Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo On Kino, Total Recall, Len Wiseman, Kurt Wimmer, Mark Bomback, Ronald Shusett, Don O'Bannon, Jon Povill, Phillip K. Dick, Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine, Bill Nighy, John Cho, Will Yun Lee, Milton Barnes, James McGowan, Natalie Lisinska, Michael Therriault, Stephen MacDonald, Mishael Morgan, LinLyn Lue, Dylan Smith, Andrew Moodie, Kaitlyn Leeb, Leo Guivab, Nykeem Provo, Steve Byers, Danny Waugh, Geoffrey Pounsett, Jesse Bond, Warren Belle, Vincent Rother, Matthew Nette, Brooks Darnell, Brett Donahue, James Downing, Simon Sinn, Lisa Chandler, Miranda Jade, Shereen Airth, Philip Moran, Clive Ashborn, Emily Chang, Bill Coulter, Merella Fernandez, Alicia-Kay Markson, Brian Rodriguez, Leigh Folsom, Brian Delaney, Cam Clarke, Bridget Hoffman, Gregoire Akcelrod, Mark Baldesarra, Sarah Colford, Dan Cristofori, Steaphen Diego, Mike Emme, Will Ennis, Stephone Fuller, Currie Graham, Ethan Hawke, Dexter Howe, Phil Huynh, Despina Lossifidis, Adrian Jaworski, Tony Kelly, Camille Kennedy, Jay Kow, Johnny Larocque, Ryan Le Bar, Wing Lee, Kane Mahon, Justin Major, Sarah Marshall, Samuel Mekonnen, Teebone Mitchell, Shane Pollard, MOrgane Slemp, Marc Andrew Smith, Jailar Tabugay, Kevin Tran, Denise Vasquez, Joe Vercillo, Filip Watermann, Amir Wilker, Toby Jaffe, Rick Kidney, Neal H. Moritz, Harry Gregson-Williams, Paul Cameron, Christian Wagner, Debra Zane, Patrick Tatopoulos, Patrick Banister, Oana Bogdan, Kevin Carter, Sanja Milkovic Hays, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Sam Alvelo, Aric Depere, Luc Etienne, Jonathan Gajewski, Justin Gajewski, Alexander Gayner, Jennifer Haufler, Judith Landale, Nick Lopez, Grant Lucibello, Brad Martin, David Mendoza, Spira Razatos, Andrew Robinson, Jodi Tario, Karen Young, Allison Klein, Dave Rosa, Casey Adams, Fraser Aitcheson, Mick Alachiotis, Krista Bell, Brian Ho, Sam Looc, John macDonald, Layton Morrison, Gabriel Nunez, John Stead, Rorelee Tio, Alicia Vela-Bailey, Rich Volp, Brian Broz, Julia Seidman, Jay Sheveck, Robert Stecko, Dempsey Tillman, Scott Alexander, Ryan Babbs, Cathy Coulson-Alfronso, Marty Dejczak, Kevin Drysdale, Taryn Feingold, Mark Foster, Junko Goda, Sabine Graham, Joe Everett, Diwa d'Souza, Marty Dejczak, Ester Chae, Nadja Buglieri, Neville Hadfield, Cam Harrod, Tim Hay, Paula Kucharski, Candace Kunderman, Kyla McFeat, Tien Hguyen, Andrew Munro, Erin Rowe, Justyn Roy, Jasper Salon, Taylor Scherberger, Nadine Wilson, Jane Spencer

