Angela Bromstad – Page 2 – Chairman's Blog

January 25, 2012January 23, 2013

Davos World Economic Forum – 2012 – Khan Manka, Jr. Keynote Address

Adrian Monck, Al Berkeley, Alan Marcus, Alex Wong, Andre Schneider, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Carine Benetti, Carla Bruni-Sarkozy, Carlos Ghosn, Carsten Sudhoff, Christine Lagarde, Christophe Weber, Cristiana Falcone, David Aikman, Davos World Economic Forum, Denise Burnet, Dominic Waughray, Electus, Emilio Lozoya Austin, Ernesto Zedillo Ponce de Leon, Fon Mathuros, Giancarlo Bruno, Gilbert Probst, Guy Goodwin, Guy-Serge Baer, H.M. Queen Rania, Harry Manka, Heizo Takenaka, Helena Leurent, Indra Nooyi, Irene Mia, Ivan Pictet, Jean-Loup Denereaz, Jean-Pierre Rosso, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jennifer Blanke, Jeremy Jurgens, John Moavenzadeh, Josef Ackermann, Joseph Schoendorf, Julianne Jammers, Katerine Tweedie, Kevin Steinberg, Khan Manka, Klaus Schwab, Kofi Annan, Kristel Van der Elst, Kurt Alig, Laurent Desnoux, Lee Howell, Lisa Dreier, Logan Stanton, Malte Godbersen, Manka Bros., Margareta Drzeniek Hanouz, Martina Gmur, Massimo Marino, Maurice Levy, Max von Bismarck, Melanie Rogers, Michael Dell, Mirjam Schoning, Nazi gold, Niall FitzGerald, Nicolas Sarkozy, Olivier Raynaud, OnMedea, Orit Gadiesh, Paul Smyke, Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, Peter Sutherland, Piers Cumberlege, Pratik Bhatnagar, Rajat Gupta, Regula Waltenspuel, Richard Samans, Ricky Van Veen, Robert Greenhill, Rupert Murdoch, Saadia Zahidi, Sarita Nayyar, Sheana Tambourgi, Sherif El Diwany, Stephanie Janet, Stephen Kinnock, Sumner Redstone, Susan Hockfield, Sushant Palakurthi Rao, Terry Semel, Tony Blair, Victor L.L. Chu, William George, world's largest media company, Victor Pinchuk, Denis O'Brien, Vikas Oberoi, Kevin Steinberg, Henry Ross Perot, George Soros, Viktor Vekselberg, Nicolas Berggruen, Rahul Bajaj, Adi Godrej, Brian Behlendorf, Borge Brende, Robert Greenhill, W. Lee Howell, Adrian Monck, Gilbert J. B. Probst, Alois Zwinggi, David Aikman, Roberto Bocca, Denise Burnet, Piers A. Cumberlege, jean-Loup Denereaz, Martina Gmur, Malte Godbersen, jeremy Jurgens, Sushant Palakurthi Rao, OIivier Raynaud, mel Rogers, Mirjam Schoning, Carsten Sudhoff, Dominic Waughray, Alex Wong, Saadia Zahidi, Guy-Serge Baer, Carine Benetti, Fon Mathuros Chantanayingyong, Thea Chiesa, Laurent Desnoux, Margareta Drzeniek Hanouz, Miroslav Dusek, Diana El-Azar, Guy Goodwin, Silvia Von Gunten, Andrew J. Hagan, Michael Hanley, Chiemi Hayashi, Julianne Jammers, Stephanie Janet, Elsi Kanza, Thomas Kerr, Kamal Kimaoui, Stephen Kinnock, Randall Krantz, Roldolfo Lara Torres, Emma Loades, Grant McKibbin, Katherine Milligan, Michele Petochi, Akira Tsuchiya, Kristel Van der Elst, Regula Waltenspuel, Zhang Li, Josef Ackermann, Mukesh Ambani, Kofi Annan, Peter Brabeck-Letmathe, Mark J. Carney, Victor L. L. Chu, Michael S. Dell, Oriti Gadiesh, Carlos Ghosn, Herman Gref, Susan Hockfield, Christine Lagarde, Maurice Levy, Luis A. Moreno, Indra Nooyi, H. M. Queen Rania Al Abdullah of the hashemite Kingdom of Jordan, Peter Sands, Joseph P. Schoendorf, Josette Sheeran, Peter D. Sutherland, Heizo Takenaka, Ben J. Verwaayen, George Yeo Yong-Boon, Ernesto Zedillo Ponce de Leon, Zhu Min, Paul Graham, Y Combinator, Hollywood vs. Silicon Valley

