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Aug
02

Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Astor Courts, Barbra Streisand, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bill Bradley, Bill Clinton, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Bowzer, Brian Grazer, Brian Roberts, Candice Bergen, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Chase Carey, Chelsea Clinton, Chris Silbermann, Cory Booker, David Blaine, Denise Rich, Diane Von Furstenberg, Don Graham, DumbDumb, Edward Mezvinsky, Electus, Eric Eisner, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, George Bodenheimer, Gina Bianchini, Gordon Crawford, Haim Saban, Hank Vigil, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, HIllary Clinton, James Ponet, Jane Fonda, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Berg, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Bezos, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Jim Berkus, Jim Gianopulos, Jim Robinson, John Donahue, Jon Miller, Jonathan Dolgen, Ken Auletta, Ken Chenault, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Larry Page, Lee Ann Womack, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Madeleine Albright, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marc Mezvinsky, Margorie Margolies-Mezvinsky, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Michael Ovitz, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Owen Van Natta, Patt Morrison, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Queen of Norway, Rachael Ray, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robbie Bach, Robert L. Johnson, Robert Reich, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sally Quinn, Sergey Brin, Sha Na Na, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Bing, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, steven spielberg, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Ted Turner, Terry McAuliffe, Terry Semel, Tim Armstrong, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Tom Glocer, Tom Rothman, Ursula Burns, Vera Wang, Vernon Jordan, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, William Shillady, World's Largest Media CompanyNow I know what it would be like to live in the Iraqi Green Zone.  It would suck.

I am now safely on the deck of my Montauk house after a successful air lifting out of Rhinebeck yesterday afternoon.

Before I was allowed on the chopper, a few of us were given one final harsh debriefing by the General in charge of wedding security about never repeating what we witnessed this past weekend.

Ted Danson was sitting next to me and said it reminded him of the St. Crispin’s Day speech from Shakespeare’s Henry V. I asked him ‘What the fuck does Becker know about Shakespeare?’  Ted told me he was Ted Danson and not ‘Becker’‘Becker’ was just a role he played.  I then called him ‘Becker’ again just to end the conversation.  I don’t even know why he was invited to the wedding.

[As a side note, I'm very surprised not to see more studio moguls at the wedding.  Other than Ted Turner, Steven Spielberg and me, it was a pretty lame turnout.  I don't know why I was expecting it to be more like Herb Allen's Sun Valley Conference.  Oh well, I suppose I'm honored just to have made the cut.]

I had my assistant, Vicky, send me a copy of the St. Crispin’s Day speech and it really was a rewritten version of that speech.  ‘Becker’s’ not such an idiot after all.  It went something like this:

‘We few, we happy few…
We band of brothers (and sisters) who were
Witness to Chelsea and Marc’s great day
Must never (NEVER) repeat that which so many in the media
Would give their lives to know the truth… etc. etc.’)’

Because of the stupidity of that speech and the over the top security measures, I am forced to break from my band of elite brothers and sisters and will reveal a few details about the (for the most part) very pleasant wedding I attended this weekend.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Astor Courts, Barbra Streisand, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bill Bradley, Bill Clinton, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Bowzer, Brian Grazer, Brian Roberts, Candice Bergen, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Chase Carey, Chelsea Clinton, Chris Silbermann, Cory Booker, David Blaine, Denise Rich, Diane Von Furstenberg, Don Graham, DumbDumb, Edward Mezvinsky, Electus, Eric Eisner, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, George Bodenheimer, Gina Bianchini, Gordon Crawford, Haim Saban, Hank Vigil, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, HIllary Clinton, James Ponet, Jane Fonda, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Berg, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Bezos, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Jim Berkus, Jim Gianopulos, Jim Robinson, John Donahue, Jon Miller, Jonathan Dolgen, Ken Auletta, Ken Chenault, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Larry Page, Lee Ann Womack, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Madeleine Albright, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marc Mezvinsky, Margorie Margolies-Mezvinsky, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Michael Ovitz, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Owen Van Natta, Patt Morrison, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Queen of Norway, Rachael Ray, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robbie Bach, Robert L. Johnson, Robert Reich, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sally Quinn, Sergey Brin, Sha Na Na, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Bing, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, steven spielberg, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Ted Turner, Terry McAuliffe, Terry Semel, Tim Armstrong, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Tom Glocer, Tom Rothman, Ursula Burns, Vera Wang, Vernon Jordan, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, William Shillady, World's Largest Media CompanyFirst of all, somebody could have told me Bowzer is no longer in Sha Na Na!  As I mentioned last week, once I heard Sha Na Na was the wedding band, I was very excited.  I’m a huge Bowzer fan.  Dude does not get the credit he deserves as a pioneer of rock and roll.

