, Manka Bros. supports gay marriage.

Married employees (gay or straight) all receive the same benefits and perks (i.e., health coverage, 401K, 10% off Studio Store merchandise, free yogurt Fridays, etc.).

In fact, Manka Bros. has supported gay marriage for over 50 years – ever since my father, the asshole Harry Manka, signed a talent contract with Danny Kaye. Part of the deal was that he would be allowed to be gay inside the studio and actually have a husband and a house on the lot.

[Manka Bros. Corporate Legal Disclaimer: There is no proof that Danny Kaye was gay – he was just “allowed to be gay”.]

Because that experiment worked so well and kept Mr. Kaye so happy, it soon became Manka Bros.’ company policy – anyone who wanted to be gay and be married while at work was allowed to be. There were some strict guidelines though:

No sex on Midwest Street (only in certain alleyways of the Greenwich Village backlot set would sex be tolerated);

No gold lame bikini briefs (that was my father’s issue and has since been repealed for anyone working in Manka Bros. Theatrical or Television development);

And no showtunes or cabaret music of any kind to played during company events (this remains in effect and will never be repealed as long as I draw a breath). Headphones are okay, I just don’t want to hear about it.

So, while many of you may be rejoicing in the overturning of Prop. 8, take comfort in the fact that it was always okay to be gay (and married) at Manka Bros.

In fact, I think this is a great opportunity for some of you in a loveless sham of a heterosexual marriage (i.e., Jay McBee) to come out and try to find the same-sex man or woman of your dreams.

Frankly, why anyone would want to be married is beyond me. (My three ex-wives wanted to be married to me so they could all get rich in the divorce… gold digging bitches.) But at Manka Bros., everyone is at least given that right.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

August 2, 2010October 27, 2011

Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Astor Courts, Barbra Streisand, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bill Bradley, Bill Clinton, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Bowzer, Brian Grazer, Brian Roberts, Candice Bergen, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Chase Carey, Chelsea Clinton, Chris Silbermann, Cory Booker, David Blaine, Denise Rich, Diane Von Furstenberg, Don Graham, DumbDumb, Edward Mezvinsky, Electus, Eric Eisner, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, George Bodenheimer, Gina Bianchini, Gordon Crawford, Haim Saban, Hank Vigil, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, HIllary Clinton, James Ponet, Jane Fonda, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Berg, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Bezos, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Jim Berkus, Jim Gianopulos, Jim Robinson, John Donahue, Jon Miller, Jonathan Dolgen, Ken Auletta, Ken Chenault, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Larry Page, Lee Ann Womack, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Madeleine Albright, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marc Mezvinsky, Margorie Margolies-Mezvinsky, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Michael Ovitz, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Owen Van Natta, Patt Morrison, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Queen of Norway, Rachael Ray, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robbie Bach, Robert L. Johnson, Robert Reich, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sally Quinn, Sergey Brin, Sha Na Na, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Bing, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, steven spielberg, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Ted Turner, Terry McAuliffe, Terry Semel, Tim Armstrong, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Tom Glocer, Tom Rothman, Ursula Burns, Vera Wang, Vernon Jordan, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, William Shillady, World's Largest Media Company

Now I know what it would be like to live in the Iraqi Green Zone. It would suck.

I am now safely on the deck of my Montauk house after a successful air lifting out of Rhinebeck yesterday afternoon.

Before I was allowed on the chopper, a few of us were given one final harsh debriefing by the General in charge of wedding security about never repeating what we witnessed this past weekend.

Ted Danson was sitting next to me and said it reminded him of the St. Crispin’s Day speech from Shakespeare’s Henry V. I asked him ‘What the fuck does Becker know about Shakespeare?’ Ted told me he was Ted Danson and not ‘Becker’. ‘Becker’ was just a role he played. I then called him ‘Becker’ again just to end the conversation. I don’t even know why he was invited to the wedding.

[As a side note, I’m very surprised not to see more studio moguls at the wedding. Other than Ted Turner, Steven Spielberg and me, it was a pretty lame turnout. I don’t know why I was expecting it to be more like Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference. Oh well, I suppose I’m honored just to have made the cut.]

I had my assistant, Vicky, send me a copy of the St. Crispin’s Day speech and it really was a rewritten version of that speech. ‘Becker’s’ not such an idiot after all. It went something like this:

‘We few, we happy few…
We band of brothers (and sisters) who were
Witness to Chelsea and Marc’s great day
Must never (NEVER) repeat that which so many in the media
Would give their lives to know the truth… etc. etc.’)’

Because of the stupidity of that speech and the over the top security measures, I am forced to break from my band of elite brothers and sisters and will reveal a few details about the (for the most part) very pleasant wedding I attended this weekend.

