David Geffen – Chairman's Blog

September 21, 2018December 19, 2018

Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Bob Greenblatt A Job

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor Kaufman, Bob Greenblatt

Good afternoon from the Seychelles! I’ll be back in Burbank soon – so stop asking.

So – it appears Bob Greenblatt is leaving NBC because a) He needs another challenge; b) Life isn’t interesting anymore and he needs to climb a fucking mountain; c) I got enough money, ho; or d) He’d really like a chance to turn around Manka Bros.’ MBS network.

I know for a fact the answer is d) because running MBS is the ultimate job in television. The crown jewel in a town where most jewels are borrowed and bullshit.

MBS, as we all know (I don’t need to give everyone a fucking history lesson), was the first television network in history – which was born from the first radio network in history.

MBS is truly the reason all us all here today, making millions in Hollywood for putting out a (in general) sub-par product..

But, that said, even the greatest sucks ass on occasion (I mean, look at Jimmy Stewart and Mohammed Ali!).

MBS currently sucks ass – and needs new leadership.

You, Bob, are that leadership. If you’re looking for a new challenge in life – this is fucking it.

I mean there are challenges – like a cure for Alzheimers which, in my opinion, is doable – and there are CHALLENGES – like turning around the fucking lame ass MBS television network.

Come on, Bob, you can do this!

We can do live musicals – “Rampage Of The Stegosaur” or “Gulag” come to mind.

We can move forward with one of my favorite pilots over the years “My Wife Left Me For Bucky Dent.”

Regardless of all this great IP, what we really need at MBS is leadership.

I can’t do it all. I’ve got the world’s largest media company to run – just taking over a measly TV network would be a bullshit job for me.

But not for you. You’re good at that, Bob.

So, my offer is this… a job. A good job… for good money.

Good Hollywood money.

I’m not talking Ohio money – I’m talking Hollywood money!

Let’s talk.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – If you’re leaving for difficult, personal reasons, I apologize and wish you nothing but the best.

June 5, 2017

Manka Bros. To Resume Theatrical Tentpole Strategy

Good afternoon.

After announcing last week that Manka Bros. would be abandoning its tentpole strategy to focus on lower budget, more interesting films, I have decided based the insane opening of “Wonder Woman” – that we will resume our tentpole strategy at Manka Bros. Films.

I don’t know what I (and, the real people to blame, the corporate stooges who backed me up on this idea) was thinking.

Actually, I do. I was thinking “Damn, Scotch is so delicious!”

But on the long flight home from the Seychelles, I came to the conclusion that it’s impossible to craft a solid theatrical production and distribution strategy after drinking a bottle of Scotch 10,000 miles away from the office.

So… here’s the drill…

The folks at Manka Highbrow, Manka Dogme, Manka Docs, Manka Mumblecore and Manka Ultra should continue to produce the crap that you a-holes pump out every year.

The tentpole movies from Manka Bros. Films (mostly MC Comics and the Magpie franchise) that were deep in development should be picked up again (I hope you didn’t delete all the files!), and those movies that were pushed out of production should resume shooting immediately.

Those expecting to have free time this weekend, should cancel any plans and work work work instead.

If anyone brings up my previous blog in front of me, you will be fired.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

April 11, 2011April 11, 2011

Manka Bros. Bets The Farm On “Hey Diddle Diddle”

Good morning.

Following an all night film strategy brainstorming session, I am pleased to announce Manka Bros. has committed to produce a $250 million reimagining of the classic children’s fairy tale “Hey Diddle Diddle”.

This is a mighty big bet for the studio and a decision I don’t make lightly.

And while it seems that every studio in town is doing a fairy tale remake right now (Red Riding Hood and Jack the Giant Killer at Warners, Hansel & Gretel at Paramount and there are THREE Snow White movies in various stages of development, etc.), I think we have hit on a concept that will definitely help “Hey Diddle Diddle” break through the clutter.

In the story’s current form, you have a Cat playing a Fiddle, a Cow jumping over the Moon, a Dog laughing and Dish running away with a Spoon… silly stuff that doesn’t translate to a long form feature film – much less the elements of a movie anyone over four would want to see.

Problem solved.

We’re going to take the same classic characters and set the story in a Soviet gulag work camp in the 1930s. This will allow us to dig deep into the psyches of these characters.

What makes the cow jump over the moon? Freedom.

Why does the dish run away with the spoon? Forbidden love.

Why is the cat playing the fiddle? Because Stalin likes music and if the cat doesn’t play, he dies.

Stuff like that. Very powerful.

And while we don’t have a screenwriter, director or cast set, we do have a release date: July 4, 2012.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

February 22, 2011April 27, 2011

Manka Bros. Triathlon Team Finishes Last… Again

Unbe-fucking-lievable!

