The Wolverine [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael Horvath

The Wolverine

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

There is much to fall out of my brain and skipping my mouth through straight to typing.

First, “The Wolverine.” I will review it. I promise this right into your face.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael HorvathSeconded, the goddamn Royalty child.

Is he to be Luke Skywalker?

Is he to be Jonas Salk?

Will he be able to stuff delicious sausage in his kitchen someday, like cousin Raimo or family friend Petteri?

Maybe all.

Most likely none.

It is a little human squirm worm in the now – all poopy and drooly.

CNN, let the tiny King clone grow into something before filling my 50 inch plasma with nothing.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael HorvathThank you.

But the Royal sister in law. Pippen.

I would see her naked and stuff her with my own delicious sausage.

I believe such an action is the way to her heart.

Her royal butt is a national treasure and must be preserved in the Tower or wherever they place the royal butts for public viewing.

Third, why at Comic-Con are there very few for comics to see?

Not crappy “I am standing in front of a mike opening and boy are my arms tired for flapping comic”

No.

Comic BOOK.

Comic-Con needs to have the name “Movies That Nerds Will Squirt On-Com” in the now time. Because the comic book part slides away into the place where A-Ha lives.

Like Purgatory.

Or Chatsworth (L.A. humor FTW!!!).

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael HorvathThe Jack Kirby panel was awesome, I must say once or twice. Not Justice League Movie blah, blah, blah.

So suck it, nerds.

Oh, and Batman vs. Superman? You mean the movie Tim Burton should have made slightly after the Big Bang event of too big movies in my childhood?

“The Dark Night Returns” is still waiting for the filming to be in its now (graphic novel – 1986 – “I’ve got the home stretch all to myself…”).

Where have you gone, Frank Miller? Make it happen!

Damn! That was a good feeling for me!

With words my mind can lance the icky boil of its own making. The mind cluster thoughts that make me yell at my cat.

Yet, she never listens or makes mad.

Good kitty.

Ooze, mind boil. Ooze. My cat needs no more loud words.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael Horvath“The Wolverine.”

I almost had to forget why we are here.

I saw “X-Men Origins – Wolverine.” I thought the same was to be, but no. There is now Japan, and when there is not Anime.

Boy howdy, without Anime Japan can be cool.

This is good.

The Kossu and sweet, sweet smoke had me to believe that the before times were the now times (at the same time!  Mind blown.)

No. The more things are the same the more they may change.

Plot? Is anybody there? Does anybody care? Does anybody see what I review?

Encountering each other once they were in Nagasaki during the atomic bomb (in the past) are Logan/Wolverine (Hugh Jackman – veiny muscles!!!) with important Japanese guy (Important Japanese Actor – I was not racist, just higher than Asgard – still am), is in the apocalyptic destruction of violence for a fleeting moment, an impression of the curse and blessing of Wolverine’s superhuman self-healing forces.

Atom bomb?

Yo, I’m Wolverine, bitch (thank you Jesse Pinkman!)!!!

This capability provides Yashida (Important Actor is Haruhiko Yamanouchi, HA, apologize to Kimmo now!) to take on himself, so that his old friend can have a normal life with “an ordinary death” – and he himself immortality.