First of all, somebody could have told me Bowzer is no longer in Sha Na Na! As I mentioned last week, once I heard Sha Na Na was the wedding band, I was very excited. I’m a huge Bowzer fan. Dude does not get the credit he deserves as a pioneer of rock and roll.

In his place was something called the “Bowzer Experience” – it was three different guys dressed as Bowzer in different stages of his life (Kid, Young Adult and Old Bowzer).

Former President Bill Clinton was also very upset that he was having to pay for a ‘sub-par Sha Na Na’. He leaned over to me at one point and said: “I think there’s only one guy from the original Sha Na Na. This is bullshit. These guys look like they just came from a State Fair!”

That said, once they ripped into Chuck Berry’s ‘My Ding-a-ling’ there wasn’t a spot to be had on the dance floor. Everybody (from Madeleine Albright to former Labor Secretary Robert Reich) was hopping and shaking to the music.

Other highlights included:

Bill Clinton’s heartfelt toast to Chelsea and Marc. While it was a beautiful, well-spoken toast, I was surprise that Korbel was the ‘champagne’ of choice. Supposedly, it has been Chelsea’s favorite since college.

I also felt having White Castle hamburgers as an appetizer was a little too low rent – more Arkansas than Hudson Valley (though that was the only appetizer they ran out of).

The Whoopee Cushions placed in the chairs at the wedding party’s table was also a bizarre choice (though they did get all the intended laughs and really loosened up the room). It just seemed inappropriate for such a refined event. But maybe that’s why most people in this country still love the Clintons. No one laughed louder than Bill when they all sat down.

Most of the drunkenness was kept to a minimum. I think the guests were well aware that any falls into the wedding cake or slips on the dance floor or throwing up on the Queen of Norway was going to haunt them forever. So it was, on a whole, a very boring night.

There was, however, one very cool thing which happened toward the end of the evening. The illusionist David Blaine was hired to go from table to table to do close-up magic, levitate the guests, etc. (he was certainly making a lot of Bourbon disappear).

As one final trick, he asked everyone to take off their right shoe. “Now look on the bottom.”

Taped to the bottom of everyone’s right shoe was a $100 gift card from Best Buy with a note: “Thanks so much for making our dream day a reality. XXOO Chelsea and Marc.”

As corny as it was, you can now get a Blu-ray player for around $100. So I know what I’m getting with my gift card.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 30, 2010May 3, 2011

Going To Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barbra Streisand, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bill Bradley, Bill Clinton, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Bowzer, Brian Grazer, Brian Roberts, Candice Bergen, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Chase Carey, Chelsea Clinton, Chris Silbermann, Cory Booker, Denise Rich, Diane Von Furstenberg, Don Graham, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Eisner, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, George Bodenheimer, Gina Bianchini, Gordon Crawford, Haim Saban, Hank Vigil, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, HIllary Clinton, Jane Fonda, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Berg, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Bezos, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Jim Berkus, Jim Gianopulos, Jim Robinson, John Donahue, Jon Miller, Jonathan Dolgen, Ken Auletta, Ken Chenault, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Larry Page, Lee Ann Womack, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marc Mezvinsky, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Michael Ovitz, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Owen Van Natta, Patt Morrison, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Rachael Ray, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robbie Bach, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sally Quinn, Sergey Brin, Sha Na Na, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, steven spielberg, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Ted Turner, Terry Semel, Tim Armstrong, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Tom Glocer, Tom Rothman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company

UPDATE: Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding

I’m leaving the office for the weekend.

I’m going to Chelsea Clinton’s wedding in some God forsaken town called Rhinebeck, New York.

I don’t know where it is and I don’t know the address.

I was told I would be blindfolded once I touched down at Teterboro. I am then to be driven by Towncar to the site of the wedding. They say the blindfold can not be removed until I am safely inside the wedding house.

I’m really getting sick of going to these Presidential daughter weddings. Two years ago it was Jenna Bush, now it’s Chelsea. It just doesn’t stop. I have better things to do with my time.

Don’t get me wrong, Chelsea is a lovely girl and a very very warm person. I met her a few years ago when she interviewed for a summer intern position in the Manka Bros. Television Group. I don’t really remember why we turned her down. Some people just aren’t cut out for TV.

Anyway, because Lee Ann Womack has decided not to return my calls lately, I will be going stag to the wedding.

This will give me a chance to spend some quality time with my old friend (and drinking buddy) Ted Turner. He likes to drink Whiskey Sours and talk about Jane Fonda and I love to drink White Russians and hear about Jane Fonda. She was an early crush of mine ever since I saw Barbarella.

