Elysium
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
The days of a dog summer are arrived.
The testicle kick torture that is summer movie season nears its end.
How much more can my two amigos take?
“The Great Gatsby” – pow, right in the pills.
“Fast and the Furious 6” – a hard punch to the giggleberries.
“White House Downer” – bitch slap to my plucked turkeys.
My junk can take no more. My area is a mess.
There is hope… It is called “Elysium.”
Neill Blomkamp made my head kaboom with “District 9.” The story of giant shrimp oppressed and the man (Sharlto Copley) who through a shrimp STD becomes another shrimp. He has their pain. He isn’t a shrimp Nelson Mandela – but that may never be, sadly. “District 9” had effects, good. Plot, surprise! Acting, cool.
What did my brain want with “Elysium”?
Good effects, surprise plot, cool acting. One out of three ain’t good (sorry Meatloaf).
Plot? Yes.
Used many times in the past times – used again.
In the further future, after “Blade Runner,” the rain has stopped in Los Angeles. The Japanese people have gone back to their homes and the Hispanics have returned from Japan.
It is daylight. Neon is not longer in fashion. Robots look like robots, not “I wanna make a little replicant with you” replicants like Sean Young (in the last century, she had for the hot – no shit).
Max (Matt Damon) was a child with Frey (Alice Braga). They are cute orphans. We cannot smell their orphan smell, so we still like them.
When older, Max having starred in “Fast and The Furious 73,” now just wants to build robots and be harassed by cop robots who are really cops from today in robot suits.
All are dusty and tattooed. All want to go up to Elysium.
Especially when Max gets a case of special die in exactly five days radiation.
Why Elysium?
Elysium is Las Vegas, but with healing, without cigarette smoke.
Delacourt (Jodie Foster) wants to keep it Las Vegas and is a bitch.
She hates Hispanics, giant shrimp, possibly the Japanese, and Max.
They are not allowed the Las Vegas.
Not even State Line.
There are mind thought transfers. Max becomes low-budget Transformer. Frey is pretty. Charles Manson Kruger (Sharlto Copley again –please speak English when speaking English – I will never know how you said what you said until I get the Blu-ray and use the CC) will soon attend Overactor’s Anonymous.
This night was a Kossu only for Kimmo night.
Big mistake.
I could see the future of the film before that future was the now.
Poor people, sad.
Rich people, mean.
Movie goer, still waiting for giant shrimp.
Would a better place be film “Elysium” with the sweet, sweet smoke? This can never be known.
So, two thumbs needing exo-skeleton to stand tall – waiting for five day radiation death, but only having to survive the hour and forty-nine minute movie film which seemed like five day radiation death.
But no 3D! Praise Odin!!!
Bad? No.
Good? No.
Matt Damon? He did many sit-ups and push-ups for preparing to act. I now feel fat.
So… see “Elysium” and feel fat. High praise!
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. Fall is coming. Which says Winter is coming. Which says “Game of Thrones” will return. Soon Westeros will be Finland, with more nudity (and dragons – no dragons in Finland). Who is point with thumbs at his face like a spastic and grinning and saying “who cannot wait for nude Finn Westeros Game of Thrones? This guy!”
Boom!
Kimmo, you need to take a breather and ice down your marbles. This film looks great! It would be greater if there were giant shrimp with powerful laser blasters. Pew pew pew! Thank you, Kimmo, for doing the Lord’s work. Keep praying for more nudity in GoT.
Dan Burns wanted to thank everyone at Sony / TriStar’s for “Elysium” Premiere Wednesday, August 7, at the Regency Village Theatre. 961 Broxton Ave, and the after party at the W in Westwood, had the best time as always. Please keep Dan Burns in mind for all upcoming events. It was great catching up with everyone, Thank You.
Aw shit. I really wanted Elysium to be a great movie, not just a good summer movie. Maybe I’ll go see Lovelace instead…
I HATED District 9 with all of its depressing grit, filth, and hopelessness. Elysium has a lot of the same along with the cheap jerky camera effects that inferior directors like Blomkamp employ to make it look like something exciting is actually happening. I like Damon and he makes this film watchable. I also liked the long shots looking down on Elysium which made me think of Larry Niven’s Sci Fi novel Ringworld (God, I wish they’d make a movie of that one).
indeed, who would have the cahones and skill to film RINGWORLD, that would be awesome to the max… yours is the only comment (and/or review) that makes me actually want to pay to see this movie in the theater. a theater that sells alcohol of course, sounds like i’ll need it. cheerios!
I was laughing all the way through. No joke, this was really funny. Thanks.
Funny revue. Saw it last night. Class warfare. No workmanship comp.
Great review. Funny as shit and pretty true. But I found myself captivated by the relentless class warfare of Elysium and its long suffering hero. Cliche ending, yes. Massive plot loopholes, yes, but it moved and entertained me more then most of the summer movies.