paintball guns – Chairman's Blog

July 11, 2017July 14, 2017

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2017 – Day 1 – Old Media? That’s Cute

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Herb Allen's Sun Valley Conference 2016, Sun Valley Lodge, Bin Tran, Vin Tran, Lee S Ainslie III, Yousef Al Otaiba, Hans-Holger Albrecht, Paul G Allen, James Anderson, Marc Andreessen, Michael Angelakis, Tim Armstrong, Nikesh Arora, Neil M Ashe, Emilio Azcarraga, Manvinder S Banga, Lionel Barber, Craig R Barrett, Willow Bay, Andreas Bechtolsheim, Marc Benioff, Jeffrey Berg, James Berkus, Michael S Berman, Mark Bertolini, Gary Bettman, Jeff Bewkes, Jeffrey P Bezos, Aneel Bhusri, The Right Honorable Tony Blair, Gregory R Blatt, Anthony H Bloom, Michael R Bloomberg, Steven R Boal, Scott A Bommer, Cory A Booker, Jeffrey H Boyd, Sergey Brin, Glenn Britt, Tom Brokaw, Michael J Brown, Howard G Buffett, Susie Buffett, Warren Buffett, John Burbank, Stephen Burke, Erin Burnett, Ursula Burns, John E Bush, Jeanie Buss, John A Canning Jr., Chase Carey, Wences Casares, Mark Casey, Kenneth Chenault, Peter Chernin, Brian Chesky, Richard Chilton, Chris Christie, Lewis Cime, Adriana Cisneros, Gustavo Cisneros, Vittorio Colao, Timothy Collins, Patrick Collison, Timothy Cook, Anderson Cooper, David Corkins, Delos Cosgrove, Dick Costolo, Cristian Croitoru, Henry Crumpton, Jose Luis Cutrale, Will Danoff, Philippe Dauman, Christopher Davis, Alfonso de Angoitia, John DeGioia, Diego Della Valle, Brian Demain, Andre Desmarais, David DeVoe, Feroz Dewan, William DeWitt, Barry Diller, Daniel Doctoroff, Jonathan Dolgen, John Donahoe, Jack Dorsey, Michael Duke, Mathias Dopfner, David Ebersman, Wesley Edens, Marvin Edwards, Eric Eisner, Michael Eisner, John Elkann, Thomas Evans, Randel Falco, Jose Antonio Fernandez, Michael Ferror, Niall W. A. FitzGerald, Thomas Friedman, Michael Fries, Tommy Frist, Daniel Fulton, Michael Fux, Mala Gaonkar, Whitfield Gardner, William Gates, Melinda Gates, Julius Genachowski, Daniel Gilbert, Thomas Giovine, David Goldberg, Roger Goodell, Bing Gordon, Donald Graham, Brian Grazer, Brad Grey, John Griffin, Andreas Halvorsen, Reed Hastings, General Michael Hayden USAF, James Heavener, John Hendricks, John Henry, John Heyman, Kazuo Hirai, John Hock, Reid Hoffman, Won Pyo Hong, Lisa Hook, Ben Horowitz, Drew Houston, Robert Iger, David Ignatius, Martin Indyk, Phillip Jackson, Eli Jacobs, Paul Jacobs, Robert Johnson, Salar Kamanger, Peter Karmanos, Alexander Karp, Michael Karsch, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Michael Keating, Brian Kelly, Muhtar Kent, Joseph Robert Kerrey, Dara Khosrowshahi, Seth Klaman, Joel