[Manka Bros. Studios Chairman & CEO Khan Manka, Jr. gave a keynote address today at the Davos World Economic Forum. He wanted me to post a transcript of his speech which I made watching a video feed. It is posted, unedited, below. — Vicky Adler-Modry – Senior Executive Assistant to Khan Manka, Jr.]

KHAN MANKA, JR. ADDRESSES THE DAVOS, SWITZERLAND WORLD ECONOMIC FORUM – JANUARY 25, 2012

(Klaus Schwab – Founder and Executive Chairman of the World Economic Forum – is at a podium. Bon Jovi’s “Living On A Prayer” is playing. The music fades.)

Klaus Schwab (heavily accented English): Good morning. I hope you all have had enough snow. We may be able to control the finances of the world but I guess we cannot control the weather… yet.

(He laughs – he’s the only one.)

Klaus Schwab: So, did you have a good night? Lots of drinking last night and I’m not sure what was in that cheese fondue but – oh, my – let’s just say it was a tough night. So enough about me and my toilet issues. Let’s get it started – like my friend Khan from Hollywood likes to say. Our keynote address this morning is from Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO of Manka Bros. Studios – currently the world’s largest media company—

Khan Manka, Jr.: — Maybe not after the shitty numbers we had last year!

(Big laugh from the assembled.)

Klaus Schwab: Okay. Whatever. He really needs no introduction – so I won’t give him one – here is Khan Manka, Jr.

(“Rock You Like A Hurricane” plays as Khan Manka, Jr. gives Klaus Schwab a hug and steps up to the podium. Applause.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: Thank you. Thanks so much. Please, thanks, I only have a few minutes. Please, I want to get out of Switzerland more than Roman Polanski – believe me…

(Applause stops. There are a couple of ‘boos’ after that remark.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: Thank you Klaus. I had a few jokes prepared at your expense but your goons told me to lay off – so I’ll just get to my prepared remarks. But before I do that can I just say to the Motion Picture Academy – go fuck yourselves. How about a little taste of that, huh? No nominations? Maybe next year you should watch the movies you nominate. OK, Klaus, I get it – on to my prepared remarks.

(Klaus Schwab smiles painfully and leaves the stage.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: I was originally going to call my speech “Don’t Drop The SOPA” – but then I realized there were about 10,000 blogs that have used that as well as a very unfunny political pundit on Fox News. So I’ll just have to punt on that dumb joke. Though the analogy is apt. When you drop the soap in prison – well, you know what happens. If Hollywood studios were to drop the SOPA – well, the same thing would happen.

(A slight titter in the audience.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: So… this is my second trip in a year to give a speech in Switzerland. As many of you know, I spoke to the creepy Bilderberg Conference last summer. I won’t go into details – but it was the worst 24 hours of my life. I mean, the hooded waiters were one thing – but the Lionel Richie concert – that was just too much!

(Big laugh from the room.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: Man, when the Davos bankers think the Bilderbergers are creepy – you know they must be REALLY REALLY CREEPY. Cause you guys are a fucked up bunch. Do you really think you can do anything to help anybody in the world? You freaks are delusional. Panels and Powerpoint slides aren’t going to cut it. Admit it, you’re here for the hot toddys and snow bunnies– that’s right, I’m looking at you Angela Merkel!

