With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
Nothing can bring the fear.
Nothing like the season of the fjord.
We are not lucky (unlucky) in fjords.
We are not Norway.
Sweden not, too, as well (Swedes are pussies so this is in the OK zone).
Yet the tragedy comes. Like winter.
More family drowning while trying to defeat cod.
The cod fight so hard, the winning may never happen.
Yet, I will eat their deep fried flesh. And the herring’s picked bodies.
I am a Finn.
I will fight the fish.
And I will eat.
Why all of this?
Another Mustonenen down. In the drink. Davey Jones’ locker, breathing water until the end.
Sadness makes my brain say “Hells no, ‘Silver Linings Playbook’, when my family has a dead member. Bradley Cooper is still an asshole. And Jennifer Lawrence cannot be lusted after without Jesus being bummed. Thanks for the cock block Jesus.”
So, “Lincoln.”
Plot? Are you giving me the kids?
In the Middle Ages, America chose its leader by height. Lincoln was taller than hell. So he became King of America.
Lincoln (Daniel Day-Lewis) used his height to look down (like a God) and could somehow read the thoughts of those who were his enemies/friends.
Except he married The Flying Nun before she became annoying (retards, look up the reference).
Finally, America likes her. They really, really like her. But she is a bitch ass shrew. With hair from “Star Wars – Episode 4” (if you’re a nerd who has never kissed a girl or tasted a teat – to real people just damn “Star Wars”).
Anyway, the tallest man in America (who always had a helium suck before talking – squeak – where was James Earl Jones?) held the cards for political poker.
Then the entire movie started to seem like “Midnight Poker” on ESPN. With fake facial hair that could an automobile be purchased.
Luckily, an alcoholic puff-ball named James Spader showed up to make me want to have the drinking of the Kossu and the sweet, sweet smoke.
I had both.
And Tommy Lee Jones had the best hair in the America since Phil Spector. Yet there were no restaurant deaths. Too bad. His love for his woman made things boring.
So, tons of bad hair of the face.
Sweet Jesus, has nothing advanced since “Gettysburg” (worst face hair ever!)?
And casting Bruce McGill… genius, if only for his appearance in best history ever, “FDR: American Badass.” My world would have been completed if he only said, face to camera – “He’s Abraham Lincoln, motherfucker!”
Steven Spielberg has no balls. I believe they belong to Amy Irving.
Thumbs? Pretty damn up. Daniel Day-Lewis plays tall better than any man since Kareem Abdul-Jabbar in “Game of Death.”
I truly in my mind believe that the tallest man (so the greatest man) in America was Abraham Lincoln. He allowed black people to talk and kung-fu Bruce Lee in the chest.
It is a weave that does tangle that American cinema weaves.
My mind is mush. I go back and forth between great cinema and another Finnish family death.
Oh well, Finland can take it in the anal pore. I am an American now and forever. And if tall people rule – well, then Daniel Day-Lewis is my leader forever. He stayed up late and told stories.
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. “Game of Thrones” in three, maybe four months. My excitement hurts. Winter is coming! If my words have no meaning then your mind is potato. Seriously.
Lincoln had great potential, but instead, like so many of Speilberg’s failed films, was overstuffed with artificial sentimentality to make up for focusing on the least interesting aspect of Lincoln’s life. The sweeping music every time Daniel Day Lewis perches himself on the edge of some furniture to tell some old timey parable, made this film a Frank Capra coated in suger and dipped in honey.
I am so sick of everyone raving about how amazing Daniel Day Lewis is. He’s had a few exceptional roles, but mostly his acting comes of as cheap charictaerization of good acting. In the time of the Barrymores, his style of acting would have been great, but for today’s audiences, it is a lot of camp.
Overrated tripe.
#1) This is NOT a movie about Abraham Lincoln, at all. It IS a movie about Slavery. It should have been titled- “The 13th Amendment” or “The End of Slavery”, something like that. To take this “Snippet” of his life out, and offer it up as a movie named “Lincoln”…well….it’s insulting to some of us who know exactly why this movie was made.
#2) It was boring.
#3) All the Goddammit’s were a turn off, The cinematography was horrid, They dropped the color level down, increased the Sharpness and contrast to show every crack in every white persons face, OK, i worked, but it takes more than that to make a film. No Film Score to speak of.
#4) Seemed to me that they tried their best to make every white person look vulgar, bent, old and ragged and UG-LEEEE!. Everyone had a wart with a hair growing out of it and a fake protruding forehead like they were on steroids for 30 years. The black people were clean, presented as super sweet and super intelligent, well spoken. Black women cocoa buttered up, and the black men all clearly got a beard trimmer last Christmas.
#5) The gratuitous bed scene at the end? That summed it all up for me When I saw that, I almost busted out laughing. And It’s not that I don’t like reality in my period pieces, I just don’t like hidden (or not so hidden) agendas. I’m TIRED OF IT ALL.
OK, attack me and call me a racist now.
Lincoln would drink your milkshake.
I haven’t seen it but I have a feeling this is going to be less factual than Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter