Disney Junior – EUREKA!

Alan Braverman, Alan C. Greenberg, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Blythe McGarvie, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brad Grey, Brent Woodford, Carl D. Folta, Charlies Phillips, Chateau Lafite Rothschild, Christine McCarthy, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Disney Junior, Fred Langhammer, Frederic V. Salerno, George Bodenheimer, George S. Abrams, Harvey Weinstein, Imagineering, James Barge, James Bombassei, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Judy McGrath, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Michael Fricklas, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Nick Junior, Noggin, Orin Smith, Philippe Dauman, Playhouse Disney, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Kraft, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Shari Redstone, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Wade Davis, Walter Liss, William Schwartz, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia MuchaSo, it was announced today that Playhouse Disney will become Disney Junior. The folks at Disney Corporate must have put in quite a bit of overtime on that one.

It’s a stroke of brilliance really – just as I thought it was brilliant when Viacom changed Noggin to Nick Jr. last year!

Bravo to Disney’s Brand Consultants who, most likely, put in extremely long hours and probably weren’t cheap.

Alan Braverman, Alan C. Greenberg, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Blythe McGarvie, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brad Grey, Brent Woodford, Carl D. Folta, Charlies Phillips, Chateau Lafite Rothschild, Christine McCarthy, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Disney Junior, Fred Langhammer, Frederic V. Salerno, George Bodenheimer, George S. Abrams, Harvey Weinstein, Imagineering, James Barge, James Bombassei, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Judy McGrath, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Michael Fricklas, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Nick Junior, Noggin, Orin Smith, Philippe Dauman, Playhouse Disney, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Kraft, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Shari Redstone, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Wade Davis, Walter Liss, William Schwartz, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia MuchaI can imagine conference calls, late night food deliveries and logo designs on several other names like Disney Tots, Disney Ragamuffins, ToddlerDisney, Disney 2-7 (or ‘The D27!’)… before finally reaching the stroke of genius that is Disney Junior.

And I’m sure it was a tense few days before Bob Iger finally signed off on it. During the presentation, he probably said things like “Disney Junior? Really? Isn’t Junior a term for boys? Nickelodeon did it? OK, go ahead.” And that was that. Disney Junior will launch in 2012!

Being a parent of a five year old, I am not cynical about children’s programming and appreciate the big media companies producing so much content that distracts my child long enough so I can take a five minute break to go to the bathroom (including my own parent company Manka Bros. and our Manka Kids brand – Manka Junior anyone?).

I just think with all the millions of dollars being thrown around at media companies on Brand Management, it’s nice to know that all anyone needs to do to brand something for toddlers it to put the word “Junior” behind it. Clorox Junior, Coke Junior (with 40% less sugar), 1976 Chateau Lafite Rothschild Junior (for French children)…

Maybe I’ll launch OnMedea Junior for toddlers who want to read scandalous corporate media stories about “Dora the Explorer”.

Alan Braverman, Alan C. Greenberg, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Blythe McGarvie, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brad Grey, Brent Woodford, Carl D. Folta, Charlies Phillips, Chateau Lafite Rothschild, Christine McCarthy, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Disney Junior, Fred Langhammer, Frederic V. Salerno, George Bodenheimer, George S. Abrams, Harvey Weinstein, Imagineering, James Barge, James Bombassei, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Judy McGrath, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Michael Fricklas, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Nick Junior, Noggin, Orin Smith, Philippe Dauman, Playhouse Disney, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Kraft, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Shari Redstone, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Dooley, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Wade Davis, Walter Liss, William Schwartz, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia MuchaJill Kennedy – OnMedea

Bob Iger Finishes Off The Weinstein Brothers

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brent Woodford, Christine McCarthy, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Harvey Weinstein, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Walter Liss, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia Mucha

By selling Miramax back to the Weinstein Brothers (that would be Harvey and Bob) and (ahem) Lord Ron Burkle (he who has single-handedly created thousands of jobs in the prostitution and supermarket industries), Disney Chief Bob Iger has effectively given the coup de grace to Harvey and Bob thus ending their 30+ year run in show business.

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brent Woodford, Christine McCarthy, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Harvey Weinstein, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Walter Liss, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia Mucha

But, you say, they’ll be running Miramax, picking up awesome Kevin Smith and Ben Affleck movies that the big studios don’t want to make?

Right?

They’re still in the business.

Sorry. Miramax will out of business in five years.

In 2013, a fire sale of the library will be hastily arranged by GoldmanSachsBankOfAmericaJPMorganCiti (a division of Lending Tree) and the price will be less that $200 million.

I suppose the deal allows the total prick and predator Harvey and his brother Bob the chance to die with dignity and go down in flames with the company they started (the name combines their parent’s first names “Miriam” and “Max”) – but I think a real friend (which obviously Bob Iger isn’t) would have said to stay far away from this horribly overpriced mess of fragmented film rights that have very little resale / remake value left in them.

I suppose that’s why Bob Iger is the current toast of the town and Harvey and Bob are just toast.  (Texas Toast if you believe this blog.)  Karma’s a bitch.

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brent Woodford, Christine McCarthy, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Harvey Weinstein, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Walter Liss, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia Mucha

If the new post-Disney Miramax is run as efficiently as The Weinstein Company, Ron Burkle’s $3.5 billion net worth should be exhausted within 10 or 15 years (though I’m sure he’ll pull the plug once $1 billion is gone and save the rest to solve the growing hooker unemployment problem that has ravaged this country.

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Aylwin Lewis, Bob Iger, Bob Weinstein, Brent Woodford, Christine McCarthy, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Harvey Weinstein, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Lee Solomon, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Miramax, Monica Lozano, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Matschullat, Ron Burkle, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Susan Arnold, The Weinstein Company, Thomas Staggs, Tina Brown, Walter Liss, World's Largest Media Company, Zenia Mucha

(At this point, Ron could probably just trade sex for food – which he probably could arrange to get from his former Ralph’s and Food4Less stores. I would hope he would offer food from Ralph’s so the poor girls don’t have to bag their own groceries at Food4Less).

But enough about Ron Burkle’s (alleged) shenanigans mentioned above, this is about Harvey and Bob – two guys who changed the film distribution industry by taking on the big guys with small movies (and many times winning). But the greedy, creepy bastards sold off the dream for $80 million to Disney and now, the even greedier bastards, want it back for $600 million.

The classic example of throwing good money (well, Ron Burkle’s money) after bad.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Rupert Murdoch, Jose Maria Aznar, natalie Bancroft, Peter Barnes, Chase Carey, Kenneth Cowley, David DeVoe, Viet Dinh, Rod Eddington, Joel Klein, Andrew S.B. Knight, James Murdoch, Lachlan Murdoch, Thomas Perkins, Arthur Siskind, John Thornton, Stanley Shuman, Rebekah Brooks, Les Hinton, Teri Everett, jack Horner, Julie Henderson, Reed Nolte, Roger Ailes, Janet Nova, John Nallen, Beryl Cook, Michael Regan, Genie Gavenchak, Brian Lewis, Irena Briganti, Dan Berger, Rosabel Tao, Steven Rubenstein, Suzanne Halpin, Elisabeth Murdoch, Carol Bartz, Roy Bostock, Patti Hart, Sue James, Vyomesh Joshi, David Kenny, Arthur Kern, Brad Smith, Gary Wilson, Jerry Yang, Blake Irving, Ross Levinsohn, Rose Tsou, Rich Riley, Tim Morse, Michael J. Callahan, David Dibble, David Filo, Dr. Prabhakar Roghavan, Jeff Russakow, Elisa Steele, David Windley, Scott ThompsonJill Kennedy – OnMedea

White Male Disney Executives Embrace Women

Ari Emanual, Bob Iger, Bob Zemeckis, Claudia Eller, Dawn Chmielewski, Dick Cook, Disney, Jeff Weiner, Jeremy Zimmer, Jerry Bruckheimer, Joe Roth, John Travolta, Johnny Depp, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., McG, Nikki Finke, Pixar, Rich Ross, Richard Ross, Robin Williams, Sam Gores, Sandra Bullock, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steven Spielberg, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Tim Burton, Walt Disney Studios

Ari Emanual, Bob Iger, Bob Zemeckis, Claudia Eller, Dawn Chmielewski, Dick Cook, Disney, Jeff Weiner, Jeremy Zimmer, Jerry Bruckheimer, Joe Roth, John Travolta, Johnny Depp, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., McG, Nikki Finke, Pixar, Rich Ross, Richard Ross, Robin Williams, Sam Gores, Sandra Bullock, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steven Spielberg, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Tim Burton, Walt Disney StudiosApparently, Rich Ross has had an epiphany:  Women like movies.

According to the Los Angeles Times (and I’m paraphrasing/ reading between-the-lines), Rich Ross has told (male) literary agents at (male) literary agencies (who represent [male] literary writers), that (Walt) Disney Studios would like to produce more films that appeal to women.

It must have been one of those ‘flux capacitor’ moments for Rich Ross and got me wondering about how genius manifests itself.  I mean, thoughts this brilliant don’t just come along every day.

So in my own inferior mind, I began to wonder how the scene must have played out in Bob Iger’s office (or wherever it occurred) and believe it happened like this:

Ari Emanual, Bob Iger, Bob Zemeckis, Claudia Eller, Dawn Chmielewski, Dick Cook, Disney, Jeff Weiner, Jeremy Zimmer, Jerry Bruckheimer, Joe Roth, John Travolta, Johnny Depp, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., McG, Nikki Finke, Pixar, Rich Ross, Richard Ross, Robin Williams, Sam Gores, Sandra Bullock, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steven Spielberg, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Tim Burton, Walt Disney StudiosBob Iger, in sweaty shorts and a T-shirt is slamming racquetballs against the giant windows of his office (the one with the Seven Dwarfs outside). 

Intercom: Mr. Iger, your nephew, Richard Ross, is here to see you.

Bob Iger: He’s not my nephew.  Send him in.

Richard Ross enters.

Rich: Uncle Bob, I want to run something by you.

Bob: Rich, I’m not your uncle.

Rich: We can play it that way.  I’m hip to that.

Bob: What’s on your mind?

Rich: Women.

Bob: Really?  You?  Explain.

Ari Emanual, Bob Iger, Bob Zemeckis, Claudia Eller, Dawn Chmielewski, Dick Cook, Disney, Jeff Weiner, Jeremy Zimmer, Jerry Bruckheimer, Joe Roth, John Travolta, Johnny Depp, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., McG, Nikki Finke, Pixar, Rich Ross, Richard Ross, Robin Williams, Sam Gores, Sandra Bullock, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steven Spielberg, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Tim Burton, Walt Disney StudiosRich: I think we need to make movies that appeal to women.  Kagan recently did a study that came to the conclusion that women actually go to movies.  That they actually… enjoy movies.

Bob: You mean like Pirates of the Caribbean and Walt Disney’s A Christmas Carol?

Rich: I mean like Twilight and Sandra Bullock movies.

Bob: Jesus Christ.  What the fuck are you saying to me?

Rich: I’m saying we need to get together with some of the top male screenwriters and producers in Hollywood and come up with the next generation of “Twilights” and “Sandra Bullock” movies.  In order to survive, we need to tap more women.

Bob: Then do it.  You have my full support.

Rich: Thanks, Bob.

Bob: Uncle… Bob.

Rich smiles and leaves.

That may not have been exactly the way it played out – but the end result will be films manufactured by men that attempt to appeal to women that do nothing but turn women off.

My advice to DisneyPirates of the Caribbean 4.  Appeal to women when you have a good story to tell, not by turning a “John Travolta” script into a “Sandra Bullock” script.

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3Jill Kennedy – OnMedea