(A few gasps and a couple of walk outs.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: Wait wait… that’s not the tone I want to strike. I’m actually here to ask for your help. The last time I spoke at this conference was two years ago and I slammed you all pretty good. I definitely remember calling that guy ‘fat’ – (pointing to a guy in the audience) – but I’m not going to do that this year – even though, dude, the health club here at the hotel is free, man – take advantage.

(There is an unseen ‘Fuck you’ from the audience. Klaus Schwab comes on the stage.)

Klaus Schwab: Just read from your script. Please.

Khan Manka, Jr.: Got it, Klaus. You guys are definitely not going to do anything good for the world if you can’t take a joke. OK – my speech. (reading) In Hollywood, we are facing the battle of our lives. This is a battle for our very existence. As many of you know, entrepreneurs from Silicon Valley are a bunch of conceited pricks who think they can do whatever they want. Whether it’s using Hollywood content without permission or stealing other people’s ideas, putting a new logo on it and calling it ‘revolutionary’ (is Paul Graham here today?) – we’ve got a big problem on our hands.

(The crowd is getting uneasy.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: And there really is only one solution. One of us must win. And one of us must lose. I, for one, do not lose. So the loser is Silicon Valley. But we’re going to need a lot of support from the bankers and billionaires of the world to basically shut down the area between, oh, let’s say – San Francisco and Santa Barabara. Just shut it down. Make all the wine you want – but no more stupid social networks. No more loans. No more IPOs. Just shut the fucker down. The world can get their computers and dorky FarmVille games from somewhere else. I’m sure there are companies in Switzerland capable of making digital sheep. I mean, you make a lot of real sheep, am I right?

(A nervous Klaus Schwab has come back onto the stage is standing close to Khan Manka, Jr.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: Klaus, please, back off. Do you want me to tell the crowd that it wasn’t the cheese that put you on that toilet all night?

(Klaus Schwab backs away a bit but stays on the stage.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: Now I can tell there are a few people here from Silicon Valley. I can tell because you are wearing hoodies instead of business casual like you were told. Yet another rule you seem to have disregard for. Why would you care less about what your hosts want or think? It’s called human decency, assholes. You could care less about anything because you think you run the world.

(There is a commotion in the crowd. A couple of members of the Swiss Army swoop in and take away a screaming man in a hoodie. Several gadgets fall out of his pockets.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: Well, listen up, Silicon Valley – and, yes, you, too, Paul Graham who wishes to “Kill Hollywood” – it’s game on and today is Day 1.

If you think you can make premium content and distribute it in a way that makes money without us involved – go for it. Good luck. Just because you geeks think you talk like the characters on “Big Bang Theory” doesn’t mean you can write the dialogue. There are professionals. And there are amateurs. In the world of content, who do you think is the professional? That’s right. Game – set – match.

(There is chaos in the room as a couple of guys in hoodies approach the stage.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: Oh, really, hoodie boy, you wanna go?!

Klaus Schwab rushes to the podium and puts a hand on Khan Manka, Jr.’s shoulder. The Swiss Army guys remove the men in hoodies.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: Um… “Welcome To The Terrordome” was suppose to play here. You assholes aren’t going to play my music cues now? I’m fucking surrounded by amateurs. I am done with Switzerland. Victor (Pinchuk), I’m de-icing the plane – whenever you’re ready I am out of here.

(Khan Manka, Jr. walks off the stage. )

