Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 3 – The Elon Has Landed

Today, was a day in Sun Valley unlike any we’ve ever seen.

Over the years, we’ve had Mogulympics.

We’ve had the horror of Burning Mogul.

We’ve had a group Acid Trip.

We’ve had a Build A Bike session.

We’ve had harrowing white water raft trips in which many of us were close to dying.

We put on a production of “The Rocky Horror Picture Show.”

We’ve had a speech from my daughter, Connie, about how Gen Z was coming to destroy old Hollywood’s business.

And we did a disastrous Improv Night.

I could go on and on – just look at the archive posts at the bottom of this post for examples.

But, I can now say, nothing was as weird and pathetic as what happened tonight.

To set the stage…

Elon Musk arrived in Sun Valley tonight.

His Space X / flying Tesla car rocket landed on a barge on the Duck Pond which was cleared by Sun Valley Lodge Security. Supposedly, all the ducks were put in a neutral area (or in a cooking pot claimed off-the-record from a couple of intern kitchen workers on social media).

Once he landed, it wasn’t the pending Twitter acquisition he wanted to talk about, or the mounting criticism about his politics – he wanted to talk about a play he had written.

A play set on Mars.

He described it as “Our Town” but set on Mars amongst the first settlers there.

Elon Musk: It’s called “My Mars” (based on a play by a non-futurist socialist without a clue how the world works). 

Why he decided to take a shot at a long-dead Thornton Wilder at a conference for billionaires is beyond me – but he still did it.

His condition on coming to Sun Valley was that this play would be mounted with some of the moguls as actors and Herb Allen agreed.

This play was written by Elon Musk. (Based on a play written by a ‘dead white guy’ – Elon’s description.)

Directed by Elon Musk.

Produced by Elon Musk.

The role of the Stage Manager to be played by… Elon Musk.

I later learned there were billionaire Hollywood and Silicon Valley moguls who had been rehearsing this play in a secret location for weeks and it was to be performed tonight in the “Great Hall of The Moguls” (Ballroom B).

The food and drink for the audience was going to be things that would survive on Mars without spoiling after several months of space flight – Cheetos, Slim Jims, and Jim Beam.

These were not bad alternatives considering how horrible Herb Allen’s BBQ & Smores-toporia was… which was our lunch.

Those of us not in the play were brought to the ballroom around 7:30.

The set was bare – floor painted red (for Mars) and just a few “Mars” rocks placed around some taping on the stage to give the actors directions. There was a painted backdrop with the solar system behind with a center focus of the planet Earth.

Elon Musk was sitting on a Mars rock reading a virtual book, ignoring the audience.

The Jim Beam and beef jerky were very popular and the audience was getting quite loose.

At exactly 8:00 – everything went BLACK.

And then it went RED.

And then a pin spot on Elon – reading. He looked up, surprised.

Elon Musk: Oh, hello… I didn’t see you there. I wasn’t expecting an audience tonight. I was just reading “The Martian Chronicles” by Ray Bradbury. Funny stuff. Kind of a joke, really. Would you… like to know what life is really like on Mars?

With that line, several of the Tech and Hollywood moguls came onto the stage.

No reaction from the billionaires in attendance. A couple of coughs and more drinking and bored doom scrolling on their phones.

John Stankey of AT&T in overalls and a Mars oxygen helmet.

John Stankey: Over there is the rock were I live in my oxygen powered sleeping bag and eat my rations. Mars is incredible!

Elon Musk: Here on Mars we keep to ourselves. Brian Roberts doesn’t have to worry about cable prices or churn, he just has to worry about supply chain and whether the next rocket will make it with the food needed to survive.

Brian Roberts: But, of course, it will make it – it’s a Space X rocket, right?

Elon Music: Of course, your Tang is on its way!

This went on and on and on and on… but because he was worth over $100 million (not counting recent plunges) Herb Allen wouldn’t pull the plug.

But a few of us had to leave.

Me and the Bobs from Disney split – as well as almost all Hollywood moguls.

The others, who thought they needed Elon in some way down the line, I suppose, had to sit there.

The rest of the night was me, Barry Diller, Rupert Murdoch, Bob Iger and a couple other older moguls sitting in the bar and lamenting that there was once a time when we released big summer movies that made a lot of money which made it very easy to take August off in Hawaii.

Those days appear to be over.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 1 – The New Guard… Not!

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 2 – Shit Storm

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2021

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2019

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2018

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2017

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2015

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2013

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2012

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2011

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2010

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2009

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2008

 

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 2 – Shit Storm

This is Day 2 of what the press now regularly call “Herb Allen’s Summer Camp For Moguls.”

I’ve been thinking all day about the term “Shit Storm” (mostly because the all day panels about supply chain and how to lead in a crisis have been… shit.)

We say that term a lot in society but I’ve never really thought about it… literally.

Imagine you’re in a thunder storm – raining, thunder, lightning – but instead of rain… it’s SHIT that’s coming down on you from the sky and it just keeps coming. You are being pounded with shit.