If I didn’t know better, I would think that my employees only live to embarrass me.

I was just informed that the Manka Bros. Triathlon Team (led by the freakishly pathetic Jay McBee – nice swim trunks, Jay) finished last at this year’s Nautica Malibu Triathlon.

Last for the fifth straight year!

The Nautica Malibu Triathlon is an annual competition also known as the Entertainment Industry Challenge (EIC) and pits all the major studios (Manka Bros., Warner Bros., Disney, Sony, NBC Universal, Paramount, Fox, etc.) against one another.

Each year I think, well, if we can’t beat them at the box office or on television or in music sales or in theme park attendance or in publishing… we can beat them in a triathlon.

Boy, am I fucking stupid.

Manka Bros. has become a joke. We are the flabbiest and most out of shape of all the studios. Freaking embarrassing.

Maybe we need to start a morning calisthenics program much like they do every year at the Herb Allen Sun Valley Retreat.

I don’t know what it’s going to take, but as a person who owns a home in Malibu, I never want to see pictures of people like this on that beach ever again!

And that includes you, too, David Geffen!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

February 26, 2010May 6, 2011

Lunch With Sumner Redstone and David Geffen

American Abstract Artists, Ari Emanuel, Art Collector, Art Historian, Ben Silverman, Bob's Big Boy Burbank, Bonzai trees, Buying Art, Carly Simon, CBS, Chairman's Blog, Damien Hirst, David Geffen, DreamWorks, Electus, Fred Willard, Hamburger Hamlet, He's Not Comin' Home, Jackson Pollock, Japanese trees, Jeff Koons, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, kara swisher, Khan Manka, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Manka Bros. Records, massive layoffs, Melinda the first lady of magic, nikki finke, Nokia Theater, OnMedea, Paramount, Philippe Dauman, Picasso, Robert Altman, Rupert Murdoch, Seamus, sharon waxman, Sherry Lansing, Starry Night, Sumner Redstone, Taylor Swift, Terry Semel, The black Eyed Peas, thewrap.com, Titanic, Van Gogh, Viacom, Viacom's Holiday party, Vincent & Theo, Yellow Balloon Dog, You're So Vain

Good morning. Yesterday, as I was having my monthly lunch with Sumner Redstone at the Hamburger Hamlet in Hollywood, David Geffen stopped by to say hello and asked if he could join us. We’ve all known each other for years but it was the first time the three of us ever sat down to a meal. Geffen ordered another Turning Leaf Chardonnay and a shot of Gordon’s vodka and had a seat.

We exchanged a few words about the news that he was Carly Simon’s “You’re So Vain” inspiration. He said he thought that song was about him. I asked him if he wanted to get back into the music business and, if so, would he be interested in taking over Manka Bros. Records – which really needs a shot in the ass (Seamus is coming in far below expectations).

He declined and said the only thing that interests him now are those little Japanese trees.

Sumner asked Geffen about his art collection and if he’d be willing to sell a few of his more valuable pieces (in reality, Sumner couldn’t afford a wall covering from Pier 1 right now).

As they kept talking, a light bulb went off in my head. I would like to buy some art. I’m sitting on an enormous pile of cash and need to do something with it. Banks and stocks are certainly no place to put money these days. And after the massive layoffs and cutbacks at Manka Bros. last year, it might just be the thing that would cheer me up. I’m sure the remaining employees at the studio would really get a kick out of knowing their boss has just bought some really great art for his house and office. And, from what I understand, there are some real bargains out there because of the recession.

So I started to pick David Geffen’s brain. He said his main focus is post-World War 2 Abstract American Art. Well, that’s the most boring fucking thing I could ever imagine. What I want are Picassos and Van Goghs – art that people have heard of.

He said he had a few original Picasso sketchbooks that he may be willing to part with… for the right price. And he had some personal items of Van Gogh – a couple of shoes and an unused toothbrush.

That kind of shit doesn’t interest me at all. I want that Starry Night painting or the Chick Playing the Lute. He said he didn’t own those.

He mentioned Jackson Pollock and I reminded him of the horrible box office grosses of the movie Pollock. He reminded me of the horrible box office grosses of Vincent & Theo (which I blame more on Robert Altman than anything else).

I could go on about our insane conversation, but I won’t (Geffen went on and on about the brilliance of Damien Hirst and Jeff Koons – I looked them up and they are freaks).

Here’s the deal – I want to buy some art.

Anyone at the studio who knows something about it – let me know. There must be a couple of Art History majors floating around the Script Development Department (God knows we have enough Folklore Mythology majors).

Perhaps I’ll even invite you to lunch in my executive dining room.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company