If anyone needs to reach me, they can’t. I’ll be inside a no cell phone, no internet, Level 8 security zone (whatever that means). If you want to get me a note, you’ll have to get through 4,000 Marines.

It’s literally more security than Herb Allen had at his Sun Valley Retreat – and we were a much more important that this crowd.

On the positive side, I’m excited to see Sha Na Na. I hear that’s the wedding band. That Bowzer really cracks me up.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 28, 2010May 4, 2011

Manka Bros. Would NOT Like To Offer Steve McPherson A Job

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Ari Emanuel, Aylwin Lewis, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brent Woodford, Brooks Barnes, Chrstine McCarthy, Disney, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Ike Perlmutter, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Monica Lozano, New York Times, OnMedea, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Iger, Robert Matschullat, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Stacey Snider, Stephen McPherson, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, Terry Semel, Thomas Staggs, Walter Liss, Willow Bay, World's Largest Media company, Zenia Mucha

… at least not until after the investigation of sexual harassment is complete.

If it turns out he is completely innocent and didn’t do any of the fucked up shit that is leveled against him – I just may reconsider and offer Stevie Mac a job (as I did yesterday).

Actually, he’s no longer Stevie Mac to me until the charges are cleared. He’s Stephen McPherson. Manka Bros. has enough troubles.

Good thing my friend Bob Iger has the sense to replace him with some English guy. English men would never do this sort of thing.

An [alleged] sexual harasser would not do well at Manka Bros. – especially in the Television Group. Most of the women of Manka Bros. are very good at taekwondo. I know because I’ve… witnessed it first hand.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 27, 2010May 4, 2011

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Steve McPherson A Job

So the idiots at Disney have decided to let Steve McPherson “resign”. (As an aside, my great friend Bob Iger is NOT included as one of the “idiots”. Bob, with whom I just had a truly bizarre week with at Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Retreat, is great.)

If I may just say – WHAT THE FUCK ARE THEY THINKING?!!

I personally feel that Stevie Mac (as I remember him when he was a Manka Bros. intern right out of Pierce College in Woodland Hills) is one of the great network programmers in history and believe that ABC is fucked because he is leaving.

However, this disgraceful negative can easily turn into a Manka Bros. positive.

Because of our mutual disrespect of Ben Silverman and everything he represents (please read the Manka Bros. Business blogger Jill Kennedy for more details), I would like to offer Steve McPherson the job of running the Manka Bros. Television Group (including the hopelessly lost MBS Television Network).

We currently have a President of the Television Group, Jay McBee, but he really sucks and only has his job because he won a random draw nationwide competition based on a code found underneath a Pepsi cap. Before winning, he worked at a Radio Shack in Sioux City, IA. In the TV business, that is almost always enough of a qualification. However, based on the recent announcement of our 2010/2011 fall schedule, I believe it’s time for a change.

So, Stevie Mac – please call my assistant, Vicky Adler-Modry, and set up an appointment so we can talk.

Thanks for your acceptance in advance.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 15, 2010May 5, 2011

I Have Restarted My Monthly Book Club

Good morning.

I’m back in office after a few days at an Indian [editor’s change: Native American] Teepee sweat camp to get all the Sun Valley alcohol out of my system. That Herb Allen really knows how to over serve his guests.

About the only good thing to come out of that suck ass Sun Valley Retreat last week was the commitment from a few of my fellow moguls to restart our Monthly Book Club.

The last book club meeting we had was a couple of years ago and it was a disaster.

As I recall, Carl Icahn crashed the meeting and threatened to wage a proxy war to take over all our companies but I promptly had him removed by security. [Editor’s note: Mr. Manka, according to his own blog, actually invited Mr. Icahn to that meeting. But it is true that he had him removed by security.]

Poor, pathetic Carl is such a joke he’s not even able to take over Lionsgate – the puniest of all the studios. So, sorry, Carl, you won’t be getting an invite to my Mogul Book Club. RULE #1: YOU MUST BE A MOGUL. Harvey Weinstein will also not be getting an invite. Ben Silverman will be taking his place.

As I told my mogul friends (Bob Iger, Rupert Murdoch, Phillipe Dauman, et al) at The Drankin’ Hole last week, our book selection is “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo”. Everyone seems to be talking about this Stieg Larsson guy (maybe Manka Bros. should hire him to write something) – so I think it will be a better selection than our last book – “Water For Elephants”.

The meeting will be at Haim Saban’s house one week from Sunday – so get your assistants to pick up the book and get reading!

To my Senior Management Team at Manka Bros., I suppose we should have some sort of meeting to see what the fuck is going on around here and why haven’t had a hit movie this summer!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company