In his place was something called the “Bowzer Experience” – it was three different guys dressed as Bowzer in different stages of his life (Kid, Young Adult and Old Bowzer).

Former President Bill Clinton was also very upset that he was having to pay for a ‘sub-par Sha Na Na’. He leaned over to me at one point and said:  “I think there’s only one guy from the original Sha Na Na.  This is bullshit.  These guys look like they just came from a State Fair!”

That said, once they ripped into Chuck Berry’s ‘My Ding-a-ling’ there wasn’t a spot to be had on the dance floor.  Everybody (from Madeleine Albright to former Labor Secretary Robert Reich) was hopping and shaking to the music.

Other highlights included:

  • Bill Clinton’s heartfelt toast to Chelsea and Marc.  While it was a beautiful, well-spoken toast, I was surprise that Korbel was the ‘champagne’ of choice.  Supposedly, it has been Chelsea’s favorite since college.
  • I also felt having White Castle hamburgers as an appetizer was a little too low rent – more Arkansas than Hudson Valley (though that was the only appetizer they ran out of).
  • The Whoopee Cushions placed in the chairs at the wedding party’s table was also a bizarre choice (though they did get all the intended laughs and really loosened up the room).  It just seemed inappropriate for such a refined event.  But maybe that’s why most people in this country still love the Clintons.  No one laughed louder than Bill when they all sat down.
  • Most of the drunkenness was kept to a minimum.  I think the guests were well aware that any falls into the wedding cake or slips on the dance floor or throwing up on the Queen of Norway was going to haunt them forever.  So it was, on a whole, a very boring night.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Astor Courts, Barbra Streisand, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bill Bradley, Bill Clinton, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Bowzer, Brian Grazer, Brian Roberts, Candice Bergen, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Chase Carey, Chelsea Clinton, Chris Silbermann, Cory Booker, David Blaine, Denise Rich, Diane Von Furstenberg, Don Graham, DumbDumb, Edward Mezvinsky, Electus, Eric Eisner, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, George Bodenheimer, Gina Bianchini, Gordon Crawford, Haim Saban, Hank Vigil, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, HIllary Clinton, James Ponet, Jane Fonda, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Berg, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Bezos, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Jim Berkus, Jim Gianopulos, Jim Robinson, John Donahue, Jon Miller, Jonathan Dolgen, Ken Auletta, Ken Chenault, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Larry Page, Lee Ann Womack, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Madeleine Albright, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marc Mezvinsky, Margorie Margolies-Mezvinsky, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Michael Ovitz, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Owen Van Natta, Patt Morrison, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Queen of Norway, Rachael Ray, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robbie Bach, Robert L. Johnson, Robert Reich, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sally Quinn, Sergey Brin, Sha Na Na, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Bing, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, steven spielberg, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Ted Turner, Terry McAuliffe, Terry Semel, Tim Armstrong, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Tom Glocer, Tom Rothman, Ursula Burns, Vera Wang, Vernon Jordan, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, William Shillady, World's Largest Media CompanyThere was, however, one very cool thing which happened toward the end of the evening.  The illusionist David Blaine was hired to go from table to table to do close-up magic, levitate the guests, etc. (he was certainly making a lot of Bourbon disappear).

As one final trick, he asked everyone to  take off their right shoe.  “Now look on the bottom.”

