R.I.P. Jerry’s Seinfeld’s Influence

Al Berman, Allison Gollust, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Brian Roberts, CBS, Chuck Martin, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, Cory Shields, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Ebersol, Dick Wolf, Ellen Rakieten, GE shareholder, henriette Mantel, Jamie Farr, Jay Leno, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Cesario, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jennifer O'Connell, Jerry Seinfeld, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Eck, John Ferriter, John s. Dorsey, John Wallace, Khan Manka, Lindsey Vonn, Lynn Calpeter, Manka Bros., Marc Chini, Marc Graboff, Mark Hoffman, Michael Bass, Michael Pilot, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nick Emmerson, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Paula Madison, Peter Smith, Phyllis Diller, Richard Cotton, Ron Meyer, Salil Mehta, Sharon Waxman, Steve Capus, Terry Semel, The CW, The Marriage Ref, thewrap.com, Todd Broder, Tom PapaIt’s the end of an era.  When “Seinfeld” went off the air in 1998 (!!) there was no bigger star in television who wielded more influence than Jerry Seinfeld.  Senior creative executives from every major studio were falling all over themselves to get the next Seinfeld project.

But… Jerry decided to take his $100 million (give or take a few million) and went off to enjoy his life.  He did the occasional stand-up event at Caesar’s Palace; the occasional guest spot on a TV series or talk show to give his friends a spike in their ratings; voiced a cartoon bee, etc.

Up until last week, everyone just assumed that Jerry Seinfeld was still as big as he ever was.

Al Berman, Allison Gollust, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Brian Roberts, CBS, Chuck Martin, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, Cory Shields, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Ebersol, Dick Wolf, Ellen Rakieten, GE shareholder, henriette Mantel, Jamie Farr, Jay Leno, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Cesario, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jennifer O'Connell, Jerry Seinfeld, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Eck, John Ferriter, John s. Dorsey, John Wallace, Khan Manka, Lindsey Vonn, Lynn Calpeter, Manka Bros., Marc Chini, Marc Graboff, Mark Hoffman, Michael Bass, Michael Pilot, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nick Emmerson, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Paula Madison, Peter Smith, Phyllis Diller, Richard Cotton, Ron Meyer, Salil Mehta, Sharon Waxman, Steve Capus, Terry Semel, The CW, The Marriage Ref, thewrap.com, Todd Broder, Tom PapaThen something strange happened this week:  Jerry Seinfeld became irrelevant.

After spending millions of dollars for promotional time during the Vancouver Olympics for Jerry Seinfeld’s “The Marriage Ref”, NBC was expecting a really big number.

They even cut the Closing Ceremonies short (to most of the country’s shock and anger) just to show the premiere of “The Marriage Ref”.  And, to be fair, they got a strong number (though, I suspect, with that lead in, NBC could have put on a rerun of “Silver Spoons” and it also would have gotten a big number).

Al Berman, Allison Gollust, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Brian Roberts, CBS, Chuck Martin, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, Cory Shields, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Ebersol, Dick Wolf, Ellen Rakieten, GE shareholder, henriette Mantel, Jamie Farr, Jay Leno, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Cesario, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jennifer O'Connell, Jerry Seinfeld, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Eck, John Ferriter, John s. Dorsey, John Wallace, Khan Manka, Lindsey Vonn, Lynn Calpeter, Manka Bros., Marc Chini, Marc Graboff, Mark Hoffman, Michael Bass, Michael Pilot, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nick Emmerson, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Paula Madison, Peter Smith, Phyllis Diller, Richard Cotton, Ron Meyer, Salil Mehta, Sharon Waxman, Steve Capus, Terry Semel, The CW, The Marriage Ref, thewrap.com, Todd Broder, Tom PapaWith that in mind, last night “The Marriage Ref” settled into its Thursday night 10pm time slot and promptly lost half of its audience.  Don’t get me wrong, these aren’t terrible numbers like Melrose Place or The Beautiful Life on The CW or Severed Fingers on MBS, but not the numbers you want and expect if you have JERRY SEINFELD as your selling point.  You can get those kinds of numbers with Guy Fieri.

And if the ratings continue to fall, it’s will be increasingly hard for Jerry to recruit big name celebrities to be on the panel (and once you get down to the Phyllis Diller, Jamie Farr level – your show may be in trouble).

There was a time when Jerry Seinfeld could do anything he wanted.  But now, like, say, Lucille Ball in 1986, fewer studios will be returning his calls and signing over a blank check.

But, let me just say this… he absolutely killed on David Letterman the other night.  He’s still one of the great stand ups in history and proved that with one of the tightest six minutes you’ll ever see.  He’s just no longer the most important person in the room.

That spot is reserved for Ben Silverman.

