Bob Iger – Page 8 – Chairman's Blog

July 7, 2010July 10, 2012

Dawn Of The Mogul – Sun Valley 2010 – Day 2

Allen & Company retreat, Anne Mulcahy, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Bobby Kotick, Carol Bartz, Charlie Rose, Cory Booker, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Erin Burnett, Gina Bianchini, Harvey Weinstein, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jean-Bernard Levy, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, John Donahue, Ken Auletta, Khan Manka, Lachlan Murdoch, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lionel Barber, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marc Andreessen, Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Martin Sorrell, Mathias Dopfner, Mike Bloomberg, Niall FitzGerald, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rob Wiesenthal, Robert L. Johnson, Ron Meyer, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, Tom Freston, Tom Friedman, Ursula Burns, Vivi Nevo, Warren Buffett, World's Largest Media Company

Sun Valley Conference 2010

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Day 2:

Good morning… or as they say in Sun Valley “Another Beauty” – in that certain rich hippie way. The first night of the four day drunk fest is over and I’m not feeling too bad considering how much I drank last night.

The dinner was fine. Who knew moose would work so well in a stew? The flan was also not too bad. I was seated between Mark Zuckerberg and Lady Gaga (Mogul? Really?).

That Gaga guy was fine but Mark Zuckerberg was a pain in my ass. I tried to change seats but no one would do it.

It seems Zuckerberg was pissed off that some blogger in my enormous company made some crack that “Facebook Is Worthless”. I have thousands of employees. I can’t be bothered about one freakin’ blogger. What a punk ass dope!

The drinking went well into the night. Rupert Murdoch, Terry Semel and I held court in Herb’s Grotto near the Piranha Tank. As I said yesterday, bartender Bin Tran makes the best freakin’ dirty martinis I’ve ever had. I suck ’em down like water.

Unfortunately, the night had to end and this morning began at 5:00 a.m. with the ridiculous “Dawn of the Mogul” choral arrangement / wake up call (written by Michael Eisner years ago) played over loud speakers to urge us all to:

“Rise, Rise, Rise with the Sun.
We are Moguls.
The World We Run… etc. etc.”

This annoying, horrible song repeats and repeats until we all gather out in the Common Area (a name that seriously needs to be changed. We are far from “common”. I have suggested “Manka Plaza” or “Khan Kourt”).

After we assembled for calisthenics led by Bob Iger (a non-starter for me and almost all of the Tech CEOs), “The Call of the Moguls” fanfare is played while the Allen & Co. flag is raised up the flagpole.

We then recite “The Pledge of the Mogul” (which I will not repeat – but involves words like “integrity”, “philanthropy” and “quality”). All bullshit if you ask me. But there were a few guys (Jeffrey Katzenberg and Harvey Weinstein to name a couple) who were reciting it as though they were brainwashed North Korean school children. They were in tears as they pledged to be the best mogul they could be.

[As a side note, some of us are meeting later in the day to discuss whether Harvey Weinstein can still be considered a mogul. It may be time to ceremonially strip him of this title. We’ll have to see.]

After an awkward group embrace, we were sent our own way by Herb Allen for bike riding, tennis or our own private “thinking time” by the Duck Pond.

We then gathered in the “Great Hall of the Moguls” for a breakfast of waffles and our choice of sausage made from wild game that was recently shot on a local hunting farm. Antelope seems to be favorite among media moguls. The tech moguls go right for the bacon made from wild boar.

So that’s been my morning. I passed on going to several little panel groups and am about to have my first cocktail.

Jeff Zucker and Peter Chernin are sneaking out of the “Women In Technology” panel and joining me to watch the Spain / Germany World Cup match.

