With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen
This week has made me hard.
It is hard when tragedy is the brain state to be in.
And I was.
I thought it was his death.
On the internet, my eyeholes made my brain see the truth – Gandalf was dead. “Noooooo!” my mind thoughts shrieked with silence.
“There are two more Hobbits with movies!” they again cried.
“He ass kicked Balrog – there is no “in this world” death for Gandalf!”
My squirting tears made for the red faced embarrassing at stupid Starbucks.
It turns out my mind thoughts were out of my mouth shouted.
The barista to me says “Gandalf is fictional – It is James Gandolfini who am dead.”
Well, that is suck.
“The Soprano Family” was all-time favorite of all Finns.
No reunion show now.
Not even in Italian heaven, for Tony bathed in an evil bath.
You are remembered with smiling, James Gandolfini – except for “The Last Castle.”
That move was a floating turd in your acting punchbowl.
Now for the reviewing.
I had a great learning from this movie-film:
Never read a book.
Especially if there is a film in the future which will give the believing that the movie is based on the book with the same name.
How many times am I to be the stupid guy?
“Starship Troopers” – sooo excited!
Movie – title, bugs, and space. Nothing else in common with cool book.
“The Postman” – thought in head book in shit future, well done!
Movie – title, postal uniform and horses. And Kevin Goddamn Costner. Barf.
Now “World War Z” – epic oral history of near end of mankind – super cool!
Movie – title, zombies, war. And Brad Goddamn Pitt. Double barf. With chunks.
Plot? Kind of.
All of it starts with a typical day in Philadelphia with zombies playing a big game of “Zombie Bite Tag.”
Rules are to run very fast, then bite the person running to the away place and then he/she is “it.” You (the zombie biter) are still “it”, too.
“Zombie Bite Tag” goes on until even people in Israel are “it.”
Gerry Lane (Brad Goddamn Pitt) with his wife Karin (Mireille Enos of “Wow! All Those Killings!”) don’t like “Zombie Bite Tag” and try to make it become to stop.
And make Kimmo try to care about if they are to be totally dead or just as dead as their acting. I (after sweet, sweet smoke and half a liter of Kossu) played “Zombie Bite Tag” with ice cream bon-bons, but not being a zombie from this dumb film, I swallowed.
In WWZ world, all zombies are from Usain Bolt. Thems suckers am fast!
Here’s how Zombie Olympics Sprint Finals are the results:
Bronze – tie! “The Walking Dead” zombies and “Night of the Living Dead” zombies! Damn shufflers.
Silver – tie! “28 Days Later” zombies (I know, Rage Virus… shut up, nerds!) and “Resident Evil” zombies (don’t start with me, nerds!). Fast, but enough fast?
Gold – “World War Z” zombies! By a long shot. Men rubbing against boys. No contest.
And in packs. Like high school girls. But less dangerous.
So, what was for learning with this movie-film?
Damon Lindelof is a hacker writer hack. Last 30 minutes remaking happened and he was the “writer.”
30 minutes of “I really need another hit of smoke/Kossu if interesting is to be me to this film.”
Don’t believe the hacking?
See “Lost” Season 6. Hack, hack, hack. And hack again.
Also, (SPOILER ALERT – STOP READING NOW, NERDS!) when Arabs and Israeli’s sing together, zombies must make it stop. Singing is anger to the undead.
They climb and run and bite and climb. (NO MORE SPOLERS – I DON’T THINK SO AND HOPE NOT)
Finally? Never read a book. The movie will only disappoint you like the internet death of Gandalf.
Even if it was always the other guy anyway. Gandolfini. Finland will miss you.
Kimmo Mustonenen – (Kimmo On Kino) – Behind The Proscenium
P.S. Summer T.V.! Live action “Simpson’s Movie” called “Under the Dome” is to be the bomb! The good bomb, as the saying comes from the kids. What would you do Under the Dome? When the weed ran out? Other than the crying…