Total Recall [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo On Kino, Total Recall, Len Wiseman, Kurt Wimmer, Mark Bomback, Ronald Shusett, Don O'Bannon, Jon Povill, Phillip K. Dick, Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine, Bill Nighy, John Cho, Will Yun Lee, Milton Barnes, James McGowan, Natalie Lisinska, Michael Therriault, Stephen MacDonald, Mishael Morgan, LinLyn Lue, Dylan Smith, Andrew Moodie, Kaitlyn Leeb, Leo Guivab, Nykeem Provo, Steve Byers, Danny Waugh, Geoffrey Pounsett, Jesse Bond, Warren Belle, Vincent Rother, Matthew Nette, Brooks Darnell, Brett Donahue, James Downing, Simon Sinn, Lisa Chandler, Miranda Jade, Shereen Airth, Philip Moran, Clive Ashborn, Emily Chang, Bill Coulter, Merella Fernandez, Alicia-Kay Markson, Brian Rodriguez, Leigh Folsom, Brian Delaney, Cam Clarke, Bridget Hoffman, Gregoire Akcelrod, Mark Baldesarra, Sarah Colford, Dan Cristofori, Steaphen Diego, Mike Emme, Will Ennis, Stephone Fuller, Currie Graham, Ethan Hawke, Dexter Howe, Phil Huynh, Despina Lossifidis, Adrian Jaworski, Tony Kelly, Camille Kennedy, Jay Kow, Johnny Larocque, Ryan Le Bar, Wing Lee, Kane Mahon, Justin Major, Sarah Marshall, Samuel Mekonnen, Teebone Mitchell, Shane Pollard, MOrgane Slemp, Marc Andrew Smith, Jailar Tabugay, Kevin Tran, Denise Vasquez, Joe Vercillo, Filip Watermann, Amir Wilker, Toby Jaffe, Rick Kidney, Neal H. Moritz, Harry Gregson-Williams, Paul Cameron, Christian Wagner, Debra Zane, Patrick Tatopoulos, Patrick Banister, Oana Bogdan, Kevin Carter, Sanja Milkovic Hays, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Sam Alvelo, Aric Depere, Luc Etienne, Jonathan Gajewski, Justin Gajewski, Alexander Gayner, Jennifer Haufler, Judith Landale, Nick Lopez, Grant Lucibello, Brad Martin, David Mendoza, Spira Razatos, Andrew Robinson, Jodi Tario, Karen Young, Allison Klein, Dave Rosa, Casey Adams, Fraser Aitcheson, Mick Alachiotis, Krista Bell, Brian Ho, Sam Looc, John macDonald, Layton Morrison, Gabriel Nunez, John Stead, Rorelee Tio, Alicia Vela-Bailey, Rich Volp, Brian Broz, Julia Seidman, Jay Sheveck, Robert Stecko, Dempsey Tillman, Scott Alexander, Ryan Babbs, Cathy Coulson-Alfronso, Marty Dejczak, Kevin Drysdale, Taryn Feingold, Mark Foster, Junko Goda, Sabine Graham, Joe Everett, Diwa d'Souza, Marty Dejczak, Ester Chae, Nadja Buglieri, Neville Hadfield, Cam Harrod, Tim Hay, Paula Kucharski, Candace Kunderman, Kyla McFeat, Tien Hguyen, Andrew Munro, Erin Rowe, Justyn Roy, Jasper Salon, Taylor Scherberger, Nadine Wilson, Jane SpencerTotal Recall

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Son of a bitch.

My working life is now my life of my life.

Sometimes the pain is so much, that there is howling where none is wanted.

Was I kicked in the right ball?

Stabbed in the lower right gut, pain flashing like a flashing pain light?

Made like the Lohan, when she moans the “Coke has run out” moan?

No.

Life life = kidney stone.

Pee that looks like oil of the motor, pain that is for the yelling until the sweet, sweet Dilauded in my new vein hole makes me the smiling man.

Pain is for the drug-free. I like drugs.

Work life = “Total Recall.”

Really?

Has the farting monkey classic “Ed” already been re-animated?

