The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, Behind The Proscenium, The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug, JRR Tolkien, Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, Phillippa Boyens, Guillermo del Toro, Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Ken Stott, Graham McTavish, William Kircher, James Nesbitt, Stephen Hunter, Dean O'Gorman, Aidan Turner, John Callen, Peter Hambleton, Jed Brophy, Mark Hadlow, Adam Brown, Orlando Bloom, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Cate Blanchett, Benedict Cumberbatch, Mikael Persbrandt, Sylvester McCoy, Luke Evans, Stephen Fry, Ryan Gage, John Bell, Peggy Nesbitt, Mary Nesbitt, Manu Bennett, Lawrence Makoare, Ben Mitchell, Stephen Ure, Craig Hall, Robin Kerr, Eli Kent, Simon London, Brian Sergent, Peter Vere-Jones, Mark Mitchinson, Kelly Kilgour, Sarah Peirse, Nick Blake, Dallas Barnett, Matt Smith, Katie Jackson, Richard Whiteside, Greg Ellis, Ray Henwood, Tim Gordon, Jabez Olssen, Stephen Colbert, Evelyn McGee, Peter Colbert, John Colbert, Norman Kali, Carter Nixon, Zene Weiner, Allan Smith, Billy Connolly, Ian Holm, Christopher Lee, Michael Mzrahi, Terry Notary, Andy Serkis, Conan Stevens, Jeffrey Thomas, Hugo Weaving, Carolynne Cunningham, Matthew Dravitzki, Callum Greene, Ken Kamins, Zane Weiner, Howard Shore, Andrew Lesnie, Victoria Burrows, Dan Hennah, Ra Vincent, Bob Buck, Natalie Abizadeh, Belindalee Hope, Jason Pomerantz, Danielle Blake, Guy Campbell, Emma Cross, Bryon Darling, Bruno Du Bois, Teuila Field, Andy Serkis, Bob Asquith, Simon Barker, Brett Blenkin, Genevieve Aitken, Mark Atkin, Cory Beeston, Mustafa Beyter, Paul Booth, Jason Aldous, Dan Best, Clare Brody, Clare Burlinson, Peter Cobbin, Karen Elliott, Steve Gallagher, Mark Graham, Sarah Allman, Mark Atkin, Rich Baer, Danielle Baneham, Trevor Bau, Julie-Anne Bayliss, Katherine Beyda, Dion Boothby, Shane Boulton, Andy Buckley, Roisin Carty, David Comer, Jared Connon, Bonny Crayford, Leroy Cross, John Cubelic, Nour Dardari, Natalie Doherty, Danield Eady, Kevin Estey, Katie Frost, Rachel Gilkison, Matthew Gordon, Amy Gurr, Jonathan HArding, Jamie Haugh, Johnny Hawkins, Barratt Henry, Cale Hetanni, Tim Hope, Shelley Hopkins, Jake Hurrell, Dean Knowsley, Jon Kuyper, Dale Martin, Danielle Mason, Leith McPherson, Sebastian Meek, Randy Miller, Rohinal Ravinesh Narayan, Jack Nicol, Sharon Ninness, Simon Noakes, Terry Notary, Petra Novotna, Steve Old, Akshay Parbhu, Paul Randall, Vanessa Redmond, Barnaby Riggs, Stephanie Scott, Kiran Shah, Teresa Shand, Rachel Stewart, Paul Stieglbaurer, Hannah Touhy, Brenna Townshend, Tom Treasure, Nick Trugly, Davin Voot, Karla Wallace, Fiona Walsh, Jessica Walsh, Jonathan Weber, Jennifer Whiting, Laurie Wright, Craig Young, Justin YoungThe Hobbit – The Desolation of Smaug

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

————-

Here are the facts:

The Fellowship of the Ring – Book pages 432 – Film minutes 2:58

The Two Towers- Book pages 352 – Film minutes 2:59

Return of the King- Book pages 512 – Film minutes 3:21

———————-

The Hobbit – Book pages 300

Now for the movies.

The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey – 2:49

The Hobbit – Desolation of Smaug – 2:41

The Hobbit – Ka-ching!!! – Who the hell knows?

