So, this morning, I returned to the studio after a quick vacation at my house in the Seychelles – feeling relaxed, very tan and ready to make 2013 the biggest and most profitable year in Manka Bros. history.
I even had a smile on my face.
One of my assistants (Vicky, I think??? – the one with the thing on her face), even told me that I looked happy for the first time ever. And then she told me that the Golden Globe Nomations were out – and a copy was on my desk.
Fantastic. I couldn’t wait to see how many films from the 2012 Manka Bros. Films slate and/or Manka Highbrow slate made the list.
I sat down at my desk. A very nice bowl of high-fiber fruit was waiting for me (because I ate way too much extra sharp cheddar cheese on vacation). I made a quick check of the list.
Hmmm… no Manka Bros. titles.
I looked a little closer. Nope.
That’s really odd. I sent cases of Slivovitz to every goddamned loser in that ridiculous organization.
There must be some mistake.
To hedge my bets even further (and with a line-up like we had last year, I shouldn’t have had to bribe anybody), I sent cartons of Camel Turkish Blend cigarettes
Then I thought, perhaps we were so loaded down with Television nominations the HFPA felt it would have been too much to give us a Theatrical nomination.
Certainly there would be a few shows from the Manka Bros. Television slate on that list. Everyone has told me that Forensics: The New Voices is a virtual lock for a best drama nomination.
Hmmmm…. no TV nominations either.
I mean, what in the fucking goddamned shit is going on?!!
Adding insult to injury is the fact that Steven Spielberg got nominated for that crap fest “Lincoln.” Are you fucking kidding me?
Spielberg hasn’t made anything decent since that Joan Crawford “Night Gallery” episode!
Did the Hollywood Foreign Press not see “The Moonbeamers”?
Did they not see “Linguini & Clam Sauce”?
Or “The Incarceration of Thomas Freeman”?
Well, Hollywood Foreign Press, don’t worry about nominating us next year – I am done with you.
You’re a bunch of freakin’ chain smoking idiots who pass out nominations based on who will go to the disco with you.
FYI, none of you have a dickwad’s chance in Hell with Anne Hathaway.
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
P.S. – Please return my very expensive booze and cigarettes. There are many others in this town more deserving of my bribes.
It’s just another bad year at Manka Brs. Great to see nominations for Amy Poehler and Louis C.K.. Parks and Recreation and Louie got snubbed. Smash got nominated? Holy cow, what a joke. The Smash nomination is what you should really be angry about Khan.
And I guess you can go Salmon Fishing in Yemen and that’s all great with everybody but if you decide to open a theme park in Yemen, everybody calls you a loser.
Wow. I’m now reminded why I don’t watch or care about the Golden Globes. Years from now we won’t remember half of these movies but the Manka slate will live forever. I know award shows hate to nominate blockbusters but do they really feel more intelligent nominating that artsy crap.
The Golden Globes have nothing to do with quality, and everything to do with how much cash gets paid.
Sorry, Mr. Manka, the system continues to ignore innovative cinema for hackneyed themes.
You speak the truth.
I don’t know how the nominations process works, so can someone fill me in? I am surprised to see no love for Game of Thrones or Walking Dead.
It’s an awful list of nominees. The Master was one of the worst movies I have ever seen and the 2nd movie in my life I walked out of. The first was a movie called “Hardware” in the late 80s.
Hilarious! Good for you!
Does that mean that I should not try to get an award for our “Kill Her… Not Me” thriller/horror movie?
Keith Warn Ibex Productions
Seriously Khan ?
Even Stevie Wonder doesn’t wanna watch our bullshit.
Dear Mr. Manga. I am in your side. I live in Germany and there is only shit in Television. And in Germany each Person have to Pay GEZ 17€ per month. Actually all want Reality Shows. Sincerly daniel