Jamie Foxx – Behind the Proscenium

June 28, 2013

White House Down [REVIEW]

White House Down

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Hollywood has hit me in my surprise place.

How is this possible?

I have large Hollywood knowledge – it cannot sneak up on myself.

But it did.

“Olympus Has Fallen Over” was released to us in March. It is June and the remake is already out!

Surprise!!!

A movie film that made $93 million is for to be a new movie costing $150 million in making.

Hollywood is smart.

“White Houses Downer” jumped from Roland Emmerich’s head and onto the screen with a splatter.

Bummer to me? Sure – but at least I didn’t have to review “The Heat” – flaming pain death would be better than that.

Or a kick to the ball sack.

Plot? Sure.

“White Houses Downer” is another “Die Hard” in the White House.

Django (Jamie Foxx) is as President Obama. He is for the quipping and is cool. Mike the Magician (Channing Tatum) is John McClane, with shoes.

There is a kid stuffed with cute. Hans Gruber (Who Cares) is running wild after falling from Nakatomi Plaza. Argyle (Nicolas Wright) has with a promotion now tours for the White House (not a downer, nor falling over) and is somehow whiter.

Maggie Gyllenhall looks more for the weird than ever (impossible! Yet true… would still do her if drunk).

Now (drums roll with excitement) – summer action movie roll-call… BEGIN!

CGI explosions: Here, sir!

CGI buildings falling down: Here, sir!

CGI car chases: Here, sir!

CGI aircraft: Here, sir!

Two dimensional characters: Here, sir!

Interesting thought inducing story:

Oh, shit.

Not here.

Ever.

Damn.

Where have you gone, Steven Seagal? You were never “just the cook.” Your “Die Hard” was better than this “Die Hard.” And on a boat.

And Magic Mike – why? Lucky for you there is more clothes than the last movie where you wear a mere banana hammock.

Terrorists could easily have defeated you in your budgie smugglers.

You have the muscles for wearing the nut huggers, but when defeating bad guys, the packed lunch is not to be out front.

Good job Magic Mike.

So… my thumbs know not what they have to do. I stayed awake. Is that good?

Maybe there is a yes – but the movie had so much loud ka-bang that not even the dead could stay asleep.

My butt did not hurt. But, again, the ka-bang made my seat into magic fingers that caressed my gluteus nicely with love.

I still had yearnings for the sweet, sweet smoke (I’m for the cutting down of it – to many munchies making me Mr. Fat Finn) but not so much that I cried for “White Houses Downer” to end.

See it if you missed “Olympus Has Fallen Over.”

Or have so much time for wasting that your life is a worthless pile. Then see the thing. That is all.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “Under the Dome” is the shit. A cow was cut in to two pieces. There was teenager sexing, plane explosions and death. How to be perfection? Acting lessons. And maybe Malin Akerman’s little sister. She is candy in my eye. Make it so, CBS. Now.

February 16, 2013February 16, 2013

The Year In Films Of The Year 2012

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Django Unchained, Quentin Tarantino, Jamie Foxx, Samuel L, Jackson, Leonardo DiCaprio, Harvey Weinstein, Lincoln, Daniel Day Lewis, Steven Spielberg, Kathleen Kennedy, Frank Marshall, Sally Field, Tony Kushner, Bruce McGill, James Spader, Tommy Lee Jones, House of Animals, Yao Ming, FDR American Badass, Bruce McGill, Barry Bostwick, Garrett Brawith, Ross Patterson, William Mapother, Kevin Sorbo, Ray Wise, Silver Linings Playbook, Jennifer Lawrence, Bradley Cooper, David O. Russel, Robert DeNiro, Jacki Weaver, Chris Tucker, Matthew Quick, Skyfall, James Bond, Daniel Craig, Sam Mendes, Barbara Broccoli, Javier Bardem, Judi Dench, Albert Finney, David Pope, Wreck-It Ralph, Walt Disney, John C Reilly, Sarah Silverman, Jack McBrayer, Jane Lynch, Best of 2012 Movies

The Year In Films Of The Year – 2012

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Busy?

Damn, yes.

Why is life, so with amaze, such, at times, a bitchy bitch?

More tragedies making small of my family even smaller in Finland.

American girlfriend who I find with beauty then find with STD after she is of the unfaithful type (I hate you, Sakko, for your disease and your butt face – forever).

My time in hospital for “stress therapy reduction” yet there is no Kossu or the sweet, sweet smoke.

This was the most stressful.

And more important in my thoughts, my missing of you cool readers who I have missed with an ache in my heart muscle.

Really.

So now, the films that in 2012 gave a big stiffy to myself.