—————–

So, The Lord of the Rings – Book pages 1296, Total Time 9:18

The Hobbit – Book pages 300, Total Time (so far) 5:30

‘Nuff said.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, Behind The Proscenium, The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug, JRR Tolkien, Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, Phillippa Boyens, Guillermo del Toro, Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Ken Stott, Graham McTavish, William Kircher, James Nesbitt, Stephen Hunter, Dean O'Gorman, Aidan Turner, John Callen, Peter Hambleton, Jed Brophy, Mark Hadlow, Adam Brown, Orlando Bloom, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Cate Blanchett, Benedict Cumberbatch, Mikael Persbrandt, Sylvester McCoy, Luke Evans, Stephen Fry, Ryan Gage, John Bell, Peggy Nesbitt, Mary Nesbitt, Manu Bennett, Lawrence Makoare, Ben Mitchell, Stephen Ure, Craig Hall, Robin Kerr, Eli Kent, Simon London, Brian Sergent, Peter Vere-Jones, Mark Mitchinson, Kelly Kilgour, Sarah Peirse, Nick Blake, Dallas Barnett, Matt Smith, Katie Jackson, Richard Whiteside, Greg Ellis, Ray Henwood, Tim Gordon, Jabez Olssen, Stephen Colbert, Evelyn McGee, Peter Colbert, John Colbert, Norman Kali, Carter Nixon, Zene Weiner, Allan Smith, Billy Connolly, Ian Holm, Christopher Lee, Michael Mzrahi, Terry Notary, Andy Serkis, Conan Stevens, Jeffrey Thomas, Hugo Weaving, Carolynne Cunningham, Matthew Dravitzki, Callum Greene, Ken Kamins, Zane Weiner, Howard Shore, Andrew Lesnie, Victoria Burrows, Dan Hennah, Ra Vincent, Bob Buck, Natalie Abizadeh, Belindalee Hope, Jason Pomerantz, Danielle Blake, Guy Campbell, Emma Cross, Bryon Darling, Bruno Du Bois, Teuila Field, Andy Serkis, Bob Asquith, Simon Barker, Brett Blenkin, Genevieve Aitken, Mark Atkin, Cory Beeston, Mustafa Beyter, Paul Booth, Jason Aldous, Dan Best, Clare Brody, Clare Burlinson, Peter Cobbin, Karen Elliott, Steve Gallagher, Mark Graham, Sarah Allman, Mark Atkin, Rich Baer, Danielle Baneham, Trevor Bau, Julie-Anne Bayliss, Katherine Beyda, Dion Boothby, Shane Boulton, Andy Buckley, Roisin Carty, David Comer, Jared Connon, Bonny Crayford, Leroy Cross, John Cubelic, Nour Dardari, Natalie Doherty, Danield Eady, Kevin Estey, Katie Frost, Rachel Gilkison, Matthew Gordon, Amy Gurr, Jonathan HArding, Jamie Haugh, Johnny Hawkins, Barratt Henry, Cale Hetanni, Tim Hope, Shelley Hopkins, Jake Hurrell, Dean Knowsley, Jon Kuyper, Dale Martin, Danielle Mason, Leith McPherson, Sebastian Meek, Randy Miller, Rohinal Ravinesh Narayan, Jack Nicol, Sharon Ninness, Simon Noakes, Terry Notary, Petra Novotna, Steve Old, Akshay Parbhu, Paul Randall, Vanessa Redmond, Barnaby Riggs, Stephanie Scott, Kiran Shah, Teresa Shand, Rachel Stewart, Paul Stieglbaurer, Hannah Touhy, Brenna Townshend, Tom Treasure, Nick Trugly, Davin Voot, Karla Wallace, Fiona Walsh, Jessica Walsh, Jonathan Weber, Jennifer Whiting, Laurie Wright, Craig Young, Justin YoungAre we still there for the caring?

I am done.

How long can this go on?

The Hobbit (Kim Kardashian) continues on its quest.

Things go on forever. BUT, 3-D IMAX made my pants a place for the peeing.

Awesome!!

Go see it.

You will if I do or if I do not say the right things.

As much as thinking Peter Jackson drools over money, the film still makes the mind flop on itself.

Good work, moneygrubber!!!

In other ways, go see “Afternoon Delight.” Independent films make on feel the smarter.

This is the time of year when Hollywood makes the liking of Hollywood seem like the boning of one’s sister.

Kind of hot. Totally sleazy.

If Hollywood was a man, “The Hobbit” would have been 10 movies.

Hollywood – you are a pussy.

So…Two thumbs up.

Made up story is still good story. IMAX 3-D is still IMAX 3-D.

Hey, Hollywood whoredom works. I must deal with this.

See this three times.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  Now for brain expanding Vonnegut (Dead Eye Dick – 1982 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadeye_Dick) – “We all see our lives as stories, it seems to me, and I am convinced that psychologists and sociologists and historians and so on would find it useful to acknowledge that. If a person survives an ordinary span of sixty years or more, there is every chance that his or her life as a shapely story has ended, and that all the remains to be experienced is the epilogue. Life is not over, but the story is.

Some people, of course, find inhabiting an epilogue so uncongenial that they commit suicide.

P.P.S.  “Survivor” finale on Sunday! Whoop dee whoop!!

Related Posts

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind the Proscenium, Kimmo on Kino, The Smurfs, Jean Luc DeFanti, Peyo, Raja Gosnell, J. David Stern, David Weiss, Jay Scherick, David Ronn, Hank Azaria, Neil Patrick Harris, Jayma Mays, Sofia Vergara, Tim Gunn, Madison McKinley, Meg Phillips, Julie Chang, Roger Clark, Mark Doherty, Minglie Chen, Sean Kenin, Victor Pagan, Mahadeo Shivraj, Adria Baratta, Paula Pizzi, Andrew Sellon, Julianne Rigoglioso, Daria Rae Figlo, Bradley Gosnell, Heidi Armbruster, Finnerty Steeves, John Speredakos, Skai Jackson, Alex Hall, Eric Redgate, Jojo Gonzalez, Scott Dillin, Tyree Michael Simpson, Sean Ringgold, Mario D'Leon, Liz Smith, Tom Colicchio, Michael Musto, Joan Rivers, Olivia Palermo, Julia Enescu, Lauren Waggoner, Mr. Krinkle, Hank, Jonathan Winters, Alan Cumming, Katy Perry, Fred Armisen, George Lopez, Anton Yelchin, Kenan Thompson, Jeff Foxworthy, John Oliver, Wolfgang Puck, Gary Basaraba, Paul Reubens, B.J. Novak, Tom Kane, John Kassir, Joel McCrary, Frank Welker, Ben Haber, Jordan Kerner, Paul Neesan, Ezra Swerdlow, Heitor Pereira, Phil Meheux, Sabrina Plisco, Richard Hicks, David Rubin, Bill Boes, Chris Shriver, Martin Astles, Pamela May, Jayne Armstrong, Peter Thorell, Deborah Greene, Todd Bennett, William Cote, Thomas Place, K.C. Bailey, Michael Cambria, Monica Barraza, Frank Dauro, Will Bigwood, Julia Enescu, Brooke Ensign, Orlando Gonzales, Maxim Knight, Ashley Lambert, Aaron Notestine, Timothy P. O'Shea, Kyle Peck, Brittany Rostron, Leo Shvedsky, Lauren Waggoner, Keith Young

The Smurfs [REVIEW]...

lee_daniels_the_butler_movie_poster_2_featured

Lee Daniels’ The Bu...

