Christophe Beck – Behind the Proscenium

July 19, 2013

R.I.P.D. [REVIEW]

R.I.P.D.

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Our brains can be crap.

Yes, this happens.

We think the excited, only for the suck to rise.

Why can this be for the happening?

We crave good.

I will give anything more than ever the chances it (“good movie, please Odin” speaks my brain) deserves.

I am for wanting every movie that is watched to be the greatness that was “Shark Night 3D”.

The universe thinks I deserve a worsening. So the universe makes me be with “R.I.P.D.”

Lord.

A mess this is in my mind place. My brain crap is now confusion.

I have seen this movie!

Three times.

“Men Are Black,” “Men Are Black II,” and “Men Are Black III (in 3D!).”

Tommy Lee Jones (“Abraham Lincoln Laywer”) and Will Smith (“Legend I Am”) put their good foot right in the ass while kicking. New thoughts and stories made my face a happy smile place.

Now this crap. Ugh.

Plot? You know it. I mean, you really know it. I go on anyway.

Nick the Cop (Ryan Reynolds) is killed by Hayes (Kevin Bacon – here, one degree from toilet water). Nick goes to Dilbert Heaven – corporate Heaven would really be Hell, although having the hot, hot, hot Mary-Louise Parker (is she really almost 49? – her soul must have been rented to the devil) there gives it some hope – and he (Nick) gets to become “Death Cop – Deado Killer.”

Really.

He is paired with Tommy Lee Jo- No.

Shit! He is paired with Roy (Jeff Bridges) who talks with his mouth like he has had a stroke.

Or two.

They are disguised to be a Chinese and Hot Boob-ula Chick (Marisa Miller – so hot when on the page and not moving, not so hot when talking). We must never know they are just actors, acting badly.

They are after “Deados” – dead people who are escaping the movie to get to a real life. Like T.V.’s “Reaper”, only less good stuff.

Nick wants to be with his not dead wife again.

Did it happen? Did I care?

Did I drink so much Kossu that the last 25 minutes where placed in a brain blender to be remembered as “whoooosh”?

I don’t know. No. And yes.

This hot mess did not direct itself. No. First, the story board was published in 2001 (now are you nerds happy?). Then Robert Schwentke needed money and said “sure! I’ll poop one out for ya!”

Voila! “R.I.P.D.”

Why, Hollywood, why?

Must all summer flicks be regurgitated Franken-films that am made from the body parts of other movies. Or be a clone of previous clone movies?

As long as the dollars flow to box offices like Kossu flows to my liver nightly we will be seeing the Franken-films forever. Damn…

My thumbs are weird and confusing. They twitched when things went boom. They twitched when the Hot Boob-ula Chick would walk in the slo-mo.

They twitched when I ran out of the most delicious ice cream Bon Bons even chewed by a man (me).

So, for this “R.I.P.D.” I had epileptic thumbs. Pointing every direction but up.

Tell your eyes to wait for “The Conjuring” or “The Smurfs 2.” I kid about the Smurfs. I would rather be shot in the face and eaten by weasels.

I speak the truth.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “Breaking Bad” is about to come to an ending. My sadness is bulging for there will be no more shows to see to. My love for this T.V. showing is so great that I will name my fantasy hockey club “Team Heisenberg” this year. If this is beyond your understanding sign up with Netflix and watch the damn show. Yesterday.

You’re welcome.

HEY – NOW “LIKE” ME ON FACEBOOK PLEASE!

July 26, 2012

The Watch [REVIEW]

The Watch

With Wit, Reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen

The times that movies are not good are the long times.

We sit and wait.

Something must be better.

If not a plot or a funny, will the smoke make the bad the good?

Will an end come that is better than the beginning?

We hope.

We wait.

Mostly in vain.

Such it is with this dog poo stuck in the waffle tread of my cool Wolverines. It smells, it adheres and refuses to go away.

With a stick I dig, little flecks of “The Watch” leave my brain thoughts and flop to my carpet.

Then more for the digging of movie crap off of my sole.

And yet the smell of “The Watch” lives on up my nose-hole.

Can I not rid myself of the stink cloud? Perhaps shots of Kossu will clean my brain with sweet, sweet “I forget.”

But no.

What is seen cannot be unseen. What is smelled is forever in my nose front face.

Dammit.

I will put Kossu in my neti-pot and flush my mucus creators forever.

Who needs smell when smell is now always crap? Not Kimmo, that is sure!

Plot? I guess.

Ben Stiller is anal control freak at Costco. Murder! Skinned corpse!

Then Vince Vaughn (bloated like a drunken Swede) who is more for the party (shock!), less for the funny (how many years since “Swingers”? Too many).

Jonah Hill has returned to the fat and is now again funny (well, for this movie anyway) and angry because he is not a cop.

Then there is an English black guy (Richard Ayoade) who deserved to be in better cinema, but must have done something to be punished here.

Free Richard Ayoade!

These wacky misfits are the neighborhood watch!

Zany!

They have an adventure! Aliens!

Dick jokes! Alien dick jokes!

So much bad. So much.

What have I done wrong to deserve this?

So, name irony. “The Watch.”

Really? More likely “The Look At Bloody Car Wreck.”

Eyeballs don’t go to the screen for the funny – they can’t possibly look away. And then there is the hope from the above that I spoke.

And hope is the cruelest thing…

So, two thumbs just kind of doing thumb things. Not happy thumbs. Not suicidal thumbs. Just thumbs that are needing the entertainment to happen.

Thumbs that didn’t get squat from “The Watch.”

I am so excited for next week! Another re-make! That is so novel!

Never done in Hollywood! They are so original!

“Total Recall” will be all time the great one that needed a re-boot.

Sony Pictures can kiss my whirling butt-cherry.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Become my friend on Facebook. That is the only way that the truth of our friendship can be true. Do it!

P.P.S. Summer T.V. is turning from suck to Summer Olympics. What is the difference?

November 4, 2011

Tower Heist [REVIEW]

Tower Heist

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I don’t understand.

My mind is flowing with the fire.

Kyrle, I want to see the revels inside the “Anonymous”.

Or, to make me give a dolphin smile, “Harold and Kumar’s 3D Christmas” with the pot and a rad review to make.

But no.

I see the hot in the 1990s film “Tower Heist”.

In 1991, this is a (the s)hit.

Today?

Snooooooooozeeeeee……….. suuuuuuuuuuuuckkkkkk.

With “Tower Heist” director Brett Ratner does try the balancing act between the amusing comedy genre and heist movie. For those who can spontaneously start to the second term (heist, mush brain) – A-OK!:

A heist movie romp usually a couple of cool guys who then work out another plan much more cool to either cash to steal or a lot of any valuable thing (like steak). Many heist movies are popular because they often come up with many twists and surprises to you as a viewer, feels fun-surprised and how the thieves because now want to get the loot.

Comedies are popular NOT when explain they must why you have to for the laugh, right?

Stop laughing. You never started.

Unfortunately fails (shocker!), “Tower Heist” almost sensational about it, the strong elements from both genres take up in plain-text – the planned robbery is not exciting to offer only minimal surprises and humor is far too short, or non existent (like, “How do you get a nun pregnant?” Answer in the comments below!).

The jokes are bad pointedly dropped listless (for that’s particularly true on several one-liners to already-worn by a number of other films – 20 years ago!).

Humor is indeed a matter of taste, and it only one time exists (to me, in my taste that matters), Eddie Murphy holds a little dreamy monologue about the relationship between lesbian women and firm breasts.

That was it.

It tries to be long 100 minutes of comedy. But only 4 minutes. Yet, but it seems much, much longer.

The disappointing part, of many in this “comedy”, is unfortunately hand in hand with the robbery of the money for a sympathetic force. The supposedly equipped with the world’s best security system tower can then still be won relatively easy – so easy that as would Ben Stiller would not have to bother the apartment of the victim with Lego recreate – a small addendum to the subject of humor – the Lego model should be FUNNY.

The coup ends in exaggerated scenes on the outside wall of the skyscraper, does not even in the inner logic of the film exposes the meaning and the lousy script.

“Tower Heist by Retards” would be truth, but not correct, politically. “Tower Heist by Retards” would have brought the fun.

Curiously, attempts Bratt Ratner plan and the absurd comedy of the soft-rinsed with the theme of “99 percent to stick into the 1% anal pore”. That is to provide a current political and social superstructure.

Of course it is cool in principle, that the film on the side of workers and says Wall Street is Las Vegas (without the hot legal hookers).

Too much plot explanation for so little of the plot.

My bad. I’ve switched to slivovitz and am woozy.

The motley troupe can wrest from viewers unfortunately no great sympathy. Ben Stiller exudes a desperate charm and can play alongside Casey Affleck, the most interesting character.

