Tag: Manka Bros.

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Bilderberg Conference – Khan Manka, Jr. Keynote Address

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Ben Silverman, World's Largest Media Company, Bilderberg Conference 2011, Bilderberg Meetings, Conspiracy, Suvretta House, St. Moritz, Switzerland, Andrew Kakabadse, Etienne Davignon, Suez Tractebel, Josef Ackermann, Roger Altman, Francisco Pinto Balsemao, Franco Bernabe, Henri de Castries, Juan Luis Cebrian, Edmund Clark, Kenneth Clarke, George David, Anders Eldrup, Victor Halberstadt, James Johnson, John Kerrn, Klaus Kleinfeld, Mustafa Koc, Marie-Josee Kravis, Jessica T. Mathews, Thierry de Montbrial, Mario Monti, Egil Myklebust, Matthias Nass, Jorma Ollila, Richard Perle, Heather Reisman, Rudolf Scholten, Peter Sutherland, Martin Taylor, Peter Thiel, Daniel Vasella, Jacob Wallenberg, David Rockefeller, Bernhard of the Netherlands, Alec Home of the Hirsel, Walter Scheel, Eric Roll of Ipsden, Peter Carrington, Charlie Skelton, Peter Voser, Bob Iger, Peter Guest, John Coleman, Paul van Zeeland, Joseph Retinger, Joseph Johnson, Arnold Th. Lamping, Ernst H. Van der Beugel, William Bundy, Paul Finney, Theodore Eliot, Casimir Yost, Victor Halberstadt, J. Martin Taylor

[The following is a transcript of Khan Manka, Jr.’s keynote address to the 2011 Bilderberg Conference in St. Moritz, Switzerland.  Mr. Manka insisted a word-for-word translation be put up on the blog.  While physical and legal threats against our lives and livelihoods have been made, we will do as Mr. Manka has asked. His speech is presented here in its entirety. – Signed Anonymous]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Ben Silverman, World's Largest Media Company, Bilderberg Conference 2011, Bilderberg Meetings, Conspiracy, Suvretta House, St. Moritz, Switzerland, Andrew Kakabadse, Etienne Davignon, Suez Tractebel, Josef Ackermann, Roger Altman, Francisco Pinto Balsemao, Franco Bernabe, Henri de Castries, Juan Luis Cebrian, Edmund Clark, Kenneth Clarke, George David, Anders Eldrup, Victor Halberstadt, James Johnson, John Kerrn, Klaus Kleinfeld, Mustafa Koc, Marie-Josee Kravis, Jessica T. Mathews, Thierry de Montbrial, Mario Monti, Egil Myklebust, Matthias Nass, Jorma Ollila, Richard Perle, Heather Reisman, Rudolf Scholten, Peter Sutherland, Martin Taylor, Peter Thiel, Daniel Vasella, Jacob Wallenberg, David Rockefeller, Bernhard of the Netherlands, Alec Home of the Hirsel, Walter Scheel, Eric Roll of Ipsden, Peter Carrington, Charlie Skelton, Peter Voser, Bob Iger, Peter Guest, John Coleman, Paul van Zeeland, Joseph Retinger, Joseph Johnson, Arnold Th. Lamping, Ernst H. Van der Beugel, William Bundy, Paul Finney, Theodore Eliot, Casimir Yost, Victor Halberstadt, J. Martin TaylorKhan Manka, Jr. – Bilderberg Conference – Keynote Address – June 9, 2011

Lionel Richie is finishing a rousing final chorus to “All Night Long”.  The gathered group of men [and maybe one woman – it’s hard to say] are dancing with abandon in the cavernous Suvretta House hotel bomb shelter.

As Lionel Richie exits the stage and cocktail refills are being served by hooded waiters, Bilderberg Steering Committee Chairman Etienne Davignon comes out to the microphone.

Chairman Davignon (in English): Thank you so much, Lionel Richie.  Would it have killed you to play “Brick House”?

(Big laughs from the room.)

Chairman Davignon: I have a real treat for my powerful friends here today.  When you think about the media and entertainment landscape in the world, you have to start with Manka Bros. Studios.  Not only are they the world’s largest media company, one would argue they are also the most influential in terms of how the people of the world spend their leisure time.  Under great logistical stress, we were able to get Mr. Khan Manka, Jr. here today at the conference.

