Godzilla [REVIEW]

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Godzilla, Gareth Edwards, Max Borenstein, DAve Callaham, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, CJ Adams, Ken Watanabe, Bryan Cranston, Elizabeth Olsen, Carson Bolde, Sally Hawkins, Julliette Binoche, David Strathairn, Richard T Jones, Victor Rasuk, Patrick Sabongui, Jared Keeso, Luc Roderique, James Pizzinato, Catherine Lough Haggquist, Eric Keenieyside, Primo Allon, George Allen Gumapac, Ken Yamamura, Garry Chalk, Hiro Kanagawa, Kevan Ohtsji, Kasey Ryne Mazak, Terry Chen, Mas Morimoto, James D Dever, Akira Takarada, Yuko Kiyama, Takeshi Kurokawa, James Yoshizawa, Jason Furukawa, Brian Markinson, Ty Olsson, Al Sapienza, Gardiner Millar, Kurt Max Runte, Peter Shinkoda, Bill Marchant, Christian Tessier, Derrick Yamanaka, Peter Kawasaki, Jason Riki Kosuge, Hiroyoshi Kajiyama, Tetsuro Shigematsu, Jill Teed, Dean Redman, Taylor Nichols, Anthony Konechny, Eli Goree, Jake Cunanan, Yuki Morita, Warren Takeuchi, Chuck Church, Dalias Blake, Lane Edwards, Todd Scott, Zoe Krivatsy, Serge M Krivatsy, Lise Krivatsy, Josh Cowdery, Steven Murdzia, Keo Woolford, Lynne Halevi, Martin Kogan, Sandy Ritz, Toby Levins, Eric Breker, Jesse Reid, Aaron Pearl, Amy Fox, Rich Paul, Dee Jay Jackson, Kyrle Riefsnyder, Michael Patrick Denis, Melody B Choi, Taya Clyne, Erika Forest, Ben Harrison, Grayson Maxwell Gurnsey, Justin Blayne Lowery, Marci T House, Chris Shields, Zach Martin, Darren Dolynski, P Lynn Johnson, Leif Havdale, Antonio Anagaran, Kevin O' Grady, Zachary Choe, Joseph E Agudo, Raj K Bose, Aaron Busch, Curtis Bush, Shahid Byrd, Kenneth Carrella, Paul Chirico, Max Clough, Corey Craig, Peter Dwerryhouse, Paul Edney, Andrew Enriquez, James Edward Flynn, Robin Futierrez, Ed Heavey, Matthew Hoglie, Tamika Katon-Donegal, Yukari Komatsu, James Kot, Rebecca Maltby, John O'Brien, Jonathan Pal, Diezel Ramo, Jeric Ross, Michael Rowe, Barbra Roylance, Nel Venzon, Steven Wiig, Dona Wood, Jodie Yee, Dan Zachary, Yoshimitsu Banno, Alex Garcia, Jon Jashni, Kenji Okuhira, Mary Parent, Brian Rogers, Thomas Tull, Patricia Whitcher, Alexandre Desplat, Seamus McGarvey, Bob Ducsay, Heike Brandstatter, Owen Paterson, Ross Dempster, Elizabeth Wilcox, Sharen Davis, Renee Confair, Luc Etienne, Eric Hedayat, Don J Hug, James K Jensen, Ashley Bell, Misha Bukowski, Dennis Burrell, Benjamin Cairns, Josy Capkun, Shaun Aprahamian, Jason Dale, Matt Gough, Chris Allport, Jean-Pascal Beintus, Joseph Bonn, Amy Murphy Anderson, Yoshi Ando, Peter Anderson, Sean Aronson, Karen Bergen, Noelle Bernhard, Armando Boquiren, Taylor Boyd, Shirit Bradley, Christopher Britton, Francie Brown, Jason Brown, Kimberly Buckham, Jenny Lynn Burnett, Marie Elder, Patrick Dawn, Colin J Czarnecki, Ian Dalesky, Rick Crum, Jacqueline Dallamore, Mike Fantasia, Cory Fleming, Portia Fontes, Terry Edinger, John Dominic Drdek, Synnove Godeseth, Veloz Gomez, Erica Getler, Leah Kaina, Jane Victoria King, Eric Ladd, Nito Larioza, Andrea Larsen, Ernie Malik, Bryce McLaughlin, Kazumi Nakamura, Rino Pace, Michelle PooleGodzilla

With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen

Godzilla.

