The Tourist – Chairman's Blog

December 11, 2014June 4, 2015

Dear Hollywood Foreign Press – F Off

JESUS CHRIST!

Who the fuck do you have to blow or bribe in the Hollywood Foreign Press Association to getting a stupid Golden Globe nomination?!

These nominations are abominations.

“Birdman” – seriously?

“The Imitation Game”?

What the hell is a Benedict Cumberbatch! Is that a Charles Dickens book?

Did any of the chain-smoking corrupt pieces of shit see the Manka Bros. film “Flaccid Trip“?

Obviously not or it would have been nominated.

It’s six times better than “Boyhood” – sorry we didn’t “advertise” as much IFC.

Here’s a clip to remind you what a truly great film looks like:

I should have sent the screener of the film over with a prostitute, a case of Slivovitz and a few cartons of Camel Turkish Gold cigarettes.

Oh God.

I think the heads of the major studios need to get together to somehow end this constant charade of worthless award shows.

Again, the Hollywood Foreign Press can F themselves. Right in the A.

Really, HFPA, you couldn’t find ONE Manka Bros. movie or TV show to nominate this year?

Did you see the Manka Bros. Films slate or the Manka Highbrow slate?

Did you see “Severed Fingers” on MBS? Here’s a freakin’ clip!

See you at the Emmys! Oh, sorry, I’m sure they wouldn’t let you into a legitimate award show.

I’m done.

Just remember this, no matter how many times you nominate Jennifer Aniston, she’s never going to “party with you.”

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Manka Bros. is planning to produce 157 movies based on classic MC Comics characters over the next 35 years – and none of them will be submitted for Golden Globe consideration!

December 12, 2013January 14, 2014

Again, The Hollywood Foreign Press Association Can F Themselves

What a ridiculous list of nominations!

Another farce.

Another embarrassment.

It must be the Golden Globes!

And the Hollywood Foreign Press can F themselves. Right in the A.

Really, HFPA, you couldn’t find ONE Manka Bros. movie or TV show to nominate this year?

Did you see the Manka Bros. Films slate or the Manka Highbrow slate?

After last year’s snub, I said I was done with the Golden Globes – that they shouldn’t even think about nominating a Manka Bros. movie or TV show.

Well – and I’m serious this time like the heart attacks you’re all going to have soon – next year there will be no more cases of Slivovitz sent to your homes, no more Camel Turkish Blend cigarettes, no more vats of that God-awful perfume you always wear when you “go to disco.”

I’m done.

Just remember this, no matter how many times you nominate Jennifer Lawrence, she’s never going to “party with you.”

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

December 13, 2012December 19, 2012

The Hollywood Foreign Press Association Can F Themselves

So, this morning, I returned to the studio after a quick vacation at my house in the Seychelles – feeling relaxed, very tan and ready to make 2013 the biggest and most profitable year in Manka Bros. history.

I even had a smile on my face.

One of my assistants (Vicky, I think??? – the one with the thing on her face), even told me that I looked happy for the first time ever. And then she told me that the Golden Globe Nomations were out – and a copy was on my desk.

Fantastic. I couldn’t wait to see how many films from the 2012 Manka Bros. Films slate and/or Manka Highbrow slate made the list.

I sat down at my desk. A very nice bowl of high-fiber fruit was waiting for me (because I ate way too much extra sharp cheddar cheese on vacation). I made a quick check of the list.

Hmmm… no Manka Bros. titles.

I looked a little closer. Nope.

That’s really odd. I sent cases of Slivovitz to every goddamned loser in that ridiculous organization.

There must be some mistake.

To hedge my bets even further (and with a line-up like we had last year, I shouldn’t have had to bribe anybody), I sent cartons of Camel Turkish Blend cigarettes

Then I thought, perhaps we were so loaded down with Television nominations the HFPA felt it would have been too much to give us a Theatrical nomination.

Certainly there would be a few shows from the Manka Bros. Television slate on that list. Everyone has told me that Forensics: The New Voices is a virtual lock for a best drama nomination.

Hmmmm…. no TV nominations either.

I mean, what in the fucking goddamned shit is going on?!!

Adding insult to injury is the fact that Steven Spielberg got nominated for that crap fest “Lincoln.” Are you fucking kidding me?

Spielberg hasn’t made anything decent since that Joan Crawford “Night Gallery” episode!

Did the Hollywood Foreign Press not see “The Moonbeamers”?

Did they not see “Linguini & Clam Sauce”?

Or “The Incarceration of Thomas Freeman”?

Well, Hollywood Foreign Press, don’t worry about nominating us next year – I am done with you.

You’re a bunch of freakin’ chain smoking idiots who pass out nominations based on who will go to the disco with you.

FYI, none of you have a dickwad’s chance in Hell with Anne Hathaway.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Please return my very expensive booze and cigarettes. There are many others in this town more deserving of my bribes.