The Hobbit: The Desolation of Smaug

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, Behind The Proscenium, The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug, JRR Tolkien, Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, Phillippa Boyens, Guillermo del Toro, Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Ken Stott, Graham McTavish, William Kircher, James Nesbitt, Stephen Hunter, Dean O'Gorman, Aidan Turner, John Callen, Peter Hambleton, Jed Brophy, Mark Hadlow, Adam Brown, Orlando Bloom, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Cate Blanchett, Benedict Cumberbatch, Mikael Persbrandt, Sylvester McCoy, Luke Evans, Stephen Fry, Ryan Gage, John Bell, Peggy Nesbitt, Mary Nesbitt, Manu Bennett, Lawrence Makoare, Ben Mitchell, Stephen Ure, Craig Hall, Robin Kerr, Eli Kent, Simon London, Brian Sergent, Peter Vere-Jones, Mark Mitchinson, Kelly Kilgour, Sarah Peirse, Nick Blake, Dallas Barnett, Matt Smith, Katie Jackson, Richard Whiteside, Greg Ellis, Ray Henwood, Tim Gordon, Jabez Olssen, Stephen Colbert, Evelyn McGee, Peter Colbert, John Colbert, Norman Kali, Carter Nixon, Zene Weiner, Allan Smith, Billy Connolly, Ian Holm, Christopher Lee, Michael Mzrahi, Terry Notary, Andy Serkis, Conan Stevens, Jeffrey Thomas, Hugo Weaving, Carolynne Cunningham, Matthew Dravitzki, Callum Greene, Ken Kamins, Zane Weiner, Howard Shore, Andrew Lesnie, Victoria Burrows, Dan Hennah, Ra Vincent, Bob Buck, Natalie Abizadeh, Belindalee Hope, Jason Pomerantz, Danielle Blake, Guy Campbell, Emma Cross, Bryon Darling, Bruno Du Bois, Teuila Field, Andy Serkis, Bob Asquith, Simon Barker, Brett Blenkin, Genevieve Aitken, Mark Atkin, Cory Beeston, Mustafa Beyter, Paul Booth, Jason Aldous, Dan Best, Clare Brody, Clare Burlinson, Peter Cobbin, Karen Elliott, Steve Gallagher, Mark Graham, Sarah Allman, Mark Atkin, Rich Baer, Danielle Baneham, Trevor Bau, Julie-Anne Bayliss, Katherine Beyda, Dion Boothby, Shane Boulton, Andy Buckley, Roisin Carty, David Comer, Jared Connon, Bonny Crayford, Leroy Cross, John Cubelic, Nour Dardari, Natalie Doherty, Danield Eady, Kevin Estey, Katie Frost, Rachel Gilkison, Matthew Gordon, Amy Gurr, Jonathan HArding, Jamie Haugh, Johnny Hawkins, Barratt Henry, Cale Hetanni, Tim Hope, Shelley Hopkins, Jake Hurrell, Dean Knowsley, Jon Kuyper, Dale Martin, Danielle Mason, Leith McPherson, Sebastian Meek, Randy Miller, Rohinal Ravinesh Narayan, Jack Nicol, Sharon Ninness, Simon Noakes, Terry Notary, Petra Novotna, Steve Old, Akshay Parbhu, Paul Randall, Vanessa Redmond, Barnaby Riggs, Stephanie Scott, Kiran Shah, Teresa Shand, Rachel Stewart, Paul Stieglbaurer, Hannah Touhy, Brenna Townshend, Tom Treasure, Nick Trugly, Davin Voot, Karla Wallace, Fiona Walsh, Jessica Walsh, Jonathan Weber, Jennifer Whiting, Laurie Wright, Craig Young, Justin YoungThe Hobbit – The Desolation of Smaug

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

————-

Here are the facts:

The Fellowship of the Ring – Book pages 432 – Film minutes 2:58

The Two Towers- Book pages 352 – Film minutes 2:59

Return of the King- Book pages 512 – Film minutes 3:21

———————-

The Hobbit – Book pages 300

Now for the movies.