Son of a bitch.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kate Middleton, Pippa MIddleton, Prince George of Cambridge, Comic Con, Jack Kirby, George Miller, Tim Burton, Jonas Salk, The Wolverine, James Mangold, Mark Bomback, Scott Frank, Christopher McQuarrie, Hugh Jackman, Tao Okamoto, Rila Fukushima, Hiroyuki Sanada, Svetlana Khodchenkova, Brian Tee, Hal Yamanouchi, Will Yun Lee, Ken Yamamura, Famke Janssen, Nobutaka Aoyagi, Seiji Funamoto, Nobuaki Kakuda, Sarah Naylor-Liddell, J Remlton, Andy Owens, Geoff Burke, Joshua Remilton, Yaeko Kimura, Ryula Kimura, Briden Starr, Marla Lukasheva, William Takayanagi-Temm, Erich Chickashi Linzbichler, Yoshinori Fukushige, Hiroshi Kasuga, Kosuke Masano, Keiko Matsumoto, Yumiko Nakamura, Garret Sato, Yoji Tatsuta, James Fraser, Ian McKellen, Patrick Stewart, Luke Webb, Joseph M Caracciolo, Stan Lee, Hutch Parker, Lauren Shuler Donner, Marco Beltrami, Ross Emery, Michael McCusker, Yoko Narahashi, Francois Audouy, Ian Gracie, Riki Nakanishi, Michael Turner, Isis Mussenden, Kelly Allison, Anne Bruning, Aaron Downing, Motoki Ishida, Nadia Paine, Sam Alvelo, Debbie Antoniou, Drew Bailey, Hideaki Jimbo, Yoshi Ando, Maggie Baron, Danielle Blakey, Jason Bogard, James Bramley, Susannah Brengel, Kate Buckman, Kit Conners, Jessica Derhammer, Pru Donovan, Jim Dunlap, Aleisha Rose Groth, Colleen Hanafin, Jordan Haro, Charles Harrington, Koichiro Iwagami, Ronin Jonathan, Jonny Kennerley, Oscar Knott, Amy Libowsky, Lynnette Lai Suet Lynn, Ross Maloney, Lance Masa, Phillip Roope, Xiao Sun, Roberto Tarrats, Molly Tompkins, Satoko Tsuji, Taris Tyler, Ryan Unicomb, Minn Vo, Sheila Waldron, Natacha Williams, Lesley Wise, Carl Wood, Shane Wynter, Michael HorvathWolverine hesitates long enough to burial Yashida whose granddaughter and sole heiress Mariko (Tao Okamoto) has desperately needed a seemingly invulnerable watch dog.

That’s it. Dammit.

The Kossu says “no more GD plot – it brings back the flashbacks.”

I’m done.

My brain cells are back at Comic-Con, hearing nerds argue over which Princess Leia was more for boner eruption.

Obviously, the one in glasses. But only those that had a prescription. Fake glasses are the suck and make a loser.

Like a fake wheelchair. Not cool.

Except, I guess, for line cutting at the land of Disney. I am ashamed for doing it…

So, two thumbs… UP! Like my bone.

Crazy.

Famke Janssen alone is my magnificent queen! Two hot old chicks with their asses making to kick in a row (see “R.I.P.D.” review from last week, I will not stop you – Mary-Louise Parker is waiting for your eyes for her to see her) is summer movie greatness.

Finally, and no CGI needed. I’m ready for my “Pacific Rim” job.  Heh, heh, heh.

You go, girls.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  “Under The Dome” from great to “dog butt scoot carpet stain” in four weeks. It took “Lost” six seasons to ruin the rug that was my senses. Congrats, Under the Dumb. You are the Oreck Vacuum of suck.

