Manka Bros. Bets The Farm On “Hey Diddle Diddle”

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor Kaufman

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanGood morning.

Following an all night film strategy brainstorming session, I am pleased to announce Manka Bros. has committed to produce a $250 million reimagining of the classic children’s fairy tale “Hey Diddle Diddle”.

This is a mighty big bet for the studio and a decision I don’t make lightly.

And while it seems that every studio in town is doing a fairy tale remake right now (Red Riding Hood and Jack the Giant Killer at Warners, Hansel & Gretel at Paramount and there are THREE Snow White movies in various stages of development, etc.), I think we have hit on a concept that will definitely help “Hey Diddle Diddle” break through the clutter.

In the story’s current form, you have a Cat playing a Fiddle, a Cow jumping over the Moon, a Dog laughing and Dish running away with a Spoon… silly stuff that doesn’t translate to a long form feature film – much less the elements of a movie anyone over four would want to see.

Problem solved.

We’re going to take the same classic characters and set the story in a Soviet gulag work camp in the 1930s.  This will allow us to dig deep into the psyches of these characters.

What makes the cow jump over the moon?  Freedom.

Why does the dish run away with the spoon?  Forbidden love.

Why is the cat playing the fiddle?  Because Stalin likes music and if the cat doesn’t play, he dies.

Stuff like that.  Very powerful.

And while we don’t have a screenwriter, director or cast set, we do have a release date:  July 4, 2012.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Manka Bros. Triathlon Team Finishes Last… Again

$100 million start up fund, Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Apple iPad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Avatar, Bacara, Barry Diller, Ben Hur, Ben Hur Silverman, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bryan Lourd, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Electus Logo, Ezra Kucharz, Fortune's 40 under 40, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, IAC, Jack Nicholson, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jay Leno, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Keynote address, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, media analyst, Michael Eisner, Michael Jackson, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, MIPTV Conference 2010, Nautica Malibu Triathlon, NBC Universal, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Pyramid Lake, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club, Roman Polanski, Ryan Seacrest, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Southern Fried Rock, Steve Jobs, Super Bowl 44, Terry Semel, The Biggest Loser, the Jay Leno Show, The Restaurant, The Tonight Show, thewrap.com, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, twitter, Victor KaufmanUnbe-fucking-lievable!

If I didn’t know better, I would think that my employees only live to embarrass me.

I was just informed that the Manka Bros. Triathlon Team (led by the freakishly pathetic Jay McBee – nice swim trunks, Jay) finished last at this year’s Nautica Malibu Triathlon.

Last for the fifth straight year!

The Nautica Malibu Triathlon is an annual competition also known as the Entertainment Industry Challenge (EIC) and pits all the major studios (Manka Bros., Warner Bros., Disney, Sony, NBC Universal, Paramount, Fox, etc.) against one another.

Each year I think, well, if we can’t beat them at the box office or on television or in music sales or in theme park attendance or in publishing… we can beat them in a triathlon.

Boy, am I fucking stupid.

Manka Bros. has become a joke.  We are the flabbiest and most out of shape of all the studios.  Freaking embarrassing.

Maybe we need to start a morning calisthenics program much like they do every year at the Herb Allen Sun Valley Retreat.

I don’t know what it’s going to take, but as a person who owns a home in Malibu, I never want to see pictures of people like this on that beach ever again!

And that includes you, too, David Geffen!

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Yemen Theme Park – November Update

$100 million start up fund, Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Ali Abdullah Saleh, Angela Bromstad, Apple iPad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Avatar, Bacara, Barry Diller, Ben Hur, Ben Hur Silverman, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bryan Lourd, Craig Smith, David Rosenblatt, Disney, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Electus Logo, Ezra Kucharz, Fortune's 40 under 40, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, IAC, Jack Nicholson, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jay Leno, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Jordan, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kanye West, Kara Swisher, Keynote address, Khan Manka, King Abdulah, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Manka Fun Parks, Mark Stein, media analyst, Michael Eisner, Michael Jackson, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, MIPTV Conference 2010, NBC Universal, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Pyramid Lake, Rahm Emanuel, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club, Roman Polanski, Ryan Seacrest, Saana Nights Hotel, San'a, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Slivovitz, Southern Fried Rock, Steve Jobs, Sumner Redstone, Super Bowl 44, Terry Semel, The Biggest Loser, the Jay Leno Show, The Restaurant, The Tonight Show, Theme Parks, thewrap.com, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, twitter, Universal Studios, Vicky Adler-Modry, Victor Kaufman, Warner Bros., Yemen

Good morning.

Because of the recent news that mail bombs were sent from Yemen in an attempt to blow up two Chicago-area synagogues, several people have inquired about Manka Bros.’ plans to build a billion dollar Manka Fun Park in Yemen.

