Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Shark Night 3D, David R. Ellis, Will Hayes, Jesse Studenberg, Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan, Chris Carmack, Katharine McPhee, Chris Zylka, Alyssa Diaz, Joel David Moore, Sinqua Walls, Donal Logue, Joshua Leonard, Jimmy Lee, Jr., Damon Lipari, Christine Quinn, Kelly Sry, Tyler Bryan, Chris Briggs, Douglas Curtis, Tawny Ellis, Mike Fleiss, Lynette Howell, Kelly McCormick, Crystal Powell, Gary Capo, Dinnis Virkler, Kelly Wagner, Jaymes Hinkle, Tricia Schneider, Allan Apone, Chrissy Morris, Solina Tabrizi, Douglas Curtis, Louise Runge, Jason Alteieri, Kim Barnard, Curtis Akin, Robert Lee, David Alexander, Kelly Bellini, Clay Cullen, Jeff Lonn, Bob Bates, Tim Williams, David Bell, Kevin Downer, Nathan Berry-Chaney, Dottie Buck, Jon Dainty, Tecia Esposito, Sean Gowrie, Aaron Brown, Harrison Huffman, Renee Kitterman, Carlos Marinccioni, Traci Martin, Terri Rainha, Scott Smith, Natalie Simpkins, Michael Swafford, James Gibb, James Cameron, Steven Spielberg, Roger Ebert

Shark Night 3D [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Shark Night 3D, David R. Ellis, Will Hayes, Jesse Studenberg, Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan, Chris Carmack, Katharine McPhee, Chris Zylka, Alyssa Diaz, Joel David Moore, Sinqua Walls, Donal Logue, Joshua Leonard, Jimmy Lee, Jr., Damon Lipari, Christine Quinn, Kelly Sry, Tyler Bryan, Chris Briggs, Douglas Curtis, Tawny Ellis, Mike Fleiss, Lynette Howell, Kelly McCormick, Crystal Powell, Gary Capo, Dinnis Virkler, Kelly Wagner, Jaymes Hinkle, Tricia Schneider, Allan Apone, Chrissy Morris, Solina Tabrizi, Douglas Curtis, Louise Runge, Jason Alteieri, Kim Barnard, Curtis Akin, Robert Lee, David Alexander, Kelly Bellini, Clay Cullen, Jeff Lonn, Bob Bates, Tim Williams, David Bell, Kevin Downer, Nathan Berry-Chaney, Dottie Buck, Jon Dainty, Tecia Esposito, Sean Gowrie, Aaron Brown, Harrison Huffman, Renee Kitterman, Carlos Marinccioni, Traci Martin, Terri Rainha, Scott Smith, Natalie Simpkins, Michael Swafford, James Gibb, James Cameron, Steven Spielberg, Roger Ebert“Shark Night 3D”

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

3D is the suck.

Roger Ebert knows.

You (the smart “you” people) know.

I know.

But, holy crap, it is “Shark Night 3D”!

Confession – I’ve been saving a fat green bud all summer for this movie experience.  I now live in California and have the glaucoma.

Now go be jealous on me.  It was whack.

I assure you that by now I do not care if David R. Ellis is not a good director.

If we talk about sharks and 3D, all that matters is how these thugs satiate their hunger floating.

Shark thugs that kick (bite?) ass – unlike pansy Sharks in “West Side Story”.

What for a motivations?  To speed exhibitionism and gore, in pursuit of the teenager who was passing by clueless (all teenagers, really)?  Or consciously, choosing his prey as he portrayed the great white Spielberg shark?

Right who will choose the first option.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Shark Night 3D, David R. Ellis, Will Hayes, Jesse Studenberg, Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan, Chris Carmack, Katharine McPhee, Chris Zylka, Alyssa Diaz, Joel David Moore, Sinqua Walls, Donal Logue, Joshua Leonard, Jimmy Lee, Jr., Damon Lipari, Christine Quinn, Kelly Sry, Tyler Bryan, Chris Briggs, Douglas Curtis, Tawny Ellis, Mike Fleiss, Lynette Howell, Kelly McCormick, Crystal Powell, Gary Capo, Dinnis Virkler, Kelly Wagner, Jaymes Hinkle, Tricia Schneider, Allan Apone, Chrissy Morris, Solina Tabrizi, Douglas Curtis, Louise Runge, Jason Alteieri, Kim Barnard, Curtis Akin, Robert Lee, David Alexander, Kelly Bellini, Clay Cullen, Jeff Lonn, Bob Bates, Tim Williams, David Bell, Kevin Downer, Nathan Berry-Chaney, Dottie Buck, Jon Dainty, Tecia Esposito, Sean Gowrie, Aaron Brown, Harrison Huffman, Renee Kitterman, Carlos Marinccioni, Traci Martin, Terri Rainha, Scott Smith, Natalie Simpkins, Michael Swafford, James Gibb, James Cameron, Steven Spielberg, Roger EbertIn fact, without other parallels in your script, “Shark Night 3D” becomes the contemporary equivalent of “Jaws 3D”, which was also the suck, but I’m much too younger to remember.

I am also aware that “Jaws 3D”, even with all its faults, was Richard Matheson as a writer, which in “Shark Night 3D” does not even deserve to be taken into account (I’m sure “Shark Night 3D” had writers – I must check my notes.)

But despite all this, in both cases we speak of products designed to entertain young audiences with sharks, cute girls (va va voom!) and scares of a lifetime.

However, I do not think James Cameron is very happy with this use of film in three dimensions.  For a son of a bitch rich guy, Cameron is often unhappy.  Paradox (new English word!)!

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Shark Night 3D, David R. Ellis, Will Hayes, Jesse Studenberg, Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan, Chris Carmack, Katharine McPhee, Chris Zylka, Alyssa Diaz, Joel David Moore, Sinqua Walls, Donal Logue, Joshua Leonard, Jimmy Lee, Jr., Damon Lipari, Christine Quinn, Kelly Sry, Tyler Bryan, Chris Briggs, Douglas Curtis, Tawny Ellis, Mike Fleiss, Lynette Howell, Kelly McCormick, Crystal Powell, Gary Capo, Dinnis Virkler, Kelly Wagner, Jaymes Hinkle, Tricia Schneider, Allan Apone, Chrissy Morris, Solina Tabrizi, Douglas Curtis, Louise Runge, Jason Alteieri, Kim Barnard, Curtis Akin, Robert Lee, David Alexander, Kelly Bellini, Clay Cullen, Jeff Lonn, Bob Bates, Tim Williams, David Bell, Kevin Downer, Nathan Berry-Chaney, Dottie Buck, Jon Dainty, Tecia Esposito, Sean Gowrie, Aaron Brown, Harrison Huffman, Renee Kitterman, Carlos Marinccioni, Traci Martin, Terri Rainha, Scott Smith, Natalie Simpkins, Michael Swafford, James Gibb, James Cameron, Steven Spielberg, Roger EbertIn fact, Ellis uses the same formula with the sensationalism that is distilled in the last gasp in the series “Final Destination” or “Piranha 3D”.

Since we’re talking the director of “Snakes on a Plane”, we could not expect otherwise.  I missed “who let these mother effin’ sharks in this mother effin’ 3D?!?”

Also, lest anyone forget that this is fiction realistic, responsible for managing the animatronic creatures is the great Walt Conti, responsible for this kind of trick in “Anaconda”, “Free Willy” (these titles back to back and I don’t make joke?  Maturity FTW!) and “Deep Blue Sea” (crap pile).

Do you really want to know the plot of the movie?  Judge for yourselves – seven young people from Tulane University summer in one of the most beautiful spots in Louisiana, Lake Pontchartrain.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Behind The Proscenium, Shark Night 3D, David R. Ellis, Will Hayes, Jesse Studenberg, Sara Paxton, Dustin Milligan, Chris Carmack, Katharine McPhee, Chris Zylka, Alyssa Diaz, Joel David Moore, Sinqua Walls, Donal Logue, Joshua Leonard, Jimmy Lee, Jr., Damon Lipari, Christine Quinn, Kelly Sry, Tyler Bryan, Chris Briggs, Douglas Curtis, Tawny Ellis, Mike Fleiss, Lynette Howell, Kelly McCormick, Crystal Powell, Gary Capo, Dinnis Virkler, Kelly Wagner, Jaymes Hinkle, Tricia Schneider, Allan Apone, Chrissy Morris, Solina Tabrizi, Douglas Curtis, Louise Runge, Jason Alteieri, Kim Barnard, Curtis Akin, Robert Lee, David Alexander, Kelly Bellini, Clay Cullen, Jeff Lonn, Bob Bates, Tim Williams, David Bell, Kevin Downer, Nathan Berry-Chaney, Dottie Buck, Jon Dainty, Tecia Esposito, Sean Gowrie, Aaron Brown, Harrison Huffman, Renee Kitterman, Carlos Marinccioni, Traci Martin, Terri Rainha, Scott Smith, Natalie Simpkins, Michael Swafford, James Gibb, James Cameron, Steven Spielberg, Roger EbertJust when you begin to have fun, make their appearance sharks, and swimmers choose a dish on their (the sharks… in 3D!!!) menu.

What is not so clear is whether this is a chance zoological hiccup or a sinister plan, designed for other purposes (I see you “Jurassic Park”).

Ellis, already experimented with 3D in “The Final Destination” is an expert in underwater photography since he directed the second unit in the filming of “The Perfect Storm” and “Deep Blue Sea” (that crap pile again).

Mike Fleiss and Chris Briggs, producers, and worked together in “Hostel” (gag me once) and the remake of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (gag me twice).

Both must have been in the head struck by a rock.  Because “Shark Night 3D” made my summer a fun filled balloon of feel good shark-eating kids.

Was that me or the glaucoma medicine talking?  Or both?

“Shark Night 3D” – Two thumbs pointing straight up like fin on a hungry shark after seeing that hot blonde stretching her bikini!  She was fully formed!

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  Go Cougs!  (My intern went to Washington State University and paid me $50 to for that in my review appear.  Pay up, honey!)

8 comments

  1. SalingersGhost · September 2, 2011

    Awesome. Katharine McPhee in a bikini. Can’t go wrong there.

  2. Heavy G · September 2, 2011

    I’ll see it just for the “fully formed” hot blonde in the bikini in 3D. She may just make 3D worth it.

  3. jpgordo · September 2, 2011

    It may just be Katharine McPhee’s best work in a film – though I must say, the Sharks do look more realistic than she does.

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  5. Snotty Scotty · September 2, 2011

    Why wasn’t the fucking movie rated R? What a waste! Sucks.

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  7. Tyler · September 2, 2011

    What an entertaining review! Good job. Now I want to see this movie.

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