[JEFF ZUCKER UPDATE: He still has a job – though no one seems to know why.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Leno The King

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Lindsey Vonn, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sarah Palin, Sharon Waxman, Shaun White, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorWell, that didn’t take long.  There will be lots of “I’m With Coco” and David Letterman supporters that will say “It was expected…”, “Everyone was just curious about the switch…”, “Jay has all those Olympians on the show…”

Whatever.

I write this not as a Jay Leno fan (far from it) – but as a practical person who looks at the numbers.  As I said when there was a debate over whether NBC should keep Conan or Jay… of all the late night hosts on all the networks, Jay Leno is simply the one that more people want to watch.  I’m not talking about “quality” or “educated” people here.  I’m talking about more PEOPLE.

In his first night back in the 11:35pm time slot, Jay Leno destroyed the competition. The Tonight Show with Jay Leno got a 5.7/14 share; David Letterman (3.0/8 share); Nightline/Jimmy Kimmell Live (1.8/6 share).  Tonight, Jay has Sarah Palin and Shaun White on the show.  Who do you think will win?

I think Conan may want to avoid the direct competition and forget about Fox.  I’m sure Fox executives are thinking the same thing today.

[Note to Jeff Zucker:  These results are not because of your brilliance, they are in spite of your ignorance.  The Olympics will lose over $200 million for your network and you won’t make that up with “The Marriage Ref” or “Parenthood” ratings.  You will be fired.]

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Jay Leno and Sarah Palin

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Lindsey Vonn, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sarah Palin, Sharon Waxman, Shaun White, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Lindsey Vonn, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sarah Palin, Sharon Waxman, Shaun White, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorLove him or hate him, there is a reason Jay Leno has been #1 and will soon be #1 again in the late night wars.

He will book anyone necessary to get ratings – as evidenced by the top guest on his second night back – Ms. Sarah Palin.

Add to the mix Shaun White, Lindsey Vonn, Apolo Ohno, Brad Paisley, the cast of Jersey Shore and I think it’s game over for Dave as soon as Jay returns.  The Letterman vs. Leno battle will last all but one week.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Lindsey Vonn, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sarah Palin, Sharon Waxman, Shaun White, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Lindsey Vonn, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sarah Palin, Sharon Waxman, Shaun White, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorIt’s even possible that by week two most people will have forgotten there ever was a ‘Tonight Show controversy’ which will mean less and less “I’m with Coco” fanatics inviting you to join Facebook clubs.

So what have we learned from this whole debacle?  As long as there are publicists and stars who need publicity, the past is meaningless.  Hollywood is a “what-have-you-done-for-me-lately” town.

And what will Jay do for these media hungry whores stars?  Deliver ratings that Conan O’Brien, Jimmy Kimmel or David Letterman can’t (unless Dave could book Sarah Palin again).

And ratings are all that matters.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

UPDATE: Jeff Zucker Still Has A Job

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorThe Billion Dollar Question is – WHY?

If I were to talk directly to Jeff Zucker’s current boss (Jeffrey Immelt) and future boss (Brian Roberts), I would quote my new hero, Dutch speed skater Sven Kramer, and say “Are you stoopid?”

Even if we all could forget about the recent mistakes that have been made under Jeff Zucker’s watch

  • Lowest rated network
  • Jay/Conan debacle
  • Hiring Ben Silverman for… anything
  • The absolutely horrendous Olympic coverage which not only sucks but will LOSE millions of dollars.  (The latest horrible decision was to air the TAPE-DELAYED 2-man Bobsled coverage on NBC over one of the best LIVE Olympic hockey games in years – USA vs. Canada.  I’m sure JZ would say it was a brilliant move on his part to force people to find MSNBC on their televisions.)

… at this point, it’s a matter of credibility.  And he has none.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Are You Stupid?, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, John Ferriter, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, NBC Olympic Coverage, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stop all the clocks..., Sven Kramer, TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, USA vs. Canada, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorImagine Jeff Zucker standing in front of a group of Wall Street investor analysts with his PowerPoint slides and telling them “This is the future of television…”  “This is the direction Comcast/NBC needs to go…” “Here are my ideas on how to turn things around…” etc.

Seriously, who the hell would believe he has the answers?  And why does he even get the chance to give the answers.  NBC was once great.  All the missteps really started to snowball AFTER he become Chairman & CEO.  He is into his fourth year and has thus far proven nothing to nobody.

Basta.  Enough.

However, in an effort to make my entries a little more positive, I’m going to attempt to end them all on an upbeat note.  So… that said… I do like the bulky ski resort sweaters Jeff Zucker has been wearing as he talks up NBC’s suck ass Olympic coverage on CNBC.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Can Elin Woods Learn From Conan O’Brien?