Hopefully, something interesting is planned for tonight. I’m so unbelievably bored.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

July 6, 2010July 5, 2011

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference 2010 – Day 1

Allen & Company retreat, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Carol Bartz, DumbDumb, Electus, Eric Schmidt, Gina Bianchini, Herb Allen, Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference, Herbert Allen, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Immelt, Jerry Yang, Khan Manka, Lady Gaga, Leslie Moonves, Lloyd Grohl, Manka Bros., Marissa Mayer, Mark Pincus, Mark Zuckerberg, Peter Chernin, Phillippe Dauman, Reid Hoffman, Richard Parsons, Ricky Van Veen, Rupert Murdoch, Sergey Brin, Sheryl Sandberg, Steve Jobs, Sun Valley Retreat, Sun Valley Retreat 2010, Terry Semel, World's Largest Media Company

Sun Valley Conference 2010

Day 1 — Day 2 — Day 3 — Day 4

—————————————–

Day 1:

I’m leaving the office and heading to Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Retreat. I’ve been going up for the past 20 years or so and it’s becoming more of a chore than a joy.

It used to be fun to watch Bob Iger and Rupert Murdoch get drunk and do late night karaoke – but not much anymore.

Hopefully, Herb has something up his sleeve this year to pump some life into this dinosaur of a conference. If it’s the same as it was last year and the year before, people are going to stop coming. And that would break poor Herbie’s heart.

I’ll attempt to write about anything interesting that happens – though it all depends on the severity of my hangovers.

While I will reachable by phone, if anyone other than Lloyd Grohl tries to contact me, that person will be fired. If Lloyd Grohl needs to contact me and cell phone service is weak or if I’m holding my iPhone 4 in the wrong position, I can probably be found in Herb’s Grotto next to the piranha tank. The bartender, Bin Tran, makes the best dirty martini in the world.

[Note to my assistant Vicky: I noticed at tonight’s dinner in the Great Hall of the Moguls they have me seated between Mark Zuckerberg and Lady Gaga. I would prefer not to sit next to Zuckerberg. That punk ass kid is a freak.]

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

June 30, 2010May 5, 2011

Beverly Hills High School Commencement Address

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Beverly Hills High School, Bill Bradbury, Bob Iger, Chairman's Blog, Commencement Address, Harry Manka, Harvey Levin, Herb Hall, Jay Guidetti, Jeff Weiner, Jeffrey Katzenberg, Jeffrey Zucker, Joel Pressman, Josh Butchart, Keith Rust, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Peter Chernin, Romeo Carey, Rupert Murdoch, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The World's Largest Media Company, TMZ, World's Largest Media Company

About a week ago, I gave the Commencement Address at my old high school – Beverly Hills High. I wasn’t going to mention this because it didn’t really go as I had planned – but since the assholes at TMZ posted excerpts without my permission, I thought I would put it up without editorial comment or HEAVY EDITING (which TMZ did in an attempt to make me look ridiculous). Sorry shitbags, you lose. I’m too powerful in this town to to ever be considered ridiculous. So here is my speech in its entirety.

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Beverly Hills High School Graduation Ceremony – June 18, 2010

Good afternoon.

I got drunk this morning before coming here because when you are the Chairman & CEO of the World’s Largest Media Company, you can do shit like that.

[A huge cheer goes up from the crowd.]

You’ve all managed to do something that I didn’t even come close to doing – graduate high school. And yet, I’m the only one here running a giant media company. What the fuck is up with that?!

[Another huge cheer.]

I dropped out of this school because I wanted to spend more time smoking pot and working to make King Khan the best goddamned rock band in the world. If my father, the horrible Harry Manka, wouldn’t have died (forcing me to take over as head of Manka Bros. Studios when I was 18 years old), we fucking would have been the best goddamned rock band in the world!

[There is a commotion as the Principal attempts to interrupt Mr. Manka. The students boo the Principal and scream “Let him speak!”]

What the fuck…! Don’t handle me, asshole! I’ll shut this dream crusher of a school down!

Now where was I? Fuck it. I’ll just wing it. Uh, there’s only a handful of us powerful media moguls out there – even more if you count Bob Iger and Jeffrey Katzenberg! I don’t count them – ha! Just kidding – Bob Iger and I like to do jigsaw puzzles together.

The decisions us moguls make affect how the world spends its leisure time. If I tell you to go see Super Draculas next month in 3D at an IMAX theater, you’ll go because we can control your fucking minds. We control what makes you laugh and cry and scream and kill. If you try to cross us, we will destroy your lives.

