Rupert Murdoch doesn’t have a lot of friends these days.
It seems the only defenders he has are the people he pays to write puff pieces in the newspapers he owns.
As a fellow media mogul, I feel I must defend my good friend Rupert.
It is not easy to build an empire. And it’s certainly not easy to hold one together – just ask Caesar or one of those other Roman guys.
Crushing the opposition can be tiresome. It’s much easier to be passive.
Rupert’s empire is unraveling – an empire that started with him taking over a failed junior high school newspaper in some God forsaken bush town in the Australian Outback (or something) and building it into one of the largest media companies in the world (though Manka Bros. remains #1).
How did he do it? He worked hard, he was fearless, and, yes, he hacked into voice mails. [Manka Bros. legal disclaimer: This last statement should read ‘allegedly’ – we don’t know if he was ‘fearless’.]
I last spoke to Rupert a couple of weeks ago at Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference. We participated in the ‘Mogulympics’ together. He was quite impressive in the long jump – though he kept hitting the foul line which kept him out of the medals.
This, I suppose, could be a metaphor for the way he conducts business. Or, he’s just 80 years old and doesn’t really know what the fuck he is doing anymore.
I was lucky. I inherited my media empire from my father and my uncles. I didn’t have to build it from scratch like Rupert or Sumner or my uncles (who sold a donkey to buy a movie camera).
In fact, I haven’t really had to do shit for the past 30 years (though there have been lots of lunches and galas which can get exhausting). The bullying, intimidation, spying and threats on other people’s lives was done by those before me. Because of my large security staff, people know not to fuck with Manka Bros.… so they don’t.
Now I must speak directly to Rupert for a moment:
If you choose to roll over, Rupert, it will be an insult to all of us moguls.
Even if you are guilty and did, in fact, ruin people’s lives, etc. you must continue to deny it and blame others. That’s the mogul way. Honesty is for losers.
And if, God forbid, you find yourself becoming remorseful over what you’ve done (ugh) and have an uncontrollable urge to “do the right thing”, remember the Mogul Credo: “I am a mogul, I am better than all others.” (Copyright 2003 – Bob Iger)
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Rupert Murdoch is my friend (though he did try to run me out of business in the 1990s and still owes me $100 from a Super Bowl pool he didn’t win… but I digress).
Rupert runs a charity (M.I.L.K) to find lost kittens.
Rupert is an active participant in my monthly book club for moguls.
The embroidered pillow cases Rupert personally made for my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah were incredibly beautiful.
It just kills me that he is going through all this ‘hacking’ unpleasantness.
Don’t people realize that every time you log onto Facebook, or buy a movie ticket, milk, gas, etc., those companies get all of your personal information going back to the sonogram when you were in the womb?
Anyone who reads this blog might as well hand over the deed to their house. We know the movies you went to this weekend, the TV shows you watched… the food you ate. Hey Jenny B. in Tuscon, how did you enjoy “Harry Potter”? And did you like Papa John’s new stuffed crust pizza? We noticed you had three pieces – it must have been good!
So, people of the world, don’t get all schadenfreude-ish with Rupert and hope that his empire comes crashing down. All moguls do what he’s doing and will continue to long after he’s gone (either death or jail).
Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company
I liked Harry Potter very much. I cried nearly the entire time. I did like Papa John’s stuffed crust pizza but I like Pizza Hut better. I’m glad big media is following my every move. Makes me feel all warm inside.
Excellent. Glad we could be of service.
He inherited a newspaper company following his father’s death. I think the first paper he bought was in Perth.
this whole I don’t understand. I remember when all phones were connected by operators who would sit on the phone listening to everything every body says. Privacy is overrated.
No one should ever own a “media empire” Murdoch says he’s sorry…he’s only sorry he got caught.
I think brekaing up these congrolmerates is what must happen. Manka Brothers too! Power corrupts. Too many holdings under too few managers. that equals really bad shit happening. Whistle blower found dead? Come on, really? How can we trust Scotland Yard to investigate that one?
There used to be laws, and FCC rules about how many radio/TV stations any person, or corporation could own in a particular area, but those went the way of Glass-Steagall.
I think I’m starting to see a trend here. I can’t find my tin foil hat, but have plans for building an even better one. This one will even block out the signals from FOX News’s transmitter on the Sun.
Up until I read “my daughter’s Bat Mitzvah”, I thought Khan Mankas is an Indian Muslim!
A little history lesson…
http://www.mankabros.com/corporate/history/index.htm
Very true…. 🙂 Thanks for stopping by at my blog…
If Mankabros is so big why have I never heard of them?
This is hilarious! I wanna be a mogul when I grow up!
Well Chairman:
I surely hope this piece was written tongue, and cheek with a hefty dose of sarcasm.
Because i you’re serious you are seriously insane.
I don’t hope Rupert’s empire comes crashing down. That would take too much time. I picture a tall tree, and a short piece of rope.
Thank you for a great post.
Let us not forget that is was the Mankas who invented the ‘eight figure’ salary for talent. Its tough to be a mogul when these guys are throwing cash around like they print it in their basement. They have no shareholders, no presence on any stock exchange, yet remain the largest media company in the world.
If you have to compete with them on a day to day basis, sometimes morals get in the way. How could Murdoch know anything when every spare braincell is being used to dream up ways to unravel the Manka’s empire. And Murdoch operates from a huge disadvantage…all the moguls (Ovitz, Katzenberg, Iger, Eisner, Redstone, Weinstein, Manka) are members of the tribe. Thank God the Yids have a moral compass that steers them clear of anything that remotely smells unkosher. Like ‘Hebrew National’ hotdogs…they answer to a higher authority.
But its not too late…Rupert is only 80…plenty of time for a Bar Mitzvah…but first, I understand that Jerry Seinfeld knows a moyel…and he works cheap.
THe Immutable truth is stranger than fiction to some… “Rupert never built up an empire rather the empire bulit him up” what is it if a man gains the whole world at the cost of his own soul… I would rather be tea boy in Heaven than a Mogul in hell… but hey thats me.
Obviously there is some friendly rivalry between you and the Dirty Digger. But who do you think would win in a fist fight?
We already know the answer to that one, Mr. Goose. Those aren’t his original teeth – if you get what I mean.
As a fellow-aussi i am still quite excited about Ruperts success. Maybe you could help him out with some advice and training how to avoid those pesky govt committees asking silly questions. After all, a mogul gotta do what a mogul gotta do!
Tnx
Vids
PS: Where do you source cream-pie-proof suits?
To Rupert’s credit, his M.I.L.K. charity actually found one of my kittens after I lost it in the woods after driving down a dirt road for 20 miles and throwing it out the window. I forgot that I did that and later was grief-stricken when my Muffins was gone.
So thanks to Mr. Murdock, I have my Muffins returned home to me. He’s dead now, but we were able to give him a proper burial in the backyard with his favorite squeeze toy and a baggie of catnip going into the shoebox casket.
Thank you, Rupert, for all you do, and thank you, Mr. Manka.
mankabros.com ist der perfekte Blog für alle, die über dieses Thema wissen möchte. Du weißt so viel seiner fast schwer, mit Ihnen zu streiten (nicht, dass ich wirklich möchte … haha). Sie auf jeden Fall lege einen neuen Spin zu einem Thema das ist schon über Jahre geschrieben. Great stuff, just great!