(Spontaneous applause and some dinging on champagne glasses.)

Chairman Davignon: You can read Mr. Manka’s biography in the handout on the back table by the cheese platter.  What I will say is he has been the Chairman & CEO of Manka Bros. Studios for 35 years now and I’m sure he has seen it all.  Gentlemen and Lady, I present Mr. Khan Manka, Jr.

(Applause.  The piano theme music to “Eyes Wide Shut” plays over the speakers.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: Thanks Chairman-I’m-not-sure-how-to-say-your-name-so-I-won’t-try…

(Big laugh.)

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Ben Silverman, World's Largest Media Company, Bilderberg Conference 2011, Bilderberg Meetings, Conspiracy, Suvretta House, St. Moritz, Switzerland, Andrew Kakabadse, Etienne Davignon, Suez Tractebel, Josef Ackermann, Roger Altman, Francisco Pinto Balsemao, Franco Bernabe, Henri de Castries, Juan Luis Cebrian, Edmund Clark, Kenneth Clarke, George David, Anders Eldrup, Victor Halberstadt, James Johnson, John Kerrn, Klaus Kleinfeld, Mustafa Koc, Marie-Josee Kravis, Jessica T. Mathews, Thierry de Montbrial, Mario Monti, Egil Myklebust, Matthias Nass, Jorma Ollila, Richard Perle, Heather Reisman, Rudolf Scholten, Peter Sutherland, Martin Taylor, Peter Thiel, Daniel Vasella, Jacob Wallenberg, David Rockefeller, Bernhard of the Netherlands, Alec Home of the Hirsel, Walter Scheel, Eric Roll of Ipsden, Peter Carrington, Charlie Skelton, Peter Voser, Bob Iger, Peter Guest, John Coleman, Paul van Zeeland, Joseph Retinger, Joseph Johnson, Arnold Th. Lamping, Ernst H. Van der Beugel, William Bundy, Paul Finney, Theodore Eliot, Casimir Yost, Victor Halberstadt, J. Martin TaylorKhan Manka, Jr.: It was quite a surprise when I was awoken in the middle the night – in my bedroom –  in my secured house – by a couple of Swiss goons talking through some sort of modulator box telling me I had been chosen to speak to the most powerful group of people in the world.  I joked and said “Will I be talking into a mirror?”

(Big laugh.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: The goons didn’t get the joke, so I listened to them.  They told me about this Bilderberg Conference in Switzerland which basically controls which way the Earth’s axis rotates.  I had no idea people controlled that – especially a bunch of old white men in suits.

(Silence.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: I mean, don’t get me wrong, I’m very familiar with shadowy, creepy cults.  I have to do business with Scientologists for Christ’s sake!  Am I right?

(Uncomfortable shuffling and a lone ‘gasp’.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: I know you didn’t ask me here to call you a bunch of ‘creeps’.  So I’ll just get on to my prepared remarks.  As I was flying over here from L.A. (in a blacked out jet, I might add), I was given the guest list of the conference attendees.  Frankly, I don’t know who the fuck any of you are – but you must be powerful – and you must be influential or you wouldn’t be sitting in a hotel bomb shelter figuring out which way the world turns… literally.

(There are a few ‘boos’ and much chattering in the audience.)

Khan Manka, Jr.:  I spoke at Davos last year, maybe I met a few of you then, but we were all so drunk it’s hard to remember anything, right?  The only person I recognize here is Peter Thiel – a venture capitalist who hit the lottery with a couple of those nutty internet investments.  So I guess that makes you powerful, eh, Peter?  Peter has a new foundation that encourages college students to drop out of school.  I didn’t need a foundation like that, Peter.  I dropped out on my own – so I could focus more on pot smoking and playing bongos on the beach.  Am I right?