Jack the Giant Slayer [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Jack the Giant Slayer, Bryan Singer, Darren Lemke, Christopher McQuarrie, Dan Studney, David Dobkin, Nicholas Hoult, Elenor Tomlinson, Ewan McGregor, Stanley Tucci, Eddie Marsan, Ewen Bremner, Ian McShane, Christopher Fairbank, Simon Lowe, Mingus Johnston, Ralph Brown, Joy McBrinn, Chris Brailsford, Warwick Davis, Craig Salisbury, Peter Bonner, Lee Boardman, Lee Whitlock, Jody Halse, Richard Dixon, Chris Drake, Bill Nighy, John Kassir, Cornell John, Andrew Brooke, Angus Barnett, Ben Daniels, Philip Philmar, Peter Elliott, Don McCorkindale, Tayler Marshall, Amber Vertaanes, Alex Macqueen, Joseph Salazar, Hattie Gotobed, Steven Williams, John Lebar, Phil Martin, Steve Haze, Michael Self, Tim Foley, Sydney Rawson, Tandi Wright, Byron Coll, Aaron Jackson, Mark Badham, Russell Balogh, Jason Beeston, Christian Black, Chris Bowe, Stephen Brocklehurst, Alfred Camp, Nathanjohn Carter, Robert Clayton, Sam Creed, Graham Curry, Joseph Dewey, Richard Dorton, Anthony Errington, David Frost, Sammy Harris, Philip Harvey, Caroline Hayes, Matthew David Hearn, Mitch Hill, Kevin Hudson, Charli Janeway, Andy Joy, James Kirkham, Daniel Lapaine, Darren Lynch, Celina Macdonald, Duncan JC Mais, Martyn Mayger, Raine McCormack, Henry Monk, Michael St Omer, Gloria Riccio, Santi Scinelli, James Thomas Scott, Nick Shaw, Simon Steggall, Shane Stevens, Paul Warren, Josh Wichard, Simon John Wilson, Christan Wolf Lamoy, Richard Brener, Michael Disco, David Dobkin, Toby Emmerich, Alex Garcia, Jon Jashni, Ori Marmur, Patrick McCormick, Neal Moritz, John Ottman, John Rickard, Thomas Tull, Michele Weiss, John Ottman, Newton Thomas Sigel, Bob Ducsay, Roger Mussenden, Jeremy Rich, Gavin Bocquet, Mark Harris, Phil Harvey, Rod McLean, Peter Russell, Gary Tomkins, Richard Roberts, Benjamin Greenacre, Tim Grover, Marianne Jenkins, Paul LaMOri, Duncan Muggoch, Jason Pomerantz, Adam Teeuw, Ty Warren, Tom Browne, Glenn Carroll, Jamie Christopher, Simon Downes, Alex Reid, Jane Ryan, Ronny Schroder, Matthew Sharp, Toby Spanton, Scott Ko, Dan Keller, Siouxsie Stewart, Ed Walters, Michel Aller, Shaun Apraharrian, Todd Busch, Herbert Butler, Camrin Agin, Chris Jai Alex, Sam Barnett, Nick Fulton, Maryllis Gonzalez, Jodie Gregory, Helen Christine Dwyer, Lucy Howell, Moira Houlihan, Marianne Huet, Todd christian Hunter, Holly Johnson, Jamie JOnes, Georgina Kelly, Alastair McNeil, Jesse Packham, Berenice Percival, Jonathan Stein, Douglas Tait, Ben Vokes, Richard Wild, Roger Walker, John R Walker, Josh Wood, Jhonny Zurita, Sam Weeden, Josh Loveman, Kyle Leatherberry

