Kyrle Lendhoffer – Page 6 – Behind the Proscenium

October 15, 2011January 5, 2012

My God Is Better Than Your God

I normally attack theater from the review flank. I use my insight to take you, the possible audience member, into the “reality” of what a theatrical event may be like – without you having to actually be part of the reality. I try to express the theatricity of a theatrical event through the written word. It is my job – to bring the entire experience of sitting in a theater, marveling at what is taking place on stage, the smells of the greasepaint and the dinner that is stuck to the lapel of the patron next to you – without your ever having to enter a theater. Although entering a theater to see a play is always best!

And here is why… I’ve just returned from a performance of My God Is Better Than Your God by theater great Gina Grass. Once again, it is a one woman show.Normally, I would just review the show, but there was a moment when everything came together for me, as it will for you. As it will for anyone who ever lived to see theater. For anyone who has ever lived!

Here is a snippet from My God Is Better Than Your God, now playing at the Manka Open Mike in Tribeca.

Gina: You can’t possibly imagine my God. Your mind is too small. Imagine a goat trying to drive the Batmobile. Trying to drive the Batmobile with cooking mitts. That is you – stupidly in front of my God. Only more stupid. My God would laugh at you but h/she/it is above laughter. My God is always in a state of laughter because my God is always in a state of ALL. Eons ago, my God would have bathed in the lamentations of your women and children. That was before my God evolved to a point that evolution now means nothing to he/she/it. No, back then, my God would have taken a hoof (for my God only needed ONE HOOF!) and smashed that hoof on your pathetic being. And the bodies of the weak – like the previously mentioned women and children. And to make you feel even smaller than you already would be feeling – my God would rip the viscera from the chest cavities of those you loved in front of your pathetic face. And my God would use their intestines like a gore-drenched and dread sippy straw… and my God would suck and suck and suck the life out of everything you held dear. And then, for spite, my God would spit that life right back into your face. You turn pale. I haven’t really started. Then my God would smash YOU with the HOOF! And you would be dispersed into fragments no bigger than an atom. And even your smartest atom would kneel before my God in much the same way that a lichen kneels before you – if a lichen could kneel – BUT YOU KNOW WHAT I’M F-ING TALKING ABOUT! I see you. You are trying to comprehend my God. But you are like the contents of a Petrie dish trying to comprehend the scientist. The only difference is that the contents of the Petrie dish do not know to be afraid. And you should be SO afraid. Because my God no longer needs a hoof…

I have never heard the like on a stage before in my life. I could only imagine saying these beautiful words to someone who has cut me off in traffic, or to my landlord when he implies that my sub-lease may be invalid. In what situation would you use these words? And what would you do with your HOOF?!?

Kyrle Lendhoffer – Behind The Proscenium

October 14, 2011October 14, 2011

Footloose [REVIEW]

Footloose

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

There was many times ago an original idea in Hollywood.

D.W. Griffith was that guy who had it.

Since then, maybe Blake Edwards or Eli Roth.

Now we can go to a cinema knowing that we will see what already we have seen yesterday, last summer, five summers, childhood or (in this example) 1984.

How did Kevin Bacon not kill these people?

New game for this film’s greenlighters – Six Degrees From Grim Reaper (remember to enter my new Dead Pool – info appearing to the future!).

For those who live under rocks – the story: Ren MacCormack moves from Boston to the small town Bomont in the southern USA, where he has a real culture shock (every movie lately lives next to “The Help”).

Some years before, the congregation – by the tragic death of five teenagers – has been plagued by celebrations after that one night. Then spoke the local politicians and the popular Reverend Shaw, a ban on loud music and dancing.

Ren (not Stimpy) wants to accept it, however, being a teen, rebels against the ban.

He breathed life back in the village and falls in love with it?

No, just in Ariel (Julianne Hough – Ryan Seacrest‘s beard), the daughter of the pastor.

She is hot.

In the remake of the cult MTV dance film “Footloose (1984)” has not exactly changed much (the story is still playing in southern backwater Bomont).

Ren (Kenny Wormald) wants to abolish the local ban on dancing and his queen of hearts Ariel (Juliann Hough, still hot) is still situated on meaningless tests of courage and the patience of the audience to the test.

Why must hot chicks test us?

On Cinemax they just get naked.

New story, new characters?

Forget it!

Why is there this stencil-like remake anyway?

Are you stupider, already? MONEY!

I love it as much (more) than you (money).

Yet the suck that is making movies over and over the same makes my sitting butt crack wish that no longer the theater I must inhabit. I stand by this.

Where were we?

Attractive teens, rebelling, attract to each other. Teen conflicts are indicated and the skeptical view of the pastor Shaw (Dennis Quaid).

Then all dance enthusiasts are in the house. Successful entry, retro feel sprayed, may now be as wild dancing – you might think!

After director Craig Brewer has lulled us positively tap toeing, he is taking a wrong direction and to illuminate characters who are simply not worth that one is concerned more with their background.

Ariel’s problems with race car driver Chuck, her problems with her daddy, her problems with her friend and top it up with their innocence – Julianne Hough (she is very hot) has to bear all sorts of character with their parcels, which do not really care about anyway.

We care about her nakedness. Our cares end up meaning nothing.

Felt her character has the most screen time and leaves actor Kenny Wormald in reverse always appear sympathetic.

He plays the cool James Dean blend, cooked up here and there at times and ultimately mimics exactly the kind of singleness dance rebel, the one in a movie called… wait for it… “Footloose”!

The different characters, whether it makes sense, annoying or charming, all have a common weakness:

They do not do the forbidden dance! Which, in Bomont, is every dance.

Instead of focusing on the movement of talented performers (Julianne Hough, did I mention her?), the audience must always fight words by books and dialogues and are hoping for a extravagant finale.

But until it comes to this final move, agonizing over long dialogues, danceable tracks are burned in the background and just after half the movie is clear that this remake is completely unnecessary.

Conclusion: “Footloose” is a usefulness-free remake of the ’80s cult film starring Kevin Bacon (I tread on his foot in New York – ONE DEGREE!). Music and dance are unfortunately too short, since director Craig Brewer puts his focus instead on the background of his characters, interchangeable.

So, one thumb, rebelling and trying to dance for Julianne Hough (muy caliente!) – the other thumb ready to be rammed up idea-free Hollywood’s arse-hole.

Excuse me while I watch “Intolerance” (which will be re-made soon, I’m SO sure).

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. “Terra Nova” has one flaw – no persons with a working mind train would ever bring teenagers to the 85 million year past. They mess shit up.