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Ben Silverman, World's Largest Media Company, Bilderberg Conference 2011, Bilderberg Meetings, Conspiracy, Suvretta House, St. Moritz, Switzerland, Andrew Kakabadse, Etienne Davignon, Suez Tractebel, Josef Ackermann, Roger Altman, Francisco Pinto Balsemao, Franco Bernabe, Henri de Castries, Juan Luis Cebrian, Edmund Clark, Kenneth Clarke, George David, Anders Eldrup, Victor Halberstadt, James Johnson, John Kerrn, Klaus Kleinfeld, Mustafa Koc, Marie-Josee Kravis, Jessica T. Mathews, Thierry de Montbrial, Mario Monti, Egil Myklebust, Matthias Nass, Jorma Ollila, Richard Perle, Heather Reisman, Rudolf Scholten, Peter Sutherland, Martin Taylor, Peter Thiel, Daniel Vasella, Jacob Wallenberg, David Rockefeller, Bernhard of the Netherlands, Alec Home of the Hirsel, Walter Scheel, Eric Roll of Ipsden, Peter Carrington, Charlie Skelton, Peter Voser, Bob Iger, Peter Guest, John Coleman, Paul van Zeeland, Joseph Retinger, Joseph Johnson, Arnold Th. Lamping, Ernst H. Van der Beugel, William Bundy, Paul Finney, Theodore Eliot, Casimir Yost, Victor Halberstadt, J. Martin Taylor(Lionel Richie is pushed out onto the stage.)

Lionel Richie:  “Brick House” is coming up – right after this speech!  So wrap it up, Khan.

Khan Manka, Jr.: I don’t need some failed Commodore to come out and cut me off, all right?  This happens almost every speech I give and I’m sick of it.

(A couple of black hooded Swiss goons quickly approach Mr. Manka.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: YOU WILL NOT DRAG ME OFF!  You assholes don’t know anything about how the world works!  You drink, you chase chambermaids – THAT’S RIGHT, I SAID IT!  All of this bullshit – these conferences with caviar and champagne – and the world isn’t getting any better–!

(A solid wall of ‘boos’.)

Khan Manka, Jr.: Get your Goddamned hands off–!  Hey, there’s Charlie Rose!  What the fuck are you doing here?  You’re not powerful.  Hey, Charlie, help me–!

(The lights go out – the piano theme “Eyes Wide Shut” plays – there is a scuffle – a couple of shouts.  The lights come back up.  Lionel Richie is on stage.  The opening notes of “Brick House” begin to play.)

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

 

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Content Is Still King – But Only BIG Content

big ideas, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Disney, Dogme, film slate, Fox, Fox Searchlight, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., movie ideas, Paramount, Robin Rafe, Rupert Murdoch, Sony Pictures Classics, Steven Spielberg, superheroes, Terry Semel, World's Largest Media company

big ideas, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Disney, Dogme, film slate, Fox, Fox Searchlight, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., movie ideas, Paramount, Robin Rafe, Rupert Murdoch, Sony Pictures Classics, Steven Spielberg, superheroes, Terry Semel, World's Largest Media companyGood morning.

Today, before I go pound Slivovitz shots with the gamer geeks at E3 (more on that tomorrow), I am announcing – with the full cooperation of Robin Rafe – President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group – a complete strategy shift in the way Manka Bros. develops, produces and distributes films for all of the theatrical divisions (Manka Bros. Films, Manka Highbrow, Manka Dogme, Manka Docs, and Manka Shorts).

From today forward, we will only be producing movies with BIG IDEAS.

  • A guy trying to cure a disease in his basement is a small idea.
  • The moon landing is a small idea.

The Theatrical Group has been thinking small for too many years – and that changes today.  For Christ’s sake, just look at the 2011 Slate for Manka Bros. Films!  A movie about Sign Spinners?  “My Autumn In Milan“?  Are you fucking kidding me?  (Though I must say, I do like our chances with the “Hey, Diddle Diddle” – you can’t go wrong with a fairy tale movie!)

So… this is your mandate. 

BIG IDEAS.

I want ideas about saving galaxies and saving planets.  Global wars.  Boxing Presidents.  Superheroes (but not mild-mannered ones – BIG SUPERHEROES WITH BIG IDEAS!).  If X doesn’t do Y then the planet explodes!  Shit like that.

I want Jesus to come back to the earth, read our scripts and say “Man, that’s a BIG idea!”

And I don’t want to hear any complaints from Manka Highbrow (your 2011 Slate is pathetic as well) or Manka Dogme.

Just because you’re low-budget arthouse labels doesn’t mean you can’t have BIG ideas.  No more punks who don’t comb their hair and talk about how they don’t know what they want to do with their lives.  You can be poor and have a big story – just look at Moses.

Get to work.  If you need me, I’ll be drunk.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s LARGEST Media Company

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Rupert Murdoch’s Special Charity

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company

Rupert Murdoch hosted a charity benefit over the weekend in his North Hollywood apartment.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Moguls Find Lost Kittens, Sheryl Crow, Lachlan Murdoch

I was expecting a man of his wealth and power to have a nicer place in Los Angeles. He said keeping his living expenses down is the only reason he has stayed in business during the worst economy since the Dutch Tulip Bubble Burst in 1637.

We all agreed the Dutch Tulip Bubble Burst in 1637 was indeed a bleak time.

Rupert almost came to blows with Sumner Redstone after making a crack that Sumner had witnessed it first hand.

It’s fine to live in a crappy one bedroom apartment in the middle of one of the most crime-ridden, seedy neighborhoods in L.A. – but the cement block and plywood bookshelves were just too much to believe.

But we weren’t there for furniture, we were there for charity – and that was the important thing.

For many years, Rupert has been involved in the charity Moguls Find Lost Kittens (or M.I.L.K.). He started it after his son, Lachlan, lost his kitten, Joey, when he was 17 years old and wouldn’t stop crying, screaming and sucking his thumb.

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Moguls Find Lost Kittens, Sheryl Crow, Lachlan Murdoch

Rupert vowed to find Joey and launched a charity in the process called Murdoch Finds Lost Kittens (also M.I.L.K.).  (It was changed to “Moguls” after Jeffrey Immelt and Sumner Redstone heard about it and also wanted to get involved. Legend has it they both had traumatic childhoods that involved lost kittens.)

The party was okay. The food not bad. I didn’t realize it was BYOB so I had to bum a couple of beers from Sheryl Crow, who was the evening’s entertainment. There wasn’t room in the apartment for her band – so she just did a few songs on acoustic guitar.

After we all had some Doritos and cubes of cheddar cheese, Rupert stood in front of the crammed gathering in his living room.  Most were sitting on the floor or the window sill. I got the couch because I had to put my foot up due to a flare up of my injured ankle.

Rupert waited for silence. Bob Iger was getting pretty drunk on the two bottles of 1997 Opus One that he brought [he didn’t share] and wouldn’t stop yakking about the Pirates of the Caribbean international box office. Okay, okay – it was good – shut the F up! You don’t hear me bragging about Manka Bros.’ successes.

When it was quiet, Sheryl Crow started to play softly on the guitar and Rupert held up a picture of a kitten: “This is Joey. In 1988, my son, Lachlan, lost this kitten and nearly committed suicide. I vowed on that day to find all the lost kittens of the world.  It is a monumental task. A far bigger task than building a media empire. Everyone in this room knows how to do that. But we don’t know how to find all the lost kittens. Will you join me in this effort?”

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company, Moguls Find Lost Kittens, Sheryl Crow, Lachlan Murdoch

Terry Semel and LinkedIn CEO Jeff Weiner were completely overcome with emotion and inconsolable.

In fact, we were all visibly moved. And we all got out our checkbooks.

Rupert Murdoch is a great friend. And a great man.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

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Social Networks Are Dead

Jeff Weiner, Nick Besbeas, Steve Cadigan, Mike Gamson, David Henke, Robby Kwok, Deep Nishar, Erika Rottenberg, Steve Sordello, Reid Hoffman, Allen Blue, Konstantin Guericke, Eric Ly, jean-Luc Vaillant, A George "Skip" Battle, Leslie Kilgore, Stanley Meresman, Michael J. Moritz, David Sze, Mark Zuckerberg, Sheryl Sandberg, Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3

Jeff Weiner, Nick Besbeas, Steve Cadigan, Mike Gamson, David Henke, Robby Kwok, Deep Nishar, Erika Rottenberg, Steve Sordello, Reid Hoffman, Allen Blue, Konstantin Guericke, Eric Ly, jean-Luc Vaillant, A George "Skip" Battle, Leslie Kilgore, Stanley Meresman, Michael J. Moritz, David SzeYou social media punks make me sick!

It’s time for those of us in old media to fight back so we can return to making films and TV shows like the old days.

You people need to realize that fragmentation blows and loss of creative control for the studios sucks.