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Jack the Giant Slayer, Bryan Singer, Darren Lemke, Christopher McQuarrie, Dan Studney, David Dobkin, Nicholas Hoult, Elenor Tomlinson, Ewan McGregor, Stanley Tucci, Eddie Marsan, Ewen Bremner, Ian McShane, Christopher Fairbank, Simon Lowe, Mingus Johnston, Ralph Brown, Joy McBrinn, Chris Brailsford, Warwick Davis, Craig Salisbury, Peter Bonner, Lee Boardman, Lee Whitlock, Jody Halse, Richard Dixon, Chris Drake, Bill Nighy, John Kassir, Cornell John, Andrew Brooke, Angus Barnett, Ben Daniels, Philip Philmar, Peter Elliott, Don McCorkindale, Tayler Marshall, Amber Vertaanes, Alex Macqueen, Joseph Salazar, Hattie Gotobed, Steven Williams, John Lebar, Phil Martin, Steve Haze, Michael Self, Tim Foley, Sydney Rawson, Tandi Wright, Byron Coll, Aaron Jackson, Mark Badham, Russell Balogh, Jason Beeston, Christian Black, Chris Bowe, Stephen Brocklehurst, Alfred Camp, Nathanjohn Carter, Robert Clayton, Sam Creed, Graham Curry, Joseph Dewey, Richard Dorton, Anthony Errington, David Frost, Sammy Harris, Philip Harvey, Caroline Hayes, Matthew David Hearn, Mitch Hill, Kevin Hudson, Charli Janeway, Andy Joy, James Kirkham, Daniel Lapaine, Darren Lynch, Celina Macdonald, Duncan JC Mais, Martyn Mayger, Raine McCormack, Henry Monk, Michael St Omer, Gloria Riccio, Santi Scinelli, James Thomas Scott, Nick Shaw, Simon Steggall, Shane Stevens, Paul Warren, Josh Wichard, Simon John Wilson, Christan Wolf Lamoy, Richard Brener, Michael Disco, David Dobkin, Toby Emmerich, Alex Garcia, Jon Jashni, Ori Marmur, Patrick McCormick, Neal Moritz, John Ottman, John Rickard, Thomas Tull, Michele Weiss, John Ottman, Newton Thomas Sigel, Bob Ducsay, Roger Mussenden, Jeremy Rich, Gavin Bocquet, Mark Harris, Phil Harvey, Rod McLean, Peter Russell, Gary Tomkins, Richard Roberts, Benjamin Greenacre, Tim Grover, Marianne Jenkins, Paul LaMOri, Duncan Muggoch, Jason Pomerantz, Adam Teeuw, Ty Warren, Tom Browne, Glenn Carroll, Jamie Christopher, Simon Downes, Alex Reid, Jane Ryan, Ronny Schroder, Matthew Sharp, Toby Spanton, Scott Ko, Dan Keller, Siouxsie Stewart, Ed Walters, Michel Aller, Shaun Apraharrian, Todd Busch, Herbert Butler, Camrin Agin, Chris Jai Alex, Sam Barnett, Nick Fulton, Maryllis Gonzalez, Jodie Gregory, Helen Christine Dwyer, Lucy Howell, Moira Houlihan, Marianne Huet, Todd christian Hunter, Holly Johnson, Jamie JOnes, Georgina Kelly, Alastair McNeil, Jesse Packham, Berenice Percival, Jonathan Stein, Douglas Tait, Ben Vokes, Richard Wild, Roger Walker, John R Walker, Josh Wood, Jhonny Zurita, Sam Weeden, Josh Loveman, Kyle LeatherberryJack the Giant Slayer