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo On Kino, Total Recall, Len Wiseman, Kurt Wimmer, Mark Bomback, Ronald Shusett, Don O'Bannon, Jon Povill, Phillip K. Dick, Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine, Bill Nighy, John Cho, Will Yun Lee, Milton Barnes, James McGowan, Natalie Lisinska, Michael Therriault, Stephen MacDonald, Mishael Morgan, LinLyn Lue, Dylan Smith, Andrew Moodie, Kaitlyn Leeb, Leo Guivab, Nykeem Provo, Steve Byers, Danny Waugh, Geoffrey Pounsett, Jesse Bond, Warren Belle, Vincent Rother, Matthew Nette, Brooks Darnell, Brett Donahue, James Downing, Simon Sinn, Lisa Chandler, Miranda Jade, Shereen Airth, Philip Moran, Clive Ashborn, Emily Chang, Bill Coulter, Merella Fernandez, Alicia-Kay Markson, Brian Rodriguez, Leigh Folsom, Brian Delaney, Cam Clarke, Bridget Hoffman, Gregoire Akcelrod, Mark Baldesarra, Sarah Colford, Dan Cristofori, Steaphen Diego, Mike Emme, Will Ennis, Stephone Fuller, Currie Graham, Ethan Hawke, Dexter Howe, Phil Huynh, Despina Lossifidis, Adrian Jaworski, Tony Kelly, Camille Kennedy, Jay Kow, Johnny Larocque, Ryan Le Bar, Wing Lee, Kane Mahon, Justin Major, Sarah Marshall, Samuel Mekonnen, Teebone Mitchell, Shane Pollard, MOrgane Slemp, Marc Andrew Smith, Jailar Tabugay, Kevin Tran, Denise Vasquez, Joe Vercillo, Filip Watermann, Amir Wilker, Toby Jaffe, Rick Kidney, Neal H. Moritz, Harry Gregson-Williams, Paul Cameron, Christian Wagner, Debra Zane, Patrick Tatopoulos, Patrick Banister, Oana Bogdan, Kevin Carter, Sanja Milkovic Hays, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Sam Alvelo, Aric Depere, Luc Etienne, Jonathan Gajewski, Justin Gajewski, Alexander Gayner, Jennifer Haufler, Judith Landale, Nick Lopez, Grant Lucibello, Brad Martin, David Mendoza, Spira Razatos, Andrew Robinson, Jodi Tario, Karen Young, Allison Klein, Dave Rosa, Casey Adams, Fraser Aitcheson, Mick Alachiotis, Krista Bell, Brian Ho, Sam Looc, John macDonald, Layton Morrison, Gabriel Nunez, John Stead, Rorelee Tio, Alicia Vela-Bailey, Rich Volp, Brian Broz, Julia Seidman, Jay Sheveck, Robert Stecko, Dempsey Tillman, Scott Alexander, Ryan Babbs, Cathy Coulson-Alfronso, Marty Dejczak, Kevin Drysdale, Taryn Feingold, Mark Foster, Junko Goda, Sabine Graham, Joe Everett, Diwa d'Souza, Marty Dejczak, Ester Chae, Nadja Buglieri, Neville Hadfield, Cam Harrod, Tim Hay, Paula Kucharski, Candace Kunderman, Kyla McFeat, Tien Hguyen, Andrew Munro, Erin Rowe, Justyn Roy, Jasper Salon, Taylor Scherberger, Nadine Wilson, Jane SpencerHollywood, if there was a God with a shit to give you would all have the ball pain that made me Mr. Vicodin.

I think watching Colin Ferrell, take on the Arnold head a major crap, would have been O.K. if I was still Mr. Vicodin.

Or Mr. Kossu. Or Mr. Lemon Skunk Sativa.

Just being Mr. Kimmo made me cry.

Plot?  There was one, in 1990.  And it was good.

Now, white bread crap fest.

“Total Recall” and no Mars.  I see.

Now is the time to re-do, yet take out all that made the first to be made.

Smart!

Sony, way to be!

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo On Kino, Total Recall, Len Wiseman, Kurt Wimmer, Mark Bomback, Ronald Shusett, Don O'Bannon, Jon Povill, Phillip K. Dick, Colin Farrell, Kate Beckinsale, Jessica Biel, Bryan Cranston, Bokeem Woodbine, Bill Nighy, John Cho, Will Yun Lee, Milton Barnes, James McGowan, Natalie Lisinska, Michael Therriault, Stephen MacDonald, Mishael Morgan, LinLyn Lue, Dylan Smith, Andrew Moodie, Kaitlyn Leeb, Leo Guivab, Nykeem Provo, Steve Byers, Danny Waugh, Geoffrey Pounsett, Jesse Bond, Warren Belle, Vincent Rother, Matthew Nette, Brooks Darnell, Brett Donahue, James Downing, Simon Sinn, Lisa Chandler, Miranda Jade, Shereen Airth, Philip Moran, Clive Ashborn, Emily Chang, Bill Coulter, Merella Fernandez, Alicia-Kay Markson, Brian Rodriguez, Leigh Folsom, Brian Delaney, Cam Clarke, Bridget Hoffman, Gregoire Akcelrod, Mark Baldesarra, Sarah Colford, Dan Cristofori, Steaphen Diego, Mike Emme, Will Ennis, Stephone Fuller, Currie Graham, Ethan Hawke, Dexter Howe, Phil Huynh, Despina Lossifidis, Adrian Jaworski, Tony Kelly, Camille Kennedy, Jay Kow, Johnny Larocque, Ryan Le Bar, Wing Lee, Kane Mahon, Justin Major, Sarah Marshall, Samuel Mekonnen, Teebone Mitchell, Shane Pollard, MOrgane Slemp, Marc Andrew Smith, Jailar Tabugay, Kevin Tran, Denise Vasquez, Joe Vercillo, Filip Watermann, Amir Wilker, Toby Jaffe, Rick Kidney, Neal H. Moritz, Harry Gregson-Williams, Paul Cameron, Christian Wagner, Debra Zane, Patrick Tatopoulos, Patrick Banister, Oana Bogdan, Kevin Carter, Sanja Milkovic Hays, Greg Denny, Lyn Lucibello, Lisa Rodgers, Sam Alvelo, Aric Depere, Luc Etienne, Jonathan Gajewski, Justin Gajewski, Alexander Gayner, Jennifer Haufler, Judith Landale, Nick Lopez, Grant Lucibello, Brad Martin, David Mendoza, Spira Razatos, Andrew Robinson, Jodi Tario, Karen Young, Allison Klein, Dave Rosa, Casey Adams, Fraser Aitcheson, Mick Alachiotis, Krista Bell, Brian Ho, Sam Looc, John macDonald, Layton Morrison, Gabriel Nunez, John Stead, Rorelee Tio, Alicia Vela-Bailey, Rich Volp, Brian Broz, Julia Seidman, Jay Sheveck, Robert Stecko, Dempsey Tillman, Scott Alexander, Ryan Babbs, Cathy Coulson-Alfronso, Marty Dejczak, Kevin Drysdale, Taryn Feingold, Mark Foster, Junko Goda, Sabine Graham, Joe Everett, Diwa d'Souza, Marty Dejczak, Ester Chae, Nadja Buglieri, Neville Hadfield, Cam Harrod, Tim Hay, Paula Kucharski, Candace Kunderman, Kyla McFeat, Tien Hguyen, Andrew Munro, Erin Rowe, Justyn Roy, Jasper Salon, Taylor Scherberger, Nadine Wilson, Jane SpencerReplace Arnold with boring Colin – check.

Replace Sharon Stone with a boring (but hot) vampire chick – check.

Interesting stuff replaced with same old crap – check.

Three-breasted woman – check.

I have seen the trailer – I have seen the movie.

Sony, my butt is for the kissing… get back there, pucker up, I like tongue!

That is all to say about this nothing pile. No reason to exist, no reason to write about it.

Rent it – smoke the sweet Sativa – eat Cheetos – maybe nap.  Check out the Beckin-butt (Kate Beckinsale).

But… that is all.

Please Odin, give me another stone for the passing before my eyeballs must hurt my brain with another crappy re-do. Please.

Now, that is all.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S.  You, the children, who want to watch movies for the money all day and night like Kimmo?  This is the shit that is your 90%. Study dentistry. Less pain all around.

P.P.S.  Olympics.  Why do the flippy pre-pubescent girls get the ratings?  Why not the beach ladies with the ass crack assaulting shorts? That is entertainment! And Ryan Seacrest must be stopped. Before he multiplies! Hey Sony, there’s an idea that’s not a remake. Assholes.

7 comments

  1. Phalcon · August 3, 2012

    Big fan of the 1990 movie. There is NO reason at all to remake this. I was telling someone today that I will probably watch this when it comes out on NetFlix (free streaming), but I wouldn’t pay to watch it. Now, after this awesome Kimmo review, I’m not even sure I’ll watch it for free.

  2. Torstar · August 3, 2012

    did everyone in Hollywood with an original idea all passaway at the same time?

    Come on really? Stop with the rehashed/remakes and reeboots already. yes music industry, that goes for you too.

  3. 77BC · August 3, 2012

    Speaking of 3 breasted women, didn’t one of those classic Japanime films (Ninja Scroll, maybe?) have a character with like 30 dicks?

  4. KJ Thornton · August 3, 2012

    Disagree. I saw an advanced screenig last night, and found it a thoroughly enjoyable action flick, with a decent enough plot to maintain everything, including my interest. I barely remember the original, so perhaps I’m not so biased. Also, looking up the original when I got home, it looks a bit ridiculous.

    Ps-Beckinsale vs Biel was awesome.

  5. Klas Tjorborn · August 3, 2012

    Less Farrel and more Beckinbiel make good movie. 3 boobs! Why not 4! I only see to write better review than hack Kimmo. Finland’s worst critic? I say YES!

  6. Megan · August 3, 2012

    Yeah, I’d rent (or buy) the original if I wanted to see it again before I’d go see this remake….Just Sayin. Kimmo rules.

  7. Fallout Girl · August 3, 2012

    I agree with the Kimmo, 100%