This is not an easy time in my life.  After spending three days in Bedlam (well, it’s really a Catholic hospital in Mid-Town and I prefer not to mention its name in print), I was finally cleared by the Medieval Inquisition doctors to return to my apartment and to my real home, the theater.  I want to thank everyone who came by my room and offered their prayers and support.

And to dear Chet, who is putting together a benefit to pay my medical bills (Manka Bros. Publishing does not offer insurance to its ‘lowly bloggers’), I give a heartfelt “thank you… thank you, darling.”

Life, however, isn’t always bad.  Sometimes it is magnificent.

Like earlier this evening.  I went to see another preview of Haunted Alligators (I remember very little of the last preview that I saw, as my fainting was so traumatic).  I must say that the world has been robbed until now.  Robbed of the greatness that is Tennessee Williams’ most momentous work.  [EDITOR’S NOTE:  The classic film version of Haunted Alligators can be seen this month on Manka Classic Movies].

Some say that it is derivative of Cat On A Hot Tin Roof.  Well, poo to that!  I say that Cat On A Hot Tin Roof is derivative of Haunted Alligators!  In the coming weeks the world will know exactly what I am talking about.

Next week, I will review the opening of this brilliant show.  This week I will give you an interview with the amazing actor Zachary Tisdale.  Zachary is not only a towering monument to his craft, he has sculpted his body into something that would make Michelangelo proud.  He is the epitome of the concept that an actor’s body is his only tool.  Oh, and what a tool does Tisdale yield.  I spoke to him last night in his dressing room.

Kyrle Lendhoffer: Zachary, thanks for taking the time to talk to me.

Zachary Tisdale: No problem, Mr. Lendhoffer.

KL: Kyrle, please.

ZT: All right.

KL: And may I call you Zach?

ZT: Sure.  Why not…

KL: How about Zachie?

ZT: I don’t think so.

KL: First, uh Zach, I must say you are amazing.  Can you walk me through the process?

ZT: Sure.  First we get the script.

KL: Amazing.

ZT: Uh huh.  Then we have a read through on the first day of rehearsal.

KL: Fantastic.

ZT: And at the end of the read through, we get our schedule for the week from the stage manager.

KL: That is SO important.

ZT: And then I go home and start to memorize my lines for the scenes that we’ll be rehearsing the next day.

KL: Yes, remembering all those words must be a chore.

ZT: It gets easier as you go along.  I remember–

KL: Oh yes!  You make it look effortless on stage.

ZT: What?

KL: On stage.  Your work is effortless.  And that means that you’ve been putting in the ultimate effort off stage.

ZT: Well, we all work very hard.  I’m sorry, where were we?

KL: You learn your lines…

ZT: Oh, yeah.  And I think of the through line of the play, and start tracking my character’s arc–

KL: Oh!  The arc!  Tell me about that.

ZT: Uh, the character starts at a certain point – emotionally, mentally, whatever.  And things happen that change the character and then you arrive at a new point.  It’s important to keep that arc specific.

KL: And what about your immaculate pectoral muscles?

ZT: Excuse me?

KL: Your pecs.  A woman next to me said they were lickable.

ZT: That’s flattering.

KL: I agreed.

ZT: Whoa… Awkward.

KL: You should be very proud of your pecs.  I am.

ZT: I, uh, well, yes, I am.  I work out a lot and eat right.  It isn’t easy.

KL: May I see them?

ZT: Excuse me?

KL: Right now.  Can I see your pecs?

ZT: Come on – really?

KL: I’ve been ill.  They would certainly perk me up.

ZT: Huh.  Oh, look.  I’ve got to head backstage for notes.  It was great talking to you.  Maybe we can do it again.  Maybe.

KL: It has been a pleasure, Zachary, I mean, Zach.  You have no idea how much of a pleasure it has been.

With that, the exquisite Mr. Tisdale left to receive his notes – and I can already tell you what his notes will be:

• “Your work is brilliant Zachary, keep it up.”
• “Do more interviews to promote the show – you’re the reason that people are here to see it.”
• “Find more moments to take off your shirt.  Those pectorals need to be exposed to the widest audience possible.”

Next week, I will grace these pages with my review of the lost Tennessee Williams play Haunted Alligators.  Will words fail me?  Will I collapse from mental fatigue once again?  Will they create a special Tony category for Pectoral Muscles?

We shall see, dear readers.  We shall see.

Kyrle Lendhoffer – Behind The Proscenium