Most of you kids are rich punks much like I was back in the 1970s. Once your parents die, you’ll be set. But that won’t stop you because you all think you’re so fucking great. You all think you’re entitled to everything without working for it. Most of you will start companies that will fail but somehow, through your little cliques of rich buddies and bitches, you’ll keep getting money to fail and fail again. And you won’t care if you fail because it’s all just a fucking game to you!

[The crowd has turned on Mr. Manka and many things are being thrown at the stage. The Principal manages to grab Mr. Manka around the waist.]

Is that it? Am I done?! Fine! I’ll see you all in Hell!

[Mr. Manka is escorted from the stage, flipping off the graduates and crowd with both hands.]
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You know what? Upon re-reading this transcript, I stand by my speech and think it’s totally brilliant.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

April 13, 2010November 15, 2011

Bob Iger Called Me This Morning

Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Ari Emanuel, Aylwin Lewis, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brent Woodford, Brooks Barnes, Chrstine McCarthy, Disney, Fred Langhammer, George Bodenheimer, Ike Perlmutter, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, Jeff Immelt, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jill Kennedy, John Bryson, John Chen, John Pepper, Jr., Judith Estrin, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Monica Lozano, New York Times, OnMedea, Orin Smith, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Robert Iger, Robert Matschullat, Ronald Iden, Sheryl Sandberg, Stacey Snider, Stephen McPherson, Steve Jobs, Steve Wadsworth, Sumner Redstone, Susan Arnold, Terry Semel, Thomas Staggs, Walter Liss, Willow Bay, World's Largest Media company, Zenia Mucha

Bob Iger and I are on different schedules.

This morning, at about 4:30a.m.(!!), Bob Iger called me while hanging from his gravity bar. (He said he likes to hang upside down about two hours in the morning to get the blood flowing into his head.)

This was exposition I really didn’t need as I was completely hungover this morning after another bizarre night of carousing (different story) in Hollywood with Sumner Redstone (who is still staying at my house because he is afraid to be alone).

Bob said he was calling because I was the only person in town that would tell him the truth. “Even Ike Perlmutter is being a total pussy and won’t tell me what’s what…” – (he said off the record).

It seems Bob has been completely racked with guilt due to the glowing puff piece written about him by Brooks Barnes in the New York Times. He said he is having doubts and doesn’t feel worthy for such praise.

“How do you do it, Khan?”, Bob said. “People write horrible things about you all the time – never giving you any praise – and it doesn’t bother you a bit.”

A single tear formed in one of my eyes. I don’t think he could hear the emotion in my voice.

“Hell no, it’s doesn’t bother me, Bob. Manka Bros., while still the world’s largest media company, has had challenging economics for the past 30 years. You have to keep living your life, Bob – your perfect little freakin’ life with your beautiful little freakin’ wife – and not let work get in the way. We’re all doomed to fail.”

At this point, I had to immediately slam a hair-of-the-dog shot of whiskey before I blew last night’s steak and shrimp from Mastro’s all over the bathroom floor.

I continued: “Fuck the press. Fuck them all. If they like you – fine. If you they hate you – better. You don’t want those people propping you up. They’re only propping you up to, eventually, take you down! The fact that you feel unworthy for this praise proves that you are unworthy of this praise. You need to go climb a mountain – get your head straight.”

“Funny you should say that, Khan, I’m climbing K2 next weekend.”

“Fuck you, Bob.”

I hung up and went back to bed. While I do genuinely like Bob Iger (we met in a hippie drum circle on Venice Beach in the 1970s) – I am now hoping he fails at everything he does. Or falls off K2.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 13, 2010May 6, 2011

Oren Aviv – Manka Bros. Would Like To Offer You A Job

Alan Bergman, Alan Braverman, Andrew Mooney, Andy Bird, Anne Sweeney, Anthony Marcoly, Ari Emanual, Bob Cavallo, Bob Chapek, Bob Iger, Bob Zemeckis, Brent Woodford, Bruce Hendricks, Christine McCarthy, Chuck Viane, Claudia Eller, Daniel Battsek, Dawn Chmielewski, Dick Cook, Disney, Dr. Ed. Catmull, George Bodenheimer, Greg Brandeau, Jay Rasulo, Jayne Parker, Jeff Miller, Jeff Weiner, Jeremy Zimmer, Jerry Bruckheimer, Joe Roth, John Lasseter, John Travolta, Johnny Depp, Kara Swisher, Kevin Mayer, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., McG, Nikki Finke, Oren Aviv, Pixar, Preston Padden, Rich Ross, Richard Ross, Robin Williams, Ronald Iden, Rupert Murdoch, Sam Gores, Sandra Bullock, Sharon Waxman, Stacey Snider, Steve Wadsworth, Steven Spielberg, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, thewrap.com, Thomas Schumacher, Thomas Staggs, Tim Burton, Walt Disney Studios, Walter Liss, Zenia Mucha