The Hobbit – An Unexpected Journey – 2:49

The Hobbit – Desolation of Smaug – 2:41

The Hobbit – Ka-ching!!! – Who the hell knows?

—————–

So, The Lord of the Rings – Book pages 1296, Total Time 9:18

The Hobbit – Book pages 300, Total Time (so far) 5:30

‘Nuff said.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo on Kino, Behind The Proscenium, The Hobbit The Desolation of Smaug, JRR Tolkien, Peter Jackson, Fran Walsh, Phillippa Boyens, Guillermo del Toro, Ian McKellen, Martin Freeman, Richard Armitage, Ken Stott, Graham McTavish, William Kircher, James Nesbitt, Stephen Hunter, Dean O'Gorman, Aidan Turner, John Callen, Peter Hambleton, Jed Brophy, Mark Hadlow, Adam Brown, Orlando Bloom, Evangeline Lilly, Lee Pace, Cate Blanchett, Benedict Cumberbatch, Mikael Persbrandt, Sylvester McCoy, Luke Evans, Stephen Fry, Ryan Gage, John Bell, Peggy Nesbitt, Mary Nesbitt, Manu Bennett, Lawrence Makoare, Ben Mitchell, Stephen Ure, Craig Hall, Robin Kerr, Eli Kent, Simon London, Brian Sergent, Peter Vere-Jones, Mark Mitchinson, Kelly Kilgour, Sarah Peirse, Nick Blake, Dallas Barnett, Matt Smith, Katie Jackson, Richard Whiteside, Greg Ellis, Ray Henwood, Tim Gordon, Jabez Olssen, Stephen Colbert, Evelyn McGee, Peter Colbert, John Colbert, Norman Kali, Carter Nixon, Zene Weiner, Allan Smith, Billy Connolly, Ian Holm, Christopher Lee, Michael Mzrahi, Terry Notary, Andy Serkis, Conan Stevens, Jeffrey Thomas, Hugo Weaving, Carolynne Cunningham, Matthew Dravitzki, Callum Greene, Ken Kamins, Zane Weiner, Howard Shore, Andrew Lesnie, Victoria Burrows, Dan Hennah, Ra Vincent, Bob Buck, Natalie Abizadeh, Belindalee Hope, Jason Pomerantz, Danielle Blake, Guy Campbell, Emma Cross, Bryon Darling, Bruno Du Bois, Teuila Field, Andy Serkis, Bob Asquith, Simon Barker, Brett Blenkin, Genevieve Aitken, Mark Atkin, Cory Beeston, Mustafa Beyter, Paul Booth, Jason Aldous, Dan Best, Clare Brody, Clare Burlinson, Peter Cobbin, Karen Elliott, Steve Gallagher, Mark Graham, Sarah Allman, Mark Atkin, Rich Baer, Danielle Baneham, Trevor Bau, Julie-Anne Bayliss, Katherine Beyda, Dion Boothby, Shane Boulton, Andy Buckley, Roisin Carty, David Comer, Jared Connon, Bonny Crayford, Leroy Cross, John Cubelic, Nour Dardari, Natalie Doherty, Danield Eady, Kevin Estey, Katie Frost, Rachel Gilkison, Matthew Gordon, Amy Gurr, Jonathan HArding, Jamie Haugh, Johnny Hawkins, Barratt Henry, Cale Hetanni, Tim Hope, Shelley Hopkins, Jake Hurrell, Dean Knowsley, Jon Kuyper, Dale Martin, Danielle Mason, Leith McPherson, Sebastian Meek, Randy Miller, Rohinal Ravinesh Narayan, Jack Nicol, Sharon Ninness, Simon Noakes, Terry Notary, Petra Novotna, Steve Old, Akshay Parbhu, Paul Randall, Vanessa Redmond, Barnaby Riggs, Stephanie Scott, Kiran Shah, Teresa Shand, Rachel Stewart, Paul Stieglbaurer, Hannah Touhy, Brenna Townshend, Tom Treasure, Nick Trugly, Davin Voot, Karla Wallace, Fiona Walsh, Jessica Walsh, Jonathan Weber, Jennifer Whiting, Laurie Wright, Craig Young, Justin YoungAre we still there for the caring?

I am done.

How long can this go on?

The Hobbit (Kim Kardashian) continues on its quest.

Things go on forever. BUT, 3-D IMAX made my pants a place for the peeing.

Awesome!!

Go see it.

You will if I do or if I do not say the right things.

As much as thinking Peter Jackson drools over money, the film still makes the mind flop on itself.

Good work, moneygrubber!!!

In other ways, go see “Afternoon Delight.” Independent films make on feel the smarter.

This is the time of year when Hollywood makes the liking of Hollywood seem like the boning of one’s sister.

Kind of hot. Totally sleazy.

If Hollywood was a man, “The Hobbit” would have been 10 movies.

Hollywood – you are a pussy.

So…Two thumbs up.

Made up story is still good story. IMAX 3-D is still IMAX 3-D.

Hey, Hollywood whoredom works. I must deal with this.

See this three times.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  Now for brain expanding Vonnegut (Dead Eye Dick – 1982 http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Deadeye_Dick) – “We all see our lives as stories, it seems to me, and I am convinced that psychologists and sociologists and historians and so on would find it useful to acknowledge that. If a person survives an ordinary span of sixty years or more, there is every chance that his or her life as a shapely story has ended, and that all the remains to be experienced is the epilogue. Life is not over, but the story is.

Some people, of course, find inhabiting an epilogue so uncongenial that they commit suicide.

P.P.S.  “Survivor” finale on Sunday! Whoop dee whoop!!

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Comments

  1. If Hollywood can turn a pamphlet into a movie (“Where The Wild Things Are”) they can stretch anything out for money – 5 pounds of shit into a 10 pound bag.

  2. Godfrey Binks on December 13, 2013 at 12:36 pm said:

    How witty, erudite, and devilishly clever you must think you are. This film is a piece of entertainment and a fantastically exciting one at that. All of this talk of long running times and story threads that aren’t “canon” is just the white noise of pseudo-intellectual babble speak and the clatter of the intelligentsia as they pat each other’s backs in agreement over how much they loathe these movies.
    It, unlike this film, bores me.

  3. Good review Kimmo. Can’t say that I’m utterly shaking in my shorts for the next movie, but I do hope it’s as fun and as tense as it seems to be promised as being.

  4. I was a big fan of LOTR, as I was of the books. I am a huge fan of The Hobbit (the book). Like Mostonenen, I was pretty appalled by how a charming yet epic story was completely overtaken by the the desire to re-make LOTR again with thousands of orks being splattered left and right and centre within minutes. It’s an arcade version, and a pretty predictable one at that.

    • did you read the hobbit before or after LOTR?

      i’m a fan of both genres (books & films), and have no issue whatsoever with the length of either. for as much as people want to piss & moan about turning a relatively short novel into a trilogy (and a long one at that), there are plenty who found that there were sections of each book that were interminable.

      as to my original question; i ask it because i read LOTR first, and then when i read the hobbit, i felt there was sooo much missing; i’m kind of relieved that the parts that were missing from the hobbit (but that were explained by tolkien in appendices in LOTR) have found a home in the movies. so it’s not really fair in this review to do a simple page count & compare/contrast against the length of the respective movies, without also taking into account the source material for gandalf’s side adventure with sauron/necromancer, etc.

      lastly, the hobbit was a children’s story, which no-doubt explains the lack of orc-dismemberings; i don’t think jackson – nor those interested in seeing the hobbit put into movie format – were interested in seeing an exact duplication of the G-rated story.

  5. He pretty much lost me at ” ‘Nuff said. ”

    The teenage mentality has to go.

  6. Kimmo Whatever on December 16, 2013 at 5:46 am said:

    If this is what you call a review, please stop writing.

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