Django Unchained

Django (unchained) goes on a personal war with a dentist friend (and former Nazi) to find Black Broomhilde (the comic book witch) who is being held by Gilbert Grape’s retardo brother.

And Samuel L. Jackson (“I have had it with these motherfucking slaves on this motherfucking plantation!”) is much awesome, too.

Django’s ass is so bad that Lincoln is forced to free the slaves.

—————————————-

Lincoln

America’s tallest American (until Yao Ming) has become President because he is tall.

But he is tired and weary from fighting The Confederation.

Lincoln (read my review HERE) has learned (from Django) that all are equal – but Django is more equal than others.

So politics happen.

Tommy Lee Jones has crazy hair and then does not hair at all.

James Spader is fat.

And then there is, from House of Animals, Bruce McGill.

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FDR: American Badass!

With Bruce McGill! Most times, history gives me the sleepy bores. Not 2012 (see above so far).

Best of all film history is this film.

History comes alive – with a machine gun wheelchair and Werewolf Hitler (Jesse Merlin). In Finland the “Nazi = Werewolf” knowledge was always a fact.

To see it on screen as truth?

I had a case of leaky eye. Battles, Italians, naked women, brilliant quotes (“Shut the fuck up, Einstein!”) this film had it all.

Suck the bong – see this film. In that order.

————————————-

Silver Linings Playbook

Jennifer Lawrence has the most awesome boobies in the world.

She wears tight dance clothes.

She has too much talk at award shows.

What more can I say?

Oh, and Bradley Cooper does not play a dick.

—————————————————-

Skyfall

Boom!

Kablooey!

Gay Javier Bardem!

Daniel Craig shot (that’s what you get for stealing Rachel Weisz from me, asshole)!

Death!

Hot Bond chick!

And Oscar winner Dame Judi Dench. She does not get the excited exclamation. Because she (SPOILER ALERT) dies.

———————————————–

Wreck-It Ralph

Film of the year!!!

No shit.

Ziggy and I went to the screening fully loaded on the smoke.

Fully.

Loaded.

Then came popcorn, washed down with Kossu.

Then came the movie.

Son of a bitch.

I was in the 80s and a video game ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

My life was a treat – I never wanted for me to leave this heaven.

And Sarah Silverman was there but little-girl style – creepy.

Pac Man. Dig Dug. Forbert.

I was completed. I could no more have the wanting of anything.

Then the thing damn ended.

I wept.

Ziggy wept.

We smoked more of the smoke, shot more of Kossu, and into the next screening we were snuck.

And again.

Then one more time.

FILM OF THE YEAR!

———————————————–

I have only been scratching my surface. There are more. I will add as real reviews pop back to the internet space and to my friends – you – weekly.

I am running out of family in Finland for so to die, so this promise I may keep. The weekly writing. But you knew that.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. I cannot find Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos anywhere. WTF?!? Together, for Cheeto freedom, we must together band, like a twin, or a litter of puppies (really vicious puppies)! Make the tastiest of the tasty be available everywhere! Are you with me?

July 8, 2011July 8, 2011

Horrible Bosses [REVIEW]

Horrible Bosses

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

In Finnish language, “Horrible Bosses” translates to “Hirmuinen Pomoja”.

In Finnish, “Horrible Movie” translates to “Kamala Elokuva”.

Fortunately “Hirmuinen Pomoja”, it is not “Kamala Elokuva” but in fact “Loistava Elokuva”! Which means “Really Good Movie”!

So… great the summer (!) movie season has finally started!

“Horrible Bosses” accepts the challenge put against it “The Hangover 2” and of raises it tons of new heights.

The dudes (and jack-off monkey!) “The Hangover“.

The chicks owned “The Bridesmaids”.

Both of sexes are equally unspeakable in this hilarious new treat “Horrible Bosses”.

John Francis Daley, Michael Markowitz and Jonathan Goldstein all have experience writing or acting and situation of comedies in TV sketch comedies. Yet this smash-up feature script by all of them doesn’t seem choppy or overextended, and director Seth Gordon (“Four Christmases” – yuck, gross) drives it forward like a bullet train – like the new one in China!

Three reserved idiots – Jason Bateman, who is in the enterprise equivalent indentured of the enslavement; Jason Sudeikis, which tries to hold his boss of the credit of the sex with hookers in his office and of firing the people because they are fat (haven’t he seen show where fat women become skinny and hot women in two weeks?) and Charlie Day, which the dentist extorts into an affair before his wedding (yowza!).

They are driven, around homicide to consider of their sadistic supervision forces (Kevin Spacey, Colin Farrell, Jennifer Aniston). Their dorkus “murder consultant” (Jamie Foxx) advises them, around to kill their employers (I wish – just kidding Kyrle!), with which production of the deaths look like accidents.