$100 million start up fund, Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Ali Abdullah Saleh, Angela Bromstad, Apple iPad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Avatar, Bacara, Barry Diller, Ben Hur, Ben Hur Silverman, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bryan Lourd, Craig Smith, David Rosenblatt, Disney, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Electus Logo, Ezra Kucharz, Fortune's 40 under 40, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, IAC, Jack Nicholson, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jay Leno, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Jordan, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kanye West, Kara Swisher, Keynote address, Khan Manka, King Abdulah, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Manka Fun Parks, Mark Stein, media analyst, Michael Eisner, Michael Jackson, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, MIPTV Conference 2010, NBC Universal, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Pyramid Lake, Rahm Emanuel, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club, Roman Polanski, Ryan Seacrest, Saana Nights Hotel, San'a, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Slivovitz, Southern Fried Rock, Steve Jobs, Sumner Redstone, Super Bowl 44, Terry Semel, The Biggest Loser, the Jay Leno Show, The Restaurant, The Tonight Show, Theme Parks, thewrap.com, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, twitter, Universal Studios, Vicky Adler-Modry, Victor Kaufman, Warner Bros., YemenAfter much thought and despite the imploring of other studio moguls, I have made my decision:  THE THEME PARK CONSTRUCTION WILL CONTINUE.

Just because there are a few terrorists trying to blow up everything in the United States doesn’t mean that the rest of the people of Yemen don’t deserve roller coasters and the All-New Broadway Re-Zoo starring Joey Levitch!

While it has been a long slog through the bureaucratic muck and construction of the park has been slow due to increased terror threats, political turmoil and badly handled wire transfers, things are moving along.

Because of all those hurdles, I thought the opening would have to be pushed back a few months (or years), but I was reassured yesterday by the Yemeni leader Ali Abdullah Saleh that since labor costs in that country are non-existent and there are no overtime rules (are you listening America?), the scheduled opening will easily be met.

That’s the beauty of a dictatorship!

This is great news for Manka Bros. because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment.  Bob Iger at Disney has been too busy concentrating on China to realize where the real money is.  Loser.  We will have the Yemen market to ourselves.

Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we’ll really be on a roll.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Dinner With Harvey Weinstein

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Malcolm Gladwell, Manka Bros., Mark Gill, Miramax, OnMedea, Rob Zombie, Sizzler, Strauss Zelnick, Terry Semel, Texas Toast, The Daily Beast, The Weinstein Company, The World's Largest Media Company, Tina Brown

Last night, I received a somewhat desperate call from Harvey Weinstein. He said he wanted to take me out to dinner and discuss something that could be incredibly beneficial to both our companies.

I could tell this was going to be a disastrous meeting.

Since Harvey offered to pay, he chose a restaurant that he could afford – the Sizzler on Hollywood Blvd. He told me not worry about what it costs, that he was paying for “all I could eat.”

Sizzler salad bar, Harvey Weinstein, Khan Manka

We sat at his normal booth and the waitress, Maria, brought us some Texas ToastHarvey folded his piece and took a healthy double-bite.

“Let me get right to the point, Khan. I want to take Manka Bros. off your hands.Based on your Theatrical and TV slates, I can see you are struggling. All I would need is for you to spot me a $10 million dollar upfront payment. I’ll take it from there.”

I barely heard what he was saying because the Texas Toast was surprisingly excellent.

Khan, did you hear what I said? Maria, more fucking toast over here – chop chop!”

“You want me to pay you $10 million to take my company away from me. Ten fucking million for the world’s largest media company – which my father and uncles founded and built from the ground up a 100 years ago? Are you fucking nuts?”

Maria brought another basket of Texas Toast – our hands bumped reaching for it.

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Malcolm Gladwell, Manka Bros., Mark Gill, Miramax, OnMedea, Rob Zombie, Sizzler, Strauss Zelnick, Terry Semel, Texas Toast, The Daily Beast, The Weinstein Company, The World's Largest Media Company, Tina Brown

“Fuckin’ losers those guys, Khan. No offense. I’ll turn your goddamned dinosaur of a business into a cash cow in… oh, I don’t know… three weeks! I’ll fuckin’ get Tina Brown to run your books division. I’ll fuckin’ get Rob Zombie to do some kind of movie shit, asshole.Think about it.”

Harvey got up to go to the salad bar. “Do you want some cantaloupe?”

I nodded my head and made a call to Lloyd Grohl (Manka Bros. President and COO) to see if there was anything we could or should do for poor HarveyLloyd quickly told me to turn him down nicely and get out of the Sizzler as fast as I could – that my life was in danger!

Harvey returned and saw me clicking off the phone. “Who the fuck was that?”

“Nobody, Harvey. Look, I have to turn you down. Manka Bros. isn’t for sale and will never be for sale. Manka Bros. is a giant fucking media conglomerate. The biggest in the world. You don’t buy us – we buy you. And, from what I hear about your current financial situation, I don’t want to buy you.”

“OK, Khan. I understand.”

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Weinstein, Harvey Weinstein, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Khan Manka, Malcolm Gladwell, Manka Bros., Mark Gill, Miramax, OnMedea, Rob Zombie, Sizzler, Strauss Zelnick, Terry Semel, Texas Toast, The Daily Beast, The Weinstein Company, The World's Largest Media Company, Tina Brown

I paused, expecting one of his signature tirades. It didn’t come.  He was just staring at his Texas Toast.

“Harvey? You’re OK with that?”

“Yes, Khan… but, one night when you’re sleeping, I will enter your bedroom and skull fuck you to death.”

It was said in such a kind, light-hearted way, it almost seemed like a compliment.

Harvey took bite of a taco, the juice dribbling down his chin.

“Hey, Khan… you wanna buy some shoes?”

By the end of the night, I agreed to buy his shoes for $15.

I think I like poor Harvey better than rich Harvey.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company