Klein, Peter Klein, Philip H Knight, Victor Koo, Robert Kotick, Robert Kraft, Henry Kravis, Ynon Kreiz, Blake Krikorian, Ananda Krishnan, Stan Kroenke, Daniel Lamarre, Michael Larson, Martin Lau, Michael Leavitt, Jay Lee, Eric Lefkofsky, Theordore Leonsis, Max Levchin, David Levin, Phil Libin, Martin Lipton, Bryan Lourd, Kenneth W Lowe, Michael Lowenstein, Dan Lufkin, Dennis P LYnch, Michael Lynton, Maurice Levy, John Malone, Robert Marcus, Morris Mark, Donald Mattrick, Kathleen A McCarragher, General Stanley A McChrystal, Andrew McKenna, General Montgomery C Meigs, Lorenzo Mendoza, Ron Meyer, Roberto Mignone, Hiroshi Mikitani, Bill Miller, Kenneth Miranda, Thomas Monahan, Leslie Moonves, Luis Alberto Moreno, Dan Moskovitz, Craig Mundle, James Murdoch, Rupert Mudoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Nathan Myhrvold, Michael Neidorff, Jonathan M Nelson, Vivi Nevo, Sam Nunn, Michael E O'Hanlon, Daniel J O'Keefe, Don O'Neal, Ronald L Olson, Evan Osnos, CL Butch Otter, Michael Ovitz, Larry Page, Stephen G Pagliuca, Saul Pannell, Mark Papa, William Pappendick, MIchael Pausic, Minxin Pei, Francois-Henry Pinault, Mark Pincus, Laurene Powell, Lawrence F Probst, Rebecca Quick, Thomas Rabe, Jay Rasulo, Jerry Reinsdorf, Danny Rimer, Richard Riordan, Ambassador Charles H Rivkin, Brian Roberts, James Robinson IIi, James Robinson IV, Fernando Rodes Vila, Brian Rogers, Congressman Mike Rogers, Charlie Rose, Daniel Rose, Wilbur L Ross, Haim Saban, Karim Sadjadpour, Sheryl Sandberg, Ricky Sandler, Ted Sarandos, Fayez Sarofim, Nassef Sawiris, Eric Schmidt, John Schneider, Christopher Schroeder, John Scully, Allan Selig, Nicole Seligman, Eric Semler, William Siegel, Herbert Siegel, Ben Silbermann, Christopher Silbermann, Louis Simpson, Eduardo Sirotsky Melzer, Andrew Sorkin, Sir Martin Sorrell, Thomas Staggs, Cristina Stenbeck, David Stern, Michael Stone, Sir Howard Stringer, Robert Swan, Peter Thiel, Mark Thompson, Sebastian Thrun, Thomas Tull, Peter Ueberroth, Joseph Vacanti, Jeffrey Van Harte, Owen Van Natta, Martin Varsavsky, Leftie Vaughn, Michelangelo Volpi, Alexandre Von Furstenberg, Dian von Furstenberg, Casey Wasserman, David Weinberg, Judd Weinberg, Jeff Weiner, Harvey Weinstein, Wallace R Weitz, Robert Werbel, Michael White, Meg Whitman, Jim Wiatt, James Williams, Fred Wilpon, Jeffrey Wilpon, Fred Wilson, David J Winters, Nicholas Woodman, Major General Amos Yadlin, Jerry Yang, Jed York, David Zaslav, Dirk E Ziff, Gianfranco Zoppas, Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Ma, Jeff Bezos, Tony Wible, Marissa Mayer, General Stanley McChrystal, John Kerry, Michael Bloomberg, Justin Trudeau, Iggy Azalea

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2017 – Day 1: Old Media? That’s Cute.

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2017 – Day 2: Rocky Horror

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2017 – Day 3: World’s Fastest Man

Another Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, another week attempting suicide by alcohol consumption.

The plane approach at the Sun Valley airport was reminiscent to a “Top Gun” dogfight. Rupert Murdoch’s pilot is a fucking maniac. They nearly crushed my plane trying to beat us to the landing.

My self-driving hover car or whatever it was (courtesy of Elon Musk) was no better. They have now incorporated an AI “driver” that chats in taxi cab driver-type small talk on the way to your destination. I know that fucking robot did not care how my flight was.

While the Silicon Valley guys (remember – no girls) roll into the Sun Valley Lodge like rock stars, we in old media get the reception of a singing waiter at a pasta joint… “yeah, yeah, I know you can fucking sing – but where’s my lasagna?”

I don’t know. This may be my last year in Sun Valley. Who needs this shit?

We moguls used to rule this school and now the new titans talk at us like we’re in a retirement home unable to control our bladders. (To be fair, there are a few here in which that is true… Rupert?)

My self-driving car made it without issue except for the weird little racist screaming that the AI driver yelled at an Asian man crossing the street illegally. Strange to program it like that – like a real taxi driver.

I walked past the media veal in their little caged square barely able to move and walked into the third best hotel in Sun Valley!

After check in, I did what any out-of-touch, cast-off-by-society, irrelevant person would do – I headed straight for the bar to reminisce about the “good old days.”

I entered The Duchin Lounge (aka “The Drankin’ Hole”) and wonder of wonder, miracle of miracles, my old buddy, the best goddamned bartender in the world, Vin Tran, was right where he was supposed to be – behind the bar, ready to serve.

Vin: Mr. Khan Manka, Jr. – so great to see you. A friendly face.

Me: Not friendly till you get me goddamned drink.

Vin: Dirty martini?

Me: Two of ’em. I want them filthy.

Vin: Coming up.

I looked around the bar. Pretty slow start. Philippe Dauman playing Frogger in the corner, mumbling to himself (just like last year) and Jony Ive of Apple clicking furiously on his Blackberry.

Me: How have you been, Vin?

Vin: Terrible, boss. My wife is divorcing me. Say she going to take everything. She even said she was going to take my job.

Me: At least she didn’t get that.

Vin: She did! I’m training her. She starts in two weeks!

Me: Ugh, that’s awful. Divorce is terrible. I’ve stopped doing it. If you need a job and a new start, come to Burbank, I’ll set you up in the kitchen there.

Vin: Thanks, boss. You are a great man. Here are your dirty martinis – the dirtiest I ever made. Excuse me.

I sucked down the first one and immediately began to think straight. Why did I come here again? We, in Hollywood, used to dictate what people would see and how they would see it.

Now giant movie studios are simply looked at as a cozy acquisition target to be tucked away in the “Entertainment” division of a “much more important company.” A company that “small frys” like us could only one day dream to understand its complexity and importance.

Speaking on cozy acquisitions, Jeffrey Katzenberg entered the bar, looking tan, relaxed, a fidget spinner twirling in each hand.

Katzenberg: Khan! Wassup!

Me: Hello Jeff, you’re looking fit.

Katzenberg: $3.8 billion will do that to a person! Ha! Bin Tran, triple rosy!

Bin Tran starts making some sort of fruity drink with a splash of alcohol. Wearing his new media uniform of bald head and black turtleneck, Katzenberg glides into the seat next to me.

Katzenberg: How tricks, Khan? Same old grind? Same old media? Bloated movies and TV shows. Wishing it was 1975?

Me: Yes, to all of it.

Katzenberg: And what’s going on with your theatrical business? First you abandon your tentpole strategy, then you start it up again? What’s going on? Manka Bros. is a mess!

Me: The movie industry’s a shit storm right now. Just a crappy business. We just bought the rights to Lincoln Logs to make, you know, LEGO-type movies and video games. It’s all just crap.

Katzenberg: You’re in an unsustainable business, my friend. You’ve got $60 an hour Teamsters just sitting in trucks all day waiting to move a set from one three hundred foot sound stage to another. I’ve got an unpaid filmmaker who gets my coffee, shoots the video on her camera and edits it in fifteen seconds. Multiply that by thousands of times a day. Zero in production costs – fifty dollars in ad revenue over the life of the project. Do that a million times and you’ve got… fifty times a million. Fifty million dollars without having to do shit. I’m the future, Khanie. New media. My company is WndrCo – no “o” – no “e”–

Me: What?