Manka Bros. has been entertaining the world for over 90 years and you don’t see people screaming and crying to buy our stock!  It’s a fucked up system!

New media and all this social networking bull shit is really screwing with what we do best and I’ve had it!

So – LinkedIn had a splashy IPO and is now valued at around $10 billion.  (UPDATE:  Thank God Groupon and Zynga flopped!)

Considering the insignificance of this crappy little social network (“Next year we may have zero earnings!  Whoo-hoo!”), I would peg Manka Bros.’ current valuation (regardless of our current stock price, goddamn it!) at around $1 trillion dollars!

Sounds crazy, right?  But at least Manka Bros. makes stuff that people actually want.

Jeff Weiner, Nick Besbeas, Steve Cadigan, Mike Gamson, David Henke, Robby Kwok, Deep Nishar, Erika Rottenberg, Steve Sordello, Reid Hoffman, Allen Blue, Konstantin Guericke, Eric Ly, jean-Luc Vaillant, A George "Skip" Battle, Leslie Kilgore, Stanley Meresman, Michael J. Moritz, David SzeSeriously, what the hell do you do on LinkedIn?  Meet other people on LinkedIn?  Send messages to strangers in the hope they will put you in their “network”?

In Hollywood, this is called stalking.

I have every message that is sent to me filtered by three people.  Even someone like Bob Iger hardly ever gets through.  I just can’t be bothered – I’M RUNNING THE WORLD’S LARGEST MEDIA COMPANY FOR CHRIST’S SAKE!

And if I need to hire someone (which I believe is a key function of LinkedIn), I will just bring in someone from my family or one my friends’ families.  You think I’m going to hire someone from a website?

Accel Partners, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Chris Hughes, David Kirkpatrick, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Joanna Shields, Jon Miller, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Manka Bros., Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Paul Buchheit, Peter Thiel, Rupert Murdoch, Sheryl Sandberg, Sumner Redstone, Toy Story 3And if you Silicon Valley freaks keep trying to tell us in Hollywood how to run our businesses, me, Bob Iger, Rupert Murdoch and Sumner Redstone will shut the internet down and ship you nerds off to our MIS departments in Poland.

Or, even better, Manka Bros.’ ‘Facebook Killer’ (Caligula) will launch and make you all insignificant overnight!  (We just have a few bugs to work out.)

So… to the newly-minted millionaires at LinkedIn, all I can say is ‘Congratulations and … SELL SELL SELL!’

To the future millionaires (and billionaires) at Facebook, Twitter, Groupon and all those other ridiculous websites, I say ‘good luck’ – I hope LinkedIn didn’t ruin it for the rest of you by manipulating the valuation so much that it scares off future investors.

And, finally, to all the strangers out there who would like to be my Friend on Facebook, please send me a request, I can’t wait to see pictures of the new baby.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

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Manka Bros. To Spend 2011 Profits On 2012 TV Upfront Presentation

2011 TV upfronts, Adam Townsend, Alan Greenberg, Angela Bromstad, Angeline Straka, Anthea Disney, Anthony G. Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Ben Silverman, Beryl Cook, Beverly Garland Holiday Inn, Blythe McGarvie, Brad Grey, Bruce Gordon, Carl Folta, Carnegie Hall, Charles Gifford, Charles Phillips, Chase Carey, David Devoe, David Poltrack, David R. Angelman, Dawn Ostoff, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Gary Ginsberg, Genie Gavenchak, George Abrams, Gil Schwartz, Jack Horner, James Barge, James Bombassei, James Murdoch, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, John Nallen, Joseph Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Jr., Jr. Frederic Salerno, Judy McGrath, Julie Henderson, Kara Swisher, Kevin Reilly, Khan Manka, Lawrence Jacobs, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Michael Fricklas, Michael Regan, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Philippe Dauman, Reed Nolte, Richard M. Jones, Robert Kraft, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Shari Redstone, Sharon Waxman, Stephen McPherson, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Thomas Dooley, Tom Mockridge, Tony Santabarbara, Wade Davis, William Cohen, William Schwartz, World's Largest Media Company, Yankee Stadium

