The Hollywood Foreign Press Has Done It Again!
Kagan’s NBCU Deal Value Allocation
Deep-down, I believe almost everything Kagan puts out is bullshit. Entertainment industry projections that are almost never right.
However, I had to give pause when I saw this chart regarding Comcast’s NBC Universal purchase. If you’re an old media mogul, this chart should scare the living piss out of you (which for Sumner Redstone may be a healthy thing).
What Kagan is saying in this chart (and what I have believed for about a year now) is that Broadcast Networks are dead. JUST LOOK AT THOSE VALUATIONS! $1.7 Billion gets you NBC AND Telemundo. WTF? (That price would get you around 30% of USA Network.)
Seriously, there is no purpose for a broadcast network anymore. It’s old media moguls trying to hold on to the old days. I hate to break to you guys… it’s over. Martinis at The Smoke House and a show with a 40 share is fantastic… but it’s over. Move on.
Steps should taken immediately to convert NBC to a basic cable channel (two revenue streams – come on, Jeff, mmmm – tasty). Do this and NBC would, overnight, become the most popular cable channel on TV (until CBS converts).
TBS – Go Get Your Shinebox
What is it going to take for TBS (or any other Basic Cable channel) to get a little respect?
I watched the premiere week of Conan and thought it was fine and exactly what I expected (which is a slight disappointment, right?). (Also, why was it on at 10pm on DirecTV when every advertisement in the world says 11pm?… but I digress.)
The one thing that did stand out was the constant bashing of TBS and Basic Cable in general (I know it is a joke, I get it – I also got it in 1985 when the Basic Cable jokes started). But times have changed.
I was a proponent of Conan leaving NBC and for Jeff Zucker to be fired for many MANY reasons (including the handling of the Jay/Conan affair and for having anything to do with Ben Silverman. Please, someone wash everything Ben touched, it’s filthy!).
But, I must say, I’m disappointed with the way Conan has handled the transition to TBS. It was a very difficult decision, I’m sure, but why bash your new home?
Why is Basic Cable still struggling for any sort of respect?
It’s all very reminiscent of the scene from “Goodfellas” with Billy Batts (Frank Vincent) and Tommy DeVito (Joe Pesci) in the bar. Imagine Billy Batts is the “Broadcast Networks” and Tommy DeVito is “Basic Cable”:
Basic Cable: No more shines, Broadcast Networks.
Broadcast Networks: What?
Basic Cable: I said, no more shines. Maybe you didn’t hear about it, you’ve been away a long time. I don’t shine shoes anymore.
Broadcast Networks: Relax, will ya? Ya flip out, what’s got into you? I’m breaking your balls a little bit, that’s all. I’m only kidding with ya…
Basic Cable: Sometimes you don’t sound like you’re kidding, you know, there’s a lotta people around…
Broadcast Networks: I’m only kidding with you. I’m breaking your balls, and you’re getting fucking fresh. I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to offend you.
Basic Cable: I’m sorry, too. It’s okay. No problem.
Broadcast Networks: Now go home and get your fuckin’ shinebox!
Basic Cable: Mother fuckin’ mutt! You fucking piece of shit!
If you remember the movie, Tommy then kicked and stabbed Billy about a thousand times, threw him in the trunk of his car and buried him in some disgusting pit. I’m not saying Basic Cable will completely bury the Broadcast Networks – but it seems to be headed that general direction – so Broadcast Networks had better cut it out with the “shinebox attitude”.
And seriously, to watch Conan, you would think the year is 1985 and the only programming on TBS was really bad VHS copies of really bad 1970s movies and a few Body By Jake infommercials.
This is 2010 and Basic Cable Channels are a key driver and profit center helping to keep the Hollywood machine afloat.
So how about a little respect, Conan? I know you’re only getting $10 million from that suckass TBS that gives you “no budget” (other than a very large one) but come on!
And are you taping this show from some local station in Palmdale or in a very nice soundstage on a very nice Burbank studio lot? And do you have one blimp to promote your show or zero blimps?
And the last I checked, Mad Men on AMC (Basic Cable) won the Emmy for Best Drama; TBS just paid upwards of $2 million/episode for Big Bang Theory (among others); and the ACE Awards (which was a popular punchline for comedians about FIFTEEN YEARS AGO) haven’t been on the air for FIFTEEN YEARS!
I would also argue that with its scripted reruns and movies, TBS and the other top Basic Cable Channels have better daytime programming than any of the Broadcast Station Groups (unless you like Judge shows) and the primetime lineups are equally as creative and catching up in the ratings.
In fact, Broadcast Networks are deep into the 5 Stages of Grief from “On Death and Dying” – and they have been in denial about Basic Cable for years. Retrans is one final pathetic attempt to stay competitive.
So, Conan, I’m sorry you are stuck on lowly TBS when all your life you dreamed of being on NBC (now worth negative $690 million on NBC Universal’s balance sheet) – but the truth is, in today’s media environment, it’s not which channel you are on but the programming you produce.
Remember, even a show shot in a shack in Palmdale can be relevant (and widely seen) today.
Jill Kennedy – OnMedea
P.S. – Why doesn’t anyone ever bash MTV for being “Basic Cable”? Just wondering.
Say It Ain’t So, Tony DiSanto
Seriously? Is this the guy you want to work for? Ugh.
Oh, well… It’s just a shame.
Tony, you have a reputation for being one of the good guys in Hollywood and you’re going to work for Ben Silverman?
Come on, man!
I’m on-board with you wanting to leave MTV and get back to your real passion – being a content producer.
I’m on-board with the company name – DiGa. Di (Santo) and Ga (for partner Liz Gately). DiGa. I’m sure there is also some foreign word that it translates to that gives it another dimension.
What I’m not on-board with is you partnering with Electus.
Every studio in town would most likely want to make a deal with you guys and now you’re stuck going to Holiday parties with Ben Silverman and Ricky Van Veen?
You’re better than that, Tony!
Now, most people who read this blog regularly know that I haven’t been too kind to Mr. Silverman over the past year or so (several examples are listed below)…
Example A; Example B; Example C; Example D; Example E; Example F; Example G; Example H; Example I; Example J; Example K; Example L; Example M; Example N
… but, Tony, you’re being way too nice here. You’re actually giving Ben a hint of credibility. Credibility that he doesn’t deserve.
However, maybe it’s not over.
Perhaps something can be done to stop it… something like Howard Beale in “Network” screaming to “Stop the CCA Deal now!” (fyi, the fictional Saudi Arabian deal with CCA – the parent company of fictional TV network UBS).
If enough people actually care, we could mobilize and march on Electus Headquarters (which I believe is the Wynn Resort Las Vegas) screaming over and over: STOP THE DIGA / ELECTUS DEAL NOW! STOP THE DIGA / ELECTUS DEAL NOW!
Ah, nevermind. Good luck, Tony.
Jill Kennedy – OnMedea
More BS (I Mean Wisdom) From Ben Silverman
Ben Silverman needs to eat. Wild eyed and gulag skinny, Ben took the stage at Sharon Waxman’s “The Grill” (can’t wait to blog about that some day) and continued to tell people he is changing the world.
“I’m not 21 and still in my dorm room, but I think this company has an opportunity to be an enormous company in terms of its profitability. I’ll measure success in terms of impacting the audience, empowering storytelling and making dough.”
That must be so encouraging to Barry Diller. I’m sure he’s licking his chops anticipating those Electus profits. Seriously, where do I sign up? How can I invest? Ben is so focused on making money it doesn’t look like he’s slept a wink or ate a meal in months. I mean, look at him – all disheveled and greasy – that’s the face of success.
The Hollywood lifestyle has really done wonders for him. I need to find out what multivitamin he takes.
From what I gather, here’s what we can look forward to from Ben Silverman and Electus:
- “Pedro & Maria” (MTV) brought to you by Proctor & Gamble. Because nothing says Hispanic like Proctor & Gamble. The show is basically a Romeo & Juliet remake (but waaaay cooler than Shakespeare with much better music). I’ll be looking out for a scene in a laundromat where Pedro or Maria are washing clothes with P&G’s All-New Gain detergent with Stain Buster 4X. Or worse, one will text the other “Can U p/u some PROCTOR & GAMBLE GAIN DETERGENT 4 me?”
- “Master of the Mix” (MTV) brought to you by Smirnoff Vodka. A reality show DJ competition. Because only the best DJs drink Smirnoff. And, remember, it takes a lot of Smirnoff to become a great DJ.
Leo Laporte Gets It
… Ben Silverman doesn’t. He really thinks he gets it but we know he doesn’t – and I seriously doubt Mob Wives will get him to the Promise Land of creating a next generation media business model.
But LEO LAPORTE (founder and chief guru of twit.tv – or This Week In Technology) GETS IT!
Please watch this 40 minute speech (which I previously posted in October 2009 – but I think deserves a second look) he gave to the Online News Association and you’ll see what I mean.
Jill Kennedy – OnMedea
Electus – Starring Ben Silverman
Apparently there is a new movie coming out called “Electus” and it looks like it stars Ben Silverman.
This afternoon, I thought I would do a little checking up on Ben’s $100 million dollar company and discovered that, unlike the way the website looked a month ago, there is actually some content now.
Content starring Ben Silverman.
The content is a $100 million dollar sizzle reel with flying headlines glorifying the accomplishments of… Ben Silverman.
I stared at the video, with its horrible techno-pop / Eurotrash soundtrack (though fitting), in amazement. Is this what revolution looks like?
I then went to the other page (yes, there is one other page on the site, you can’t expect too much in one year) and discovered a chart.
A chart that even a freakin’ moron can understand.
How can something that looks so simple (so elegant) and so “old media” change the world in such a profound way?
I’m still trying to process how great it all is.
I’m seriously at a loss for words.
There is only one person on the planet that knows what the future of media looks like. His name is Ben Silverman but he can’t talk right now – he has an early morning call on the set of another sizzle reel he is starring in titled “Managing Expectations”.
Jill Kennedy – OnMedea
The Woman Of Sun Valley
Being a member of the fringe press, I have no idea how many people attended the Herb Allen Sun Valley Retreat last week and I certainly don’t know a complete gender breakdown – but from everything I’ve seen in the press (including from the blogs written by my mogul boss, Khan Manka, Jr., from inside the event), there were very very very few women represented.
By my count, there were three (and two were from Xerox – Ursula Burns and Anne Mulcahy [retired]) and only one, Sheryl Sandberg got any sort of attention at all.
And, no, mogul wives don’t count.
[If Allen & Co. can please email me an invited guest list, I’ll be happy to post an update with other names.]
Yes, Facebook is the hot company of the moment with a giant spotlight on senior management, but (and we all know this is a Hollywood / New York / Silicon Valley problem and not a Herb Allen problem) this was a pretty pathetic effort no matter the situation.
This is not to slight the accomplishments of Sheryl Sandberg. I have a great admiration for her (even though I think she’s on a sinking ship).
“The Women In Technology” panel (moderated by Tom Brokaw) must have been fascinating. Perhaps it was set up as a way to inform the white male moguls that there are ‘Women in Technology’. Who knew?
Here’s hoping that next year I can report on “The WOMEN of Sun Valley”.
Jill Kennedy – OnMedea
10 Slideshows You Must See RIGHT NOW!
OK, online media publishers – enough with the freakin’ slideshows! They’re nothing but a waste of time to those who click through all those pages of The World’s Top 10 Shellfish and the Best Tasting Fruits You’ve Never Tasted. What’s the real reason for these time suckages? Page views and ad impressions – the life force of online media (yes, I admit, my humble blog also depends on these metrics). And what’s the best way to rack up page views and ad impressions? Slideshows with one image and, on average, three ads per page. Multiply that by the Top 50 Female Insurance Industry Executives – and you get the idea.
But you didn’t come to this page for my rant against Slideshows – you came to see 10 SLIDESHOWS YOU MUST SEE RIGHT NOW! Let’s get to it! (Note: I have mercifully avoided the obvious and did not put this in Slideshow format.)
10 Unbelievable, Unlikely Animal Friendships
Jason Bateman Cuts iPhone Line – Gets Booed
Who cares? He’s a celebrity and celebrities win. Deal with it. No one would care if the Pope or Rupert Murdoch was moved to the front of the line.
I think the ‘booing’ was more because of the Orbit Gum Commercial Jason produced for DumbDumb and Electus than for getting special treatment by a store manager.
I also heard a rumor that at the Apple Store on 5th Avenue in New York, once it was discovered that Ben Silverman was standing in line like a common schmuck, people in front of him laid on the ground. Police then ordered Ben to step over and on their bodies to get to the front. Ben did gladly and was able to get the last phone in stock (which was promptly comped to him by the store because of who he was).
And in Queens, New York, Ricky Van Veen waited in line for over 24 hours and still didn’t get a phone and wasn’t allowed to cut. He also still hasn’t been able to get tickets to Twilight Eclipse.
Jill Kennedy – OnMedea