Gary Oldman – OnMedea

Hawk Koch was named President of the Academy of Motion Pictures Arts & Sciences today.

Like his aggressive name suggests, this is a bold choice from an extremely bold organization.

To have the balls to choose the old media film producer son of an old media Hollywood mogul is the kind of cutting edge change necessary to keep AMPAS relevant.

I have a feeling this is going to be one of the greatest years in the history of the Academy.

Here’s what we can expect:

There will be a double-digit increase in cocktail parties under Mr. Koch’s reign.

The words “digital transition” and “Netflix” will be officially banned from Academy headquarters.

$100 million will be raised for the AMPAS Museum (from various cocktail parties and galas to honor other old media executives) which will be a great gathering place for old media types to have cocktails and watch newly-restored prints of “Citizen Kane.”

Don Rickles (because Henny Youngman is dead) will be approached to host the Oscars. “Hey, he’s still funny! And the 18-49s love him!”

… and on and on.

Very exciting stuff.

Glad to see the giant vacuum bubble that was put in place over Beverly Hills in order to keep fresh ideas out is still secure.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

P.S. – Now I can see why my boss, Khan Manka, Jr., has such a problem with the organization.

“LOVE NEVER DIES”? That’s the name of the sequel to the Phantom of the Opera?

You mean “Love Never Dies” like the tag line to Francis Ford Coppola’s 1992 movie “Dracula” starring the great Keanu Reeves doing one of the worst British accents in the history of film? “Love Never Dies” like that?

Taking a title from a movie tag line never works. Does anyone remember “Love Is In The Hair…” the musical version of “There’s Something About Mary”? No! Because no one was that stupid.

Look, I’m not here to scream fire in a crowded theater and ruin your billion-dollar party. I’m a musical fanatic and know by heart just about every song Lord Webber has put in a show (and count Aspects Of Love as my favorite – so how crazy am I?)… but come on ALW!

THE PHANTOM IS NOW GOING TO HAUNT CONEY ISLAND?! Are you fucking kidding me?!

Why the fuck would Christine Daae even take a gig at Coney Island? Why the fuck would you hire the SISTER ACT lyricist to do LOVE NEVER DIES?!

I have plenty of more ‘Why the fucks…?’ but I’ll cut it off right there and just say – please prove me wrong, Lord Webber, but this has ‘disaster’ written all over it.

Seriously, I haven’t heard this bad of an idea for a musical since Manka Bros. announced they were adapting “Rampage Of The Stegosaur” for Broadway!

Lord Webber, if you’re so insistent on putting a ridiculous premise like that out there (and you wrote it) then all this show deserves is a joke title – something like:

The Phantom Goes West
Yankee Phantom
Coney Island Ghost (I believe ALW actually wanted to call it The Phantom of Coney Island – or something horrible like that)
Christine Daae’s A Little Whore (Thanks to Shane the intern. He says it’ll work in Vegas.)
Coney Opera
The Phantom 2: Life’s A Beach
Etc.

So, “Love Never Dies” by Lord Webber bows in London on March 9, 2010 (with a most-likely closing date after the summer 2010). I’m sure there will be enough Phantom phanatics to justify a decent run – but Lord Webber doesn’t take bad reviews and slowing box office lightly (i.e., The Woman In White). And this musical is destined for bad reviews and slowing box office.

Good luck to you and your soon to be crestfallen cast.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

P.S. – Please don’t have them sing a song on the Coney Island Roller Coaster. I don’t want to see The Phantom and Christine circle the theater in a roller coaster singing a love ballad. Please.

Tag: Gary Oldman

Andrew Lloyd Webber’s Love Never Dies