Bradley Cooper – Behind the Proscenium

February 16, 2013February 16, 2013

The Year In Films Of The Year 2012

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino, Jamie Foxx, Samuel L, Jackson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Harvey Weinstein, Lincoln, Daniel Day Lewis, Steven Spielberg, Kathleen Kennedy, Frank Marshall, Sally Field, Tony Kushner, Bruce McGill, James Spader, Tommy Lee Jones, House of Animals, Yao Ming, FDR American Badass, Bruce McGill, Barry Bostwick, Garrett Brawith, Ross Patterson, William Mapother, Kevin Sorbo, Ray Wise, Silver Linings Playbook, Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, David O. Russel, Robert DeNiro, Jacki Weaver, Chris Tucker, Matthew Quick, Skyfall, James Bond, Daniel Craig, Sam Mendes, Barbara Broccoli, Javier Bardem, Judi Dench, Albert Finney, David Pope, Wreck-It Ralph, Walt Disney, John C Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch, Best of 2012 Movies

The Year In Films Of The Year – 2012

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Busy?

Damn, yes.

Why is life, so with amaze, such, at times, a bitchy bitch?

More tragedies making small of my family even smaller in Finland.

American girlfriend who I find with beauty then find with STD after she is of the unfaithful type (I hate you, Sakko, for your disease and your butt face – forever).

My time in hospital for “stress therapy reduction” yet there is no Kossu or the sweet, sweet smoke.

This was the most stressful.

And more important in my thoughts, my missing of you cool readers who I have missed with an ache in my heart muscle.

Really.

So now, the films that in 2012 gave a big stiffy to myself.

Django Unchained

Django (unchained) goes on a personal war with a dentist friend (and former Nazi) to find Black Broomhilde (the comic book witch) who is being held by Gilbert Grape’s retardo brother.

And Samuel L. Jackson (“I have had it with these motherfucking slaves on this motherfucking plantation!”) is much awesome, too.

Django’s ass is so bad that Lincoln is forced to free the slaves.

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Lincoln

America’s tallest American (until Yao Ming) has become President because he is tall.

But he is tired and weary from fighting The Confederation.

Lincoln (read my review HERE) has learned (from Django) that all are equal – but Django is more equal than others.

So politics happen.

Tommy Lee Jones has crazy hair and then does not hair at all.

James Spader is fat.

And then there is, from House of Animals, Bruce McGill.

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FDR: American Badass!

With Bruce McGill! Most times, history gives me the sleepy bores. Not 2012 (see above so far).

Best of all film history is this film.

History comes alive – with a machine gun wheelchair and Werewolf Hitler (Jesse Merlin). In Finland the “Nazi = Werewolf” knowledge was always a fact.

To see it on screen as truth?

I had a case of leaky eye. Battles, Italians, naked women, brilliant quotes (“Shut the fuck up, Einstein!”) this film had it all.

Suck the bong – see this film. In that order.

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Silver Linings Playbook

Jennifer Lawrence has the most awesome boobies in the world.

She wears tight dance clothes.

She has too much talk at award shows.

What more can I say?

Oh, and Bradley Cooper does not play a dick.

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Skyfall

Boom!

Kablooey!

Gay Javier Bardem!

Daniel Craig shot (that’s what you get for stealing Rachel Weisz from me, asshole)!

Death!

Hot Bond chick!

And Oscar winner Dame Judi Dench. She does not get the excited exclamation. Because she (SPOILER ALERT) dies.

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Wreck-It Ralph

Film of the year!!!

No shit.

Ziggy and I went to the screening fully loaded on the smoke.

Fully.

Loaded.

Then came popcorn, washed down with Kossu.

Then came the movie.

Son of a bitch.

I was in the 80s and a video game ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

My life was a treat – I never wanted for me to leave this heaven.

And Sarah Silverman was there but little-girl style – creepy.

Pac Man. Dig Dug. Forbert.

I was completed. I could no more have the wanting of anything.

Then the thing damn ended.

I wept.

Ziggy wept.

We smoked more of the smoke, shot more of Kossu, and into the next screening we were snuck.

And again.

Then one more time.

FILM OF THE YEAR!

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I have only been scratching my surface. There are more. I will add as real reviews pop back to the internet space and to my friends – you – weekly.

I am running out of family in Finland for so to die, so this promise I may keep. The weekly writing. But you knew that.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. I cannot find Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos anywhere. WTF?!? Together, for Cheeto freedom, we must together band, like a twin, or a litter of puppies (really vicious puppies)! Make the tastiest of the tasty be available everywhere! Are you with me?

September 7, 2012September 7, 2012

The Words [REVIEW]

The Words

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

For the critic of the film there is always the hope, “please Odin, let this be the one.

The great film of the year!”

Then the thoughts crawl into the reality space and think “at least be the one that entertains my brain and makes me think of the movie and not running with the screams out of the theater.”

Then the thoughts go to “please don’t let this movie be a fart in my mouth hole – I hope I put another bottle of Kossu in the freezer, just in case.”

Finally the thoughts are “Odin, if you end my life now at least the pain won’t last like that of “Transformers 3” – do I need sweet smoke from the dispensary to dull the horror ache and so I can also soothe my hurt with Cheetos?”

Crappy honest truth: 1^st thoughts happen 2% of time, 2^nd thoughts 10%, 3^rd thoughts 65%, and 4^th thoughts 23% (Intern – add up the numbers. I’m so high). The ratio is never to be betted on, yet I still take this paycheck.

I am a reviewer.

Today’s film? “The Words.”

“The Word” would have been better because it is shorter. But know, we are to suffer on “The Words.”

