Godzilla
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
Godzilla.
GodZIRRA.
Big em-effin’ lizard.
I am so with the exciting.
As a baby Finn, in Finland, I saw him.
“T.V. Scary So That You Pee Pants and Poop Young Children” horror Night Theater was on the television thing.
Olli and I, eating fish that was dry, sucking a box that was juice (Pirkka Mixed berry juice – send me some if you have love for Kimmo).
Happy, happy – because the great of all great monsters that stomp and kill was to stomp and kill.
And he (GodZIRRA) stomped all of the shit. Even Ironside (Raymond Burr).
Then Tokyo took a lizard foot up the anus.
BOOM!!!
My eyes leak as I remember the best.
But now. Now is the exciting. 
GodZIRRA is back.
When one time he was 50 meters tall – he has more calorie dumped in his mouth hole for he is 150 meters tall!
Suck it, Mr. Cloverfield.
I smoke the sweet, sweet smoke. I slurp the Kossu from my Godzilla mug. I refill the mug and the slurping occurs again.
High, drunk, and with expectations on my brain sitting like a midget jockey – with full control.
Then… well, damn.
Gosh darn damn.
The boring starts.
Plot? Too much!
We go to be in 1999. Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) has a wig. Things are to the crapper from the first.
Death. Sadness.
This takes thirty minutes.
Why? Answers do not come.
Then is the now.
There is boring guy son of Walter White (Aaron Taylor-Johnson). He is the guy who is the life sucker from the film. His wife (Elizabeth Olson), is good.
Other actors, good.
Monsters? Fucking great.
Script? Scripts should be written as if making something exciting is a good thing.
Good monsters, mostly good actors, me snoring in my seat.
Fuck you, script.
Two moth beasts. So big that they could eat all of your clothes.
Instead, they must mate and eat nuclear stuff.
And interesting is the last stuff that happens.
Worst thing on a movie that the makers can do – make the thing so that my brain sleeps before
I know that I am asleep.
Suck. Suck, suck , suck.
Damn you GodZIRRA!
Monsters are A-1, awesome, yelling, scratching, flying, fire-vomiting, and everything.
One thumb jumps to the sky for this.
Then the script. As before I said through my fingers, GodZIRRA! must be the awesome.
No. This is not the awesome.
See on the big screen only for the monsters. Be the drunk and high. Take a trusted friend to wake you from happy nap land only when monsters occur.
Ugh. Summer has arrived.
This is not the total Summer suck. This is just boring.
The Total Summer Suck is coming.
I am afraid.
And the fact that I am more of a sober person than the Kimmo that started this review scares me.
And makes me cry. Like a tiny little suck-tit.
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. The 100 is the greatest show ever on my television watcher. I am not ashamed. Octavia gives me a man-bone. The truth was just typed.
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Classic.
My biggest comment…. The neck needs to be longer….Then it would feel more like GZ.
But they keep to the original old style plot line…. WHAT IS GOING ON…..GODZILLA SMASH…. GODZILLA SAVES the WORLD…. Great Monster Mash up……
Did not like the Broderick Godzilla or other version of GZ, wrong scale, wrong plot layout, bad Monster….
“Will you be back tomorrow dad?”
“Yeah son, why wouldn’t I be?”
“Because the name of the fucking movie is Godzilla”
Great review Kimmo. Wake me when it gets cool. Godzilla’s roar in China Town was the best part of the film for me, just kept going.
I found this movie to be pointless, disjointed, and above all, boring. I literally fell asleep toward the end.
The movie or the review?
Yes, don’t waste your money. The movie should be called, “Let’s waste time with drama and coming up with useless ideas on how to kill these monsters and not really show Godzilla in a Godzilla movie.”
You haven’t watch many Godzilla films have you Elliot?
Ummmm I think he’s only watched the original Godzilla films that actually focused on Godzilla rather than life as a nuclear reactor employee.
Funny but horrible “review” … surprised that he has a job
This movie did the impossible. It made me like the Roland Emmerich version.
Yup.
While I acknowledge that the new one is better *as a film*, I enjoyed the 1998 one a lot more. It was fun, and while it may have been cashing in on the popularity of Jurassic Park, the new Godzilla just failed at being Pacific Rim.
I’m with you Kimmo! I really want a sequel with less humans, and more Godzilla. I loved the humans angle, just thought they weren’t characters so much as plot devices.
Monsters are coming Kimmo. Just to let you know… next up will be a Rodan movie… then a Mothra… then a Godzilla vs. Kong remake… and then DESTROY ALL MONSTERS! Just like they’re doing with Marvel Heroes!!!
I loved the movie! Excellent writing, even better CGI, and it stays true to the GZ formula. What I don’t think a lot of you fat ugly autists understand is that this movie was not supposed to be the same “monster battle” monstrosity which was Pacific Rim. It was made to be a POV. What it would be like enduring these circumstances of giant fucking things. It did just that, and it did it very well. You should have known that going into the movie. The last 20 minutes definitely satisfied what I was searching for when I watched Pacific Rim. A good battle scene. Actually, multiple good battle scenes. If all you want is monsters fighting to satisfy your small mind, I recommend Godzilla 2004.
Aw, look, little dum-dum still thinks that ‘autists’ is an insult. Poor dum-dum.
Aside form the new Godzilla being 106 metres, not 150, this review was completely spot on.
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