Eddie Murphy’s role could be funny, but is not being fully implemented.

Matthew Broderick and Gabourey Sidibe (now in “Tower Heist” based on the novel Suck by Hack Writer) sink into the irrelevance.

So? What happens when you make a genre mix, where you combine a burglary without exciting plan and a comedy without jokes? “Tower Heist”! Which rises from the toilet and tries to bite your wankie.

Don’t let it!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Go “Glee”, go! In Finland, we always make out with the teacher who is the momma now to our baby! BUT… no Lindsay to be seen. Just the mick. Ryan Murphy, I am watching you…

May 27, 2011July 14, 2011

The Hangover Part II [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Todd Phillips, The Hangover Part 2, Craig Mazin, Scot Armstrong, Bradley Cooper, Ed Helms, Zach Galifianakis, Justin Bartha, Ken Jeong, Paul Giamatti, Mike Tyson, Jeffrey Tambor, mason Lee, Jamie Chung, Sasha Barrese, Gillian Vigman, Aroon Seeboonruang, Nirut Sirichanya, Yasmin Lee, Nick Cassavetes, Sondra Currie, Schnitrnunt Busarakamwong, Bryan Callen, Brody Stevens, Nimit Luksameepong, Michael Berry, Andrew Howard, Danai Thiengdham, Thana Srisuke, Pairot Noiply, Penpak Sirikul, Sanita Jai-Ua, Chanicha Shindejanichakul, Vithaya Pansringarm, Kim Lee, Palakorn Chaiklang, Palakorn Gunjina, Pongsatorn Sawadchatchawan, Kaweeit Chaikaew, Pure Watanabe, Rattana Janprasit, Jetsada Yuktabutra, Tanner Maguire, William A. Johnson, Aedin Mincks, Dylan Boyack, William Jiang, Lynne Kidder, Fred North, Crystal, Christina Ebert, Karen Jean Wu, Steve Bing, Scott Budnick, Joseph Garner, Daniel Goldberg, Jon Jashni, Chris Lowenstein, David Siegel, Thomas Tull, Vineet, Jeffrey Wetzel, Christophe Beck, Lawrence Sher, Debra Neil-Fisher, Mike Sale, Oliver Ackermann, Jennifer Corey, David Clark, Lloyd Bunnak, Jeanne Byrd, Fred Fein, Tim Williams

The Hangover Part II

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

The new adventures of Phil, Alan and Doug, who embark on a journey in the exotic Thailand for the wedding of Stu. Obviously the stag night you will lose another “piece” (dirty!).

As usual, be faced with the need/desire to make a second chapter of a successful film is always a challenge (see “Kung Fu Panda 2″ – or don’t!). Especially when it is a comedy that does not include any serial, but that simply was lucky enough to guess a cast and a history of working well together.

The case of Hangover is a prime example: the same four rogues can repeat the success of stellar first episode?

Empirical evidence shows that the answer is yes! Huzzah!

Of course, Todd Phillips is the first to realize that one of the four is quite pointless, Doug/Justin Bartha, and in fact had already left on the roof of the hotel throughout the first film.

This time it leaves his hotel in favor of his brother’s betrothed to Stu. Teddy, by the way, is the son of Ang Lee. What?

Freed of the character who does not laugh is the trio “base” that embodies the classic stereotypes: the embarrassing Alan, who, besides being awkward all over the threshold of acceptability, it is always over the top; the clumsy Stu, that under the surface of respectability hides the nature of a beast of war; and the ever-staid Phil, who besides being the “beautiful” is also consciousness (this is my longest sentence).

To catch the public and raise the bar even further, the director, increasing the coefficient of action of the film and makes it even more surreal situations already at the limit.

The first move: to move to Bangkok’s after Las Vegas in America there would be nothing at then – Alan to zero and place a tattoo-also identical to that of Tyson in the face-to Stu. Really.

Obviously this time someone will disappear, but will leave a finger as a souvenir!

No babies, but mostly monkeys and nothing she blonde with blue eyes, but a transvestite Thai and if not enough here is the return of Mr. Chow’s more chilling than ever. Yes.

Needless to say, “reel” final photo is from censure (and probably will, not in Europe).

At the end of the second episode is a more Eastern and more adrenaline than the first, but any coach will confirm that: Never change a winning team, though we doubt it can get to third with the same form.

P.S. Game of Thrones is good! Get out and watch some T.V.!

Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium
Follow @KimmoMustonenen