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

May 17, 2011May 17, 2011

Manka Bros. To Spend 2011 Profits On 2012 TV Upfront Presentation

2011 TV upfronts, Adam Townsend, Alan Greenberg, Angela Bromstad, Angeline Straka, Anthea Disney, Anthony G. Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Ben Silverman, Beryl Cook, Beverly Garland Holiday Inn, Blythe McGarvie, Brad Grey, Bruce Gordon, Carl Folta, Carnegie Hall, Charles Gifford, Charles Phillips, Chase Carey, David Devoe, David Poltrack, David R. Angelman, Dawn Ostoff, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Gary Ginsberg, Genie Gavenchak, George Abrams, Gil Schwartz, Jack Horner, James Barge, James Bombassei, James Murdoch, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, John Nallen, Joseph Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Jr., Jr. Frederic Salerno, Judy McGrath, Julie Henderson, Kara Swisher, Kevin Reilly, Khan Manka, Lawrence Jacobs, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Michael Fricklas, Michael Regan, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Philippe Dauman, Reed Nolte, Richard M. Jones, Robert Kraft, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Shari Redstone, Sharon Waxman, Stephen McPherson, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Thomas Dooley, Tom Mockridge, Tony Santabarbara, Wade Davis, William Cohen, William Schwartz, World's Largest Media Company, Yankee Stadium

Good morning.

As many of you may already know, MBS announced its 2011-12 fall schedule this morning and, I must say, it was the singular most embarrassing morning of my entire life.

It was a stunningly pathetic display of star power and crappy content that no person (let alone the Chairman & CEO) should have had to witness.

While our competitors are at top notch venues like Madison Square Garden and Carnegie Hall with extremely elaborate presentations and big stars high-fiving each other, MBS announced its schedule via a press release from the Beverly Garland Holiday Inn in North Hollywood, CA.

In 2012, this will not be acceptable!

I am, therefore, announcing (during this week of 2011 upfront announcements) that the MBS’ 2012 Upfronts will be held at Yankee Stadium in New York. If this means we have to spend all of our 2011 profits to pay for this event… so be it!

I will NOT be embarrassed like this again!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

Note To Shareholders: Because of this extreme event, Manka Bros. (NYSE: MBX) may have to cut its dividend for 2011.

April 27, 2011July 8, 2021

Fishing With Barry Diller

Good afternoon.

I hope you are all enjoying your vacations. I mean, you can’t possibly be working because if you were MANKA BROS. WOULDN’T BE HAVING SUCH A HORRIBLE YEAR! If you are working, then you obviously suck at your job and should immediately quit for the good of the company!

Anyway…

Last weekend, I went fishing with Barry Diller up at Pyramid Lake (it’s a man-made lake about 60 miles up from Los Angeles off the I-5 freeway). It turns out, Barry likes to go there a lot. He has a little boat parked there in a shed.

I knew he was a wild man (from his Burning Mogul antics at the Herb Allen Mogul Retreat this year) but I had no idea he was such an outdoors man.

He picked me up on Saturday in his Toyota Tundra which was loaded down with a lot of supplies (fishing gear, cooler of beer [Coors], a little BBQ, a shotgun, some granola bars, etc.).

I don’t know the first thing about fishing. I went one other time in my life – a couple of years ago – at a daddy-daughter weekend in Aspen with some other media moguls. When Connie, my daughter, tried to cast out a fishing line, the hook got caught in my nose and pretty much did a full on Roman Polanski / Jack Nicholson nose rip from “Chinatown“.

I vowed never to fish or camp again.

But Barry Diller is very persuasive. He said he needed to get away from everything before heading back to New York for an IAC earnings call this week.

I suggested the Bacara Resort in Santa Barbara. He suggested a little row boat on Pyramid Lake.

Pyramid Lake is not your typical mogul hotspot. It’s mainly a place for drunken jet skiers from the Inland Empire.

The first thing I noticed as we drove up the I-5 was Barry’s taste in music. He is a huge Southern Fried Rock guy (Lynyrd Skynrd, the Outlaws, BTO, etc).

I had no idea. Maybe the drunken jet skiers from the Inland Empire were his cup of tea.

It took a while to get to the lake (he insisted on stopping to help a stranded motorist change a tire) but once we were there, it was surprisingly serene. Not too many rednecks. The weather was nice.

His boat – THE VON FURSTENBERG (neatly stenciled on the side) – is very small. It barely had enough room for two people. Throw in a cooler full of Coors and the fishing supplies and there was very little space to move.

Once we finally got out on the lake, Barry attempted to show me what to do but I had no interest at all. He pulled a Nightcrawler out of a can of worms and quickly baited his hook like a pro. He handed me the can and expected me to do the same.

“Fuck that,” I said. “Look, Barry, I just want to sit here, talk and drink beer. I’ll never go fishing again after today.”

Barry looked a little hurt, sighed, and deftly cast his own line into the lake. “I like to imagine different people when I stick the hook through the worm”, Barry said. You know, John Malone, Ben Silverman, Michael Eisner… it’s kind of like a fun game, you know?”

I immediately wanted to grab that can of worms and start sticking hooks into them – Jay McBee [stick], Robin Rafe, Ethan Rubidoux… all those in Manka Bros. senior management who suck at their jobs and deserve a sharp hook.

Suddenly, Barry’s line tensed and his rod started to bend – “Got one! Grab the net!”

I won’t go into any of the actual fishing details (there are people out there better than me to describe what happens when one fishes) other than to say we bagged that fish and eight more.

The rest of day we spent out on THE VON FURSTENBERG drinking the entire cooler of beer and talking about the digital transition and how it is affecting our companies. It was a nice day with an old friend. (Perhaps one day I’ll write about our digital transition conversation – it was really interesting and I think we solved the problem – or I’ll just have Jill Kennedy at OnMedea write about it.)

I don’t remember much about the rest of the trip but I would like to thank the Rolling Thunder Motorcycle Club for bringing me back home. I’m not sure how Barry got home – but he obviously made it back for his earnings call.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

April 21, 2011

Yemen Theme Park – Update

Good morning.

Many of you have no doubt been reading in the press about the attempted overthrow of the Yemeni President and wonder how that will affect the construction of the Manka Fun Park – Yemen – which is scheduled to open later this year.

I think as long as the protesters don’t destroy any Manka Bros. property (especially the new $5 million Camel Hump Roller Terror in 3D), I’m OK with it.

Getting this theme park built has been a nightmare and over the past few months we’ve really hit a lot of brick walls with the current regime and had to pay out way too many cartons of cigarettes in order to keep construction going. Perhaps new leadership on the side of the people will help expedite theme park construction.

So… after much thought and despite the imploring of other studio moguls, I have made my decision: EVEN DURING THIS TIME OF REVOLUTION, THE THEME PARK CONSTRUCTION WILL CONTINUE.

The people of Yemen have lived under a dictatorship for too long and deserve roller coasters and the All-New Broadway Re-Zoo starring Joey Levitch!

And, this is the right decision for Manka Bros. and its shareholders – because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment. Bob Iger at Disney has been too busy concentrating on China and Disney Junior to realize where the real money is. Loser. We will have the Yemen market to ourselves.

Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we’ll really be on a roll.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

April 11, 2011April 11, 2011

Manka Bros. Bets The Farm On “Hey Diddle Diddle”

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor Kaufman

Good morning.

Following an all night film strategy brainstorming session, I am pleased to announce Manka Bros. has committed to produce a $250 million reimagining of the classic children’s fairy tale “Hey Diddle Diddle”.

This is a mighty big bet for the studio and a decision I don’t make lightly.

And while it seems that every studio in town is doing a fairy tale remake right now (Red Riding Hood and Jack the Giant Killer at Warners, Hansel & Gretel at Paramount and there are THREE Snow White movies in various stages of development, etc.), I think we have hit on a concept that will definitely help “Hey Diddle Diddle” break through the clutter.

In the story’s current form, you have a Cat playing a Fiddle, a Cow jumping over the Moon, a Dog laughing and Dish running away with a Spoon… silly stuff that doesn’t translate to a long form feature film – much less the elements of a movie anyone over four would want to see.

Problem solved.

We’re going to take the same classic characters and set the story in a Soviet gulag work camp in the 1930s. This will allow us to dig deep into the psyches of these characters.

What makes the cow jump over the moon? Freedom.

Why does the dish run away with the spoon? Forbidden love.

Why is the cat playing the fiddle? Because Stalin likes music and if the cat doesn’t play, he dies.

Stuff like that. Very powerful.

And while we don’t have a screenwriter, director or cast set, we do have a release date: July 4, 2012.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

February 22, 2011April 27, 2011

Manka Bros. Triathlon Team Finishes Last… Again

Unbe-fucking-lievable!

If I didn’t know better, I would think that my employees only live to embarrass me.

I was just informed that the Manka Bros. Triathlon Team (led by the freakishly pathetic Jay McBee – nice swim trunks, Jay) finished last at this year’s Nautica Malibu Triathlon.

Last for the fifth straight year!

The Nautica Malibu Triathlon is an annual competition also known as the Entertainment Industry Challenge (EIC) and pits all the major studios (Manka Bros., Warner Bros., Disney, Sony, NBC Universal, Paramount, Fox, etc.) against one another.

Each year I think, well, if we can’t beat them at the box office or on television or in music sales or in theme park attendance or in publishing… we can beat them in a triathlon.

Boy, am I fucking stupid.

Manka Bros. has become a joke. We are the flabbiest and most out of shape of all the studios. Freaking embarrassing.

Maybe we need to start a morning calisthenics program much like they do every year at the Herb Allen Sun Valley Retreat.

I don’t know what it’s going to take, but as a person who owns a home in Malibu, I never want to see pictures of people like this on that beach ever again!

And that includes you, too, David Geffen!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

December 7, 2010May 12, 2011

World’s Largest Media Companies – 2010

Abby Barba, Ada Guerin, Alex Ben Block, Andrew Wallenstein, Andy Forssell, Angela Bromstad, AOL Time Warner, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Block, Ava Seave, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Daly, Bob Iger, Borys Kit, Brian Roberts, Bruce C. Greenwald, Carl DiOrio, Chadwick Ho, Charley Daniels, Comcast, David Carr, David Cohen, David Morgan, Deborah Young, Disney, Dr. Judith Rodin, DreamWorks, Edward Breen, Elizabeth Guider, Emily Johnson, Eric Feng, Eric Mika, Erik Pedersen, Etan Vlessing, Fabio Periera, Fancast, Georg Szalai, Gerald Hassell, Gerry Levin, Gregg Kilday, Hulu, IAC, J. Michael Cook, Jace Hall, Jackie Vuong, James Hibberd, Jason Hall, Jason Kilar, Jay A. Fernandez, Jean-Marie Messier, Jean-Paul Colaco, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Katzenberg, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Honickman, Jeffrey Immelt, Jenna Bordelon, Jill Kennedy, Joe Collins, Johannes Larcher, Jonathan A. Knee, Julian Brodsky, Karen Nicoletti, Kenneth Bacon, Kevin Cassidy, Khan Manka, Kimberly Nordyke, Kirk Honeycutt, Lawrence Salva, Les Moonves, Lesley Goldberg, Manka Bros., Matthew Belloni, Michael Angelakis, Michael Eisner, Michael Sovern, Mike Barnes, Mimi Turner, NBC Universal, Nellie Andreeva, New York Times, News Corp., Noela Hueso, OnMedea, Patrick Frater, Paul Bond, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Ralf Ludemann, Ralph Roberts, Ray Bennett, Robert Iger, Roger Friedman, Rupert Murdoch, S. Decker Anstrom, Sheldon M. Bonovitz, Stephen Burke, Stephen Galloway, Steve Case, Steven Zeitchik, Stuart Kemp, Sumner Redstone, Ted Turner, Terry Semel, The Curse of the Mogul, The Hollywood Reporter, Time Warner, Todd Cunningham, Tom Fuelling, Viacom, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning.

The brain trust of The Hollywood Reporter has come out with what they say will be the World’s Largest Media Companies after the Comcast NBC Universal deal goes through. BULLSHIT, I SAY!

THR has had it in for me ever since I threatened to buy them and shut them down after a scathing and hurtful review of the Manka Bros. film “Freak Accident” appeared in their ‘paper’ a couple of years ago. So I’m not totally surprised they left Manka Bros. off their chart. But I am, frankly, shocked that they would throw truth out the window so carelessly over a personal vendetta. (Maybe that’s naive of me – especially in this town.)