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Times have hard.

We know this.

Hollywood then shows us.

We watch The Mr. Oscar Show and strange face “Look At Me, I Am Also Smug Guy Who Wants To Sing In Your Face” person is on hourly, for what is to me, also forever.

Pretty people also are staging to the T.V., some with awards, more with sadness in their brain thoughts.

On the carpet, all women admit to wearing the clothes of someone else – yet none of the carpet questioning people feel the creeps.

This is Hollywood.

This is the Academy Awards.

This review is “Jack The Giant Slayer.” 

It needs not to worry about the Academy Awards.

Ever.

But, even though winning is not to be foreseen – this is good for the film worker people. If for to win, they would have to talk to “Smug Guy Who Was Upstaged By Captain Kirk” which would be the suck.

But all is not bad. Really.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Jack the Giant Slayer, Bryan Singer, Darren Lemke, Christopher McQuarrie, Dan Studney, David Dobkin, Nicholas Hoult, Elenor Tomlinson, Ewan McGregor, Stanley Tucci, Eddie Marsan, Ewen Bremner, Ian McShane, Christopher Fairbank, Simon Lowe, Mingus Johnston, Ralph Brown, Joy McBrinn, Chris Brailsford, Warwick Davis, Craig Salisbury, Peter Bonner, Lee Boardman, Lee Whitlock, Jody Halse, Richard Dixon, Chris Drake, Bill Nighy, John Kassir, Cornell John, Andrew Brooke, Angus Barnett, Ben Daniels, Philip Philmar, Peter Elliott, Don McCorkindale, Tayler Marshall, Amber Vertaanes, Alex Macqueen, Joseph Salazar, Hattie Gotobed, Steven Williams, John Lebar, Phil Martin, Steve Haze, Michael Self, Tim Foley, Sydney Rawson, Tandi Wright, Byron Coll, Aaron Jackson, Mark Badham, Russell Balogh, Jason Beeston, Christian Black, Chris Bowe, Stephen Brocklehurst, Alfred Camp, Nathanjohn Carter, Robert Clayton, Sam Creed, Graham Curry, Joseph Dewey, Richard Dorton, Anthony Errington, David Frost, Sammy Harris, Philip Harvey, Caroline Hayes, Matthew David Hearn, Mitch Hill, Kevin Hudson, Charli Janeway, Andy Joy, James Kirkham, Daniel Lapaine, Darren Lynch, Celina Macdonald, Duncan JC Mais, Martyn Mayger, Raine McCormack, Henry Monk, Michael St Omer, Gloria Riccio, Santi Scinelli, James Thomas Scott, Nick Shaw, Simon Steggall, Shane Stevens, Paul Warren, Josh Wichard, Simon John Wilson, Christan Wolf Lamoy, Richard Brener, Michael Disco, David Dobkin, Toby Emmerich, Alex Garcia, Jon Jashni, Ori Marmur, Patrick McCormick, Neal Moritz, John Ottman, John Rickard, Thomas Tull, Michele Weiss, John Ottman, Newton Thomas Sigel, Bob Ducsay, Roger Mussenden, Jeremy Rich, Gavin Bocquet, Mark Harris, Phil Harvey, Rod McLean, Peter Russell, Gary Tomkins, Richard Roberts, Benjamin Greenacre, Tim Grover, Marianne Jenkins, Paul LaMOri, Duncan Muggoch, Jason Pomerantz, Adam Teeuw, Ty Warren, Tom Browne, Glenn Carroll, Jamie Christopher, Simon Downes, Alex Reid, Jane Ryan, Ronny Schroder, Matthew Sharp, Toby Spanton, Scott Ko, Dan Keller, Siouxsie Stewart, Ed Walters, Michel Aller, Shaun Apraharrian, Todd Busch, Herbert Butler, Camrin Agin, Chris Jai Alex, Sam Barnett, Nick Fulton, Maryllis Gonzalez, Jodie Gregory, Helen Christine Dwyer, Lucy Howell, Moira Houlihan, Marianne Huet, Todd christian Hunter, Holly Johnson, Jamie JOnes, Georgina Kelly, Alastair McNeil, Jesse Packham, Berenice Percival, Jonathan Stein, Douglas Tait, Ben Vokes, Richard Wild, Roger Walker, John R Walker, Josh Wood, Jhonny Zurita, Sam Weeden, Josh Loveman, Kyle LeatherberryFirst, I, Kimmo, will not use Fee, Fi, Fo, Fum in the film review.

All critics who do – or use any variable of the 4-F’s – is of the review school hack class.

No Fee, Fi, Fo, Fun for good review.

No Fe, Fi, Fo, Dumb for bad review.

No Fee, Fi, Foo, Meh for a review tweener.

This reviewer (though many times with drunks and stoned) is not of laziness.

So review I must.

Plot? Fe, Fi, Fo, YES! Damn, it was too much to not do.

Plot – Jack is a kid with stories talked to his ear hole by Dad (look out Dad! Here comes the plague!).

Isabella is a kid who has the same stories (look out Mom! Etc). and grows up to be hot.

In real life, Jack (Nicholas Hoult) got to diddle Jennifer Lawrence and motor-boat her rack (for this, Hoult deserves Lifetime Achievement Award). Then, she, Jennifer, was too good for a bean kid.

To continue, hot Isabella (Eleanor Tomlinson) is now fap fantasy for Roderick (Stanley Tucci – with creepy sameness inside from “The Lovely Boner”) who is shopping for the Magic Crown that lets the owner control Giants – people who are taller than Abraham Lincoln (see review).