Taped to the bottom of everyone’s right shoe was a $100 gift card from Best Buy with a note:  “Thanks so much for making our dream day a reality.  XXOO Chelsea and Marc.”

As corny as it was, you can now get a Blu-ray player for around $100.  So I know what I’m getting with my gift card.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Permanent link to this article: http://mankabros.com/blogs/chairman/2010/08/02/chelsea-clintons-wedding/

21 comments

2 pings

  1. morris wise says:

    The Clinton family, bankers, and the professionals who were at the most beautiful wedding of the 21 century were only a partial display of 50 million cognitively elite Americans, they alone keep America great. The rest of the population can be exchanged for Mexicans with no difference to the economy or quality of the nation.

    1. James Madison says:

      Give me a break. These are the very people who have willfully eroded the republic and the system by which it stands. Limousine liberals eating White Castle. Beautiful indeed.

  2. Disappointed says:

    It’s a shame about Bowzer. Rush Limbaugh had Elton John perform at his wedding. The Clintons couldn’t even the real Sha Na Na. That’s just sad.

  3. John Davies says:

    Who the fuck is Chelsea Clinton?

  4. Anonymous says:

    You did a great job, not giving too much. Glad to here you had fun and thanks for the update.

  5. Jill Kennedy says:

    Shutting out the media was an odd choice for such a public family.

  6. oakwood says:

    I can only assume this blog is satire (ie. this guy is not the CEO of whoever). Funny if it is. If not, then sad for the blogger.

  7. Roosky Red says:

    That place is going to be huge for rich people’s weddings for years to come. I hear they’re selling it. Perfect timing. it will never be more valuable than it is right now.

  8. Dr Bukk says:

    Hilarious! Thanks for your review. Mark Twain is your muse, I presume.

  9. nathalie from montreal says:

    you are too hilarious. i do not know you but i will come back and read your comments again. have a long life darling.

  10. Michael Kovbasyanya says:

    Read more about Chelsea Clinton’s Wedding on http://uionv.com/.
    Congratulations to Chelsea Clinton and Marc Mezvinsky on their wedding from UIONV. Mazel Tov, Chelsea and Marc.

  11. Michael says:

    Manka Bros. Studios Proposes Acquisition of UIONV for $26 per Share.
    Read more on http://uionv.com/.

  12. Rainbow Warrior says:

    David Blaine’s best trick yet. Final a trick that has value and not some bullshit hypmotism crap.

  13. Bob says:

    This wedding sounds more fun than the actual one.

  14. Chelsea Clinton (tha real deal, y'all!) says:

    This entire blog is a lie! It wasn’t some crazy fake Sha Na Na. Ask tha real Bowzer what really happened b4 yu cast asspertions. Losers!

  15. Kookie says:

    How long after the wedding was it that her husband packed up and walked out. Chelsea is much more interested in getting into politics than to make a home, just liek her mother. And her morher isn’t too crazy about Mark.
    Did the father-in-law get our of prison to go to the wedding?

  16. SalingersGhost says:

    how does Becker even get invited to those things?

  17. AudioGuy says:

    Not a lot of ego here eh? “World’s Largest Media Company”. Had to laugh, and I think Rupert Murdoch would have a rebuttal to that.

    What is the method to measure that claim? Does the company own more real estate than Ted Turner and it’s all in the company’s name? LMFAO !!

    1. Chairman says:

      Here is the method to measure that claim – take a look at this fucking chart, AudioGuy!

      http://www.mankabros.com/worlds_largest_chart.htm

  18. FollowTheLead says:

    Yes, Manka Bros. is a joke. Look it up. It and its CEO are inventions, intended to amuse, not inform.
    http://admarketingmedia.blogspot.com/2010/07/manka-brothers-take-media-by-storm.html

  19. Bill says:

    I am a lifelong Republican but in my opinion most of the comments here are disstasteful and not warranted on Chelsea…she is the daughter of a former president and should not be humiliated for that reason or any other reason! She is a lady and deserves to be treated as one!

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