Plot? Too much. But like a Ukrainian nesting doll in the backwards. And not interesting, but not so bad for a fart in the mouth hole (my new ratings system!).

Spoiler Alerts!

We make start with the inside doll. An American soldier (Ben Barnes) who falls in love with a French barmaid (Nora Arnezeder) after one of the World Wars.

But this story is contained in doll #2 (number two – this is related to the fart) which is about Rory Jansen (Bradley Cooper – douche, but not like Shia) who writes a book that an award is put on, “The Window Tears.” Then another doll! The outside-est of the dolls.

This story is in the story of Clay Hammond (Dennis Quaid) and his book “The Words” (so clever!).

Olivia Wilde is involved, and doesn’t get naked. This made me sad.

BUT, in the #2 fart doll, Rory didn’t the writing of the book! Holy shit! Here comes Jeremy Irons!

Rory is in the big trouble.

End spoilers!

Go ahead and follow through on the spoiler reading. Then when the girlfriend makes you with eyes open watch this you can still sleep with your brain off.

Or think of the nakedness of Olivia Wilde that is not seen.

Whatever is for the floating of your boat.

For me, two thumbs just sitting like thumbs… thumbs staring at each other thinking “what the hell, thumb?”

Luckily for Kimmo, I found a Kossu flask in my jacket while this inside doll took up the screen. It was mostly full for 45 seconds, then mostly empty.

“The Words” was better for about 20 minutes.

Better yet? 3 hits of the sweet, sweet “Blue Dream” smoke.

And popcorn.

With that, one more brain attack by “Transformers 3′ can be handled.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Finally, that little mariachi elf from “America’s Got Talent” is gone. My hatred for him burned like white hot steel inside the Finnish sun on fire. It defined my existence. Without the elf and the hate my life is nothing. Until “The Voice.” Christina has the big ones. Two of them. Kimmo like.

May 27, 2011July 14, 2011

The Hangover Part II [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Todd Phillips, The Hangover Part 2, Craig Mazin, Scot Armstrong, Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Bartha, Ken Jeong, Paul Giamatti, Mike Tyson, Jeffrey Tambor, mason Lee, Jamie Chung, Sasha Barrese, Gillian Vigman, Aroon Seeboonruang, Nirut Sirichanya, Yasmin Lee, Nick Cassavetes, Sondra Currie, Schnitrnunt Busarakamwong, Bryan Callen, Brody Stevens, Nimit Luksameepong, Michael Berry, Andrew Howard, Danai Thiengdham, Thana Srisuke, Pairot Noiply, Penpak Sirikul, Sanita Jai-Ua, Chanicha Shindejanichakul, Vithaya Pansringarm, Kim Lee, Palakorn Chaiklang, Palakorn Gunjina, Pongsatorn Sawadchatchawan, Kaweeit Chaikaew, Pure Watanabe, Rattana Janprasit, Jetsada Yuktabutra, Tanner Maguire, William A. Johnson, Aedin Mincks, Dylan Boyack, William Jiang, Lynne Kidder, Fred North, Crystal, Christina Ebert, Karen Jean Wu, Steve Bing, Scott Budnick, Joseph Garner, Daniel Goldberg, Jon Jashni, Chris Lowenstein, David Siegel, Thomas Tull, Vineet, Jeffrey Wetzel, Christophe Beck, Lawrence Sher, Debra Neil-Fisher, Mike Sale, Oliver Ackermann, Jennifer Corey, David Clark, Lloyd Bunnak, Jeanne Byrd, Fred Fein, Tim Williams

The Hangover Part II

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

The new adventures of Phil, Alan and Doug, who embark on a journey in the exotic Thailand for the wedding of Stu. Obviously the stag night you will lose another “piece” (dirty!).

As usual, be faced with the need/desire to make a second chapter of a successful film is always a challenge (see “Kung Fu Panda 2″ – or don’t!). Especially when it is a comedy that does not include any serial, but that simply was lucky enough to guess a cast and a history of working well together.

The case of Hangover is a prime example: the same four rogues can repeat the success of stellar first episode?

Empirical evidence shows that the answer is yes! Huzzah!

Of course, Todd Phillips is the first to realize that one of the four is quite pointless, Doug/Justin Bartha, and in fact had already left on the roof of the hotel throughout the first film.

This time it leaves his hotel in favor of his brother’s betrothed to Stu. Teddy, by the way, is the son of Ang Lee. What?

Freed of the character who does not laugh is the trio “base” that embodies the classic stereotypes: the embarrassing Alan, who, besides being awkward all over the threshold of acceptability, it is always over the top; the clumsy Stu, that under the surface of respectability hides the nature of a beast of war; and the ever-staid Phil, who besides being the “beautiful” is also consciousness (this is my longest sentence).

To catch the public and raise the bar even further, the director, increasing the coefficient of action of the film and makes it even more surreal situations already at the limit.

The first move: to move to Bangkok’s after Las Vegas in America there would be nothing at then – Alan to zero and place a tattoo-also identical to that of Tyson in the face-to Stu. Really.

Obviously this time someone will disappear, but will leave a finger as a souvenir!

No babies, but mostly monkeys and nothing she blonde with blue eyes, but a transvestite Thai and if not enough here is the return of Mr. Chow’s more chilling than ever. Yes.

Needless to say, “reel” final photo is from censure (and probably will, not in Europe).

At the end of the second episode is a more Eastern and more adrenaline than the first, but any coach will confirm that: Never change a winning team, though we doubt it can get to third with the same form.

P.S. Game of Thrones is good! Get out and watch some T.V.!

Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium
Follow @KimmoMustonenen