Katzenberg: $600 million dollars has been given to me to create the future. Want a piece?

Me: That’s the future?

Katzenberg: Yes. Little videos, made by influencers… capisce?

Me: Like PewDiePie?–

Katzenberg: Fuck that guy! Nazi German prick.

The few moguls who had made to the bar look at Katzenberg.

Katzenberg: (lowering his voice) – Yes, like him… without the racism.

Katzenberg takes a drink of his fruit punch, resuming one of the fidget spinners.

Katzenberg: Oh, and VR. LOTS of VR! Shit’s gonna blow your mind.

He does the “mind blow” pantomime with his hand against his head.

Katzenberg: WndrCo – no “o” – no “e”…

The Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference has begun…

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2017 – Day 1 – Old Media? That’s Cute.

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2017 – Day 2 – Rocky Horror

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2015

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2013

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2012

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2011

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2010

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2009

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2008

May 24, 2017June 1, 2017

Manka Bros. To Abandon Theatrical Tentpole Strategy

Good morning.

As many of you know, the entertainment industry is in total disarray. Netflix is producing films that get praised at Cannes. Amazon is winning Emmys.

It’s a drop-kick to the groin to all of us in “traditional media.”

In Hollywood, we all thought – we’ll just outspend the competition because bigger means quality. High production values means you get the biggest audience because that’s what those mindless fuckers want.

The mindless fuckers have called “BS” on us.

So… Manka Bros. is going to “pivot.” That’s right, I Silicon Valley buzzworded that shit.

We are abandoning our tentpole strategy – the foundation being the 157 movies based on MC Comics characters we were going to produce through the year 2050.

And this has nothing to do with all the production problems you have no doubt been reading about in the fake media. This is a full blown industry-changing strategy shift.

So, what does it mean for the average moviegoer?

Well, it means this year you’re not going to enjoy $200 million money pits such as “Sheetah: Harvest of Sorrow,” “T.O.R.N.A.T.O.: Midnight Storm,” “The Javelin 2: Heroes Unwelcome,” “Pebble Boy: Who Is Pebble Boy?”

(You can see all the future movies you will miss right here: Scheduled MC Comics movies through 2050.)

It was a solid strategy when I came up with it – but then everyone in town had to do it also. It has gotten so bad that f-ing Arbor Day weekend is now a battleground for a release date.

So what now? Going forward, what can audiences expect from the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group?

Instead of one $200 million dollar movie – we are going to make fifty $4 million dollar ORIGINAL movies. That gives us fifty more chances to have a hit.

Hell, maybe we’ll produce 400 movies a year. The sky’s the limit when you don’t bet everything on one horse.

And, worse case scenario, if these stupid little movies suck as much as last year’s “Doctor Proctor: Aliens Unite” or “The Jacobeans: Copernican Revolution,” we won’t lose $400 million (including P&A), we’ll only loose $4 million (and we may not even have P&A), we might just stream this shit on our MankaGoNow platform and forget movie theaters altogether.

I mean, the hell with it, right? That’s where the industry is headed – might as well get a head start on my old media competition.

While my friends at the rival studios continue to struggle with how the hell a freak in a tiny costume with a bow and arrow can bring down Norse Gods and space ships, I’ve decided to go all Jane Austen on this bullshit.

So… MANKA BROS. IS GOING BIGGER BY GOING SMALLER.

You may be thinking – didn’t you famously say Original Films Fail?

Yes, I did. [the expletive “fuck you” has been deleted.] But times are changing. Audiences are bored.

Manka Bros. is going to unbore the audiences with a revolutionary approach to film production.

We’re going to produce a series of films based on Anthony Trollope books (dude wrote about 5,000 books – all public domain – and you can use the same costumes over and over).

We’ll do Nicolas Sparks-type movies where all you need are a couple of crying teenagers and old people walking on the beach one last time.

We’ll do horror movies featuring serial killer clowns and serial killers who kill clowns.