Jack does stuff, like slaying Giants, but damn spoiler title told you that already.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Jack the Giant Slayer, Bryan Singer, Darren Lemke, Christopher McQuarrie, Dan Studney, David Dobkin, Nicholas Hoult, Elenor Tomlinson, Ewan McGregor, Stanley Tucci, Eddie Marsan, Ewen Bremner, Ian McShane, Christopher Fairbank, Simon Lowe, Mingus Johnston, Ralph Brown, Joy McBrinn, Chris Brailsford, Warwick Davis, Craig Salisbury, Peter Bonner, Lee Boardman, Lee Whitlock, Jody Halse, Richard Dixon, Chris Drake, Bill Nighy, John Kassir, Cornell John, Andrew Brooke, Angus Barnett, Ben Daniels, Philip Philmar, Peter Elliott, Don McCorkindale, Tayler Marshall, Amber Vertaanes, Alex Macqueen, Joseph Salazar, Hattie Gotobed, Steven Williams, John Lebar, Phil Martin, Steve Haze, Michael Self, Tim Foley, Sydney Rawson, Tandi Wright, Byron Coll, Aaron Jackson, Mark Badham, Russell Balogh, Jason Beeston, Christian Black, Chris Bowe, Stephen Brocklehurst, Alfred Camp, Nathanjohn Carter, Robert Clayton, Sam Creed, Graham Curry, Joseph Dewey, Richard Dorton, Anthony Errington, David Frost, Sammy Harris, Philip Harvey, Caroline Hayes, Matthew David Hearn, Mitch Hill, Kevin Hudson, Charli Janeway, Andy Joy, James Kirkham, Daniel Lapaine, Darren Lynch, Celina Macdonald, Duncan JC Mais, Martyn Mayger, Raine McCormack, Henry Monk, Michael St Omer, Gloria Riccio, Santi Scinelli, James Thomas Scott, Nick Shaw, Simon Steggall, Shane Stevens, Paul Warren, Josh Wichard, Simon John Wilson, Christan Wolf Lamoy, Richard Brener, Michael Disco, David Dobkin, Toby Emmerich, Alex Garcia, Jon Jashni, Ori Marmur, Patrick McCormick, Neal Moritz, John Ottman, John Rickard, Thomas Tull, Michele Weiss, John Ottman, Newton Thomas Sigel, Bob Ducsay, Roger Mussenden, Jeremy Rich, Gavin Bocquet, Mark Harris, Phil Harvey, Rod McLean, Peter Russell, Gary Tomkins, Richard Roberts, Benjamin Greenacre, Tim Grover, Marianne Jenkins, Paul LaMOri, Duncan Muggoch, Jason Pomerantz, Adam Teeuw, Ty Warren, Tom Browne, Glenn Carroll, Jamie Christopher, Simon Downes, Alex Reid, Jane Ryan, Ronny Schroder, Matthew Sharp, Toby Spanton, Scott Ko, Dan Keller, Siouxsie Stewart, Ed Walters, Michel Aller, Shaun Apraharrian, Todd Busch, Herbert Butler, Camrin Agin, Chris Jai Alex, Sam Barnett, Nick Fulton, Maryllis Gonzalez, Jodie Gregory, Helen Christine Dwyer, Lucy Howell, Moira Houlihan, Marianne Huet, Todd christian Hunter, Holly Johnson, Jamie JOnes, Georgina Kelly, Alastair McNeil, Jesse Packham, Berenice Percival, Jonathan Stein, Douglas Tait, Ben Vokes, Richard Wild, Roger Walker, John R Walker, Josh Wood, Jhonny Zurita, Sam Weeden, Josh Loveman, Kyle LeatherberryThe move is in the land of Not Bad.

CGI Giants are CGI from the days of Tecmo Bowl Nintendo. Fun after bong sucking, fun after the beer chug, cheesy in my real reality.

The 3D was realistic as to make me barf. Yes, the 3D, not the too much overdrunk beer and stale Raisonettes.

I stand by this statement.

For you readers with bigger brains, see the ripped off for this movie – “Trollhunter.” This move is more better than “Jack blah blah blah” in the way that all of Scandinavia (minus Sweden) is superior to Los Angeles (except for the weather – so I really hate Scandinavia, I guess – my mind is confusion).

The Trolls are better computer beasts than the Giants – although the Giants have more lines.

So one and a half thumbs in the atmosphere. There is enjoyment.

I expected a major suck (like that damn Twilight turd-fest) and the suck did not appear.

The secret to liking a film (I’m now thinking) is to expect it to be full of the horrible.

This did not work for the Twilight films, but seem to work for all else.

I will continue this film experiment – since summer is coming, with its crap-storm of film stink.  Here is hoping my expecting is not my reality.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  It is almost again the time for baseballs! I don’t have understanding for the game so much, but love Dodger Dogs – and cold beer that is more money worth than gold in its cost.  This game is not hockey (the greatest of all since it was played by God Himself), but not bad for steroid boys with bats. Not to mention hot baseball groupies. Play balls!