This is what a SHIT STORM is.

And, I imagine, it’s not a pleasant experience.

That’s kind of where we are on Day 2 in Sun Valley.

This week in July on the mogul calendar is meant to be a week where we feel we are all so fucking important that we actually feel good about ourselves and what we have chosen to do with our lives.

The truth is, in Hollywood (as I mentioned in my drunken Day 1 commentary), the moguls in Hollywood are getting older and the moguls in tech seem to be getting younger (sounds like a Matthew McConaughey line from ‘Dazed & Confused’).

This is a problem.

And, as I mentioned last night, the  young executives at Manka Bros. keep leaving for “better jobs” at “better companies.”

Fuck them.

I have to stay to keep the lights on. We’ve been in business for over 100 years and we sure the fuck aren’t shutting down just because… [Manka Bros. lawyer note: “Rest of sentence has been purged from the blog.”]

My daughter, Connie (but on the Board of Directors), is only 14 and probably too young to take over the family firm and my CFO (currently my #2) Barb Gonzalez is a machine in which we use A.I. technology to do her job.

Hollywood is in trouble.

And to top it off, we can’t even make this a decent vacation – free from the worries of the shit storm outside of the shit storm. This was the breakfast this morning – which they called the “Warren Buffett.”

Herb Allen Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 2 – The Warren Buffett

After breakfast, a few moguls ran, a few moguls road bikes, a few moguls played golf, many were walking fast past reporters acting like they were on the phone.

Oh, think twice, it’s just another day for you and me in mogul-dice.

What was lacking… was substance. And if you look at the Manka Bros. Film Library from the past 100 years – you would know Manka Bros. has always been about about substance.

The biggest problem with this conference I’ve seen over the years is that the Hollywood people hang out with Hollywood people, the nerds hang out with nerds, the dorks hang out with dorks. There doesn’t seem to be a brotherhood or sisterhood of billionaires. We’re all in different clubs.

Which brings me back to Trivia Night on Day 1. I teased that if nothing exciting happened on Day 2 – I would write about Day 1 trivia at Tha Drankin’ Hole.

Herb Allen’s Trivia Night – Sun Valley Conference 2022

It did not disappoint (on a shit storm scale):

Barry Diller thought the capital of Arkansas was “Bum Fuck.”

Mark Zuckerberg thought a quart of orange juice cost $50.

Rupert Murdoch thought the current Australian prime minister’s name was “my bitch.”

Jeffrey Katzenberg opined that the battle for freedom in America starts with the Malibu City Council.

On the plus side, almost everyone knew the latest Gulfstream was the Gulfstream 800.

But it all came down to one question and Peter Thiel could have won the whole thing for the “Tech” side when asked the question: “Who won the 2020 U.S. Presidential Election?” Thiel – without pause – said “Donald Trump.”

With that answer, Tech lost to “liberal” Hollywood.

Who knows what Day 3 will bring – but I promise you this, it will be another SHIT STORM.

 

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 1 – The New Guard… Not!

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2021

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2019

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2018

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2017

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2015

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2013

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2012

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2011

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2010

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2009

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2008

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 1 – The New Guard… Not!

Yes, I did make it here.

And, yes, it sucks again – and it’s just the first night. I am dictating this to my assistant, Vicky Adler-Modry at 1:30am on July 6th.

There was drunkening tonight at Tha Drankin’ Hole (thanks to the fucking greatest bartender on the planet – Vin Tran – read the past posts at the bottom to prove his legendary status) and this may not come out as coherent – but Vicky has learned over the years how to translate from drunk to English so we’ll see how it goes.

That said, it was an epic night of old white men drinking heavily and continuing to be out-of-touch with everyone, basically, the world. (And I include myself in that description – and I’m not an out-of-touch hypocrite – I’m in an in-touch hypocrite.)

I arrived at Tha Drankin’ Hole with two twenties and a ten burning a hole in my pocket (movie nerds will get that reference) and excited to see my great friend Vin.

Vin Tran: Mr. Khan – so great to see you again!

I then checked my wallet and, turns out, I was a little light on cash.

Khan Manka, Jr.: Vin, how’s my credit here? I seem to be a little light.

Vin Tran: Your credit is fine, Mr. Khan. And, not to worry, Herb Allen is picking up the tab.

Khan Manka, Jr.: Normally, I would appreciate that, Vin, but Herbie Allen has stiffed me so often on poker bets, golf bets, personal loans… if you ever give him a dollar, he will try to pay you back in expired South African Kougarands.

Vin Tran: Well, this one is on the house.

I barely got one sip of my perfect dirty martini from Vin when Bob Chapek came into the bar and sat next to me – even though there were several empty barstools further away from me available.

Bob Chapek: Is it safe?

Khan Manka, Jr.: The fuck.

Bob Chapek: Just kidding, I know it’s not safe. Can I buy you a drink, Khan?

Khan Manka, Jr.: Supposedly, Herb Allen is picking up the tab.

Bob Chapek: (laughs) – Have you ever played poker with that prick?

Khan Manka, Jr.: I was just saying that! He has always been a dine and dash kind of guy.

Bob Chapek: Bartender, Johnny Walker Blue – double.

Vin Tran stares at Bob Chapek, confused.

Khan Manka, Jr.: Bob, you didn’t say the magic word.

Bob Chapek: Magic word.

Khan Manka, Jr.: Gay.

Bob Chapek: Ha ha, ha. This is Idaho, Khan, you can’t say “gay” here either but where’s the media pointing that out?

Khan Manka, Jr.: Touche.

Bob Chapek: So how’s your year looking… oh, fuck.

Bob Iger entered – seemingly on a cloud – not really touching the floor and approached the bar.

Bob Iger: Vin Tran, you son of a bitch, so great to see you!

They embraced.

Vin Tran: Mr. Iger–

Bob Iger: ‘Bob,’ you know that.

Vin Tran: Bob, my favorite – what will it be.

Bob Iger: When in Sun Valley, and my favorite bartender from Vietnam is here – bring on the Mekong River Eel Wine.

Vin Tran: We keep it in stock just for you, Mr. Bob.

Bob Iger put several hundred dollar bills on the bar.

Bob Iger: Keep the change.

Vin Tran: Mr. Herb Allen is covering the bill this week.

Bob Iger: Herb Allen, what a guy! He always picks up the check! Hi Khan… Bob… Chapek.

Khan Manka, Jr.: Hi Bob. How’s retirement treating you?

Bob Iger: Retirement?! I’ve never been more busy. All those charities aren’t going to philanthropize themselves!.

Khan Manka, Jr.: Still hanging from that bar?

Bob Iger: Four hours a day. Keeps me young.

Bob Chapek: Are you just here for the hikes and golf? I can’t imagine you have any business interest here.

Bob Iger: That’s the problem with you, Bob. You can’t IMAGINE. How’s the happiest place on earth?

Bob Chapek: Vin, I’ll have another.

Khan Manka, Jr.: Guys, come on, we’re all moguls. Enjoy it. I hear Herbie is planning a trivia night tonight. That could be fun.

Bob Iger: Vin, keep the river eel shit coming.

I had both Bobs from Disney on either side of me and needed a distraction before this became a full man-on-man pathetic slap fight. And… thank God, I got one in spades.

Rupert Murdoch entered the bar.

Rupert Murdoch is 91 but appeared no older than 90. He is newly-single from his fourth wife, Jerry Hall, and, it appeared, he was ready to mingle.

Rupert Murdoch: Motherfucking, Bob and Bob… and Khan!

Khan Manka, Jr.: Mick Jagger called. He wants his ex-wife back.

Rupert Murdoch: No, he doesn’t. That’s the fucking problem. Are we drinking?

Khan Manka, Jr.: Yeah.

Rupert Murdoch: Are you my wingman tonight?

Khan Manka, Jr.: For who? Sheryl Sandberg. There aren’t many women who come to this conference.

Rupert Murdoch: I mean a waitress, a valet – anything that moves.

Khan Manka, Jr.: No, not your wingman.

Over the next two hours, the Bobs, Rupert and I drank heavily. I didn’t learn much about what was happening at their businesses other than they truly think they are on top of it – so no need for new blood.

Manka Bros. has always looked to the future and have lead the way with every new innovation that the other studios either stole or copied exactly. We’re even starting a podcast division!

But I look at the Bobs and Rupert and his kids and all the other Hollywood moguls and fear we’re leaving generations of fans behind.

I can’t retire because my CFO is an Artificial Intelligence machine – Barb (innovation!) – and all my number twos keep leaving for “better jobs” (their words).

So, I’m managing this shit down until I live out my days in my house in the Seychelles.

Herb Allen (speaking of out of touch) came into the bar and made a brief painful speech about the future of some sort of bullshit.

Herb Allen: We are on the precipice of… blah blah blah…

Preach on, 84-year-visionary.

The tech CEOs, who are destroying the world’s mental health, entered a few minutes later – as robots… OK, just Zuckerberg – not drinking and really only there to try to destroy the boomer moguls in trivia.

Good luck, jack fuck!

A local actor in a regional production of ‘Ragtime’ – Jerome Todd – was the one tasked with running the trivia night to a group of drunken billionaires. Being one of the only actors of color to have a theater job in Idaho was an impressive feat – not that it meant anything to Rupert or Barry Diller who were just hoping to guess the name of the dog in ‘Wizard of Oz’ before the tech nerds.

If nothing happens tomorrow that is interesting (future of streaming, theatrical and television), I will recount the disaster tonight that was Trivia at Tha Drankin’ Hole.

Khan Manka, Jr. – Chairman & CEO – Manka Bros. StudiosThe World’s Largest Media Company

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2022 – Day 2 – Shit Storm

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2021

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2019

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2018

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2017

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2016

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2015

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2014

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2013

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2012

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2011

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2010

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2009

Herb Allen’s Sun Valley Conference – 2008