We’ll video tape high school productions of “Death of a Salesman.” Let the kids in the show tweet out the link to all their friends. That’s free marketing! Throw a couple of ads against that shit – make a few bucks.

The point is, everything is on the table.

I have seen the future. And the future is throwing shit onto a wall to see what sticks.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. In the coming days / weeks, we will be releasing our revised slates from our various Theatrical Production Labels. In the coming months, you will see the other studios do the same thing.

November 4, 2016

Dear AT&T / Time Warner… Good Luck

Over the past couple of weeks I have been at the shitty Four Seasons Punta Mita on a bender and because of the crappy wi-fi (which is not included), I have been a little bit out of loop. But now that I am back in Burbank and have my wits about me, all I can say is… WOW.

While I foolishly lay in the Mexican sun pounding Lava Flows by the dozens and contemplating how many comic book characters lives could cross into each other’s universes – my world suddenly changed.

(A little background. Many people have asked me if AT&T approached Manka Bros. before Time Warner as an acquisition target. And while I am currently bound by a non-disclosure agreement, I can say – off the record – of course AT&T was interested in Manka Bros. We are the world’s largest and, thus, the most desired media company… but that is all off the record.)

Hollywood is no longer a city of dreams, of great beautiful ideas never thought of before realized on the big screen in the grandest of presentations and executions.

Hollywood is now a city where a person can create a 15-second phone video that is making fun of the fact that he is pissing blood all the while generating more profit than that big beautifully realized dream.

This got me thinking – what the fuck am I doing and do I want to keep doing it?

The answer is a BIG YES!

Because if the people want blood pissing videos, nobody can produce them better than Hollywood. We’ll spend billions to put that amateur blood pisser out of business.

AT&T / Time Warner will be a huge company. We’ve crunched the numbers and they will be very close in size to Manka Bros. – but based on the size of the bars in the chart below, we are still on top.

But we know world is change and we have to change with it. We just choose to it differently.

Everything we do is organic. From the development and near successful launch of our own patented camera and film stock replacement made out of rice in 1910; to the revolutionary TriMankaTate film coloring process of the 1920s; to the development of digital cinema (in the 1930s!); to the the invention of television in the 1930s (the claim of which is famously controversial)… all the way to today where our long-gestating Facebook killer – Caligula – is preparing for launch in the near future.

No platitudes here, Caligula is the best thing ever done.

So mergers and acquisitions are fine, if you don’t know what you’re doing.

We know what we’re doing.

So, with that, I announce that rather than be acquired by a large telecom, Manka Bros. is, once again, going it alone and will soon launch our very own global wireless network – M-Telligence – the wireless network for people who don’t fuck around with bullshit.

Forget 5G – this is the ONLY G you’ll ever need.

As you all know, Manka Bros. recently announced we have gone over-the-top with MankaGoNow and while it is currently available on other platforms, we may just decide to have it only on the M-Telligence network.

No decisions have been made and we still need to have a few meetings on that – but I’m leaving early today for a long weekend so it will have to be put off until next week (probably Thursday or Friday)… but then you start to get crushed for the holidays and you have some people out…

We’ll make it work somehow.

The point is, this is all VERY EXCITING!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – Still The World’s Largest Media Company

July 8, 2016July 8, 2016

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 4 – It Was A Good Day

OTHER SUN VALLEY 2016 POSTS:

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 1 – Welcome To The Terrordome

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 2 – Burn, Hollywood, Burn – Part 1

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 2 Keynote – Burn, Hollywood, Burn (Or How The Plurals Generation Is Coming To Destroy Your Business)

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 3 – Fight The Power

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016 – Day 4 – It Was A Good Day

—————————————————–

This morning was, by far, the most calm and pleasant mornings I’ve ever had at Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference.

Despite yesterday’s humiliation and complete slaughter, I woke up feeling happy – for whatever reason.

