Sinister
With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
Horror in my belly pulls my testes into itself.
That is the point.
Horror must make one as uncomfortableness than one can feel.
It is awesome.
It sucks.
It hurts so good that in the pants the shitting is welcomed.
Yes, that happens.
Unless the movie is the suck. Then the horror is not so horrible. Then the horror is the shit.
Shit, because not horrible. But still in the eyes. The eyes hold onto the pain.
But still…
“Sinister.”
There are grisly murders at the property of the Ellison guy (Ethan Hawke) but the deaths and the disappearance of another daughter (his family?) are with a murder series linked.
Found footage (fuck you, Paranormal Activitiy!)
Then there are slayings and abductions, but only for the children. Parents are for the dying.
But then the writer’s nightmares are worse than the writing.
WTF?!?
Horror is the suck. Nothing is new. Best movie to scare a turd out of me is “The Exorcist“. The like will never again be seen. First half hour, getting to know the family. THEN the shit hits the fan.
We now care!
All of the new shit – horror porn. People ripped apart. Crazy Saw guy making people die as assholes. “Final Destination” bringing back Rube Goldberg to America (if Rube Goldberg is over your head kill yourself now, retard).
And then the found footage shit. Thanks “Blair Witch Project.” Style over good any day.
Crap.
Yet I still liked “Cloverfield“. Found footage doesn’t always swallow the suck.
Anyway, the fact that I thought Ethan Hawke was really Kevin Dillon made me think the dumb is now part of my forever mind. Son of a bitch.
So, one thumb totally confused, wishing it had to see “Argo.” The other thumb wondering where fucking hockey is.
I don’t get it. Play the games. The owners won last time, but now they must fight again? I wish I had a gun. One round for the Bettman. Then the rest for the owners. I kill you all.
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. “Nashville” is the shit. That Hayden Dwarf chick is the hot. I would do her twice.
Kimmo is wrong. I saw a screening of this Tuesday and was really creeped out in a good way! What really makes it good was the fantastic soundtrack.
Wow…Kimmo. You are so wrong. From start to finish, this was an epic horror film. If you didn’t like it, you don’t, you dont have a good sense for horror films! I had trouble sleeping last night thanks to the guy in the tree house!! The plot gets interesting right from the start…….I plan on taking a few of my friends who claim nothing spooks them, as I believe they will finally meet their match with this film. The ending leads you to believe there will be a couple of sequels…and I hope that’s the case..I am a fan for life !!
Not nearly as good as Insidious. Way too slow and boring, it took forever to get to the point. It was creepy but not scary like how I expected it to be. I was really disappointed because I’ve been waiting for a month to see this movie! :(( The plot was stupid to me the little kids looked fake, etc. The whole entire movie all the guy did was watch the home movies on the projector basically. Bottom line don’t waste your money.
You are the worst writer I have ever seen
That sentence doesn’t even make sense. And you’re passing judgment on writing?
Kyrle, sir. You are a near-God. Don’t stop. (And don’t study English diction or grammar!!)Rare is the review that doesn’t induce roars of laughter. “Swallow the suck,” for example. An instant classic. “Less of the liking, more of the hating…” is another gem. “Partied like a rock star…then the falling…and the hospital.” “Genius,” as a buddy in Oz declared. Salut!
Kimmo/Kyrle. The previous post was directed at whoever actually pens these masterpieces.
Seen the premiere last night wasn’t what i expected the trailer makes you want to expect more out of this movie i’d give it two stars.. didn’t enjoy the plot
I didn’t find it that scary, just disturbing and gross, but my friends were shitting themselves…there not keen on horror movies.
I haven’t watched the movie yet, I’ll comment on it after I’ve seen it…
Nice review though – hilarious!!! Keep it that way….
Scariest movie since Scream 3 the scariest part was when that guy jumped out the tree house with that bat yelling shit
I wore my adult diaper to the movie last night just in case I shit myself. It didn’t happen. I was disappointed, not over the fact that I failed to shit myself, rather, that the movie did not attain that goal.
Wasn’t perfect, but yet, it wasn’t all that bad either. I had a great time when it would just scare me for fun, but still feel deserved and not one of those typical, cheap ones we see in so many crappy horror movies of today. Nice review Kyrle.
Wow. Please pass the babelfish!
Mr. Lendhoffer, thank you for posting Kimmo Mustonenen’s highly humorous and extremely accurate review. You (he) couldn’t have *possibly* hit this one more directly using a laser tracking system! “Sinister” was the absolute largest waste of time I have ever subjected myself to…EVER! I lament the loss of $22.00 for the tickets I purchased, the loss of almost two hours of my life, and the brain cells killed by being exposed to this waste of cinemagraphic recording space. I only wish I had read this review before wasting the previously mentioned hours of my existance, viewing this crappy excuse for a movie! Oh, and Mr. Mustonenen, I feel your pain…I miss hockey too.
THAT
WAS
HILARIOUS
“…It hurts so good that in the pants the shitting is welcomed.
Yes, that happens…”
lolol