October 7, 2011October 7, 2011

Real Steel [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Real Steel, Shawn Levy, John Gatins, Dan Gilroy, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Behind The Proscenium, Jeremy Leven, Hugh Jackman, Dakota Goyo, Evangeline Lilly, Anthony Mackie, Kevin Durand, Hope Davis, james Rebhorn, Marco Ruggeri, Karl Yune, Olga Fonda, John Gatins, Sophie Levy, Tess Levy, Charlie Levy, Gregory Sims, Torey Adkins, Tom Carlson, John Hawkinson, David Alan Basche, Phil LaMarr, David Herbst, Julian Gant, Ken Alter, Leilani Barrett, Eric Gutman, Nicholas Yu, D.B. Dickerson, Peter Carey, Dan Lemieux, Richard Goteri, Tim Holmes, Ricky Wayne, Taris Tyler, Kevin Dorman, John Manfredi, Rachael Adams, Mike Ancrile, Jamie Berk, Jeff Caponigro, Michael Patrick Carmody, Ron Causey, Jahnel Curfman, Larry C. Fenn, Joey Ghinelli, Shane Hagedorn, Robert Herrick, Jason Hughley, Kimberly Koltyk, Andrew Kruczynski, Chris Mannix, Jordan Kenneth Messing, Gary L. Minix, Steven Hugh Nelson, Chris Newman, Alan D. Purwin, Steven Scott, Daniel Everett Watson, Wendy Aaron, Apollo Bacala, Leah Barkoff, Joshua Ray Bell, Clark Birchmeier, Don Boerst, Wayne E. Brown, Geneva Brunetti, Kathleen Brzuszek, Justin P. Calkins, Steven Campbell, Michael B. Clark, Will Clarke, Jeremy Cook, Sandy Coonan, Eddie Davenport, John Dezsi, P.J. Edwards, Shannon Edwards, Raffi Elias, Rima Fakih, Tom Feldpausch, Johnny Flynn, Sarah Forton, Logan Fry, Ryan Genther, Jake Godzak, Ashley Goulson, Megan Grant, J.J. Green, Kevin Hall, Joey Harlow, Ron Heisler, Suzy Hunt, Pauline Ann Johnson, Josh Jones, Douglas King II, Nathan Kranzo, Joe Kras, Amy LaPlante, Kef Lee, Dervis Lici, Linda Linsley, Nathaniel Loveland, Rich Lozano, Bill Lumbert, Brad Leo Lyon, Mary Magyari, Jon Manthei, Melissa Marra, Rance Martin, Bryan Matti, Samuel Meadows, Antonio Miller, Wendel Millstead, Kirstie Munoz, Anton Narinskiy, Antoinette Nikprelai, Chris O'Brien, Clarence Olinger, Wendy Paquette, Matt Philliben, Ralph A. Recchia, Kara Joy Reed, Jay Reid, DaJuan Rippy, Nicolas Ritz, Jeff Rosenfeld, Maria Lucia Safi, Sebastian Sarkissian, Robert Sayers, Shana Schultz, Daryl M. Simpson, Gary Lee Simpson, Brian Anderson Smith, Joseph Smith, Nikki Smith, Dwight Sora, Paul J. Spear, Alan Stefan, Tiffany Stone, Morris Lee Sullivan, Regina Taufen, John E.L. Tenney, Johnny Truong, Eric Tuchelske, Laurie Valko, Brett VanDunk, Johnathon VanDusen, Kaitlan Welton, Jojuan Westmoreland, Paul W. Wilson, Amanda Wright, Ron Ames, Rick Benattar, Eric Hedayat, Shawn Levy, Josh McLaglen, Mary McLaglen, Susan Montford, Don Murphy, Jack Rapke, Steven Spielberg, Steve Starkey, Robert Zemeckis, Danny Elfman, Mauro Fiore, Dean Zimmerman, Richard Hicks, David Rubin, Tom Meyer, Seth Reed, Jason Baldwin Stewart, Jeff Wisniewski, Lauren Kress, Tina Anderson, Mark Graziano, Jennifer Bash, Jamie Bishop, Miles Teves, James Ashwill, Neal Garon, John Cucci, Helen Luttress, Greg Zimmerman, Alan Scott, Dan Akers, Ben Bray, Marie Fink, Ryan Nelson, Jonah Austin, Roy Sato, Marisa Clayton, Nicolas Hasson, Matthew Carson, Bill Abbott, Tony Amadi, Justin Calkins, Alexandra Ducocq, Alex Fields, Pam Ellington, John Hanlin, Kelly Helstrom, Tiffany Lanier, Gary Martyn, Michael Mili, Steven Molen, Demetrios Skodras, Lindsey Spaulding, Shelly Strong, Regina Taufen, Michalla Petersen, Irving Milgrom

An Apology: I was away in Finland for a tragic family. My own. To say, without too much, a cousin lost a fight with a cod boat. He was torn. But unlike The Humpty Egg, there was no putting him back from pieces.

Plus, there was college football and “Glee” (Ryan Murphy – Lindsay in only one episode so far? Are we now enemies? I could do worse on you than a cod boat – these are words!).

Now, A Review:

Real Steel

With Wit, Reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen

There was a time when the children all wanted to replace their little robot with a teddy bear to cuddle.

Or My Little Pony.

Or Dancing Torval, the Helsinki Wonder Elf (I miss you, Torval).

Today, society is violent, it offers young people an alternative rather disturbing.

The 11 year old wants his robot, but he be at war with other machines on boxing rings, the risk of losing its bolts and pay a lot of oil (out of his machine hole – nasty!).

Times change and Hollywood follows the trend increases or whatever.

In any case, the script “Real Steel” is confusing in this regard, the robot found in one case, which saves the life of the child is not receiving the emotional one, but no longer represents that an object dedicated to letting off steam in future games where at least the man has been replaced by powerful machines, he leads with voice or video game controllers (this is my newest entry in “The World’s Longest Sentence Competition.” Be sure to vote!).

You can not stop progress.

You can’t even stop Michael Bay, although for this he is not to blame.

At this level, these robots mark such progress that one wonders how the company proposed in futuristic “Real Steel” look like much of our time.

Apart from mobile phones and computers that are with transparency, the proposed future on the screen looks suspiciously like our present, or at least that of some American redneck present (“The Help” had no robots, but many rednecks), that of the hinterland that allows director Shawn Levy, director accustomed to pure comedy, giving us some very nice shots of landscapes.

His staging is really neat and keen, away from its usual entertainment achievements of great magnitude (“Liar, Liar”, “The Pink Panther”, “Night at the Museum”).

Magnitude!

Show very light for adults who will see an appropriate starting point for a racy tale of anticipation and visceral gutiness (maybe sex? Even more disappointing than “Glee”), “Real Steel” is exclusively for young people, especially during the film fun to patch up a crappy, unworthy father, obsessed with combat (he is himself a former boxer), and the son he never knew, since he abandoned at birth, the son.

Again, the figure of Hugh Jackman – an actor very concerned about his appearance throughout the film – has little flavor.

He is close to his son through the shared passion for real life Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em Robots.

What would he have been so indifferent to fighting had the kid?