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, Rise of the Planet of the Apes, Rupert Wyatt, Pierre Boulle, Rick Jaffa, Amanda Silver, James Franco, Charlton Heston, Freida Pinto, John Lithgow, Brian Cox, Tom Felton, David Oyelowo, Tyler Labine, Jamie Harris, David Hewlett, Ty Olsson, Madison Bell, Makena Joy, Kevin O'Grady, Sean Tyson, Jack Kuris, Tammy Hui, Rufus Dorsey, Kyle Riefsnyder, Anthony McRae, Jeb Beach, Jesse Reid, BJ Harrison, Leah Gibson, Tracy Spiridakos, Ivan Wanis-Ruiz, Trevor Carroll, Chelah Horsdal, Timothy Webber, James Pizzinato, Robin Nielsen, Monica Mustelier, Syn Narula, Mattie Hawkinson, Ryan Booth, Gordon Douglas Myren, Elizabeth Weinstein, Meredith Grantier, Javier Caballero Cano, Peter Bundic, Dylan Nouri, Oona Service, Camille Atebe, Derek Morrison, Dean Redman, Hector Johnson, David Richmond-Peck, Adrian Hough, Evans Johnson, Joey Roche, Sean Connor Roche, Qayam Devji, Kis Yurij, Riel Hahn, Sonja Bennett, Michael Kopsa, Steve Lawlor, Chris Shields, Sandy Robson, Luc Roderique, Mike Dopud, Mark Henriques, Stacey Schmidt, Matteo Mazziotti, Willy Miles, Fred North, Allen Martin, Juliette Goodrich, Andy Serkis, Karin Konoval, Terry Notary, Richard Ridings, Christopher Gordon, Devyn Dalton, Jay Caputo, Richard Darwin, Panou, Peter Chernin, Dylan Clark, thomas M. Hammel, Rick Jaffa, Amanda Silver, Kurt Williams, Patrick Doyle, Andrew Lesnie, Conrad Buff, Mark Goldblatt, Heike Brandstatter, Debra Zane, Claude Pare, Helen Jarvis, Elizabeth Wilcox, Renee April, Bonnie Benwick, John Catron, Aaron Downing, Heidi Eri, Wendy Williams, Matthew Dunne, Haylee Thompson, Eli Best, John Dale, Gary Young, Ron Bartlett, Susan Dawes, Dawn Fintor, Mildred Latrou, Jonathan Rimas, Kelly Coe, Paul Basker, Daniel Booko, Susan Boyajian, Gregg Brilliant, Simon Carrigan, David Midgen, Cara Miller, Korey Petrie, Alex Voong, Tim Burton

Rise Of The Planet Of The...

Comments

  1. If Hollywood can turn a pamphlet into a movie (“Where The Wild Things Are”) they can stretch anything out for money – 5 pounds of shit into a 10 pound bag.

  2. Godfrey Binks on December 13, 2013 at 12:36 pm said:

    How witty, erudite, and devilishly clever you must think you are. This film is a piece of entertainment and a fantastically exciting one at that. All of this talk of long running times and story threads that aren’t “canon” is just the white noise of pseudo-intellectual babble speak and the clatter of the intelligentsia as they pat each other’s backs in agreement over how much they loathe these movies.
    It, unlike this film, bores me.

  3. Good review Kimmo. Can’t say that I’m utterly shaking in my shorts for the next movie, but I do hope it’s as fun and as tense as it seems to be promised as being.

  4. I was a big fan of LOTR, as I was of the books. I am a huge fan of The Hobbit (the book). Like Mostonenen, I was pretty appalled by how a charming yet epic story was completely overtaken by the the desire to re-make LOTR again with thousands of orks being splattered left and right and centre within minutes. It’s an arcade version, and a pretty predictable one at that.

    • did you read the hobbit before or after LOTR?

      i’m a fan of both genres (books & films), and have no issue whatsoever with the length of either. for as much as people want to piss & moan about turning a relatively short novel into a trilogy (and a long one at that), there are plenty who found that there were sections of each book that were interminable.

      as to my original question; i ask it because i read LOTR first, and then when i read the hobbit, i felt there was sooo much missing; i’m kind of relieved that the parts that were missing from the hobbit (but that were explained by tolkien in appendices in LOTR) have found a home in the movies. so it’s not really fair in this review to do a simple page count & compare/contrast against the length of the respective movies, without also taking into account the source material for gandalf’s side adventure with sauron/necromancer, etc.

      lastly, the hobbit was a children’s story, which no-doubt explains the lack of orc-dismemberings; i don’t think jackson – nor those interested in seeing the hobbit put into movie format – were interested in seeing an exact duplication of the G-rated story.

  5. He pretty much lost me at ” ‘Nuff said. ”

    The teenage mentality has to go.

  6. Kimmo Whatever on December 16, 2013 at 5:46 am said:

    If this is what you call a review, please stop writing.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

You may use these HTML tags and attributes: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>

Current ye@r *