Smart.

The film is strongest, if it remains with Bateman and again mixes with Spacey, Bateman has that on the easy expressionless “everyman” – perfected in “Arrested Development” and everything since. Spacey, on the dead-panned sarcastic scumbag we have admired since his calmer moments in other stuff.

This brings the one half serious point forward here.

We do not wish the dentist, who is killed – though not (she should not be killed).

Dale’s horny friends can’t understand why he’s miserable – isn’t a hot woman begging tons sleep with him?

And her behavior has accelerate a lot of sexual terrorism before they think it’s wrong. That is not right. Women can be also be pigs (see “Bridesmaids”). And pig women can be hot.

We have learned to regret men sexually harass the female employees, but how seriously we should take a complaint, if the culprit looked like Jennifer Aniston?

This film suggests that we should laugh it off, but the intimidation is intimidation, a foxy chick nonetheless could be the boss (not in my world – sad face!).

The casting agent for this movie should win an award.

Bateman, Sudeikis and Day to beat all the big notes, but even better, they find laughter between the lines.

Day is more stupid than the other two (the scene of him, because the view is priceless), but it works well in conjunction with Bateman, Sudeikis and bone-dry approach, and all three take care that the crazy antics keep to a minimum.

Spacey does not break new ground, but he has a lot of fun, and is a welcome sight.

Aniston takes things down a notch from her new role-playing the main thing and consequently turns into a better performer.

All that is said – now the verdict: So funny, that if I must pee, that would happen right now (or when I saw the movie – I don’t have to go now).

So, two thumbs enthusiastically thrusting skyward (thanks thesaurus!). My face is hurting for the smile. And that is good.

See “Horrible Bosses” at least twice. Regrets? You won’t have them!

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. America’s Got Talent! Really? I mean… really?

April 26, 2011May 31, 2011

Rio [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Carlos Saldanha, Earl Rickey Jones, Todd Jones, Don Rhymer, Joshua Sternin, Jeffrey Ventimilia, Sam Harper, Karen Disher, Jason Fricchione, Sofia Scarpa Saldanha, Leslie Mann, Kelly Keaton, Jesse Eisenberg, Wanda Sykes, Jane Lynch, Rodrigo Santoro, Gracinha Leporace, Jamie Foxx, Will.I.Am, Phil Miler, Anne Hathaway, Bernardo de Paula, Renato D'Angelo, Carlos Ponce, Jeffrey Garcia, Jake T. Austin, Davi Vieira, Jermaine Clement, Thomas Wilson, Cindy Slattery, Justine Warwick, George Lopez, Bebel Gilberto, Judah Friedlander, Francisco Ramos, Tim Nordquist, Miriam Wallen, Tracy Morgan, Sergio Mendes, Ester Dean, Priscilla Avila, Anzolin Borges, Claudia Bretas, Carlinhos Brown, Ubirajara de Castro, Shanti Cordeiro, Andrea de Oliveira, Jean Gilpin, Nicolas Guest, Rif Hutton, Mina Olivera, Adriana Souza, Matthew Wolf, Bruce Anderson, John C. Donkin, John Powell, Renato Falcao, Harry Hitner

Rio by Kimmo Mustonenen

The title is the River of Rio de Janeiro, the “Marvelous City” which returns a macaw to mate with the last female of her species.

The problem is that the parrot said, Blu her name, was kidnapped in a child’s jungle home, ended up in cold Minnesota, does not fly and got used to a comfort level that Brazil can not give, not to mention the having to do with a future girlfriend dust cleaned, a tribe of monkeys with kleptomania and a psychotic cockatoo.

Blu is the star of the new long animated Blue Sky Studios, author of Ice Age which confirms the extreme solidity and consistency of style “house” is the construction of dialogues and intelligent characters that makes the difference and raises the story of four “fish out of water” (or, rather, “parrot out of the jungle”) above the banality derivative.

The rest is the high quality animation, here overseen by Carlos Saldanha, a veteran of the studio, capable of introducing an ecological agenda and refresh the clichés of Corcovado tour, carnival, samba and football without that thing in the tombe postcard.

Above all, there is a lush use of color and texture that explodes in the extraordinary musical numbers written by Carlinhos Brown and choreographed as if Busby Berkeley had risen to draw geometries possible with exotic birds.

Rio is a delight that, without reaching the heights of Pixar confirms that Blue Sky is earning points to the competitor Dreamworks.

Children will not have mind confusion – whole family fun will make family fun, fun again. This is Rio!

Kimmo Mustonenen
Follow @KimmoMustonenen