GodZIRRA.

Big em-effin’ lizard.

I am so with the exciting.

As a baby Finn, in Finland, I saw him.

“T.V. Scary So That You Pee Pants and Poop Young Children” horror Night Theater was on the television thing.

Olli and I, eating fish that was dry, sucking a box that was juice (Pirkka Mixed berry juice – send me some if you have love for Kimmo).

Happy, happy – because the great of all great monsters that stomp and kill was to stomp and kill.

And he (GodZIRRA) stomped all of the shit. Even Ironside (Raymond Burr).

Then Tokyo took a lizard foot up the anus.

BOOM!!!

My eyes leak as I remember the best.

But now. Now is the exciting. Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Godzilla, Gareth Edwards, Max Borenstein, DAve Callaham, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, CJ Adams, Ken Watanabe, Bryan Cranston, Elizabeth Olsen, Carson Bolde, Sally Hawkins, Julliette Binoche, David Strathairn, Richard T Jones, Victor Rasuk, Patrick Sabongui, Jared Keeso, Luc Roderique, James Pizzinato, Catherine Lough Haggquist, Eric Keenieyside, Primo Allon, George Allen Gumapac, Ken Yamamura, Garry Chalk, Hiro Kanagawa, Kevan Ohtsji, Kasey Ryne Mazak, Terry Chen, Mas Morimoto, James D Dever, Akira Takarada, Yuko Kiyama, Takeshi Kurokawa, James Yoshizawa, Jason Furukawa, Brian Markinson, Ty Olsson, Al Sapienza, Gardiner Millar, Kurt Max Runte, Peter Shinkoda, Bill Marchant, Christian Tessier, Derrick Yamanaka, Peter Kawasaki, Jason Riki Kosuge, Hiroyoshi Kajiyama, Tetsuro Shigematsu, Jill Teed, Dean Redman, Taylor Nichols, Anthony Konechny, Eli Goree, Jake Cunanan, Yuki Morita, Warren Takeuchi, Chuck Church, Dalias Blake, Lane Edwards, Todd Scott, Zoe Krivatsy, Serge M Krivatsy, Lise Krivatsy, Josh Cowdery, Steven Murdzia, Keo Woolford, Lynne Halevi, Martin Kogan, Sandy Ritz, Toby Levins, Eric Breker, Jesse Reid, Aaron Pearl, Amy Fox, Rich Paul, Dee Jay Jackson, Kyrle Riefsnyder, Michael Patrick Denis, Melody B Choi, Taya Clyne, Erika Forest, Ben Harrison, Grayson Maxwell Gurnsey, Justin Blayne Lowery, Marci T House, Chris Shields, Zach Martin, Darren Dolynski, P Lynn Johnson, Leif Havdale, Antonio Anagaran, Kevin O' Grady, Zachary Choe, Joseph E Agudo, Raj K Bose, Aaron Busch, Curtis Bush, Shahid Byrd, Kenneth Carrella, Paul Chirico, Max Clough, Corey Craig, Peter Dwerryhouse, Paul Edney, Andrew Enriquez, James Edward Flynn, Robin Futierrez, Ed Heavey, Matthew Hoglie, Tamika Katon-Donegal, Yukari Komatsu, James Kot, Rebecca Maltby, John O'Brien, Jonathan Pal, Diezel Ramo, Jeric Ross, Michael Rowe, Barbra Roylance, Nel Venzon, Steven Wiig, Dona Wood, Jodie Yee, Dan Zachary, Yoshimitsu Banno, Alex Garcia, Jon Jashni, Kenji Okuhira, Mary Parent, Brian Rogers, Thomas Tull, Patricia Whitcher, Alexandre Desplat, Seamus McGarvey, Bob Ducsay, Heike Brandstatter, Owen Paterson, Ross Dempster, Elizabeth Wilcox, Sharen Davis, Renee Confair, Luc Etienne, Eric Hedayat, Don J Hug, James K Jensen, Ashley Bell, Misha Bukowski, Dennis Burrell, Benjamin Cairns, Josy Capkun, Shaun Aprahamian, Jason Dale, Matt Gough, Chris Allport, Jean-Pascal Beintus, Joseph Bonn, Amy Murphy Anderson, Yoshi Ando, Peter Anderson, Sean Aronson, Karen Bergen, Noelle Bernhard, Armando Boquiren, Taylor Boyd, Shirit Bradley, Christopher Britton, Francie Brown, Jason Brown, Kimberly Buckham, Jenny Lynn Burnett, Marie Elder, Patrick Dawn, Colin J Czarnecki, Ian Dalesky, Rick Crum, Jacqueline Dallamore, Mike Fantasia, Cory Fleming, Portia Fontes, Terry Edinger, John Dominic Drdek, Synnove Godeseth, Veloz Gomez, Erica Getler, Leah Kaina, Jane Victoria King, Eric Ladd, Nito Larioza, Andrea Larsen, Ernie Malik, Bryce McLaughlin, Kazumi Nakamura, Rino Pace, Michelle Poole

GodZIRRA is back.

When one time he was 50 meters tall – he has more calorie dumped in his mouth hole for he is 150 meters tall!

Suck it, Mr. Cloverfield.

I smoke the sweet, sweet smoke. I slurp the Kossu from my Godzilla mug. I refill the mug and the slurping occurs again.

High, drunk, and with expectations on my brain sitting like a midget jockey – with full control.

Then… well, damn.

Gosh darn damn.

The boring starts.

Plot? Too much!

We go to be in 1999. Joe Brody (Bryan Cranston) has a wig. Things are to the crapper from the first.

Death. Sadness.

This takes thirty minutes.

Why? Answers do not come.

Then is the now.

There is boring guy son of Walter White (Aaron Taylor-Johnson). He is the guy who is the life sucker from the film. His wife (Elizabeth Olson), is good.

Other actors, good.

Monsters? Fucking great.

Script? Scripts should be written as if making something exciting is a good thing.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind the Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Kimmo Mustonenen, Kimmo On Kino, Godzilla, Gareth Edwards, Max Borenstein, DAve Callaham, Aaron Taylor-Johnson, CJ Adams, Ken Watanabe, Bryan Cranston, Elizabeth Olsen, Carson Bolde, Sally Hawkins, Julliette Binoche, David Strathairn, Richard T Jones, Victor Rasuk, Patrick Sabongui, Jared Keeso, Luc Roderique, James Pizzinato, Catherine Lough Haggquist, Eric Keenieyside, Primo Allon, George Allen Gumapac, Ken Yamamura, Garry Chalk, Hiro Kanagawa, Kevan Ohtsji, Kasey Ryne Mazak, Terry Chen, Mas Morimoto, James D Dever, Akira Takarada, Yuko Kiyama, Takeshi Kurokawa, James Yoshizawa, Jason Furukawa, Brian Markinson, Ty Olsson, Al Sapienza, Gardiner Millar, Kurt Max Runte, Peter Shinkoda, Bill Marchant, Christian Tessier, Derrick Yamanaka, Peter Kawasaki, Jason Riki Kosuge, Hiroyoshi Kajiyama, Tetsuro Shigematsu, Jill Teed, Dean Redman, Taylor Nichols, Anthony Konechny, Eli Goree, Jake Cunanan, Yuki Morita, Warren Takeuchi, Chuck Church, Dalias Blake, Lane Edwards, Todd Scott, Zoe Krivatsy, Serge M Krivatsy, Lise Krivatsy, Josh Cowdery, Steven Murdzia, Keo Woolford, Lynne Halevi, Martin Kogan, Sandy Ritz, Toby Levins, Eric Breker, Jesse Reid, Aaron Pearl, Amy Fox, Rich Paul, Dee Jay Jackson, Kyrle Riefsnyder, Michael Patrick Denis, Melody B Choi, Taya Clyne, Erika Forest, Ben Harrison, Grayson Maxwell Gurnsey, Justin Blayne Lowery, Marci T House, Chris Shields, Zach Martin, Darren Dolynski, P Lynn Johnson, Leif Havdale, Antonio Anagaran, Kevin O' Grady, Zachary Choe, Joseph E Agudo, Raj K Bose, Aaron Busch, Curtis Bush, Shahid Byrd, Kenneth Carrella, Paul Chirico, Max Clough, Corey Craig, Peter Dwerryhouse, Paul Edney, Andrew Enriquez, James Edward Flynn, Robin Futierrez, Ed Heavey, Matthew Hoglie, Tamika Katon-Donegal, Yukari Komatsu, James Kot, Rebecca Maltby, John O'Brien, Jonathan Pal, Diezel Ramo, Jeric Ross, Michael Rowe, Barbra Roylance, Nel Venzon, Steven Wiig, Dona Wood, Jodie Yee, Dan Zachary, Yoshimitsu Banno, Alex Garcia, Jon Jashni, Kenji Okuhira, Mary Parent, Brian Rogers, Thomas Tull, Patricia Whitcher, Alexandre Desplat, Seamus McGarvey, Bob Ducsay, Heike Brandstatter, Owen Paterson, Ross Dempster, Elizabeth Wilcox, Sharen Davis, Renee Confair, Luc Etienne, Eric Hedayat, Don J Hug, James K Jensen, Ashley Bell, Misha Bukowski, Dennis Burrell, Benjamin Cairns, Josy Capkun, Shaun Aprahamian, Jason Dale, Matt Gough, Chris Allport, Jean-Pascal Beintus, Joseph Bonn, Amy Murphy Anderson, Yoshi Ando, Peter Anderson, Sean Aronson, Karen Bergen, Noelle Bernhard, Armando Boquiren, Taylor Boyd, Shirit Bradley, Christopher Britton, Francie Brown, Jason Brown, Kimberly Buckham, Jenny Lynn Burnett, Marie Elder, Patrick Dawn, Colin J Czarnecki, Ian Dalesky, Rick Crum, Jacqueline Dallamore, Mike Fantasia, Cory Fleming, Portia Fontes, Terry Edinger, John Dominic Drdek, Synnove Godeseth, Veloz Gomez, Erica Getler, Leah Kaina, Jane Victoria King, Eric Ladd, Nito Larioza, Andrea Larsen, Ernie Malik, Bryce McLaughlin, Kazumi Nakamura, Rino Pace, Michelle PooleGood monsters, mostly good actors, me snoring in my seat.

Fuck you, script.

Two moth beasts. So big that they could eat all of your clothes.

Instead, they must mate and eat nuclear stuff.

And interesting is the last stuff that happens.

Worst thing on a movie that the makers can do – make the thing so that my brain sleeps before

I know that I am asleep.

Suck. Suck, suck , suck.

Damn you GodZIRRA!

Monsters are A-1, awesome, yelling, scratching, flying, fire-vomiting, and everything.

One thumb jumps to the sky for this.

Then the script. As before I said through my fingers, GodZIRRA! must be the awesome.

No. This is not the awesome.

See on the big screen only for the monsters. Be the drunk and high. Take a trusted friend to wake you from happy nap land only when monsters occur.

Ugh. Summer has arrived.

This is not the total Summer suck. This is just boring.

The Total Summer Suck is coming.

I am afraid.

And the fact that I am more of a sober person than the Kimmo that started this review scares me.

And makes me cry. Like a tiny little suck-tit.

Manka Bros., Khan Manka, Behind The Proscenium, Kyrle Lendhoffer, Reese Witherspoon, Water For Elephants, Robert Pattinson, Christoph Waltz, Paul Schneider, Jim Norton, Hal Holbrook, Mark Povinelli, Richard Brake, Stephen Monroe Taylor, Ken Foree, Scott MacDonald, James Frain, Sam Anderson, John Aylward, Brad Greenquist, Tim Guinee, Donna W. Scott, E.E. Bell, Kyle Jordan, Aleksandra Kaniak, Ilia Volok, Bruce Gray, Jim Jansen, James Keane, Ivo Nandi, Karynn Moore, Andrew Connolly, Doug McDougal, Tracy Phillips Rowan O'Hara, Water for Elephants, Tai, Uggie, Ice, Sita Acevedo, Danny Castle, Michael Coronas, Aloysia Gavre, Francis Lawrence, Andrew R. Tennenbaum, Erwin Stoff, Gil Netter, Kevin Halloran, Alan Edward Bell, Ana Maria Quintana, Chad Holmes, David Crank, Denise Chamian, Molly Allen, Sasha Veneziano, Kimmo MustonenenKimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium

P.S. The 100 is the greatest show ever on my television watcher. I am not ashamed. Octavia gives me a man-bone. The truth was just typed.

 

 

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Comments

  1. Classic.

  2. LiverDamage on May 16, 2014 at 1:12 pm said:

    My biggest comment…. The neck needs to be longer….Then it would feel more like GZ.
    But they keep to the original old style plot line…. WHAT IS GOING ON…..GODZILLA SMASH…. GODZILLA SAVES the WORLD…. Great Monster Mash up……
    Did not like the Broderick Godzilla or other version of GZ, wrong scale, wrong plot layout, bad Monster….

  3. Rickey B on May 16, 2014 at 2:10 pm said:

    “Will you be back tomorrow dad?”
    “Yeah son, why wouldn’t I be?”
    “Because the name of the fucking movie is Godzilla”

  4. Sven on May 16, 2014 at 2:12 pm said:

    Great review Kimmo. Wake me when it gets cool. Godzilla’s roar in China Town was the best part of the film for me, just kept going.

  5. emjem on May 16, 2014 at 3:43 pm said:

    I found this movie to be pointless, disjointed, and above all, boring. I literally fell asleep toward the end.

  6. Elliot W on May 16, 2014 at 4:27 pm said:

    Yes, don’t waste your money. The movie should be called, “Let’s waste time with drama and coming up with useless ideas on how to kill these monsters and not really show Godzilla in a Godzilla movie.”

  7. ZeroGravity on May 16, 2014 at 7:05 pm said:

    Funny but horrible “review” … surprised that he has a job

  8. Dilen Cedogos on May 16, 2014 at 8:49 pm said:

    This movie did the impossible. It made me like the Roland Emmerich version.

    • MegaSolipsist on June 5, 2014 at 7:25 pm said:

      Yup.
      While I acknowledge that the new one is better *as a film*, I enjoyed the 1998 one a lot more. It was fun, and while it may have been cashing in on the popularity of Jurassic Park, the new Godzilla just failed at being Pacific Rim.

  9. Tikki on May 17, 2014 at 9:34 am said:

    I’m with you Kimmo! I really want a sequel with less humans, and more Godzilla. I loved the humans angle, just thought they weren’t characters so much as plot devices.

  10. Paul on May 17, 2014 at 8:16 pm said:

    Monsters are coming Kimmo. Just to let you know… next up will be a Rodan movie… then a Mothra… then a Godzilla vs. Kong remake… and then DESTROY ALL MONSTERS! Just like they’re doing with Marvel Heroes!!!

  11. Dominic Szigethy on May 18, 2014 at 5:55 pm said:

    I loved the movie! Excellent writing, even better CGI, and it stays true to the GZ formula. What I don’t think a lot of you fat ugly autists understand is that this movie was not supposed to be the same “monster battle” monstrosity which was Pacific Rim. It was made to be a POV. What it would be like enduring these circumstances of giant fucking things. It did just that, and it did it very well. You should have known that going into the movie. The last 20 minutes definitely satisfied what I was searching for when I watched Pacific Rim. A good battle scene. Actually, multiple good battle scenes. If all you want is monsters fighting to satisfy your small mind, I recommend Godzilla 2004.

  12. MegaSolipsist on June 5, 2014 at 7:26 pm said:

    Aside form the new Godzilla being 106 metres, not 150, this review was completely spot on.

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