Ray Wise – Behind the Proscenium

The Year In Films Of The Year – 2012

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Busy?

Damn, yes.

Why is life, so with amaze, such, at times, a bitchy bitch?

More tragedies making small of my family even smaller in Finland.

American girlfriend who I find with beauty then find with STD after she is of the unfaithful type (I hate you, Sakko, for your disease and your butt face – forever).

My time in hospital for “stress therapy reduction” yet there is no Kossu or the sweet, sweet smoke.

This was the most stressful.

And more important in my thoughts, my missing of you cool readers who I have missed with an ache in my heart muscle.

Really.

So now, the films that in 2012 gave a big stiffy to myself.

Django Unchained

Django (unchained) goes on a personal war with a dentist friend (and former Nazi) to find Black Broomhilde (the comic book witch) who is being held by Gilbert Grape’s retardo brother.

And Samuel L. Jackson (“I have had it with these motherfucking slaves on this motherfucking plantation!”) is much awesome, too.

Django’s ass is so bad that Lincoln is forced to free the slaves.

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Lincoln

America’s tallest American (until Yao Ming) has become President because he is tall.

But he is tired and weary from fighting The Confederation.

Lincoln (read my review HERE) has learned (from Django) that all are equal – but Django is more equal than others.

So politics happen.

Tommy Lee Jones has crazy hair and then does not hair at all.

James Spader is fat.

And then there is, from House of Animals, Bruce McGill.

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FDR: American Badass!

With Bruce McGill! Most times, history gives me the sleepy bores. Not 2012 (see above so far).

Best of all film history is this film.

History comes alive – with a machine gun wheelchair and Werewolf Hitler (Jesse Merlin). In Finland the “Nazi = Werewolf” knowledge was always a fact.

To see it on screen as truth?

I had a case of leaky eye. Battles, Italians, naked women, brilliant quotes (“Shut the fuck up, Einstein!”) this film had it all.

Suck the bong – see this film. In that order.

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Silver Linings Playbook

Jennifer Lawrence has the most awesome boobies in the world.

She wears tight dance clothes.

She has too much talk at award shows.

What more can I say?

Oh, and Bradley Cooper does not play a dick.

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Skyfall

Boom!

Kablooey!

Gay Javier Bardem!

Daniel Craig shot (that’s what you get for stealing Rachel Weisz from me, asshole)!

Death!

Hot Bond chick!

And Oscar winner Dame Judi Dench. She does not get the excited exclamation. Because she (SPOILER ALERT) dies.

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Wreck-It Ralph

Film of the year!!!

No shit.

Ziggy and I went to the screening fully loaded on the smoke.

Fully.

Loaded.

Then came popcorn, washed down with Kossu.

Then came the movie.

Son of a bitch.

I was in the 80s and a video game ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

My life was a treat – I never wanted for me to leave this heaven.

And Sarah Silverman was there but little-girl style – creepy.

Pac Man. Dig Dug. Forbert.

I was completed. I could no more have the wanting of anything.

Then the thing damn ended.

I wept.

Ziggy wept.

We smoked more of the smoke, shot more of Kossu, and into the next screening we were snuck.

And again.

Then one more time.

FILM OF THE YEAR!

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I have only been scratching my surface. There are more. I will add as real reviews pop back to the internet space and to my friends – you – weekly.

I am running out of family in Finland for so to die, so this promise I may keep. The weekly writing. But you knew that.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. I cannot find Jalapeno Cheddar Cheetos anywhere. WTF?!? Together, for Cheeto freedom, we must together band, like a twin, or a litter of puppies (really vicious puppies)! Make the tastiest of the tasty be available everywhere! Are you with me?

X-Men: First Class

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

I can declare X-Men: First Class the best since the mutant melee X2! Is this saying much? What?

As direct by Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake and The Stepping Donkey – as well as the stupid Kick Ass), this prequel is chaotic and baggy and too long, but watchable often funny strange, and occasionally a flash of cold steel.

It’s the Swinging 60s’ and telepathic brainbox Charles Xavier (James McAvoy) and his shape-shifting pal Raven (a blue colored sexpot Jennifer Lawrence – seen recently but much less hot in “Winter’s Bone”) are coming to terms with their mutant powers.

Contacted by CIA operatives Moira MacTaggert (Rose Byrne), who is tracking maleable mutant mastermind Sebastian Shaw (Kevin Bacon from “Footloose”), Xavier agrees to share his expertise on Mutation.

Meanwhile, Holocaust survivor Erik Lehnsherr (Michael Fassbender) is using his mutant powers to cut bloody swathes through Europe and South America in the search for Shaw, who transjected him to unspeakable Horrors in a Nazi concentration camp.

As Lehnsherr’s activities put him on Xavier’s radar, the boffin manages to convince the magnetic avenger to join the team of mutants he’s assembling to take Shaw down.

Yes!

Using technology devised by the genius mutant Hank McCoy (Nicolas Hoult), the duo begin to recruit and train a gifted crop of youngsters and as Shaw unleashes a devilish scheme to wipe out mankind, it’s up to these ‘X-Men’ to save the day.

What?

There’s much about First Class that’s X-ceptional (ha ha, I did it!) not least of all the casting of the equally admirable McAvoy and Fassbender as the two men whose warring ideologies give X-Men stories so much more abyss than the average comic book yarn.

As X-Men creator Stan Lee has always maintained, Xavier and Lehnsherr are based on Martin Luther King and Malcolm X, setting the tale at the height of the American civil rights movement is something of a master-stroke.

It also allow the director Vaughn to indulge in some far out 60s’ referencing, from depicting Lehnsherr as a smooth 007-style assassin to setting the action-packed finish against the backdrop of the Cuban Missile Crisis.

Scripted on high by Vaughn’s Kick-Ass collaborator Jane Goldman, it’s ironic that’s the most youth-orientated X-Men adventure is as well the most adult. What?

Along with startlingly effective moments of violence and a slinky sexiness that’s likely to leave comic book nerds needing a lie down, there’s even the dropping of a well-timed F-bomb in a priceless cameo.

X-Men films have always been about the strength of the ensemble cast, and Vaughn has put together a fine group of young actors who work together with an easy charm and restless unease; Hoult and Lawrence’s (wow, that girl!) tentative romance being particularly effective.

Bacon is also in fantastic acting shape as the sneering villain. January Jones, regardless of various scenes with bra and panties pushed up, is fairly forgettable as his sidekick Emma Frost – even with her bustiness on display.

Jason Flemyng’s teleporting terror Azazel is scary enough to ensure the bad guys are satisfyingly formidable.

Capturing the spirit of the previous films without desperately struggling to achieve continuity with the theme, Vaughn portrays these familiar characters with honesty and gives them a strong origin story.

That rings true, nodding to past installments, without being overly reverent.

Unfortunately, it’s some wobbly CGI reminiscent of the disappointing X-Men Origins: Wolverine, and a rushed speed that prevents First Class from being the superhero equivalent of JJ Abrams’s Star Trek reboot fantastic.

With an extra six months in post-production and a less ramshackle edit, this easily must have been the best X-Men movie ever.

It is very close regardless, and its forms of Professor X downing a yard of ale for chatting up the girls down the pub has classic scene for the ages written all over it.

Kimmo Mustonenen – Behind The Proscenium (Kimmo On Kino)

Tag: Ray Wise

The Year In Films Of The Year 2012

X-Men: First Class [REVIEW]