First, we were allowed to sleep in to 6:15 a.m. and were awakened by the classic Michael Eisner version of “The Dawn Of The Mogul” (as Herb Allen’s Iggy Azalea experiment backfired even with the Snapchat dude).

There were no calisthenics and the bagels were much fresher than normal (not from the 2-day old Wonder Bread shop around the corner that they normally buy from).

[One observation about seeing all these business titans in casual clothes: There are those who wear the jeans and t-shirts and look like they work out. And there are those who wear the jeans and t-shirts and look like they are dying of something.]

Herb Allen appeared fresh – which is amazing considering how many Harvey Wallbangers he had the night before (I have been told not to write about our drinking at the bar – I think because the Canadian government didn’t appreciate the Justin Trudeau shrimp catching episode – so that’s all I will say about last night).

Herb Allen: Good morning, Seekers, Outliers and Dreamers…

Barry Diller: Get on with it, Herb.

Herb Allen: This morning, as we approach the end of our conference, we’re going to try something new. Something I’ve been passionate about for over 50 years. Pin trading.

If the incredulous looks on all faces could speak, they would say in unison – “What the fuck?!”

Herb Allen: I know, sounds like amazing, right? I’ve been trading pins since I discovered it at the Rome Olympics in 1960. I have missed one Olympic games since. I don’t watch the sports – I trade pins! At Disneyland, too, Bob!

Bob Iger gave a faint smile and looked to ground – feeling a bit sorry for Herb.

He went on and on about his love of pin trading which I won’t relate – but the gist was this: He had pins made up of all our companies’ corporate logos and gave us each a bag of them and, as a way to get to know each other better, we would go around and trade pins and put them on a Allen & Co. customized pin board.

Herb Allen: Phillippe Dauman has not been seen since the first night, so Shari Redstone – I ask you to take the Viacom pins and trade them as if you were the CEO.

Les Moonves and Shari Redstone exchanged high-fives for some reason (duh).

And the trading began.

Everyone started exchange their logo pins for other logo pins. It was exactly as boring as it sounds. I got a Disney, a Time Warner (which was sharp on the edges like a knife – very dangerous), a Facebook and a Canada pin (from Justin Trudeau) in the shape of Canada. I would tell all about all the others but I’m falling asleep as I dictate this.

Reid Hoffman and Jeff Weiner just stood there (a bit sad?), not trading, as Microsoft’s Satya Nadella traded the Microsoft pin which appeared to show the Microsoft logo eating the LinkedIn logo – which was a nice touch – I thought.

After a couple of moments, it became obvious to Herb Allen that this was not going as he planned. He looked on – near tears – as he could tell there was absolutely no interest by any of the other guests. It was as though no one else cared about his one true passion in life.

Herb Allen: When you’re all finished – or I don’t care – just want to stop – and are thinking about heading out to your planes to go home, don’t forget to pick up the box lunch which has been prepared for you. Thanks for coming.

Herb walked off, shoulders hunched, not looking back. He kept talking though his voice faded as he continued away…

Herb Allen: You’re free to go kayaking or play golf at the…

Is it possible this would be the last year of Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference?

Are we all just getting too old for summer camp?

Is it time for the GoPro dude to take over and only invite CEO who are millennials and plurals who can still ride bikes and climb mountains (oh, and also come up with NEW ideas)?

And while the conference this year ended with a whimper and not a bang like in years previous, it wasn’t so bad.

This week, I learned about self-driving cars and artificial intelligence, Canada and how truly fucked up the Argentinian economy is – I learned that my daughter is no longer allowed in Sun Valley (and she could not care less) – and I learned that Warren Buffett can hold a spoon on his nose longer than any one else I’ve ever seen.

But I one thing I had already learned years ago – Bin Tran makes best goddamned dirty martini on the planet! And I’m about to go get me five more – and that’s why I gotta say IT WAS A GOOD DAY.

Take it, ‘Cube…

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2015

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2013

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2012

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2011

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2010

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2009

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2008