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barbro Holmberg, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, Elin Nordegren, Elin Woods, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Heidi Montag, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Josefin Lonnborg, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Mark Steinberg, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Rory Sabbatini, Sharon Waxman, Spencer Pratt, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, The Hills, thewrap.com, Thomas Nordegren, Tiger Woods, Tony DiSanto, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barbro Holmberg, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, Elin Nordegren, Elin Woods, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Heidi Montag, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Josefin Lonnborg, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Mark Steinberg, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Rory Sabbatini, Sharon Waxman, Spencer Pratt, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, The Hills, thewrap.com, Thomas Nordegren, Tiger Woods, Tony DiSanto, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorAs Tiger Woods slowly reemerges from hiding and Team-Tiger Damage Control goes full throttle, there is an interesting parallel to be made between the Tiger/Elin Woods drama and the NBC/Conan O’Brien drama (which cost all of us a few months out of our lives).

Imagine Conan and Elin on one side and Tiger, Jay Leno, Jeff Zucker and NBC and on the other.

The parallel begins with a couple of a wide-eyed youths – dreaming of the big time.

  • Elin: Is a nanny for a Swedish golf pro and hangs around a lot of single golfers on tour but really only imagines herself with one man… the crown jewel of golfers… Tiger Woods.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barbro Holmberg, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, Elin Nordegren, Elin Woods, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Heidi Montag, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Josefin Lonnborg, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Mark Steinberg, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Rory Sabbatini, Sharon Waxman, Spencer Pratt, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, The Hills, thewrap.com, Thomas Nordegren, Tiger Woods, Tony DiSanto, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris Endeavor———————————————————————–

  • Conan: Finally gets “The Tonight Show” in 2009 after slumming it for 16 years at 12:35am.
  • Elin: Finally gets a marriage proposal in 2004 from Tiger Woods after slumming it as a nanny for Jesper Parnevik’s kids.

———————————————————————–

  • Conan: Jay Leno retires from “The Tonight Show” and prepares to launch an ill-conceived prime time talk show – “The Jay Leno Show”Conan, believing NBC’s promise, happily takes over the reigns of “The Tonight Show” and looks forward to a long and prosperous run as host.
  • Elin:  Tiger Woods retires from his crazy single days and prepares for an ill-conceived life of domestic bliss.  Elin, believing Tiger, happily sets up a life of wealth and prosperity (and has two children to complete the ideal picture).

———————————————————————–

  • Elin:  Tiger Woods crashes a Cadillac Escalade into a tree after Elin Woods decides to move a few of his teeth from the front to the back of his mouth with a 7 iron.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barbro Holmberg, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, Elin Nordegren, Elin Woods, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Heidi Montag, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Josefin Lonnborg, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Mark Steinberg, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Rory Sabbatini, Sharon Waxman, Spencer Pratt, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, The Hills, thewrap.com, Thomas Nordegren, Tiger Woods, Tony DiSanto, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris Endeavor————————————————————————

  • Conan: Begins to feel humiliated by rumors of Jay Leno returning to late night.
  • Elin: Begins to feel humiliated by rumors of Tiger Woods having 11 mistresses (6 of them ‘serious’).

————————————————————————

  • Elin: Rather than take the suck ass deal offered, Elin decides to hold out for $800 million!  Take that suckers.

———————————————————-
As for the future?  Here’s my guess:

  • Conan: Having finalized the divorce from NBC, agrees to a deal with TBS.
  • Elin: After finalizing the divorce from Tiger, agrees to go on a disastrous first date with Rory Sabbatini (or some other less successful golfer that wishes he was Tiger Woods).  She breaks her promise not to talk about Tiger’s affairs and loses everything.  The book doesn’t sell and she moves in with John Daly.

————————————————————–

Dear Elin:

Conan couldn’t in good conscious stay at NBC (even though his dream life went up in flames) and you can’t stay with Tiger (even though your dream life has gone up in flames).  Take the money and run to that house in Sweden.  You will have a better future.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

Letterman vs. Leno

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorThe Conan exit deal is done – probably the largest payout in television history for someone averaging a 2.5 rating.

It is presumed he will go to Fox and get a 2.0 rating at 11:00 (my guess is reruns of The Simpsons on local affiliates do better than that).

So, with apologies to Jimmy Kimmel, Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, George Lopez, Charlie Rose, etc., it comes down, once again, to Letterman vs. Leno.

Who will win the ratings battle (long-term) once they resume head-to-head competition March 1, 2010?

It’s very simple:
Jay Leno wins – without a doubt.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorHere’s why:

DEMOGRAPHICS: Late night talk show viewers are not the Taco-Bell-eating slacker college students that most of these hosts think they’re ‘in touch with’.  That demo is watching The Daily Show, Colbert, Adult Swim or they’re online or playing video games (maybe they’re not consuming any media and are out pounding drinks and, God willing, conversing with the opposite sex).  So, older viewers are watching Jay and Dave – and older viewers prefer Jay.  It’s warm and safe television with Headlines and JaywalkingDave is ‘too edgy’ for older America, even in his advanced years.