Yesterday, I was shocked to learn that Oren Aviv was fired as President of Disney Motion Picture Productions. While I have never met Mr. Aviv personally, I have heard that he is an excellent cribbage player (and you all know how much I admire good cribbage).

I’m not really sure what Rich Ross has in mind for his executive team at Disney but it seems to me he’s really fucking things up and creating a Colonel Kurtz-like environment of ultimate power. Ultimate power over teenage girl media content… but still ultimate power.

Well, I say, good luck to him. All I can hope is that my good friend Bob Iger has Mr. Ross on a short leash. I get a creepy feeling whenever I drive past the Disney Studios as though those freakin’ Dwarfs are watching my every move. I wouldn’t be surprised if the severed heads of middle managers start to appear on the Disney perimeter fence – stuck on top of the iron Micky Mouse ears – as a warning to those who don’t fall in line.

(And please don’t email me about the above comment. I realize the severed head thing happened many years ago at Manka Bros. when my father, Harry Manka, ran the studio – but it was only that one time – and I heard the guy deserved it.)

But I digress. Back back to Oren Aviv.

Manka Bros., the world’s largest media company, would like to offer Mr. Aviv a very high-level position at the studio. Perhaps even President of the Manka Bros. Theatrical Group (especially considering how shitty a job Robin Rafe has been doing these last couple of years). Even Disney’s worse year is far better than our best year lately.

Whatever job you think you might like, Oren, just let me know. I’m happy to push out anyone (with the exception of Lloyd Grohl) to give you a place here. Things are looking up for Manka Bros. and we’d love to have you on our team.

And don’t even think about going to Fox (Rupert Murdoch will make you clean the urinals) or Paramount (Sumner Redstone will make you wipe his ass).

Let me know, Oren, ASAP – I have a feeling a lot more are about to be fired.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

January 7, 2010May 11, 2011

The Warren Lieberfarb Experience

Angela Bromstad, Ari Emanuel, Barry Diller, Barry Meyer, Bellagio Suite, Ben Silverman, Bob Daly, Bob Iger, CES 2010, Chairman's Blog, Chris Cookson, father of DVD, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Zucker, John Calkins, Khan Manka, Lady Gaga, Manka Bros., Michael Eisner, Rupert Murdoch, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Tony DiSanto, Warren Lieberfarb, Warren Lieberfarb and Associates, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning from the Wynn Encore in Vegas!

Yesterday, I received a call from my old friend and employee Warren Lieberfarb. I was completely taken by surprise as I hadn’t heard from him for a few years.

His ego had gotten so completely out of control after he was crowned the King of DVD that I really had no interest in talking to him or dealing with his bullshit.

It seems that Warren has a new venture in which a large bio-mechanical chip (about the size of a playing card) is inserted under the skin of your arm. Downloaded onto this chip is your entire library of movies, television shows, games and music (HD or standard def).

Using the (patent pending) LieberScanner 8000, this library can be transferred to any TV, PC or mobile device with a simple scan of the barcode on the chip in your arm.

Normally, I would have hung up on Warren right there (especially when he drones on and on about something as ridiculous as the LieberScanner 8000) but he mentioned that he was having a party in his suite at the Bellagio and I had nothing else to do last night (Terry Semel, the jerk, bailed on our dinner plans at the last minute for “something else he had to do”).

I arrived at Warren’s suite via a private solid gold elevator. He had quite a set up – similar to Marlon Brando in Apocalypse Now. High-tech hangers on and home video geeks stood around the outer lobby of his suite just hoping to get a glimpse of the great man. But only a privileged few (such as myself) were allowed inside.

Warren and I go back about 30 years to the beginnings of the home video boom. When the VHS cassette was first introduced, I hired Warren to go from house-to-house to sell Manka Bros. film titles from the trunk of his 1974 Datsun. He was so good at selling shitty copies of “Black Illiad” and “Mother Trucker” for $89.95 each that I offered him the chance to head up our new home video division – but he had already taken a job with Warners.

Things really fell apart between him and me when he was trying to get DVD off the ground and Manka Bros. was firmly in the DIVX camp (we still are today – though, reluctantly, we do offer our titles on DVD). We’re also still in the HD-DVD camp… Fuck Blu-ray!).

So… to continue… I entered the inner-sanctum of Warren’s suite to see him holding court in front of a 75-inch plasma screen. His right arm was exposed to show the giant chip embedded in his arm. Surrounding him was a group of slackjawed lapdog executives all salivating at the thought of this new technology and what it can do for them.

Now Warren doesn’t actually have the funding yet for this new idea, so for his demonstration he was using a child’s scanner from some Fisher-Price grocery store toy. He continued:

Warren Lieberfarb: … As the LieberScanner 8000 rolls over the barcode, my entire library is now transferred to every device in the room – the television, the computer, the iPhone, etc.

Nothing really happened when he clicked the scanner, but people were impressed nonetheless. It was only Lady Gaga that brought up any kind of criticism.

Lady Gaga: Why does it have to be implanted in your arm?

Warren Lieberfarb: Who the fuck are you? Are you wearing butterfly wings? And are they bleeding?

Lady Gaga: Just answer the question.

Warren Lieberfarb: The chip is implanted in your arm so that you always have your intellectual property with you. You won’t lose it if it’s sewn into your arm. And, when you want to buy more movies and music, just scan the item and it’s downloaded into the chip and charged to your credit card.

Lady Gaga: Why not just put everything on a small storage device and put it in your wallet or purse? This idea is so stupid.

Warren Lieberfarb: I want her out of here. Throw her off the roof and see if she can fly.

A couple of MBA-types who looked like they worked out, grabbed Lady Gaga by the wings and pulled her screaming out of the room.

I had seen enough and knew, like Strauss Zelnick’s recent rooftop salon, that I probably shouldn’t have come. I decided to leave without even saying hello to Warren. I’ll send him a fruit basket and wish him well on his new venture.

Tonight, I’ll be playing poker with Ben Silverman at the Palms. If I survive, I’ll write about it.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

December 21, 2009May 11, 2011

Happy Holidays From Chairman & CEO Khan Manka, Jr.

Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Brian Roberts, Chairman's Blog, Disney, Electus, Fox, Hanukkah, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Khan Manka, Manka Bros., NBC Universal, News Corporation, Peter Chernin, private island, Robert Iger, Strauss Zelnick, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, Turks & Caicos, Wall Street, Xfinity

Good morning.

As this challenging year comes to a close, I just wanted to say to the employees that are left at Manka Bros., have a great holiday and I’ll see you at some point next year.

Because my bitch of an ex-wife took my daughter, Connie, with her to some God awful place in Colorado for Hanukkah, I have gone to my private island in Turks & Caicos.

Several other powerful media moguls are here with me to spend a few days in the Caribbean sun before we all have to return to the horrible grind of running a major media company.

I would tell you the names of those here, but Bob Iger and Sumner Redstone said not to say a word – that Wall Street would read something into it and send our stock prices further down. Jeff Zucker, Brian Roberts and Strauss Zelnick also wanted me to remain quiet.

If something interesting happens, I’ll blog about it in this space.

Keep working! 2010 must be better!

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Remember, if you are Jewish, Christmas Day is NOT a paid holiday.

December 2, 2009May 16, 2011

Comcast CEO Brian Roberts Called Me Last Night

Andy Forssell, Angela Bromstad, AOL Time Warner, Ari Emanuel, Arthur Block, Ava Seave, Barry Diller, Ben Silverman, Bob Daly, Bob Iger, Brian Roberts, Bruce C. Greenwald, Chadwick Ho, Comcast, David Carr, David Cohen, Disney, Dr. Judith Rodin, DreamWorks, Edward Breen, Eric Feng, Fancast, Gerald Hassell, Gerry Levin, Hulu, IAC, J. Michael Cook, Jace Hall, Jason Hall, Jason Kilar, Jean-Marie Messier, Jean-Paul Colaco, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Katzenberg, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Jeffrey Honickman, Jeffrey Immelt, Jill Kennedy, Joe Collins, Johannes Larcher, Jonathan A. Knee, Julian Brodsky, Kenneth Bacon, Khan Manka, Lawrence Salva, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., Michael Angelakis, Michael Eisner, Michael Sovern, NBC Universal, New York Times, News Corp., OnMedea, Paul Telegdy, Peter Chernin, Ralph Roberts, Robert Iger, Rupert Murdoch, S. Decker Anstrom, Sheldon M. Bonovitz, Stephen Burke, Steve Case, Sumner Redstone, Ted Turner, Terry Semel, The Curse of the Mogul, Time Warner, Tom Fuelling, Viacom, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning. I just want to say to all the thousands of Manka Bros. employees who think they’ve got a shitty job… you have no idea how lucky you are. You could work at Comcast.

My old friend Brian Roberts called me in a panic last night.

[A little back story: Brian and I go way back to my days in King Khan (my 1970s rock band). Brian filled in one night on bass and was absolutely horrible. For some reason, he thought he would be able to rock and get chicks without even knowing how to hold the damn instrument. I fired him after one song. Audience member Dexter Clangfree jumped on stage and finished the show (and became our full time bass player). Brian still hung around the band like a groupie and we eventually let him into our inner circle. We called him “Bogart Brian” because once you passed him a joint, you never got it back.]

Anyway… Brian called me last night in an absolute drunken panic about this upcoming disastrous acquisition of NBC Universal. The first words out of his mouth were: “Khan, what the fuck am I doing? This is madness. Why would anyone in their right mind overpay for a failed broadcast network and failed movie studio! Didn’t you read ‘The Curse of the Mogul’?”

I told him he wasn’t in his right mind but added that ‘The Curse of the Mogul’ is complete bullshit and he shouldn’t pay any attention to what the jealous, wannabe mogul hacks who wrote that book had to say.

I continued: “Manka Bros. is the world’s largest media company. There is no disputing that – and there wasn’t one mention of Manka Bros. it that goddamned book! All credibility is lost right there. And these fuckers are going to tell me that being the biggest isn’t a competitive advantage? Put Mike Tyson in a boxing ring with Wally Cox and tell me that size isn’t a competitive advantage!”

There was a pause. I could hear ice clinking through the other end of the phone. I knew Brian was drinking heavily.

I finished my thought: “That said… this Comcast / NBC deal is fucking stupid. You should do what Tiger Woods didn’t do… pull out.”

Brian whimpered like he always does when in a tight corner: “I can’t do that, Khan. There is something… bigger at hand here. I can’t talk. They’re watching my every move. ZUCKER CROWS AT DAWN!… I’m sorry, Khan, I’ve put your life in danger. Pray for me!”

He let out an anguished grunt which was followed by a muffled click… and he was gone.

Zucker Crows At Dawn? Poor Brian. Another successful brainwashing by Jeff Zucker – who continues to amaze me in his ability to fail upward. Somebody should just fire that guy before more people lose their minds.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – To all Comcast shareholders… SELL SELL SELL!

October 22, 2009May 27, 2011

The World’s Largest Media Company

Angela Telegdy, Ari Emanuel, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, CBS, Disney, Gay Moroccan Poetry, Jeff Bewkes, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Kara Swisher, Khan Manka, Les Moonves, Manka Bros., media company layoffs, NBC Universal, News Corporation, Nikki Finke, OnMedea, Paul Bricault, Rupert Murdoch, Seamus, Sharon Waxman, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Chairman's Blog, thewrap.com, Time Warner, Viacom, World's Largest Media Company

Good morning.

I just received word from our media research department that, based on size, Manka Bros. Studios remains the World’s Largest Media Company for the 23rd straight year even after last quarter’s very disappointing earnings report (and party) in which our Theatrical Group didn’t have one movie that worked; our Television Group hasn’t had one break-out show on MBS; our Music Group only had one release that received any attention (Seamus’ He’s Not Comin’ Home); and our Publishing Group believes Gay Moroccan Poetry is the answer to our problems!

The “world’s largest” status is obviously not a result of our employees’ performance at their jobs – because you don’t become number one by sucking. No… it is only a result of my superb leadership during this extremely difficult time. And I’m tired of carrying you people. It’s time to step it up!

If things don’t improve going forward, I will not hesitate to institute another cost-cutting program that will not be as kind as the last one.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios – The World’s Largest Media Company

P.S. – Manka Bros. will announce 3rd Quarter 2009 earnings on October 29.

October 21, 2009June 7, 2011

Sumner Redstone Is Staying At My House…

Ari Emanuel, Audrina Patridge, Ben Silverman, Bob Iger, Cate Blanchett, CBS, Chairman's Blog, Ismaralda, Jacobean Comedy, Jeff Weiner, Jeff Zucker, Khan Manka, LAX, Leif Garrett, Lifetime Movie Network, Los Angeles Dodgers, Manka Bros., Mariska Hargitay, MTV, Nikki Finke, Paula Fortunato, Rebecca De Mornay, Rebecca DeMornay, Sharon Waxman, Slivovitz, Sumner Redstone, Terry Semel, The Hills, Tila Tequila, Trader Vic's, Viacom, World's Largest Media Company

Ever since he announced his divorce from Paula Fortunato a few months ago, Sumner Redstone has been at staying on and off at my house.

Every night, he wants to go out and “party at Trader Vic’s“. And every night, I tell him that Trader Vic’s closed a few years ago. Sumner is 86 years old and doesn’t take no for an answer. So last night, once again, we went to “Trader Vic’s” to “party” (we actually went to LAX – a very sweaty club in Hollywood).

Even though Sumner and myself are two of the most powerful people in entertainment, we sometimes aren’t immediately recognized in public.

So I asked my driver (and former child star) Leif Garrett to call ahead and make sure we would be given the proper respect at the door. He must have said the right things because when we arrived at the club, there was a gaggle of drunken girls in their 20s waiting for us.

Sumner slammed a shot of Slivovitz and jumped out of the limo before it had come to a complete stop. He rolled awkwardly onto the pavement but hopped right back up and moved as fast as he could to the young girls like some perverted Grandpa.

I would have preferred to stay in the car getting drunk with Leif Garrett and watch the MLB playoffs – or go over to Mariska Hargitay’s house and watch whatever-it-is horrible show that she does… but here I was at LAX with Sumner Redstone looking pathetic as we tried to keep up with these dumb young girls.

Once inside, Sumner was completely out of control. I found him huddled at a back corner table making out with Tila Tequila. To see that in person is as disturbing as it sounds.

Audrina (who I later found out was an actress on some MTV show) and Cate Blanchett were at the same table in the middle of a very animated conversation about Jacobean comedy.

I figured my only option at this point was to get as drunk as possible. Which I did.

Audrina is actually a very nice person and the most intelligent woman I have ever met.

She told me that she was such a consummate actor that she had her teeth overly whitened for the part of “Audrina” and actually has very brown smokers teeth underneath with several gaps. It didn’t matter to me. I liked her! We talked about her favorite Manka Bros. Films – she has very good taste. She later left with her boyfriend – some MIT grad student in molecular biology. Nice kid.

I could go on and on about last night – but it’s just too sad.

The low point of the evening came when Tila Tequila was told the old dude she was making out with was Sumner Redstone – the Chairman & CEO of Viacom (her show is on MTV which is owned by Viacom). She SLAPPED him across the face and starting screaming, “You son of a bitch! My stock options are under water because of you! You owe me money!” Sumner said something along of the lines of “Stand in line, sweetheart.”

I’m not sure who she thought he was but it was all very bizarre. Sumner then tried to hit on Cate Blanchett – but that was a non-starter.

I finally got Sumner back to the house. My cook, Ismaralda got him changed and made him some beef stew. We spent the rest of the evening watching the Lifetime Movie Network which Sumner said made him feel safe and warm.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. Studios