NICKMOM – R.I.P.

It’s very possible Nickmom will set the record for the world’s shortest running network.

There is no other option for this laughable disgrace than a total cancellation.

In fact, there are only three absolute certainties in this life:

1) The sun will rise in the east;

2) July 4th will occur every year on… July 4th; and

3) Nickmom will be shut down.

Such a complete creative and business abomination cannot possibly survive.

The tombstone graphic here may be a bit premature but it’s guaranteed to be accurate.

So, for the readers who have no idea what I’m talking about – what is this Nickmom that is almost universally hated by parents (mostly Moms)?

Nickmom is a primetime adult-skewing programming block (airing on the same channel as Nick Junior) designed for exhausted moms looking for a laugh or some edgier entertainment after the kids go to bed.

What’s wrong with that, Jill?

What do you have against exhausted moms looking for a laugh?

Absolutely nothing. I’m a proud exhausted mom myself who loves HBO.

But when you make a corporate decision to put on a programming block of comedians talking about sex and cocktails, shows called “Moms Night Out,” etc. etc. right after “Dora The Explorer” signs off, you clearly do not understand how the media landscape works.

Nickmom starts airing at 4pm in Hawaii for God’s sake! And 7PM in California (which is definitely before my daughter’s bedtime).

The biggest problem I have with Nickmom is not a content issue (though it’s really awful – painful to watch). The biggest problem I have with Nickmom is that it is a stupid idea badly executed.

And the ratings are bearing that out as noted by the Wall Street Journal (this is becoming a national story) – 74% decline in two weeks.

There is also a website that has been launched by angry parents – CancelNickMom.com.

Hey Viacom – are you hearing any of this?

People hate it. Drop it. Bring back “Bubble Guppies!”

I always wonder how these epic fails in business happen. This one is stunning.

Nickmom is an idea obviously hatched by out-of-touch corporate executives who think whatever they throw up on the screen (‘throw up’ being key words) will be gobbled up by the masses. They probably imagined their in-boxs filling up with “Thank yous” from weary, under-entertained moms from around the country.

They probably sat there at lunchtime brain-storming sessions falling off their seats with laughter when the suggestion for a tagline came up… “What about ‘Motherfunny’?”  “‘Motherfunny’? Oh, my God, that is fucking hilarious! It sounds like “mother fucker” but it’s actually “motherfunny!”

The room cannot stop laughing for several minutes. The coldcuts, fruit plates and cookie platters just sit there as middle-aged men (and a lucky female or two including the female VP in charge of Nickmom) howl with laughter at how awesome they are.

And then a branding exec chimes in: “But it’s perfect for what we’re trying to accomplish. We’re making mothers laugh.”

Another exec: “And no one needs laughs more than mothers!”

A marketing exec chimes in to make it all relevant: “And ‘motherfunny’ gives it that edge we’re looking for. These aren’t your father’s mothers anymore. Advertisers are going to eat this shit up!”

I’m not going to pound the point anymore and this isn’t a cry from a concerned parent who is worried about the moral fabric of our country – I know how to keep bad stuff away from my daughter, thank you.

But, face it, this is a horrible idea and it needs to killed.

And… it will be. Soon. Guaranteed.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea