Sumner Redstone – Page 3

February 18, 2011April 11, 2011

Not ANOTHER Fairy Tale Ending

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Amanda Seyfried, Andrew Chang, Angela Bromstad, Anil Ambani, Ann Daly, Anne Globe, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Beastly, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Brothers Grimm, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Clark Hallren, Comic-Con, Craig Ring, Craig Smith, Dan Satterthwaite, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Dreamworks Animation, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Gemma Arterton, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Guillermo Del Toro, Hans Woolley, Hansel & Gretel Witch Hunters, Harry Brittenham, Harry Sloan, Heather O'Conner, Hey Diddle Diddle, Holly Bario, Jack the Giant Killer, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Small, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jeremy Renner, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John Batter, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Judson Green, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Lew Coleman, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Sourian, Mark Stein, Melody Hobson, Michael Eisner, Michael J. Montgomery, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nathan Myhrvold, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Allen, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Pinnochio, Red Riding Hood, Reliance ADA Group, Rich Sullivan, Richard F. Zannino, Richard Sherman, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Roger Enrico, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Snow White and the Seven, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Strauss Zelnick, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas Freston, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor Kaufman, Walt Disney

Once upon a time, Hollywood was creatively bankrupt… again. The year was 2011 and poor little Hollywood didn’t know what kind of movies to make.

The heads of the major studios (including Manka Bros. – the owner of OnMedea) knew that a film adaptation of the fairy tale “Alice In Wonderland” made over $1 billion at the box office in 2010 and said “That’s a lot of money.”

So after much thought (or not), Hollywood decided to make EVERY FREAKING FAIRY TALE EVER WRITTEN INTO A MAJOR MOTION PICTURE!

Come on, really?

Every day, I read about another studio doing another fairy tale adaption. And all of them are a DARK, GRITTY version that the “19th century authors originally had in mind”.

Not a fluffy Hollywood squeaky clean version that doesn’t scare our whimpy modern day kids – but a frightening and bloody tale like children used to experience when kids were tough and enjoyed waking up screaming from a horrifying nightmare because of the bedtime story they were read.

To be fair, I think it was a great idea to reimagine Red Riding Hood with a darker tone – which is certainly fitting of the story. And while the trailer looks like a cross between a perfume ad and Twilight, I still believe it’s a solid original concept and should result in strong box office. (I’ll certainly be there opening weekend.)

But then came a fairy tale adaptation tsunami (which includes 3 SNOW WHITES!) that has now completely flooded the town.

Here’s a sampling of what’s coming up:

Jack the Giant Killer (Warner Bros.) – a gritty modern day reimagining of the classic tale.

The Brothers Grimm: Snow White (Relativity) – gritty reimagining starring Julia Roberts as the Wicked Queen.

Snow White and The Huntsman (Universal) – gritty reimagining starring Charlize Theron as the Wicked Queen.

Snow White and The Seven (Disney) – sweet, no gritty, set in 19th century China.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters (Paramount) – Starring Jeremy Renner, Gemma Arterton (and, no doubt, various star cameos), H&G are now accomplished bounty hunters out to get the witches who nearly killed them years before.

Beastly (CBS Films) – Beauty & The Beast set in high school. I don’t expect much from this one as I’ve already predicted the death of CBS Films in a previous blog.

Pinnochio 3D – a stop motion reimagining of the classic fairy tale. Expect a very dark and disturbing retake on this one as it comes from the genius mind of Guillermo Del Toro. I can already imagine losing sleep after I witness the stop motion, painful transformation of the children into donkeys sequence.

Hey Diddle Diddle (Manka Bros.) – a grim reimagining of the classic bedtime ditty set during the 1930s in a Soviet Union gulag. Why does the cow jump over the moon? Freedom.

Grimm (NBC) – Gritty TV cop drama set in a world where the characters of Grimm’s Fairy Tales actually exist.

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And that’s just in the next couple of years. Just think if these projects make money what we’ll see next:

Pat the Bunny – set in a post-apocalyptic cannibalistic world.

Rumpelstiltskin – featuring the beloved garden Gnomes from Gnomeo & Juliet in their first R-rated turn.

If You Give A Mouse A Cookie – rewritten with darker twists and turns so that it ends in murder.

Etc. etc. etc.

And the sad reality is, I won’t be able to take my five year old daughter to one of them because, if I did, she would wake up screaming in the middle of the night after witnessing Snow White disembowel one of the dwarfs (or something).

But I guess these movies aren’t made for her. They’re Fairy Tales – they’re not made for children for Christ’s sake. They’re made for the guys who go to Comic-Con. And THEY lived happily ever after.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

January 13, 2011April 3, 2011

The Trouble With Groupon

I believe Groupon is headed for failure.

Even if they somehow survive, I fear they are doomed to be a company we all view with complete indifference.

I don’t write this lightly. I was amazed and sort of proud that they had the balls to turn down Google’s $6 billion offer.

Founders and senior management becoming fabulously wealthy excepted, there really is no upside to signing away your soul to a giant soulless corporation (take that Manka Bros.!) if you have a solid business or at least unique concept that absolutely cannot fail.

I was rooting for this upstart that had the guts to resist billions. I signed up and started to get the daily deals that were offered – “40% off a facial ($75 value!)”; “Pay $10 for $20 worth of hair products (not my brand)”, etc… these horrible “deals” kept coming and coming and I kept NOT BUYING. Now I believe they should have sold.

Groupon is not a terrible business – a little annoying, a notch above Spammer – but it’s basically a business that pushes all this crap on people that they don’t need (and from my experience, mostly stuff that I don’t even want). The brilliance they have is that they make you think you’re getting these amazing deals and you’d better buy soon or they’re gone forever. Consumers will wise up to this fairly quickly.

Sure, millions are buying (with Groupon keeping well over 50% of the proceeds) and it’s probably good for some of the small businesses that are participating (though I have heard of several disaster stories) – but it’s really just a sexier online version of Valpak – those blue envelopes of local coupons that we all get in the mail and we mostly ignore.

If Groupon really wanted to add value to my life, they would offer “50% off my Trader Joe’s bill”; “$5,000 off a 2011 Prius”; “$10 will get you $20 in cash”, etc. Things like that would be valuable to me. I would buy those. But Groupon can’t offer these things because Trader Joe’s and Toyota would be crazy to do it (and wouldn’t even dream of it) and the shit Groupon actually has to offer isn’t really… real. It’s just made up facts and figures to make you believe you’re getting a great deal.

Let’s say I own a Day Spa and offer $50 off a $300 massage. What makes it a $300 massage? I own the Spa, I set the price – there is no $50 value to be saved. I could go to another spa and get a $50 massage and save $200 more than I would have buying the Groupon. Groupon’s genius is convincing consumers that they are saving money on these great services when, really, the cheapest option is NOT TO BUY GROUPONS. That costs zero ($0) dollars.

And now, because the business model is so easy to replicate, I’m getting offers from Groupilicious, CouponYou, My Little Deuce Coupon, CouponDeville, Grouper With A Squeeze of Lemon, etc. and it will never stop because local businesses will always try to drum up sales by knocking 40% off a price that they set themselves. Buy it wholesale, mark up the price 100%, offer a Groupon for 40% off – still make 20% on the sale. It’s not difficult.

Right now Groupon is sexy. Even sexier after turning down Google. They are hiring an army of MBAs in their 20s, everybody dresses down – it’s a real startup mentality, it’s Chicago, it’s exciting. Hell, an IPO is coming!

But I look into the future, and all I see is Valpak. Ever been to a Valpak office? Not sexy. Not exciting. No roller skates, no ping pong – the only perks there are 20% off bagels when you buy one dozen.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

December 8, 2010April 20, 2011

Kagan’s NBCU Deal Value Allocation

Deep-down, I believe almost everything Kagan puts out is bullshit. Entertainment industry projections that are almost never right.

However, I had to give pause when I saw this chart regarding Comcast’s NBC Universal purchase. If you’re an old media mogul, this chart should scare the living piss out of you (which for Sumner Redstone may be a healthy thing).

What Kagan is saying in this chart (and what I have believed for about a year now) is that Broadcast Networks are dead. JUST LOOK AT THOSE VALUATIONS! $1.7 Billion gets you NBC AND Telemundo. WTF? (That price would get you around 30% of USA Network.)

Seriously, there is no purpose for a broadcast network anymore. It’s old media moguls trying to hold on to the old days. I hate to break to you guys… it’s over. Martinis at The Smoke House and a show with a 40 share is fantastic… but it’s over. Move on.

Steps should taken immediately to convert NBC to a basic cable channel (two revenue streams – come on, Jeff, mmmm – tasty). Do this and NBC would, overnight, become the most popular cable channel on TV (until CBS converts).

Andy Forssell, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Block, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Chadwick Ho, Comcast, copyrights, David Cohen, Dr. Judith Rodin, Edward Breen, Eric Feng, Fancast, Galen Warren, Gerald Hassell, Hulu, intellectual property, J. Michael Cook, James Record, Jason Kilar, Jean-Paul Colaco, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Honickman, Jill Kennedy, Joe Collins, Johannes Larcher, Julian Brodsky, Kenneth Bacon, Khan Manka, Lawrence Salva, Manka Bros., Michael Angelakis, Michael Sovern, Mike Chin, Nate Haskins, NBCU Deal Value Allocation, Nick Cafferillo, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Ralph Roberts, Reid Nagle, Rupert Murdoch, S. Decker Anstrom, Sheldon M. Bonovitz, SNL Kagan, Stephen Burke, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Theresa Torian, Tom Corbitt, Tom Fuelling, Will Pappas

What this chart says that I completely don’t believe (and DON’T WANT to believe) is that Intellectual Property is dead (film and television production and libraries). That’s insane! Does Kagan seriously think we’re heading for a future when content owners are no longer in charge?

If Disney, Warner Bros., Fox, Paramount, Universal and Sony lose the ability to further exploit, in any meaningful way, their owned, copyrighted, fully-amortized content that they’ve acquired and produced over the past several decades – these companies are basically worthless. A declining asset with no chance to recover.

Now, for the sake of my parent company, Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company (thus, the company with the most to lose), I hope Kagan is wrong (like they normally are). But, if Kagan is right, and we realize a future where studio libraries cost more to manage than they bring in and broadcast networks lose more and more market share to cable networks, who among us are going to survive?

Personally, I remain bullish on content and the future of intellectual property. HOLD ON TO THOSE COPYRIGHTS, MEDIA COMPANIES!

A cable channel (even with two revenue streams) is nothing but a pipe into the home. A convenience, yes. A necessity, no. The water, not the pipe, is what sustains life.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

November 15, 2010August 10, 2011

TBS – Go Get Your Shinebox

What is it going to take for TBS (or any other Basic Cable channel) to get a little respect?

I watched the premiere week of Conan and thought it was fine and exactly what I expected (which is a slight disappointment, right?). (Also, why was it on at 10pm on DirecTV when every advertisement in the world says 11pm?… but I digress.)

The one thing that did stand out was the constant bashing of TBS and Basic Cable in general (I know it is a joke, I get it – I also got it in 1985 when the Basic Cable jokes started). But times have changed.

I was a proponent of Conan leaving NBC and for Jeff Zucker to be fired for many MANY reasons (including the handling of the Jay/Conan affair and for having anything to do with Ben Silverman. Please, someone wash everything Ben touched, it’s filthy!).

But, I must say, I’m disappointed with the way Conan has handled the transition to TBS. It was a very difficult decision, I’m sure, but why bash your new home?

Why is Basic Cable still struggling for any sort of respect?

It’s all very reminiscent of the scene from “Goodfellas” with Billy Batts (Frank Vincent) and Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci) in the bar. Imagine Billy Batts is the “Broadcast Networks” and Tommy DeVito is “Basic Cable”:

Basic Cable: No more shines, Broadcast Networks.

Broadcast Networks: What?

Basic Cable: I said, no more shines. Maybe you didn’t hear about it, you’ve been away a long time. I don’t shine shoes anymore.

Broadcast Networks: Relax, will ya? Ya flip out, what’s got into you? I’m breaking your balls a little bit, that’s all. I’m only kidding with ya…

Basic Cable: Sometimes you don’t sound like you’re kidding, you know, there’s a lotta people around…

Broadcast Networks: I’m only kidding with you. I’m breaking your balls, and you’re getting fucking fresh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.

Basic Cable: I’m sorry, too. It’s okay. No problem.

Broadcast Networks: Now go home and get your fuckin’ shinebox!

Basic Cable: Mother fuckin’ mutt! You fucking piece of shit!

If you remember the movie, Tommy then kicked and stabbed Billy about a thousand times, threw him in the trunk of his car and buried him in some disgusting pit. I’m not saying Basic Cable will completely bury the Broadcast Networks – but it seems to be headed that general direction – so Broadcast Networks had better cut it out with the “shinebox attitude”.

And seriously, to watch Conan, you would think the year is 1985 and the only programming on TBS was really bad VHS copies of really bad 1970s movies and a few Body By Jake infommercials.

This is 2010 and Basic Cable Channels are a key driver and profit center helping to keep the Hollywood machine afloat.

So how about a little respect, Conan? I know you’re only getting $10 million from that suckass TBS that gives you “no budget” (other than a very large one) but come on!

And are you taping this show from some local station in Palmdale or in a very nice soundstage on a very nice Burbank studio lot? And do you have one blimp to promote your show or zero blimps?

And the last I checked, Mad Men on AMC (Basic Cable) won the Emmy for Best Drama; TBS just paid upwards of $2 million/episode for Big Bang Theory (among others); and the ACE Awards (which was a popular punchline for comedians about FIFTEEN YEARS AGO) haven’t been on the air for FIFTEEN YEARS!

I would also argue that with its scripted reruns and movies, TBS and the other top Basic Cable Channels have better daytime programming than any of the Broadcast Station Groups (unless you like Judge shows) and the primetime lineups are equally as creative and catching up in the ratings.

In fact, Broadcast Networks are deep into the 5 Stages of Grief from “On Death and Dying” – and they have been in denial about Basic Cable for years. Retrans is one final pathetic attempt to stay competitive.

So, Conan, I’m sorry you are stuck on lowly TBS when all your life you dreamed of being on NBC (now worth negative $690 million on NBC Universal’s balance sheet) – but the truth is, in today’s media environment, it’s not which channel you are on but the programming you produce.

Remember, even a show shot in a shack in Palmdale can be relevant (and widely seen) today.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

P.S. – Why doesn’t anyone ever bash MTV for being “Basic Cable”? Just wondering.

November 5, 2010December 9, 2011

Advertise On Facebook – Reach More People Than 10 Super Bowls!

Does this mean an ad will cost $40 million dollars per spot?

So, I was just on Facebook – along with 800+ million of my friends (soon to be be 7.3 billion) – and couldn’t help notice the sidebar banner ad pitch to “Advertise On Facebook” (see left).

Now, I’ve never noticed an ad on Facebook. Not one. And I don’t think I’m alone.

So why would I pay anything to advertise on Facebook? Because you can’t afford NOT to have your product or brand in front of 800 MILLION POTENTIAL CUSTOMERS. Right?

Because fear works when you’re pitching your platform to advertising agencies – “You need us more than we need you.” So it’s better to make an expensive ad buy on Facebook, even though no one will see your ad, than to be left behind.

Do they think we’re idiots? At least on television, even if the ad is being skipped in fast motion, you see the product. On Facebook, you don’t even notice the ad and, if you did, you wouldn’t care because you don’t want to see advertising when you’re on Facebook.

The only ad tactic that seems to work on Facebook is the one where hot young girls (old dudes pretending to be hot young girls) to “Friend” guys and then post non-stop about how they “LOVE THEIR NEW NISSAN SENTRA” and how much “The New Coke Zero ROX!”

Let I said before, Facebook, unless they start to charge user fees or do those horribly annoying ads that pop right in your face when you log in, is on the road to becoming worthless.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

October 21, 2010April 3, 2011

Juan Williams Had TWO JOBS!

Remember, whichever side you are on in this debate, Juan Williams had TWO JOBS during the worst economy since the Great Depression when so many people out there can’t even get ONE JOB.

I think it was good of NPR to fire Juan Williams if only for the simple fact that they can now hire an out of work Political Commentator who can get off the public dole.

Interesting that Fox News would reward a guy with a $2 million dollar contract who basically said that Muslims who are dressed as their religion requires(!!) make him nervous on an airplane.

Juan Williams perfectly fits the mold of the “Fox News Liberal”.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

October 8, 2010April 11, 2011

Digg – R.I.P.

Lesson #1: If Google offers you $200 million for a business that has no real focus or vision – TAKE IT.

Lesson #2: If the due diligence doesn’t back up a $200 million valuation and someone else offers you $80 million – TAKE IT.

Lesson #3: If you ignore Lessons #1 and #2 and decide to redesign your very popular (but unprofitable) website – MAKE SURE IT DOESN’T SUCK.

Lesson #4: If the redesign of the website sucks and the entire world complains – DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

Lesson #5: If Lesson #4 is ignored and senior management continues to party like its 2006, YOUR COMPANY IS DYING.

Lesson #6: If your company is dying and you don’t have the cure, LET IT DIE WITH DIGNITY AND START OVER.

I’m afraid we’re at Lesson #6.

DIGG IS DEAD – R.I.P.

If only the Business Week cover from 2006 were true.

While many of the employees of Digg will find it difficult to start over, the founders and senior management team probably will not. Especially Kevin Rose, who is an early investor in Twitter and Zynga. So don’t cry for dude. Dude is fine.

Now I’ve Dugg many stories over the years – mostly an endless link-fest of Slide Shows and Superhero complaints – but it’s time to move on.

I suppose I’ll just have to “Like” instead of “Digg” (until Facebook becomes worthless – and they are on that path!). After that, I’ll probably have to “Shout Out” or “Yeah, Baby” or whatever other little button some company wants me to click whenever I like the new taste of Coke Zero.

“Digg” was cool and nobody can take 2006-2008 away from you guys. That was your time!

So long Kevin, Matt and Jay – who cares if you’re not Billionaires? Remember, Millionaires can still get chicks and buy drinks at any bar in the world.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

October 7, 2010April 11, 2011

Disney Junior – EUREKA!

So, it was announced today that Playhouse Disney will become Disney Junior. The folks at Disney Corporate must have put in quite a bit of overtime on that one.

It’s a stroke of brilliance really – just as I thought it was brilliant when Viacom changed Noggin to Nick Jr. last year!

Bravo to Disney’s Brand Consultants who, most likely, put in extremely long hours and probably weren’t cheap.

I can imagine conference calls, late night food deliveries and logo designs on several other names like Disney Tots, Disney Ragamuffins, ToddlerDisney, Disney 2-7 (or ‘The D27!’)… before finally reaching the stroke of genius that is Disney Junior.

And I’m sure it was a tense few days before Bob Iger finally signed off on it. During the presentation, he probably said things like “Disney Junior? Really? Isn’t Junior a term for boys? Nickelodeon did it? OK, go ahead.” And that was that. Disney Junior will launch in 2012!

Being a parent of a five year old, I am not cynical about children’s programming and appreciate the big media companies producing so much content that distracts my child long enough so I can take a five minute break to go to the bathroom (including my own parent company Manka Bros. and our Manka Kids brand – Manka Junior anyone?).

I just think with all the millions of dollars being thrown around at media companies on Brand Management, it’s nice to know that all anyone needs to do to brand something for toddlers it to put the word “Junior” behind it. Clorox Junior, Coke Junior (with 40% less sugar), 1976 Chateau Lafite Rothschild Junior (for French children)…

Maybe I’ll launch OnMedea Junior for toddlers who want to read scandalous corporate media stories about “Dora the Explorer”.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

September 15, 2010April 3, 2011

Facebook To Reach 7.3 Billion Users By 2015

OK, it’s September. The power players in the media world have completed their ‘summering’ and can now return to the passion of their lives – ridding the world of boredom and malaise by producing films, TV shows, games and websites. So… it’s great to be back.

The title of this blog is truly remarkable and, frankly, bullshit.

I received the chart to the left from a friend of mine at Facebook (which was pulled from a recent management presentation).

Takeaway: The number of Facebook users by 2015 will EXCEED THE EARTH’S POPULATION.

Sounds impossible I know. But I suppose nothing is impossible when it comes to Facebook. Because at Facebook it’s not “Impossible”, it’s “I’m Possible”.

A couple of months ago, I wrote a blog titled “Facebook Is Worthless”. I stand by the arguments in that blog (even though I received the wrath of many a Facebook insider who doesn’t want to see the value of their stock options go down) because, no matter what Facebook senior management tries to tell the press, no one seriously believes they are profitable. I believe the real numbers would freak too many people out who are praying for an IPO in the near future.

Just because everyone is on it doesn’t mean the future is bright. Just look at the AOL and Microsoft monopolies in the 1990s.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea

July 1, 2010July 26, 2012

Facebook Is Worthless

MORE RECENT FACEBOOK POSTS:

Should We Believe Facebook’s Earnings?

Facebook and the Disappearing Valuation (A Fairy Tale)

Facebook Must Be Stopped

Advertise On Facebook – Reach More People Than 10 Super Bowls!

Facebook To Reach 7.3 Billion Users By 2015

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Original Post (Facebook Is Worthless):

Salacious headline? Yes. True? Also yes.

This is not a slam against the EXTREME popularity and unprecedented GROWTH story that is Facebook. This is a reality check of an unsustainable business model.

Much like a homeowner who can no longer afford an overinflated house purchased during the height of the bubble and decides to walk away, Facebook (with claims that it will hit ONE BILLION users in the not too distant future) has given it all away for free for far to long to change.

But change it must or Facebook Is Worthless.

Imagine the cable networks at their inception (especially premium channels like HBO) giving the channel to anyone for free at the beginning and then trying to convince customers to pay down the line. It’s a daunting task. One that Hulu is going through now – but they made the hard decision, and even though traffic and video streams will certainly fall, it will soon be profitable because it wasn’t too late to right the ship.

Imagine Disney/Pixar putting out Toy Story 3 for free in theaters and trying to make up their costs by throwing up billboards along the walls. What kind of idiot would do that? It would never be considered.

People love (and some actually depend on) Facebook, but it is too late to right the ship – and not just because no one cares or pays any attention to the banner ads that are thrown up against everyone’s status updates. It’s because people are starting to get really bored with it.

There are some late adapters that are still in the ecstasy phase of seeing their old high school friends as they look today (Facebook has ruined surprise factor of high school reunions forever, but I digress), but for the most part – at least in my case – most of my Facebook friends have stopped participating. They will pop on once a day or so just to see if anyone has posted any new drunken pictures or family photos of the new baby, but that’s about it.

My Facebook experience now is basically the same five people posting the same boring crap.

The Bored Office Worker who posts about “needing coffee” – and “can’t wait for Happy Hour!”

The Super Mom who claims every morning – “Went to 8 museums adn made banana bread all before 10am! My kids are awesome and sooooo funny!”

The Quoter who searches quotation websites looking for some daily affirmation that will get about 15 “Likes” and a few “I’m going to use that!” replies.

The Reviewer who writes stuff like “Smoke Monster? Shit Monster if you ask me!”

The Pissed Off Traveler with daily pearls like “10 hours on the tarmac!” and “Yet another delay, thank you American Airlines!”

And that’s about it. Every day, the same five people and I have over 300 Facebook friends (even though I only see about three friends actually in person in any given month).

The valuation on Facebook is so high that no one could possibly acquire it now (not even my employer, the insanely deep-pocketed Manka Bros. Studios) especially considering there is really no monetary growth story.

As it becomes more of a digital dumping ground, costs continue to rise. It has peaked as a global fascination. Check the value of Bebo, Myspace, Friendster, etc. and you’ll see the future of Facebook. Even though Mark Zuckerberg claims he’s different than all the others.

So here’s what Facebook needs to do – start charging every current or new user $0.99/month. Just ninety-nine cents per user per month to use all the features they currently use. New services may make it possible to bump that up to a premium fee down the line.

Millions will leave and start some “Facebook Should Be Free” movement, but other millions (like my five daily posters who feel they need to be heard) will definitely pay. Because $0.99 is nothing. It’s the purchase price of a pig on Farmville. There will still be advertising and cross-promotional opportunities and corporate sponsorships, etc. – multi revenue streams.

But the free culture has to change or Facebook is Worthless.

Deep down, at least to me, this seems to be the reason the IPO hasn’t happened. Zuckerberg says he’s not interested and will delay the IPO as long as possible. Yeah, because it’s a $15 billion company (so they say) with costs that exceed revenue – and no signs of that ever changing.

I wouldn’t be interested in an IPO either.

Someone enlighten me and correct my ignorance.

Jill Kennedy – OnMedea