Faced with this single-minded and immature father, completely loser, the child finds the right horse (well the good robot) to win fights, takes the control during competition and after a few opponents, already finds himself facing the champion of the world, the invincible Zeus (so fake! Zeus was a god, not a robot… Duh.)

Major madness for me – why in the name of hell was Evangeline Lilly wasted so?

And why am I still so mad at the “Lost” ending that left my life sucked like Twinkie filling? I tend for forgetting my viewing of the film – “Lost” really pissed me off.

Where was I?

Oh yeah, “Real Steel” – one thumb thinking “Hugh, be Wolverine already”, the other thumb thinking “Why did the Dharma Initiative exist – where did Ben Linus get all the money – and… an exploding submarine?!?

I mean, COME ON!!!!!” Damn you, “Lost”.

Go see it. Or don’t. Whatever.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Ryan Murphy – I am not kidding. Lindsay Pearce major storyline on “Glee” or I get liquored up and say mean things. At your face!

September 9, 2011September 9, 2011

Warrior [REVIEW]

“Warrior”

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Things are getting heavy.

Summer is at an almost end.

If not for 3D Sharks, I would be singing the award movie song – like internet Karaoke.

Not just yet!

Ass kicking flies from the screen – and into your head.

And it has a name:

“Warrior”.

From time to time, by the merest chance, you come across a film carried by the combat sport that nevertheless manages to find the right balance between drama and action and more importantly (if you’re REALLY lucky), with more drama than action that it becomes a backdrop for everything else.

And then the action has it’s own drama, which makes the action dramatic-er. For it is only when the fighting is justified by a compelling scenario that they become emotionally more intense and rewarding.

Right? Right.

“Warrior” refers to a world of mixed martial arts where the gladiators of the modern clash in a hexagonal cage both feet on the ground, due to gravity.

The creation of an international tournament imagination, “Sparta”, will on the same trajectory Paddy (Nick Nolte), Brendan (Joel Edgerton) and Tom Conlon (Tom Hardy), which are all part of a family torn apart and removed in the past through an excess of favoritism and neglect.

I’m not afraid to say that.

Tom resurfaced in the company to get the help of his father, recovering alcoholic in passing (not recovering in real life), to the physical and mental training for participation in the tournament.

In parallel, Brendan returns sweat in the halls of fighting in the hope of winning the award of $5 million to restore interest in life to his family in need.

I could restore my own interest in life for much less that $5 million – settling for $1.5. Maybe just $1.

However, as would more or less expected, although these two mad dogs will face some of the toughest fighters that MMA has created, the real battle appears to be in them. At each other.

Paddy is fighting for the forgiveness of his son, Tom is fighting to prove to himself that he is strong physically and mentally, and Brendan is struggling to reconcile with his family.

I was fighting the popcorn (note to theater managers – melted butter flavored Crisco is not a substitute for real butter. My mouth is stuck together still with a bad 70’s bathhouse flavor.).

Each brother has his own reasons respectable to face combat, reasons that will divide the audience when it comes time to choose to support one or other of the brother’s finalists.

For its part, the scenario is almost epic, presented in a very committed. Almost epic. Remember this.

Gradually, through his dialogues, we see the past events of this family torn apart and motivations of characters to keep such hatred in them are revealed gradually. This drama is of course made possible and given credibility by the immense talent of these three headliners.

All three, each in their ways, infusing their characters an unwavering charisma. Wavering charisma just wouldn’t cut it and makes sit-coms intolerable.

Nick Nolte had not been touched since the long, very long years (literally – his last mug-shot has him stuck to the internet porn now, and luckily it is free), Tom Hardy, appearing more monstrous than ever physically (biceps!), proves once again that the method of the Method Acting has not finished dazzle us, and in between, Joel Edgerton has not to be ashamed of its performance even if he has to work extra hard not to give way completely opposite to its partners, and in doing so, not suck too much.

Only on the horizon, the role of Jennifer Morrison is under-exploited (Captain Kirk’s mom!) and Nick Nolte seems to have been somewhat forgotten in the last third.

The final could also have been treated differently but how to avoid clichés with a subject that is a cliché in itself (two brothers confronting end up in the same tournament). But a cliché used in the service of a cliché within a cliché? Genius.

Therefore it is appropriate to say that overall, the director is doing very well.

Although much entertained (still angry at the popcorn – screw you, Crisco!) my thumbs aren’t engaged to the level of my brain stem.

Still, the thumbs are fighting gravity to the sky.

“Warrior” is cool.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. My mind wanders around Patty Smyth. This would make a better movie:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIDaBF8LILk

The dancers know Bob Fosse Kung Fu!!!!!!

P.P.S. (What is the rule?) Fall TV! Fringe in two weeks! Where is Peter? Or… where isn’t he?!? Guesses are appreciated!

September 8, 2011September 8, 2011

Contagion [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Contagion, Warner Bros., Steven Soderbergh, Scott Z. Burns, Gwyneth Paltrow, Tien You Chui, Josie Ho, Daria Strokous, Matt Damon, Monique Gabriela Cumen, Griffin Kane, Yoshiaki Kobayashi, Laurence Fishburne, John Hawkes, Jude Law, Teri McEvoy, Sue Redman, Teri Campbell, Stef Tovar, Mary Jo Faraci, Grace Rex, Marion Cotillard, Armin Rohde, Joseph Anthony Foronda, Phillip James Brannon, Rebecca Spence, David Lively, Andrew White, Kate Winslet, Larry Clarke, Anna Jacoby-Heron, Ira Blumen, Scott Strangland, Jimmy Chung, Rick Uecker, Tara Mallen, Jennifer Ehle, Demetri Martin, Elliott Gould, Enrico Colantoni, Bryan Cranston, John Hines, Joshua Weinstein, Sarah Charipar, Mark Czoske, Dan Aho, Chin Han, Hee-Wan Kwon, Phil Tang, Robert Chi, Blair Robertson, Randy Lowell, Pete Sack, Brian J. O'Donnell, Kwok-Wah Wong, Sau-Ming Tsang, Jim Ortlieb, Annabel Armour, Sanaa Lathan, Kara Zediker, Josh Pollack, Laura Fisher, Pete Kelly, Mary Beth Dolan, Jason Babinsky, Howie Johnson, Sanjay Gupta, Thomas Gebbia, Dan Flannery, Dan Sanders-Joyce, Joshua Seiden, Kam Tong Wong, Zakaria Alaoui, Chen On Chu, Contagion, Gregory Jacobs, Michael Polaire, Michael Shamberg, Stacey Sher, Cliff Martinez, Stephen Mirrione, Carmen Cuba, Howard Cummings, Abdellah Baadil, Cindy Carr, Louise Frogley, Julie Anderson, B. Ted Deiker, David Kirchner, Mark Scoon, Afnahn Khan, Brendon Breese, Yann Mari Faget, Eric Richard Lasko, Lemon Liu, Jody Spilkoman, Susan Alegria, Paul Allen, Colin Bach, Paul Crawford, Tim Halpin, David Mong, Corey Bayes, Saad Aledigue, Robert Beck, Genona Blue, Jonelle Castillo, Drew Durepos, Brad Garoon, Joseph Malloch, Elaine Mongeon, Juliet Lopez, Matt Ott, Andrew Parsons, Jackie Swanson, Chelsea Wehner

“Contagion” – Catch It!