2011 TV upfronts, Adam Townsend, Alan Greenberg, Angela Bromstad, Angeline Straka, Anthea Disney, Anthony G. Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Ben Silverman, Beryl Cook, Beverly Garland Holiday Inn, Blythe McGarvie, Brad Grey, Bruce Gordon, Carl Folta, Carnegie Hall, Charles Gifford, Charles Phillips, Chase Carey, David Devoe, David Poltrack, David R. Angelman, Dawn Ostoff, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Gary Ginsberg, Genie Gavenchak, George Abrams, Gil Schwartz, Jack Horner, James Barge, James Bombassei, James Murdoch, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, John Nallen, Joseph Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Jr., Jr. Frederic Salerno, Judy McGrath, Julie Henderson, Kara Swisher, Kevin Reilly, Khan Manka, Lawrence Jacobs, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Michael Fricklas, Michael Regan, Nancy Tellum, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Philippe Dauman, Reed Nolte, Richard M. Jones, Robert Kraft, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Shari Redstone, Sharon Waxman, Stephen McPherson, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Thomas Dooley, Tom Mockridge, Tony Santabarbara, Wade Davis, William Cohen, William Schwartz, World's Largest Media Company, Yankee StadiumGood morning.

As many of you may already know, MBS announced its 2011-12 fall schedule this morning and, I must say, it was the singular most embarrassing morning of my entire life.

It was a stunningly pathetic display of star power and crappy content that no person (let alone the Chairman & CEO) should have had to witness.

While our competitors are at top notch venues like Madison Square Garden and Carnegie Hall with extremely elaborate presentations and big stars high-fiving each other, MBS announced its schedule via a press release from the Beverly Garland Holiday Inn in North Hollywood, CA.

In 2012, this will not be acceptable!

I am, therefore, announcing (during this week of 2011 upfront announcements) that the MBS’ 2012 Upfronts will be held at Yankee Stadium in New York.  If this means we have to spend all of our 2011 profits to pay for this event… so be it!

I will NOT be embarrassed like this again!

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

Note To Shareholders:  Because of this extreme event, Manka Bros. (NYSE: MBX) may have to cut its dividend for 2011.

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Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer Judy McGrath A Job

Adam Townsend, Alan Greenberg, Angeline Straka, Anthea Disney, Anthony G. Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Beryl Cook, Blythe McGarvie, Brad Grey, Bruce Gordon, Carl Folta, Charles Gifford, Charles Phillips, Chase Carey, David Devoe, David Poltrack, David R. Angelman, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Gary Ginsberg, Genie Gavenchak, George Abrams, Gil Schwartz, Jack Horner, James Barge, James Bombassei, James Murdoch, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, John Nallen, Joseph Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Jr., Jr. Frederic Salerno, Judy McGrath, Julie Henderson, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Lawrence Jacobs, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Michael Fricklas, Michael Regan, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Philippe Dauman, Reed Nolte, Richard M. Jones, Robert Kraft, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Shari Redstone, Sharon Waxman, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Thomas Dooley, Tom Mockridge, Tony Santabarbara, Wade Davis, William Cohen, William Schwartz

Adam Townsend, Alan Greenberg, Angeline Straka, Anthea Disney, Anthony G. Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Beryl Cook, Blythe McGarvie, Brad Grey, Bruce Gordon, Carl Folta, Charles Gifford, Charles Phillips, Chase Carey, David Devoe, David Poltrack, David R. Angelman, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Gary Ginsberg, Genie Gavenchak, George Abrams, Gil Schwartz, Jack Horner, James Barge, James Bombassei, James Murdoch, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, John Nallen, Joseph Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Jr., Jr. Frederic Salerno, Judy McGrath, Julie Henderson, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Lawrence Jacobs, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Michael Fricklas, Michael Regan, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Philippe Dauman, Reed Nolte, Richard M. Jones, Robert Kraft, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Shari Redstone, Sharon Waxman, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Thomas Dooley, Tom Mockridge, Tony Santabarbara, Wade Davis, William Cohen, William SchwartzSo my old (understatement) friend Sumner Redstone has decided to let Judy McGrath “resign”.

What a dumb ass idiot mistake.  His mind is really starting to fail him now.

Sumner used to let me know in advance when his senior executives were going to be leaving so that I could be first in line to poach them if I felt they would fit in at Manka Bros.  But he’s been so focused on JWoww lately, he rarely even picks up the phone for me anymore (and this after I let him stay at my house after his divorce and came to his pathetic Christmas party!).

But I digress…

Adam Townsend, Alan Greenberg, Angeline Straka, Anthea Disney, Anthony G. Ambrosio, Ari Emanuel, Arnold Kopelson, Beryl Cook, Blythe McGarvie, Brad Grey, Bruce Gordon, Carl Folta, Charles Gifford, Charles Phillips, Chase Carey, David Devoe, David Poltrack, David R. Angelman, Debra Lee, DeDe Lea, Denise White, Doug Morris, Fred Salerno, Gary Countryman, Gary Ginsberg, Genie Gavenchak, George Abrams, Gil Schwartz, Jack Horner, James Barge, James Bombassei, James Murdoch, Jeff Weiner, Jill Kennedy, John Nallen, Joseph Califano, Joseph Ianniello, Jr., Jr. Frederic Salerno, Judy McGrath, Julie Henderson, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Lawrence Jacobs, Leonard Goldberg, Les Moonves, Linda Griego, Louis Briskman, Manka Bros., Martin Franks, Michael Fricklas, Michael Regan, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Philippe Dauman, Reed Nolte, Richard M. Jones, Robert Kraft, Roger Ailes, Rupert Murdoch, Shari Redstone, Sharon Waxman, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Thomas Dooley, Tom Mockridge, Tony Santabarbara, Wade Davis, William Cohen, William SchwartzI have known Judy McGrath for well over 30 years.  Before I was Chairman & CEO of Manka Bros. in the early 1970s (my asshole father Harry Manka was in charge then) she used to come hear my band King Khan play our regular gigs at the Starlite Lounge in North Hollywood.  She was known to the band as Sweet Judy Blue Eyes (though I really don’t know what color her eyes are).

If I wasn’t forced to take over Manka Bros. after my father’s death who knows how great my band would have been.  And with Judy McGrath going to MTV, we definitely would have had a video in high rotation!  Goddamnit!

But I digress…

Anyway, so Judy, Manka Bros. would like to offer you a job.  You can pretty much pick which division you would like to lead.

We currently have a President of our Television Group, Jay McBee, but he really sucks at his job and only has it because he won a random draw nationwide competition based on a code found underneath a Pepsi cap.  Before winning, he worked at Radio Shack in Sioux City, IA.  In the TV business that’s normally enough of a qualification, but Jay keeps finding new and more exciting ways to suck.  It’s stunning really.  So his job is definitely available if you’d like to stay in TV.

Or just peruse our Senior Management list and take your pick.  Lloyd Grohl is the only one that is safe as far as I’m concerned.

Please call my assistant, Vicky Adler-Modry, to set up an appointment.  Regardless of what you may have heard about Manka Bros.’ recent track record, there is still no better place to work than at the World’s Largest Media Company.

And we have free yogurt Fridays during the summer!

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

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Manka Bros. Bets The Farm On “Hey Diddle Diddle”

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor Kaufman

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanGood morning.

Following an all night film strategy brainstorming session, I am pleased to announce Manka Bros. has committed to produce a $250 million reimagining of the classic children’s fairy tale “Hey Diddle Diddle”.

This is a mighty big bet for the studio and a decision I don’t make lightly.

And while it seems that every studio in town is doing a fairy tale remake right now (Red Riding Hood and Jack the Giant Killer at Warners, Hansel & Gretel at Paramount and there are THREE Snow White movies in various stages of development, etc.), I think we have hit on a concept that will definitely help “Hey Diddle Diddle” break through the clutter.

In the story’s current form, you have a Cat playing a Fiddle, a Cow jumping over the Moon, a Dog laughing and Dish running away with a Spoon… silly stuff that doesn’t translate to a long form feature film – much less the elements of a movie anyone over four would want to see.

Problem solved.

We’re going to take the same classic characters and set the story in a Soviet gulag work camp in the 1930s.  This will allow us to dig deep into the psyches of these characters.

What makes the cow jump over the moon?  Freedom.

Why does the dish run away with the spoon?  Forbidden love.

Why is the cat playing the fiddle?  Because Stalin likes music and if the cat doesn’t play, he dies.

Stuff like that.  Very powerful.

And while we don’t have a screenwriter, director or cast set, we do have a release date:  July 4, 2012.

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

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Manka Bros. To Launch Facebook Killer

Accel Partners, Alan Eustace, Allen Blue, Ann Mather, Arvind Rajan, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bret Taylor, Chamath Palihapitiya, Chris Hughes, Christopher Cox, Dan Rose, David Drummond, David Ebersman, David Fischer, David Henke, David Kirkpatrick, David Sze, Deep Nishar, Dustin Moskovitz, Eduardo Saverin, Ellen Levy, Elliot Schrage, Emilie Choi, Eric Schmidt, Erika Rottenberg, Gerald Levin, Greylock Partners, HBO, Jean-Luc Vaillant, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, Jim Breyer, Joanna Shields, John Doerr, John Hennessy, Jon Miller, Jonathan Heiliger, Jonathan Rosenberg, Justin Aselage, Katrina Hau, Kevin Eyres, Khan Manka, Li Ka-shing, Lori Goler, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Mark Cuban, Mark Zuckerberg, Matt Cohler, Mike Gamson, Mike Murphy, Mike Schroepfer, MySpace, Nicolas Carlson, Nikesh Arora, OnMedea, Owen Van Natta, Patrick Crane, Patrick Pichette, Paul Buchheit, Paul Madera, Paul Otellini, Peter Thiel, Ram Shriram, Reid Hoffman, Robby Kwok, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Shirley Tilghman, Shona Brown, Steve Cadigan, Steve Patrizi, Steve Sordello, Sumner Redstone, Ted Ullyot, Tony DiSanto, Toy Story 3UPDATE:  Due to the moron dorks at my company who can’t seem to code worth a shit – Caligula has been pushed back to late 2018 (though the following announcement reflecting the excitement surrounding the release remains the same).

Good morning.

This is a very exciting day.

Today, with the full power of the World’s Largest Media Company behind me, I announce Facebook’s reign over the world’s hearts and minds is coming to a horrible, bloody end!

  • No longer will creepy 50 year olds spend hours every day buying little pigs for their digital farms.
  • No longer will last night’s drunken photos greet you first thing in the morning (posted by the one asshole in your group who didn’t drink).
  • No longer will we all have to stare at the same goddamned sunrise on the mastheads of everyone’s Timeline.
  • Oh, yeah, and no longer will your personal information be sold to major media corporations like my own just so we can push our next stupid movie into your news feed. [Manka Bros. Corporate Disclaimer: This last point is TBD.]

No, World, Manka Bros. is your only Friend now – because CALIGULA IS COMING TO SAVE YOU FROM THE SOUL SUCKAGE THAT IS FACEBOOK!

Unfortunately, this morning I can only share with you the proposed logo (see image) and the promise that, yes, indeed, Caligula will kill Facebook.

How?

Through superior engineering, an unmatched global marketing infrastructure and a deep pocketed parent company that isn’t afraid to lose a few Billion to win this fight!

While I can’t give out any details of this exciting new platform, I can assure you that Caligula is already six times better than Facebook.  When it launches, it will be over ten times better.

Mankaneers from 175 countries have been working around the clock for several years preparing for this war.

The ultimate battle for your free time will be joined in 2011 (make that 2012).

Won’t you join us?

Adam Fogelson, Alan Spoon, Alexander von Furstenberg, Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Martinez, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brad Grey, Brian Roberts, Bryan Lourd, Chase Carey, Craig Smith, David Geffen, David Rosenblatt, Donald R. Keough, Donna Langley, Edgard Bronfman, Electus, Ezra Kucharz, fairy tale movies, Graham Stanton, Greg Blatt, Greg Morrow, Greg Stevens, Gregg Winiarski, Hans Woolley, Harry Sloan, Hey Diddle Diddle, Jason Stewart, Jay Herratti, Jeff Sagansky, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jill Kennedy, Joanne Hawkins, Joey Levin, John C. Malone, John Ferriter, John Foley, John Malone, Josh Abramson, Jr., Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Louis Castle, Manka Bros., Mark Stein, Michael Eisner, Michael Schwerdtman, Michael Zeisser, Nikki Finke, Notional, On Medea, OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Richard F. Zannino, Rick Finkelstein, Ricky Van Veen, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Scott Garell, Scott Savitz, Shana Fisher, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Burke, Steve Jobs, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Thomas J. McInerney, Tina Brown, Tony DiSanto, Victor KaufmanKhan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

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