I suppose this is the price I pay for not buying those bullshit, complete waste of money “For Your Consideration” ads.

Fine, Eric Mika (Publisher – The Hollywood Reporter). You live by your ethical standards and I’ll live by mine.

The chart shown on this page (and here), which my senior executive team at Manka Bros. put together over the weekend, clearly shows the correct ranking of World’s Largest Media Companies.

This chart was additionally reviewed by several leading independent external auditors in New York, Los Angeles, Hong Kong and Instanbul and is the most current and accurate World’s Largest Media Company chart available.

And… as you can see by the size of the dark blue bar in the chart, MANKA BROS. REMAINS THE WORLD’S LARGEST MEDIA COMPANY!

Please reflect this fact in any future reporting you do on this subject. Failure to report the truth may cost you dearly.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

December 3, 2010April 26, 2011

Manka Bros. Holiday Party Canceled

Due to the shitty year Manka Bros. has had at the box office, the crappy television shows that were produced for our horrible television networks, declining music sales and the frightening losses in our Publishing Group, I have decided to cancel the 2010 Manka Bros. Employee Holiday Party that was to be held at the Nokia Theater and the other surrounding L.A. Live venues and restaurants.

I have requested L.A. Live management to return our substantial deposit. I know many of you were looking forward to seeing Eminem, Lady Antebellum and Seamus (who also must return their deposits). Too bad. If you’re better at your jobs next year, maybe we’ll try something like this again.

But I don’t want you to get absolutely nothing from your employer for the Holidays – so for the next week, the Cafeteria is offering 10% off one slice of pizza.

Have a safe Holiday season and let’s make 2011 a year that doesn’t suck.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

November 10, 2010April 26, 2011

Manka Bros. Awards $1,001 Bonus and 10.1% Raise To Senior Management

Good morning.

In response to my friend Eric Schmidt’s announcement that every employee of Google will receive a $1,000 bonus and a 10% raise, I am announcing a $1,001 bonus and 10.1% raise to the Senior Management team at Manka Bros.

Unfortunately, because of the horrible year we are having at the box office and in our Television Group, we are forced to reduce the salaries of everyone below Senior Vice President in order to pay for this salary increase.

The salary reduction and bonus elimination (effective immediately) for VPs and below and support staff will range from 10.1% to 25%.

[Please note: Jay McBee (President of the Manka Bros. Television Group) and Robin Rafe (President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group) will not be receiving these bonuses because they really REALLY suck at their jobs.]

If you happen to see any senior management around the studio lot today, be sure and give them a nice congratulations wave (but try not to make eye contact).

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

November 5, 2010April 27, 2011

Yemen Theme Park – November Update

Good morning.

Because of the recent news that mail bombs were sent from Yemen in an attempt to blow up two Chicago-area synagogues, several people have inquired about Manka Bros.’ plans to build a billion dollar Manka Fun Park in Yemen.

After much thought and despite the imploring of other studio moguls, I have made my decision: THE THEME PARK CONSTRUCTION WILL CONTINUE.

Just because there are a few terrorists trying to blow up everything in the United States doesn’t mean that the rest of the people of Yemen don’t deserve roller coasters and the All-New Broadway Re-Zoo starring Joey Levitch!

While it has been a long slog through the bureaucratic muck and construction of the park has been slow due to increased terror threats, political turmoil and badly handled wire transfers, things are moving along.

Because of all those hurdles, I thought the opening would have to be pushed back a few months (or years), but I was reassured yesterday by the Yemeni leader Ali Abdullah Saleh that since labor costs in that country are non-existent and there are no overtime rules (are you listening America?), the scheduled opening will easily be met.

That’s the beauty of a dictatorship!

This is great news for Manka Bros. because Yemen is a completely untapped market for Western-style entertainment. Bob Iger at Disney has been too busy concentrating on China to realize where the real money is. Loser. We will have the Yemen market to ourselves.

Now if we can only get a fucking movie that makes money we’ll really be on a roll.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company