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Boy, the future becomes to suck more and more.

Even sucking in the now time happens in “Contagion”. It is not a cinema suck – but a suck as to the matters at hand.

Or within the lungs.

Or bowel.

Or your brain!!!

The movie though? Pretty dang good.

I have “Contagion” fever! A-choo!!!

To what Steven Soderbergh, the old shit-kicker, wants to educate us, would be worth a closer look: “Contagion” stands out first of all with several top stars: Kate Winslet (Yes!), Marion Cotillard (Oui!), Gwyneth Paltrow (Meh.), Matt Damon, Jude Law and Laurence Fishburne.

This amount does Soderbergh, but also because “Contagion” is an apocalyptic thriller epidemics that so many must appear.

Body count = Box office. Fact.

It is a bird-flu-like epidemic that kills the people like flies. Or birds, since they named this flu.

Although the film shows nothing that can not already in other doomsday movies seen like “28 Days Later”, and “Outbreak” had, nevertheless impressed the perfect craftsmanship of the director.

He weaves a tapestry of images, a network of relationships knits from infection, health police and media reports covering the whole world – a symphony of the disease.

I would pay money to hear a disease symphony. They are rare.

Globalization and cinema par excellence, in the rapidly between Tokyo and New York and everywhere, and the way the disease is marked visually – simple peanuts, a innocent computer, a hand on a pole in the bus (a bus pole you dirty people – stop thinking like I think!).

The whole thing is very elegant and beautiful to see – maybe there is already a problem with a disease movie.

Above all, one must ask, what should it end? Other than for we must, at some point, get to go home from the cinema.

The first victim of the disease is Gwyneth Paltrow – no wonder!

She is a vegan and watches her few minutes of film correspondingly weakened and drained of blood from the laundry.

A very convenient place for a drainage (you can clean your bloody clothes while doing the dying).

The best scene of the movie then the one in which Paltrow lies dead on the autopsy table (type casting! I kid you Goop Queen).

Since her with a beautiful sawing noise of the skull is sawed and pulled the scalp (hers) to the front – suddenly her blond hair hanging under her chin.

Like poor Mr. Cobain after being the killed – shotgun to face style – by the shrewish Ms. Love (unproven, but I know. Yes… I know.).

As I watch her in the brain, of which obviously is not much left – I think “does vegan diet shrinks the brain – or the flu?” And it is then also equal the best dialogue of the film: “Oh my god! What’s that?” – “Should I call anyone?” – “Call everyone!”

Without concern for cellular calling plan. That is a bad-ass flu that puts the forget on that.

A new word we learned in the movie is called “disease clusters”.

Apparently, researchers analyze striking epidemics in clusters in clusters. Or a cluster-cluster.

The more clusters, the worse the hit when there is a fan shitting.

The most annoying moments are those in which Soderbergh with the disease still puritanical moralizing – disease trigger is a combination of cheating (pathogen sex!), gambling and the consumption of pork (Carnitas are too good to cause disease. Fact. Other pork products – watch out!).

And at the very end of Asia are still very poor hygiene and blame for everything!

What?

Well, if you have scapegoats. And who doesn’t like a goat?

So… no “Omega Man”, no “Andromeda Strain”. Yet I give two thumbs, fighting with sickness, flopping, sweat-covered, ever upward – in the liking!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. The Glee Project – Glee collision is fast approaching! Lindsay, you have not reached to me, yet I was your champion. I can still forgive. You can still call. I’m listed!

P.P.S. (or P.S.S. – English is hard) “Hunger Games” new trailer! Jennifer Lawrence, if you call first – Glee is dead to me.

September 2, 2011

Shark Night 3D [REVIEW]

“Shark Night 3D”

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

3D is the suck.

Roger Ebert knows.

You (the smart “you” people) know.

I know.

But, holy crap, it is “Shark Night 3D”!

Confession – I’ve been saving a fat green bud all summer for this movie experience. I now live in California and have the glaucoma.

Now go be jealous on me. It was whack.

I assure you that by now I do not care if David R. Ellis is not a good director.

If we talk about sharks and 3D, all that matters is how these thugs satiate their hunger floating.

Shark thugs that kick (bite?) ass – unlike pansy Sharks in “West Side Story”.

What for a motivations? To speed exhibitionism and gore, in pursuit of the teenager who was passing by clueless (all teenagers, really)? Or consciously, choosing his prey as he portrayed the great white Spielberg shark?

Right who will choose the first option.

In fact, without other parallels in your script, “Shark Night 3D” becomes the contemporary equivalent of “Jaws 3D”, which was also the suck, but I’m much too younger to remember.

I am also aware that “Jaws 3D”, even with all its faults, was Richard Matheson as a writer, which in “Shark Night 3D” does not even deserve to be taken into account (I’m sure “Shark Night 3D” had writers – I must check my notes.)

But despite all this, in both cases we speak of products designed to entertain young audiences with sharks, cute girls (va va voom!) and scares of a lifetime.

However, I do not think James Cameron is very happy with this use of film in three dimensions. For a son of a bitch rich guy, Cameron is often unhappy. Paradox (new English word!)!

In fact, Ellis uses the same formula with the sensationalism that is distilled in the last gasp in the series “Final Destination” or “Piranha 3D”.

Since we’re talking the director of “Snakes on a Plane”, we could not expect otherwise. I missed “who let these mother effin’ sharks in this mother effin’ 3D?!?”

Also, lest anyone forget that this is fiction realistic, responsible for managing the animatronic creatures is the great Walt Conti, responsible for this kind of trick in “Anaconda”, “Free Willy” (these titles back to back and I don’t make joke? Maturity FTW!) and “Deep Blue Sea” (crap pile).

Do you really want to know the plot of the movie? Judge for yourselves – seven young people from Tulane University summer in one of the most beautiful spots in Louisiana, Lake Pontchartrain.

Just when you begin to have fun, make their appearance sharks, and swimmers choose a dish on their (the sharks… in 3D!!!) menu.

What is not so clear is whether this is a chance zoological hiccup or a sinister plan, designed for other purposes (I see you “Jurassic Park”).

Ellis, already experimented with 3D in “The Final Destination” is an expert in underwater photography since he directed the second unit in the filming of “The Perfect Storm” and “Deep Blue Sea” (that crap pile again).

Mike Fleiss and Chris Briggs, producers, and worked together in “Hostel” (gag me once) and the remake of “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” (gag me twice).

Both must have been in the head struck by a rock. Because “Shark Night 3D” made my summer a fun filled balloon of feel good shark-eating kids.

Was that me or the glaucoma medicine talking? Or both?

“Shark Night 3D” – Two thumbs pointing straight up like fin on a hungry shark after seeing that hot blonde stretching her bikini! She was fully formed!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Go Cougs! (My intern went to Washington State University and paid me $50 to for that in my review appear. Pay up, honey!)

August 26, 2011

Colombiana [REVIEW]

“Colombiana”

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

1992.

Colombia (cocaine, not District of).

The little nine-year Cataleya witnessed the murder of her parents. She manages to escape the slaughter with difficulty and takes refuge in the United States with Emilio, her mobster uncle.

(My mobster uncle was Jarkko – he drowned in a Norwegian fjord smuggling high proof liquor. No movies for Jarkko. Why Norway, Jarkko, why?)

Fifteen years later, she is working for him as a hit-person. Your business card, an orchid drawn on the chest of their victims is a message to the murderers of their parents, because Cataleya’s determination to take her revenge to its logical conclusion.

Even if it means sacrificing everything she loves.

Exactly like James Caan in “Thief”. But with a worse soundtrack (Tangerine Dream FTW!)

Written and produced by Luc Besson, “Colombiana” is one of those crappy ass movies that proves the French film a commercial for American coinage.

Or “The Birdcage” – but much less gay.

With an international cast, led by Zoe Saldana, Jordi Moll and Cliff Curtis, “Colombiana” has a technical bill as carefully as the rest of the production of Besson.

I stand by that statement.

The plot is predictable and tend to be known by all who read bestsellers or industrial enjoy thrillers which today are content to nurture the multiplex.

Zoe Saldana portrays Cataleya Restrepo, a girl so beautiful and smart (but no longer blue… I see you! “Avatar”, you lump heads… ), whose fortunes changed from a tragedy: her parents were murdered in Bogotá by order of a vicious drug dealer. Well mannered drug dealers are not so bad from what I hear.

Since then, Cataleya has learned to handle all types of weapons with two very different purposes.

On the one hand, shines the minions who work in the service of her uncle Emilio (Cliff Curtis).

For another, she spends her free time to settle criminals hoping to find the one that killed their parents, like we all would do, but less pretty.

In short, we have here yet another version of vigilante cool, capable of sacrificing one’s neighbor without entirely losing morality.

Otherwise, there is some relationship between this heroin and other Cataleya invented years ago by Besson: Nikita!

As usual in such films, the atmosphere is a key element. Since the filming took place between Paris, Chicago,Miami,New Orleans and Mexico City, is not surprising that the most characteristic of each of these urban environments come to light in the display.

Of the cities. For our eyeballs.

The director, Olivier Megaton, Olivier Fontana is really called, is part of the Team Besson since he directed “Transporter 3” (poop pile).

For more signs, was also the second unit director of “Hitman” (poop pile), which gives us the key to his specialty: persecutions, parkour (French people climbing walls like tweekers), shootings and, ultimately, all these more or less frenetic sequences that characterize the genre that we occupies.

Summary: Zoe Saldana is a fox.

“Columbiana”, though made by people who make poop piles, is not a poop pile. WHAT?!

One thumb has a stiffie, the other is neutral, like Switzerland without the snobbery.

Netflix for sure.

Save your money for Apollo 18. At the trailer, I made my own poop pile… a poop pile for good!

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. September 20^th brings us new Glee. Lindsay, don’t let me down.

August 26, 2011August 26, 2011

The Help [REVIEW]

“The Help”

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

“The Help” is funny and touching (right in the heart chamber) adaptation of the novel of the same title published in 2009 by Kathryn Stockett.

How come it took so long to hang the book on the screen? I laugh at me.

Sockett’s book, a success in the Anglo market, makes a young American, “Skeeter” Phelan, whose relationship with two African-American women raised early sixties, a key cheerful and endearing, which was the movement Civil Rights in that country.

Was ever a more cheerful time?

With their impeccable debut film adaptation behind the camera to actor Tate Taylor, under whom works an excellent cast led by Emma Stone (“Easy A” – hubba!), Mike Vogel, Bryce Dallas Howard (she kicked my butt in “Terminator: Salvation”, even with red hair), Viola Davis, Octavia Spencer and Allison Janney (CJ in “The West Wing” and voice in those annoying Kaiser-Permanente commercials – I don’t want to thrive, alright?!?).

Broadly speaking, the script preserves the essential novel by Kathryn Stockett and gets carried away by the personality of three unforgettable characters: Aibileen Clark (Viola Davis), an African-American middle-aged white babysitter (white babies, Aibilieen is not white – this is important later), shattered by the loss of a son, Jackson Minny (Octavia Spencer), another black maid who dreams of a stable job (one that lasts awhile, not with horses), and Eugenia “Skeeter” Phelan (Emma Stone), the young graduate and aspiring writer who returns home and realizes that certain prejudices weigh like a millstone.

Except when you’re hot.

Set in Jackson, Mississippi, “The Help” portrays, through the comedy of manners and the intimate drama, the complicated emotional relationship plotted between white and black (no gray area here) communities throughout the sixties, just at that stage in which, happily, it all started to change.

Except for poor George Wallace. He wasn’t happy at all.

The success of this production will not surprise those who know the reputation that precedes the novel by Kathryn Stockett (if I write her name three times I get a free Kindle! Success!), a delightful book, which was rejected by sixty literary agents before they achieved the feat that is already on his lapel (contortionists – before you make letters, I know “feat” and “feet” are not the same. I’m from Finland, not Retardia.), selling five million copies and remain one hundred weeks on the bestseller list of The New York Times.

With Emma Stone and Viola Davis hired for the main roles, the rest of the casting was a relatively simple task. Throw a copy of the book down Sunset, hit an actor head-wise and “you’re in a movie!” Invented by Soderbergh. Genius.

And what about the atmosphere? This is another chapter in which the film succeeds completely (although it can’t really be seen – much like the air atmosphere we breath).

To preserve the spirit of the age and local color, the team moved to Greenwood, Mississippi.

Parts of the film also took place Jackson,Clarksdale and Greenville. Undoubtedly, all contribute to the feeling of breathing the whole truth. And being surrounded by hicks.

Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. The Glee Project?!? WTF?!?! Lindsay, if you need comfort, contact me at Manka Bros. You have made Ginnifer Goodwin no longer exist on me. Forever.

August 4, 2011August 4, 2011

Rise Of The Planet Of The Apes [REVIEW]

Rise of the Planet of the Apes

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

First, groovy 1968 gave us “Planet of the Apes”.

Awesome.

Heston and hot chick on horse. “Damn you all to hell!”

Best.

Movie.

Ever.

Now become the cult film pulled after four sequels, and in 2001 of Hollywood’s great storyteller (but mostly crap film-maker) Tim Burton film again. With Marky Mark (but no Funky Bunch).

This is now followed by “Rise of the Planet of the Apes”.

Story? Hells yes!

Will Rodman (James Franco) is a dedicated researcher who is looking for a cure for Alzheimer’s disease (shifty!). But he also has very personal reasons, after all, suffers from this is his father, Charles Rodman (John Lithgow) to the disease.

The new drugs are tested on animals – first animals? On chimpanzees (go get ’em PETA!).

The latest attempt by Will seems to be a very good direction to go, but after a catastrophic incident, the chimps must be put to this test series (did any of them see “I Am Legend“? Cures never work.).

What remains is only a freshly born baby monkeys who saves himself with Will and takes home.

Never trust baby monkeys.

The drugs that Will has given the chimp baby momma seems to have transferred to the baby and so is “Caesar” blessed with a gigantic… intelligence! Look out, Algernon (get it? Flowers? Come on, people!).

But this leads to problems over the years.

“Rise of the Planet of the Apes” makes one thing exactly correct – where most seemingly come first blockbuster of the effects and then tinker around some story, “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” have the opposite away.

In the center are always the story and the characters. And it is not an alibi focus shift (I need to stop drinking), but the filmmakers have really put their heart and soul into the story and you believe them, indeed, that to them this project is located at the heart – to sit (in the heart), especially, since many details of the story are simply very good (the Kossu is flowing tonight!).

James Franco is in assuming the role of the male protagonist, but the real main character is always generated by the CGI monkey Caesar. Incidentally, the inspiration for him was none other than the great motion capture performers Andy Serkis, from “Lord of the Rings”. CGI Andy totally kicks the other actors to the acting curb.

CGI monkeys > CGI people.

The adoption by Caesar’s Will Rodman (of Caesar), the subsequent rapprochement and the new family situation becomes Caesar almost like Will’s son, is told emotionally believable and touching.

The subsequent coming of age of Caesar and the burgeoning problems which arise because of his personality – well, more emotional “what?” than “Captain America“, that’s for sure!

“Rise of the Planet of the Apes” surprise here insofar as the film of the new technical opportunities only in the sense of history begins and never for mere show.

Movie was great for first part, then a cliché mess – like prison movie – except that instead of people – just trapped monkey.

And trapped monkey is sad monkey.

So, “Rise of the Planet of the Apes” is good. BUT. Although the duo James Franco / John Lithgow convincing, but unfortunately all the others remain quite pale and the emotional range of Caesar played literally on the wall.

But back to the development of history: apart from the one-dimensional portrayal, there is another problem. The development of Caesar from the lovable monkey with minor problems to the great revolutionary leader seems a bit rushed. Like bad monkey community theater “A Star Is Born”. But better.

Conclusion? Two thumbs wagging (monkey-style!) upward. Not the greatest, not “The Green Lantern”. But summer fun.

And Freida Pinto. We need more of her in movies. Seriously. One and a half thumbs for Freida alone.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Crying Christian hipster (with fake glasses – dick!) gone from “The Glee Project”! Lindsay is 18, right? I hope so…

July 30, 2011

The Smurfs [REVIEW]

The Smurfs

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

What the Smurf?!?

Another Smurfing CGI poopfest of the summer of pooping Smurfed-up films?

The movie studios have Smurfed us again – right up the Smurfhole.

If animated characters take on real actors, then alarm bells should ring. Excluding again the extraordinary movie gem Beowulf (genius!), it is also already hard at all to call a movie of this kind that can convince.

Then, when a studio then tries the popular cartoon series The Smurfs and in this, is messed up, then red alert should be achieved!

Success!

Anyone who is curious nonetheless: Yes, The Smurfs is really a very weak movie that nobody has to look at – but if you do, blame only yourself (or your Smurfingly annoying mate who said it would be good – dump her now!).

Smurfs live concealed in a village, hidden from the outside world. And it also has a good reason: Among others, it has the evil wizard Gargamel (Hank Azaria) who dicks with Smurfs (not literally – it’s kids movie!). But eventually he succeeds and his cat, Azrael (who does not dick), still make the village identified and found.

During their flight, a little Smurf group, including Papa Smurf and Smurfette (whore), in a magic vortex that brings them into an alien world: New York City – in and of our time.

Then, even Smurfs can’t get a ticket to Book of Mormon (sad Smurfs). And since Gargamel was also to New York, they seek refuge with Grace (Jayma Mays – boring in Glee. Have sex with Mr. Schuester already!) and Patrick (Neil Patrick Harris – ladykiller!), who are trying to help the Smurfs on their way back.

The concept is simple: Take a well-known franchise (in this case, The Smurfs), invent a hair-raising story line and try with as simplistic gags at least a little pep in the boring construct bring.

Or not.

The Smurfs makes it quite simple and shipped the blue little people with the help of a rather cheap gimmick in our world to be found (this is confusing).

As a consequence of a classic culture clash show is taken off, but unfortunately it lacks the rear to the front of even a semi-good idea.

The highlight is when there already is a hopelessly misplaced Gargamel heedless of a braking car.

Hurp durp.

Yes, The Smurfs actually tried it with only the very stale gags that were boring 25 years ago (or more – think vaudeville… IF YOU DARE!) and have since been contradicted by constantly chewed just such ideas and soulless, embarrassing movies.

For any half-experienced viewers of the film ensures only for a large dollop of boredom and who is looking for something for children, should be no problems have a better alternative to find the pool of wonderful animated films.

Even Neil Patrick Harris fans can save the visit as the How I Met Your Mother star burned here is just merciless.

Something like The Smurfs comes out just when they (money grubbing studio tycoons like Khan Manka, Jr.) tries again every last cent out of an old franchise to push.

The story is bleh, the gags are all lukewarm damp squishy sandwich and otherwise it is primarily a high dumbness.

View may well be the only very young audience, but otherwise everyone else of the moviegoers already implemented have seen better.

If I had paid any Smurfing money to see this Smurf-fest… well, I would have yelled “Smurf off and die!” Smurfing Smurf Smurfers. So, one thumb – Smurfing… downward.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. This learned from The Glee Project – Ryan Murphy is a tool.

July 28, 2011July 28, 2011

Cowboys & Aliens [REVIEW]

Cowboys & Aliens

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Cowboys & Aliens. Who didn’t play this game in the backyard, when you were children?

I was always a cowboy for I had a hat. It (the scenario) was better on my neighbor Kurri’s backyard; than it was on the big-ass screen.

Story? Well, here goes something…

If a stranger wakes up in the middle in New Mexico in 1873, he does not have memory of his past.

So says this film.

The only reference point which he has is, clamped to his wrist, an outlandish metal bracelet.

The foreigner walks into the city of Absolution and confuses and angers of the local cattle baron – his son. And he has run afoul and a brigand (yes, at the same time).

But when he finds out why he can’t think (not booze – though that has made me not think – like last Wednesday… but that is for another article – boy, I was drunk) – I just got lost in my own sentence.

And from here, Cowboys & Aliens enters into same old, same old cycle, which has the again formed group to run into sporadic detours on their journey – only to be alien attacked again and again.

I miss Indians.

The attacks are shot acceptable. Director Jon Favreau is not stranger to the shooting activity, but there’s no tension, no edge of their seat excitement, which should come at all directions and from each possible position of constraint.

And then we find the heroes can die.

No one never did die in the Kurri’s backyard (not for lack of trying).

Cowboys & Aliens is played fast and loose. The film wastes no time with receiving firmly into and soon it is alien time.

This sets the movie away from other, shy, films. Like Super 8. Show the monster already!

Daniel Craig forms persuasive ass-kicker, for very much a cowboy. That is, if you’ve never seen a movie about cowboys – with or without aliens.

I won’t spoil the alien look. They’re gnarly and ugly – like Kathy Griffin (ha! A joke!).

But even awkward exhibition and lengthy letters can work on their way into an exciting adventure film. Unfortunately, no person it seems in Cowboys & Aliens seems to have fun.

Harrison Ford grumbles with constipation, which does in each film for the last several years (two words – stool softener. Changed my life).

There are moments here and, where he and Craig talk to each other with their eyeballs. Those moments are cool.

Sam Rockwell seems the only member which thoroughly amuses himself. At my screening, the chant “More Sam, more Sam” made the rafters dance (disco!).

And this disappointment continues and on into approximately each aspect of Cowboys & Aliens (that is fun to type).

A western film, tries to have John Ford landscapes, can not strike the necessary boundry-lessness of the west – and the alien motivation for the Earth grabbing? Stupid, stupid, stupid (my editor stops me at three stupids).

Summary: Cowboy & Aliens was better in the Kurri’s backyard of my childhood than in the multiplex which now probably fills the backyard of your youth.

Oh, and Olivia Wilde is fetching (new word)!

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

July 22, 2011July 22, 2011

Captain America: The First Avenger [REVIEW]

Captain America: The First Avenger

With With, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Back on the good old days as a new superhero epic didn’t look on film screens apparently every other week, film producers used to satisfy we, us, the public with nothing more than bare exhibitionism.

Now they are just a bore.

Or am I exhausted (thanks for the tired, Transformers)?

Captain America: The First Avenger has strong opening times, a noble execution for sure.

Unfortunately they cannot this standard of the quality support and into crappy melodrama in the last hour ignore (if you can stay awake – yet so loud, how can you sleep?).

This is a dishonor, because a world-striking film of the Captain America could have caused indisputable momentum (my new superhero name!) for The Avengers.

Unfortunately, it is to be not.

Which we have here something I condemn to be underneath the average film, by choppy drawing up and the characters of one dimension (more on this later).

Thus it goes.

As Thor early in the season, Captain America: The First Avenger is requested, in order to do a terrible lot. And that is to explain to us the origin of a Marvel Comics guy, who we don’t know – also to his friends, the family and the sidekicks, then place it in world saving an adventure to the exhibition.

And more!

Suggest a point of romance and prepare for its inevitable sequels as part of the next years studio profits generator, known as The Avengers. Ka-ching!

Chris Evans plays as Steve Rogers – a child of Brooklyn, would like so much his country to serve, and would like the leading role to beat the Nazis in the Second World War (and in the face).

Unfortunately he’s a small guy – with many physical problems, thus Rogers is deemed unsuitable – he even tries to register several times under different names and with different physicians completely around New York.

This has gotten the attention of Dr. Abraham Erskine (Stanley Tucci) – a mysterious scientist working with defense contractor Howard Stark (Domenic Cooper), American Colonel Chester Phillips (Tommy Lee Jones) and British agent Peggy Carter (Hayley Atwell) to develop a medical procedure to turn everyday soldiers into super soldiers.

In Finland, we call these push-ups.

When the procedure works, how can Steve Rogers best serve his country?

He best serves it by not being in a movie as lousy as The Green Hornet but that is not too hard.

Well, he becomes Captain America.

Who wouldn’t?

Most badly of all, Captain America: The First Avenger we get like two films, which are in one smashed.

We could have been with the first part of the film contently, with the Rogers and his abilities discovered and prove ourselves, a hero to be, but director Joe Johnston and the writing team believed to the necessity to go back and start a whole again other plotline over Nazi badasses, which tries to stand for one even still more bad leader than Hitler (what?!?) bent on world domination, Johann Schmidt (Hugo Weaving).

Is this Captain America nemesis number one? Better to save him for the upcoming sequel movie. This one is too long.

So, I give one drooping thumb.

Movie is in 3D, too bad script arrived in 2D – which is still 1D better than the acting!

Sad face for me.

Sad face for Captain America: The First Avenger.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

July 15, 2011July 15, 2011

Winnie the Pooh [REVIEW]

Winnie the Pooh

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Of more than 35 years since his last major movie appearance he is finally back: Winnie the Pooh, the honey-loving, always good-natured bear from the woods (where Pooh the bear goes – well… – The Pope is Catholic, right?).

In many places is the question – where the Heffalump has the Pooh been?

Forgotten, ignored, displaced?

This theatrical release alone is enough to run under the great banner of Walt Disney (and his frozen head – article later).

For this had been entirely based on old traditions and even if the marketing was on the safe side, and a post-modern piece of animation a la “Shrek” purported to end – it was a classical fairy tale and a good one at that.

With Winnie the Pooh, Disney goes a step further (or back, in both space and time), but here is a very old-fashioned, even to two-dimensional cartoon (not 3D, much thanks to God).

Is that nice?

Heffalump yes it is!!!

For content, one has taken three original stories of Winnie the Pooh inventor A.A. Milne.

Everything is as usual, feels familiar and exudes the nostalgic charm of the original and would smell like a cookie.

Childhood memories, surprises remain out completely (and we know that surprised children can be calamitous). It is just what you expect.

Pooh has in search of fresh honey, Eeyore lost his tail and then disappears (but not like in Hostel – that would freak me out!).

The story is really Heffalumping slow going, but in this case is not a disadvantage, because the film is primarily designed for a very young audience, and for many it will be the first cinema experience (Playskool’s “My First Cinema!” Send me a check, Playskool).

It will be taken for all time, faster, more exciting passages are interspersed with quiet moments at the pause (I think). Which is for the drooling old and much for the drooling young. And both go in their pants.

By a narrator who is voiced by John Cleese, opens up a playful connection between audience and film world.

Among the hand-drawn pictures in watercolor style are also found numerous pages of a book whose words are the story and interact with Pooh as well as with his friends in the Hundred Acre Wood.

Especially at this point it is interesting for older viewers, since in Winnie the Pooh are many word games and gimmicks with the fourth wall (thanks for that one, theater school!).

Also emphasize the positive, was very successful finale, in which provides an involuntary seizing of the characters in a self-dug pit for jokes – like a “Saturday Night Live”.

Winnie the Pooh is no more, no less, no up, no down. Is a great movie for kids, a nostalgia for the grown and enjoy a short (in the beginning) – namely “The Ballad of Nessie”.

So, as like Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 (what a good weekend for movies!) – two more vigorous thumb wavings – old fashioned and refreshing (lemonade!).

If you don’t go, you are Heffalumping crazy! I stand by this statement.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. If you have a hatred for my English – go Heffalump yourself! In the pore!

July 13, 2011July 13, 2011

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2 [REVIEW]

Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

With “Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2”, Harry Potter moves into the final battle.

Really the very last.

Sad people everywhere.

For Harry Potter fans, the “Harry Potter” movies are as a kind of Horcruxes – those in which the arch-enemy Voldemort small pieces swapped of his soul and has spread to delay his death (if you say “what?” read the dang books already).

In particular, since the last book appeared in 2007, the disciples of each film have a small piece of the Potter fortune invested, and a director would have to make very many mistakes to screw up the brains of the masses into a revolt which would turn into a hatred of young Harry and his movie. It is a bulletproof film yet still delivers like a train to the heart.

Especially Hermione. Cannot forget her (yowza!).

David Yates, who is responsible for all films since the fifth volume, has done nothing wrong! And that is so right!

The second part of “Deathly Hallows” is a seamless continuation of the first one with Harry, Ron (Rupert Grint), and Hermione (Emma Watson) – with the house-elf Dobby the helpful on the beach – and seems at this beach now, very briefly, the sun (this is complicated business).

Then it is dark again, and Harry is alone again. Naturally.

Again, what could be said from the first part of “Deathly Hallows”: Yates has not illustrated the book, but a mood – a mood of farewell and goodbye.

This is not the romantic, but barren volcanic landscapes, almost surreal in its vastness and desolation, as though Harry Potter’s soul Salvador Dalí carted out and cast in stone.

One would hardly have thought it possible, but “Deathly Hallows 2” is even darker – a more solitary Harry.

The first part staged the “us-versus-the-rest-of-world” friendly celebration of Harry, Ron and Hermione; the second now the “I-need-act-alone” by Potter.

And alone acting is cool.

Daniel Radcliffe plays his last days surrounded by magnificent scenery as a harried warrior who out of sheer guilt (there had been enough to die for Harry Potter – but who wouldn’t?) accept more aid and the fight against the Dark Lord finally wants to put behind him.

Since there is no heroic martyr, Harry, as a reluctant hero rushes into battle, as if he were going through the stations of a sadistic treasure hunt, to destroy Voldemort along with his Horcruxes and find the three “Deathly Hallows”.

These tasks must be ticked off as soon as possible so that Potter, finally (whew!), has his rest.

And if it is the eternal – no matter.

Which does not mean there is no action spectacle awaiting viewers: Some people speculated on the quiet first part that the director had abolished all the effects for the final.

Wrong, buster!

Yates is interested in still more for characters than for dramatic showdowns. The villains implode rather incidentally – the grandeur of Hogwarts castle turns into a refugee camp.

Crazy.

What an ending!

SPOILER ALERT!

The much-criticized epilogue to make us go “19 years later” wasn’t as much suck as you would thought at first glance (again, you perplexed? Read the dang book!).

Daniel Radcliffe and one that was made earlier with the help of ‘digital 19 years later’ and now looks like Marty McFly, but not so much older than 17.

No, we do not want to keep Harry Potter in memory. No, we want a Harry Potter heart.

At least there will be no more “is your Potter Hairy?” jokes. And God is thanked for that!

Two vigorously wagging thumbs.

This the end that really ends things. Take that “Lost”.

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

July 8, 2011

Zookeeper [REVIEW]

Zookeeper

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

When one in thinking comedy, especially in these comedies, the tastes are as varied as in almost any other genre.

So there are the sophisticated, witty humor, the dark British humor, but also the “hurr durr” and/or “herp derp” or naive childlike humor.

Somehow, yes, any of these styles can be quite irritable (like a bowel) and – according to doses used – to provide lots of fun in the cinema, yet not out of the cinema.

Why leave but Kevin James and Adam Sandler for years on the constant same thing, now worn-kind, one must ask already.

While with “Grown Ups” could see at least a slight upward trend, fueled by the hope was that even Adam Sandler grows up again, unfortunately, we are now witnessing one of his (James, not Sandler) weakest comedies.

Paul Blart is now his Citizen Kane?

In this universe it is the curse.

We get Zookeeper.

We are Job.

Griffin Keyes is a zookeeper and the animals extremely popular, because it deals with them very closely and with devotion (“it” being “he” – you get it! Me too!).

But his job is in his love life very much in the way (damn!), because his dream woman wants to marry him not because he “is just a zookeeper” but because he is just a zookeeper.

Fortunately, the animals can understand people, not only us, but also speak with us – if they want, because a code that forbids them actually.

Animals are shifty and have rules. But to Griffin’s love life to fix it, decide the zoo, to obtain information on the rules of time and explain to the people even as it ensnares the beloved correctly.

What?

Unfortunately, the posturing of a bear is just as beneficial as the territorial markings of a wolf – at least with a human woman. This is true – I’ve seen it on the internet.

Even in the rough story one suspects that the level of humor is rather childish. How bad it really is but then, only in the course of the film clear, because at least when Kevin James pisses middle of the restaurant to a potted palm, because it was recommended by an animal, is such a limit is exceeded.

What?

Very mediocre (this is a short sentence). Wants above all, because there are quite a few such scenes in which we, as viewers, leave the theater either fled or sink in the chair – but not both for that is impossible.

Only the trip with the only really creative and well-developed character – the gorilla (better than Ed, the farting and baseball playing chimp – thanks for this Matt LeBlanc!) – knows how to convince.

This flashes on the existing definitive sense of timing and situation comedy, and fortunately remains sustainable even in the head (in my head or yours? Let me know in the comments!). Is a pity that one is linked somehow many, though not more, strands of plot processed.

Seriously.

Overall, Zookeeper, unfortunately, a disappointment (shocker! Although I expected Sasha Grey level suckage (naughty!) – go “Entourage”!).

There is much reason to be ashamed of strange and often situations that are very drawn to construct and bring on the hair (man I’m drunk). It simply lacks the spark of feeling for a humorous line.

Fans of the usual rather childish level Sandler / James movies will certainly enjoy themselves while here, but everyone else be warned: There is one funny – really only the gorilla excursion, which is hinted at in the trailer already. Everything else is unfortunately not worth the cinema ticket.

One thumb, wagging downward – like photo before in Cialis ad.

Bummer.

“I’m mad…And that’s a fact
I found out…Animals don’t help
Animal think…They’re pretty smart
Shit on the ground…See in the dark.”

“Animals” by The Talking Heads

Kimmo Mustonenen (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. Summer television is the suck.