Kingdom Of The Planet Of The Apes – With Wit Reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen “Kingdom of the Planet of the Apes” marks a departure from its predecessors, delving deeper into the complexities of humanity’s struggle for survival in a world ruled by apes. Directed by…
CHALLENGERS – Reviewed by Kyrle Lendhoffer In “Challengers,” Director Luca Guadagnino merges the luminous talents of Zendaya, Mike Faist, and Josh O’Connor to navigate the labyrinth of human relationships with the finesse of a master artisan. Guadagnino delves deep into the recesses of the human…
Civil War [REVIEW] In the blood-soaked annals of cinematic history, Alex Garland’s “Civil War” stands as a tempestuous testament to the primal impulses that lurk beneath the veneer of civilization. Produced under the aegis of A24, the vanguard of contemporary independent cinema, and helmed by…
Eugene O’Neill’s Bikini Beach (1954) – A Cinematic Anomaly [NEW YORKER by A. Waldhorn] Eugene O’Neill’s Bikini Beach, the latest offering from Manka Bros. Studios, is a perplexing amalgamation of highbrow drama and lowbrow entertainment. Directed by the enigmatic Gerald Von Loven, this film dives…
ROAD HOUSE (PRIME VIDEO) – [REVIEW] Starring: Jake Gyllenhaal Director: Doug Liman Okay, so I watch this remake on Amazon Prime. First, let me say, it is like hot sauna on a cold winter night. You know, makes you sweat, but in a good way,…
THE FIRST OMEN [REVIEW] Say, pals, gather ’round and lend an ear to the tale of “The First Omen.” A flick that’s got more twists and turns than a back alley in the Bronx. Directed by none other than that cinematic maestro, Arkasha Stevenson, this…
Justice League With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen There are things for the talking. All involve dick wagging, dick tugging, boob grabbing, pussy wrangling, and tongue rehearsals. Ick. Hollywood, what up? D.C., what up? Alabama – you am just being Alabama I guess – if…
“Where have you been, Kimmo?” you ask to the heavens. Holy for the crap. I have been in rehab for the rehab. The kossu and sweet, sweet smoke is too much. Or just enough. I think just enough. And my damn dumb employers think this…
Independence Day: Resurgence With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen “Kimmo, you were gone again. W in TF, crazy Finn?” You asked this of me. My fingers now answer. I could not write from the jail house. We were too busy a singin’ that rock. Baby!…
Batman v. Superman: Dawn Of Justice With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen What a returning for me. Back to the cinema. Back to finger thoughts on computers. Back to Kossu (thank you Odin). Time to write. “Where was the Kimmo?” you may all have asked –…
It Follows With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen I am still thinking diseases. First Disney Measles. And now, something more worse – Shtup Monsters. One is infecting you in the Disneyland, the other jumps the weenie (or Fort Cootchie if a woman-type) in the back…
Cinderella With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen I have for a while, been away. Not for purpose, but because damn dumb bad. I had measles. Not any measles. Disneyland Measles. Some disease child left his funk on Mr. Toad’s Wild Ride and then I was…
Lucy With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen Things that I, Kimmo, only use 10% of: 1) Muscles. Hard to be massive Super-Finn when keyboard is stuck to finger ends and I must drink Kossu and smoke for you people for the movies to know of…
The Purge: Anarchy With Wit, Reviewed By Kimmo Mustonenen There was the time. Russians. Staring at border places. “We are cool, with big meat,” was the Russian brain. Then to war they went. “Fuck you, Stalin Bitches” said Finland. We were the winners. 1940? Finland…
Dawn of the Planet of the Apes With Wit, Reviewed by Kimmo Mustonenen Times are things that make men weep. Most men. Not Finns. We are not the weeping types for being told “no” to World Cupping. They let the Swedes (bastards) World Cup. More…