VACATION: Jay is notorious for working 46-48 weeks a year.  Dave works… less than that.  Even if Dave wins the first few weeks after Jay returns in March (as expected), Jay will pick up viewers once Dave goes on his first long vacation.

WORK ETHIC: While I am not doubting that Dave works very hard to put on his show four nights a week, Jay is indefatigable.  He always seems to be out with the public, doing stand-up, corporate events, car shows… almost anything the network asks him to do.  Jay has a high visibility factor that Dave… doesn’t have.  (Not that you need that to succeed – Johnny Carson was a painfully shy recluse and did just fine.)  However, when you’re trying to win back the hearts and minds of your viewers, being visible with “your public” can go a long way.

ABC, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills Hotel, Brian Roberts, CBS, Charlie Rose, Comcast, Conan O'Brien, CSI: NY, David Letterman, Dawn Ostroff, Deadline Hollywood, Dick Wolf, Eastwick, ER, GE shareholder, George Lopez, Gossip Girl, Jay Leno, Jay Leno has Failed, Jay Leno ratings, Jeff Gaspin, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Jimmy Fallon, Jimmy Kimmel, John Ferriter, Jon Stewart, Julianna Margulies, Kate Gosselin, Khan Manka, Law & Order, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Marc Graboff, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, Octomom, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Roth, Producers Caucus Panel, Sharon Waxman, Stephen Colbert, Stop all the clocks..., TCA Winter Press Tour, Terry Semel, The CW, thewrap.com, W.H. Auden, Warner Bros., William Morris EndeavorHISTORY: Jay Leno has been a consistent ratings winner for 17 years.  Yes, bad press and public sentiment has damaged that but most of Jay’s fans could care less about ‘The Tonight Show’ debacle (though, I think everyone would love to see Jeff Zucker get fired).

Finally, Jay spent 20 years in comedy clubs across the country before getting ‘The Tonight Show’ and he cut his teeth in that ruthless, back-stabbing world.  If he survived the shit that went on in those clubs, he can survive almost anything.

Dave did quite a bit of stand-up in the 1970s, yes, but never really immersed himself into that world.  Being a great comic was not on his radar.  He has always been perceived (as he wished) as a TV guy.

Jay is a comic first and a TV guy next – which is why his fans keep watching – they simply want to hear jokes on ‘The Tonight Show’ told by a comic and not just a “funny person” doing bits.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

P.S. – Where were all these new Conan fans when he really needed them – over the summer when he started hosting The Tonight Show?  If he had the ratings then that he has now – there is no controversy.  Jay would be out and Conan would be in.

The Human Target – Internet Advertising Gone Wrong

Allison Warren, AOL, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Brad Kern, Chi McBride, DC Comics, Fox Broadcasting, Grace Gilroy, inappropriate online advertising, Jackie Earle Haley, Jay Leno, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Jonathan Steinberg, Kevin Hooks, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mark Valley, Matthew Federman, McG, Mike Desabrais, missing college students in Haiti, OnMedea, Peter Johnson, Simon West, Stephen Scaia, Terry Semel, The Human Target, Tim Armstrong

A couple of moments ago, I went to AOL.com to see what fresh content they had put up today and was greeted with a heartbreaking headline about four missing American college students in Haiti who were on a humanitarian mission when the earthquake struck last week.

Allison Warren, AOL, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Brad Kern, Chi McBride, DC Comics, Fox Broadcasting, Grace Gilroy, inappropriate online advertising, Jackie Earle Haley, Jay Leno, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Jonathan Steinberg, Kevin Hooks, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mark Valley, Matthew Federman, McG, Mike Desabrais, missing college students in Haiti, OnMedea, Peter Johnson, Simon West, Stephen Scaia, Terry Semel, The Human Target, Tim Armstrong

Then, just as I was going to click-through to read about the parents’ anguished search for their children… The Human Target – Premiering On Fox – burst through the story headline with digital flames and bullet holes.

Allison Warren, AOL, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Brad Kern, Chi McBride, DC Comics, Fox Broadcasting, Grace Gilroy, inappropriate online advertising, Jackie Earle Haley, Jay Leno, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Jonathan Steinberg, Kevin Hooks, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Mark Valley, Matthew Federman, McG, Mike Desabrais, missing college students in Haiti, OnMedea, Peter Johnson, Simon West, Stephen Scaia, Terry Semel, The Human Target, Tim Armstrong

Call me crazy, and I realize it’s hard to pick and chose which stories get the full animated advertising treatment, but this seems a little inappropriate to me.

Can’t The Human Target just burst through Ben Silverman and Jeff Zucker stories?

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea